Sorry for the lack of updates here. My life has been crazy and to be completely honest I had kind of put the idea of ever finding someone legitimate on hold after the Hufflepuff. I was pretty devastated for a relationship that hadn't really even started yet. It was pretty unreasonable to be honest. What did I care if he didn't like me back? Except I really did care...a lot. Recently The Hufflepuff recently changed his Facebook status and my distant longing that he would change his mind about who I am and what he wanted faded away. I threw myself into work. Like I always do. I'm now up to 6 jobs and grad school. To be honest even I am starting to think it is getting a little ridiculous and that I should probably slow down, but I'll be damned if I am going to let anyone else tell me that......mother........
So this weekend I flew across the country to see one of my friends from nursing school marry the love of her life. Amidst my own self-deprecation and heart ache I was going to be supportive of my friend who has successfully navigated the one thing that despite my jobs I have been unable to figure out...how to find the love of your life.
Jokingly, before I flew out, my friend had mentioned that she thought it would be a sort of brilliant piece of life theater if I found the love of my life at her wedding. I laughed it off, but secretly I of course hoped that she was right. I crossed my fingers that when I flew into Seattle my own personal Brawny Paper Towel man would be helping me get my bags off the plane and offer me a suggestion about a hiking trail. I would coyly ask for him to be my personal Sacagawea (of course he would be some ethnic mix that would lend him to be both a burly mountain man and the male version of the folkloric Native American maze-runner) and guide me through his most treasured hiking trail. I'd try and sleep with him in the middle of woods and he would redirect all of my sexual frustrations to building as close a relationship as possible in the four days that I was in town.
Well that didn't happen. I arrived sans pomp and circumstance and spent the first two days in Seattle alone with my books. I fielded a few phone calls from work but mostly kept to myself and dwelt on the fact that I was utterly alone. Most of the time I was fine, but as I navigated through the Pike Place Market alone and sat at a lovely French Bistro with nothing but the jibes of the newest David Sedaris book to keep me company, I kept looking for my Brawny Man.
The wedding was lovely. The bride was gorgeous, the groom was handsome, and the ceremony was just the right amount of sap and sass to prove that they were a real and lasting couple. It truly made me wonder if I would ever have a love like that or if I would just be the eternal wedding guest, good for a dance and to entertain your gay cousin for the evening, but not really ever having a relationship that was more serious than that.
So the night after the wedding I splurged on a hotel room in Downtown Seattle at a place called the Paramount. In almost some kind of alternative joke universe I was informed that my room had been upgraded free of charge to the Master Suite. It was both exciting and devastating! I think almost everyone gets excited at the idea of a bigger bathroom with additional amenities, but the thought of being in a hotel room that was bigger than my studio apartment at home in Boston....all alone....did nothing except remind me that I was by myself and had no one to even call and enjoy this amazing opportunity with beyond my SnapChat story and my mother.....less than desirable to say the least.
I forced myself to go out. I hit up the local gay concierge and asked for a recommendation, Queer Bar, HOW ORIGINAL!! But at this point I was willing to give anything a shot. I got in my Uber and arrived just as the bar was starting to get busy. It was like a who's who of Seattle's Gender Spectrum. I think every drag queen, king, and gender non-binary person was attempting to dance with the likes of the 10-15 cisgendered gay men who had come out for a night of debauchery. I was enjoying my second sip of the vokda/RedBull I had ordered when this fairly tall gangly white boy came of no where and said, "Can I buy you a drink?"
I was totally off-kilter. Who was this guy? Why was he offering me a drink when mine was full? How drunk was he? Was he here alone? Why was he wearing those ugly shorts? It didn't take long until all of those questions were quickly answered. Apparently the SeattleCasanova, had come to the bar with his best friend and had just been shot down by two other guys that evening. There was a certain endearing quality to him and after a bit of conversation I learned that he had only come out to his family a month ago and that he had tried doing the online dating thing in the past but now that he was out wanted to give the real life thing a try.
I don't know why, if it was the booze, if it was my loneliness, if it was the suite that I didn't want to go to waste, but I invited SeattleCasanova home with me. I insisted that he drink more water, and I insisted that we wouldn't be having sex. I actually was that horny, I had taken care of that 2-3 times before I even decided to go out.
Once we got home SeattleCasanova took off his clothes to get into bed to snuggle and I realized that the bulky clothes he was wearing were actually covering up a well defined body that was clearly the product of the gym, genetics, and some dedication to outdoorsman activities. The most surprising revelation had to be not the body underneath the clothes or the meaty cock that he had been hiding in the ugliest pair of plaid shorts I had ever seen in my entire life....was this giant tatoo of a cephalod on his right rib cage. It was gorgeous and colorful and incited an instant connection with this stranger beyond simply being two lonely gay men in a club in Seattle. The night was great and we had a wonderful morning together. The chemistry was off the charts despite not having penetrative anal sex at all.
Breakfast was pleasant and the conversation flowed like water. I didn't want him to leave. SeattleCasanova is one of three brothers, part of a very close Northwestern family, an accountant for a medical company, and quirky enough to hold my interest (I think he washed his hand a minimal of 37 times in the 16 or so hours we were together. SeattleCasanova is looking for a boyfriend. I am looking for something and last night we both filled that need.
After breakfast we went to Pike Place Market and got coffee and I got to experience the whole fish throwing and gum wall with a partner. It was really nice. I enjoyed his company and it was just a great morning. I didn't want it to end and so I asked if he would show me one of his hiking trails. We went to Discovery Park and because I can't help myself I made my Brawny man tale come true and then I drove SeattleCasanova home.
We traded phone numbers and social networking platforms and I hope that we stay in touch. Who knows if we will.....we have been talking, but this seems oddly reminiscent of the IndyWitch. Why is it that I allow myself to fall so hard and so fast for people who it will never work with? Is that why I allow myself to go there because I know that it is impossible to grow any semblance of a relationship across the country?
Who knows......I guess it's time I get on this plane and leave Seattle and all it's Casanovas for now.
Tchau!!
Showing posts with label gay love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gay love. Show all posts
Sunday, July 29, 2018
Monday, November 11, 2013
Switching Things Up and Still Striking Out...
After having 50 posts on this blog and not being any closer to finding my one true love I decided I would not give up, but try even harder.
I went out this weekend with one of my friends from home and was determined to go to a bar and at least get a guy's number. We started at the one gay bar in my home town and that was a total bust. I was the youngest person their next to my female friend and it was more a dyke bar than anything else.
We headed to the straight bar next because normally getting a guy's number is not really a problem its me doing the follow up work that is the problem and texting them appropriately and planning a good/sober second time to meet. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and I focused on the one guy who, to me was clearly gay. Before I said anything to him though I played the game and made an inquiry to one of the several girls who had accompanied him in as to the state of his sexuality. The quizzical look I got followed by the slightly inebriated fag hag chortle said it all. Clearly he was still in the closet and clearly she knew exactly what I did.
Once again the mixed feelings of disappointment, derision, and confusion all washed over me. I turned back to my friend and was ready to head to the other side of the bar to wallow in my melange of feelings when the girl touched my arm. I turned around and unabashedly chuckled at my "error" and she said, "Wait, what's your number?" I must have looked confused because she immediately said, "Well when he comes out I'll give it to him." In my inebriated state I willingly passed along my digits, but honestly I am a little horrified that is what my life has come to, giving my number to a fag hag of a guy that isn't out yet for when he finally grows a set and can tell himself he likes boys. I am not knocking anyone for not being out or for not being ready to be out, but what is wrong with me that I, an openly out gay man, can't pick one other out-person to try and talk to at a bar of straight people. What are you going to do I guess?
Today I went on a date with a guy who, from his online profile (yes I am still using this because I know several people who have gotten engaged this way), I knew was probably not going to be a perfect fit. Let's call him Dramatic Church Boy or DCB. DCB is a 21 year old theater and religion major at BU. As a Husky alum that is already strike one but I was willing to overlook that as he told me he was completely out and proud.
It seemed strange to me that a out and proud gay man from San Francisco would have such a bond with religion. I don't think it is impossible to be gay and religious, but I do think that a lot of gay men are not particularly into the whole church thing. We ultimately agreed to meet at Boston Common Coffee and grab a coffee between his 1 o'clock class and his 5 o'clock meeting.
I always think setting up a first date on a time table like this is a good thing. That way if the date is going particularly terribly you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Likewise if a date is going really well, you prevent yourself from going to far on a first date. Who could be a slut in 4 hours right?
Upon meeting DCB I was a little put off as he was not exactly what his pictures promised. He is white, a little shorter than me, a little heavier than me, and had a haircut that made him look like Lena Dunham circa that picture in the link. He was a little disappointing to say the least, but I hate to judge a book by its cover so we kept on walking toward the coffee place.
On the way to the coffee place a few things became apparent. One: This guy actually talks louder than I do. Two: Buckle in you're about to learn a lot about DCB and Three: Oh Dear God....his pants are cuffed around the ankles at different and inappropriate heights on each leg. I quickly dismissed one as being a normally loud talker myself I couldn't possibly hold that against someone. Two I figured wouldn't be that bad. I mean someone who is a theater and religions major can't be boring. But three....I know this is incredibly shallow....I also know I am going to go to hell for thinking this given my own feelings about personal appearance but, what the hell is wrong with you that you didn't see and fix that when you looked in the mirror.
The date dragged on and he continued to talk. He occasionally asked me things about myself, but mostly only when he thought they would relate back to him or a story he could tell. He asked about my job and then asked if I had ever told anyone they were HIV + and then he told me there was a play in that somewhere. Eventually, I got to ask my obligatory first date question, So tell me something interesting about yourself? He told me without thinking his majors, which I refused to take as an answer. And after some cajoling he stated, "I really love public transportation. Like every time I feel the train go by underneath us I get a little excited."
You can't knock a kid for trying right? I mean, that fact is probably the most interesting dull fact I have ever heard. It makes you seem at least a little weird and prompts me to think about why one may feel that way about public transportation.
We started walking around Boston Common. He realized that I had done a co-op in Latin America and quickly began speaking to me in the most horrible English accented Spanish I have heard. I responded back as I thought that might be polite. After carrying on the conversation for 10 minutes though and listening to him butcher the beautiful vowels and the sexy r's I just had to revert back to English where his tongue was much better suited.
At some point after 2 hours I threw out the line, "Don't you have to be going soon", quickly followed by "I am going to be meeting someone at Northeastern." I figured this was a big old hit. This was the cartoon grand piano falling through the roof and landing on one of the main animated characters, but no....I was wrong. He clearly was not picking up on the hint and volunteered to not only walk me back to Copley but to accompany me to Northeastern if I wanted. I assured him I would be good from Copley and he decided it would be better for him to take Comm Ave anyways.
When the date was finally over there was the awkward moment when we were parting ways. We both looked at each other unsure of what the appropriate gestures were. I took the lead and leaned in for a hug. I mean I greeted him with a hug and its not like he said he killed babies or anything. The words that came out next were almost disheartening. I could tell he was waiting for me to say, "I'll call you." Or "Text me sometime to do this again." but I didn't want to lead him on at all. I could see the writing on the wall from the first five minutes into the date and I don't see any reason why I should have continued the charade passed one date.
Maybe that is what will be different in my next 50 posts. I'm giving up on the bullshit. If things aren't working I am just moving on until I find something that does work, or something that is worth me giving up my time to fix.
I actually have another date planned for tomorrow night, but I would rather not jinx it...so you will just have to wait to see what happens. I have hopes for this one though so cross whatever digits you can.
I guess until next time...
Chau!!
I went out this weekend with one of my friends from home and was determined to go to a bar and at least get a guy's number. We started at the one gay bar in my home town and that was a total bust. I was the youngest person their next to my female friend and it was more a dyke bar than anything else.
We headed to the straight bar next because normally getting a guy's number is not really a problem its me doing the follow up work that is the problem and texting them appropriately and planning a good/sober second time to meet. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and I focused on the one guy who, to me was clearly gay. Before I said anything to him though I played the game and made an inquiry to one of the several girls who had accompanied him in as to the state of his sexuality. The quizzical look I got followed by the slightly inebriated fag hag chortle said it all. Clearly he was still in the closet and clearly she knew exactly what I did.
Once again the mixed feelings of disappointment, derision, and confusion all washed over me. I turned back to my friend and was ready to head to the other side of the bar to wallow in my melange of feelings when the girl touched my arm. I turned around and unabashedly chuckled at my "error" and she said, "Wait, what's your number?" I must have looked confused because she immediately said, "Well when he comes out I'll give it to him." In my inebriated state I willingly passed along my digits, but honestly I am a little horrified that is what my life has come to, giving my number to a fag hag of a guy that isn't out yet for when he finally grows a set and can tell himself he likes boys. I am not knocking anyone for not being out or for not being ready to be out, but what is wrong with me that I, an openly out gay man, can't pick one other out-person to try and talk to at a bar of straight people. What are you going to do I guess?
Today I went on a date with a guy who, from his online profile (yes I am still using this because I know several people who have gotten engaged this way), I knew was probably not going to be a perfect fit. Let's call him Dramatic Church Boy or DCB. DCB is a 21 year old theater and religion major at BU. As a Husky alum that is already strike one but I was willing to overlook that as he told me he was completely out and proud.
It seemed strange to me that a out and proud gay man from San Francisco would have such a bond with religion. I don't think it is impossible to be gay and religious, but I do think that a lot of gay men are not particularly into the whole church thing. We ultimately agreed to meet at Boston Common Coffee and grab a coffee between his 1 o'clock class and his 5 o'clock meeting.
I always think setting up a first date on a time table like this is a good thing. That way if the date is going particularly terribly you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Likewise if a date is going really well, you prevent yourself from going to far on a first date. Who could be a slut in 4 hours right?
Upon meeting DCB I was a little put off as he was not exactly what his pictures promised. He is white, a little shorter than me, a little heavier than me, and had a haircut that made him look like Lena Dunham circa that picture in the link. He was a little disappointing to say the least, but I hate to judge a book by its cover so we kept on walking toward the coffee place.
On the way to the coffee place a few things became apparent. One: This guy actually talks louder than I do. Two: Buckle in you're about to learn a lot about DCB and Three: Oh Dear God....his pants are cuffed around the ankles at different and inappropriate heights on each leg. I quickly dismissed one as being a normally loud talker myself I couldn't possibly hold that against someone. Two I figured wouldn't be that bad. I mean someone who is a theater and religions major can't be boring. But three....I know this is incredibly shallow....I also know I am going to go to hell for thinking this given my own feelings about personal appearance but, what the hell is wrong with you that you didn't see and fix that when you looked in the mirror.
The date dragged on and he continued to talk. He occasionally asked me things about myself, but mostly only when he thought they would relate back to him or a story he could tell. He asked about my job and then asked if I had ever told anyone they were HIV + and then he told me there was a play in that somewhere. Eventually, I got to ask my obligatory first date question, So tell me something interesting about yourself? He told me without thinking his majors, which I refused to take as an answer. And after some cajoling he stated, "I really love public transportation. Like every time I feel the train go by underneath us I get a little excited."
You can't knock a kid for trying right? I mean, that fact is probably the most interesting dull fact I have ever heard. It makes you seem at least a little weird and prompts me to think about why one may feel that way about public transportation.
We started walking around Boston Common. He realized that I had done a co-op in Latin America and quickly began speaking to me in the most horrible English accented Spanish I have heard. I responded back as I thought that might be polite. After carrying on the conversation for 10 minutes though and listening to him butcher the beautiful vowels and the sexy r's I just had to revert back to English where his tongue was much better suited.
At some point after 2 hours I threw out the line, "Don't you have to be going soon", quickly followed by "I am going to be meeting someone at Northeastern." I figured this was a big old hit. This was the cartoon grand piano falling through the roof and landing on one of the main animated characters, but no....I was wrong. He clearly was not picking up on the hint and volunteered to not only walk me back to Copley but to accompany me to Northeastern if I wanted. I assured him I would be good from Copley and he decided it would be better for him to take Comm Ave anyways.
When the date was finally over there was the awkward moment when we were parting ways. We both looked at each other unsure of what the appropriate gestures were. I took the lead and leaned in for a hug. I mean I greeted him with a hug and its not like he said he killed babies or anything. The words that came out next were almost disheartening. I could tell he was waiting for me to say, "I'll call you." Or "Text me sometime to do this again." but I didn't want to lead him on at all. I could see the writing on the wall from the first five minutes into the date and I don't see any reason why I should have continued the charade passed one date.
Maybe that is what will be different in my next 50 posts. I'm giving up on the bullshit. If things aren't working I am just moving on until I find something that does work, or something that is worth me giving up my time to fix.
I actually have another date planned for tomorrow night, but I would rather not jinx it...so you will just have to wait to see what happens. I have hopes for this one though so cross whatever digits you can.
I guess until next time...
Chau!!
Monday, September 9, 2013
When It's Just Not Right...
I moved into a new apartment this week with a bunch of friends and I simply could not be happier about my new living situation. Its a perfect 20-something apartment/social group. And that is my exposition for today....now I will move onto the rest of the story.
The Harvard Gaymer returned to school this week. Naturally I was really excited to see him and go on a date with someone again who was normal. We made plans for Friday night to do dinner in Davis Square and then just hang out at my new place. Prior to the date on Thursday night I received a slew of drunk texts that sort of freaked me out. I would supply them below, but it appears that they somehow got deleted...but here is a summary:
Summary of Scary Text Messages
This is a drunk text. I want to tell you that I want to ask you to be my boyfriend but I don't think you would want to do that so I can't ask. But I really like you ALOT. And I want to cuddle you forever because drunk me wants to tell you that I LOVE being with you.
End of Summary of Scary Text Messages
Lots of things happened there. One, I realized that he was only 20 and therefore drunk in a dorm room while I was sitting in my new apartment with my Yo-Pro roomies. Two, was that I realized he wanted me to be his boyfriend. Three, he threw out the word LOVE....I ALMOST DIED!!
I chose not to really respond to these texts until the next morning because I figured engaging in a conversation via text with a drunk 20 year old was probably not a great idea. The next morning I texted quickly to check that we were still on for Friday and to say that the drunk text messages were fine.
On Friday we went to dinner at the Painted Burro. We had to wait for half an hour to get a table so we decided to walk around the block once or twice. Talking and catching up I realized that we really were at different points in our lives. He was really concerned with his classes and what he was taking and his new dormmates and I just don't have any of those concerns any more which is weird but an unfortunate truth.
When we finally got a table we got seated next to a large group of gay guys in their mid-to-late twenties and some of them were super cute, even the waiter was a 25ish year old attractive Latino man. Looking around and listening to the conversations at the tables around me while I was sitting and talking with the Harvard Gaymer I couldn't help but that think there was just something not quite right about the date. The Harvard Gaymer is cute and the conversation was fine but there was just something not right about the date. I kept looking at the tables around me and thinking that I belonged more at one of them than at the one I was currently sitting at.
When dinner was finished we headed over to Diesel Cafe where we grabbed some coffee and continued talking. It was at this point that I realized he still had not come out to his parents and that he was no more closer to coming out to them now than he had been after our first date. The perfect symbol for the date and the situation was my coffee. I ordered a hot 20 oz coffee that was served to me in an actual glass with a hot cup holder around it...I practically burned my lips on the glass.
Nevertheless, I brought the Harvard Gaymer back to my place. I was hoping that if the chemistry when we got back to my place was perfect I might be able to overlook some of the problems, but that was not the case. Rather, when we got back to my place and started fooling around the lack of chemistry between us just further elucidated just how much this was not going to work.
Neither one of us came despite the fact that he stayed the night. He couldn't really stay hard at all throughout the course of our fooling around. We cuddled well together but again it just didn't feel quite right for whatever reason. So as we were spooning and falling asleep I bit the bullet and just laid it all out on the table.
I don't think that it will work out between the Harvard Gaymer and I for a lot of reasons:
1. He is too young.
2. The sexual chemistry is just not right.
3. He is not out.
4. He is a virgin.
5. He can't drink....even out at dinner.
6. He got REAL SERIOUS REAL FAST
I guess that's it really and most of them come down to the same point.....He is TOO young. It just sucks...he would be perfect if he was a couple years older.
At the end of the conversation we both ended up agreeing that we could still go on dates on occasion but that the intention would not be to get really serious. He seemed to understand my point about not wanting to date someone in the closet AGAIN. He also seemed to understand why I did not want to take his virginity which I think is really the more important point.
All in all I have to say that I am disappointed. I was so hopeful that it was going to work out this time. I really thought the Harvard Gaymer was more right than he was. I think part of the problem was that for the past couple months I had really only been speaking to him via text and it wasn't really giving me a good idea of just how off the chemistry between the two of us was, which quite frankly gave me a false hope that it was all going to work out this time.
I guess I will just have to keep looking. Maybe one day soon I will find a wonderful man that will complete my new apartment and YoPro lifestyle....A boy can dream right??
Until Later....
Chau!!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Off to a Great Start...
Last time I posted on here I had been out on two dates with KFlip....I am sad to report that since the second date I have not been out with KFlip again. It sort of sucks. He had his life together. He was employed. He had his own very nice place. He was normal, but not boring. He was attractive. But I definitely think that second date scared him off. I mean we have texted back and forth a little but the reality is...I have that feeling that I am never going to see him again, which just sort of sucks. He definitely was great potential boyfriend material. I mean the worst thing about him was the fact that he wasn't really out
To be honest though I think that was probably why he started getting weird after our second date. I think he saw the potential I did between us and I really don't think he was ready for anything serious yet. I mean I was his first real date with a guy for God's sake. To be expected....My curse as a Gay-Starter Kit continues. I'll keep his number in my phone, but I think I am probably done putting the effort into the whole thing.
In the midst of trying to figure out whether or not I was ever going to see KFlip again I was asked out by someone who on paper should be perfect for me. I think I am going to call this guy Hickey.
So Hickey is a fairly tall, skinny, black guy from Guyana.
For my geographically challenged friends....here is a map...It is a real place and its right there----->
Now that we have established where Hickey is from I should probably tell you a little bit more about him. He is 22 and is a medical assistant for a local healthcare agency. He is totally understanding of me being busy. He is nice. He is attractive. He is really nice and cute. And he is out....as of December.....Hey its a step in the right direction for me!!
Our first date was a typical kind of first date for me. We went for coffee when he got out of work. And once again someone said yes to getting coffee on a first date despite not really liking coffee. Why do people do this? I mean I LOVE coffee so I can't imagine being asked out for coffee and that being a problem. However, if someone asks you out on a date where you have no interest in doing the date activity why would you say yes?? I just don't understand that. I mean if someone asked me on a gym date, I would absolutely offer a different idea I wouldn't just say yes no matter what the activity was. Maybe that is just me....maybe I am bitchier than I thought.
I digress....so Hickey.... The first date ended rather nicely. We went up to the 16th floor of my dorm so he could get a view of the city and we sat and made out for a few minutes. Really the only problem with the first date was that fact that he mentioned his ex-boyfriend. That's not by any means a deal breaker for me, but I have come to find that anyone who mentions their ex on a first date probably has some issues from their previous relationship that will make it impossible for me to ever truly date them.
After our first date Hickey and I set up a time on Saturday to go see a movie. Now its important to know that I worked the overnight shift on Friday night so I thought a movie might be an easy second date because if you fall asleep during a movie you can pretty much lie your way out of that right?
Well we were going to meet at the theater at 1:15 to catch a 1:30 movie....So I dragged my ass out of bed, despite only having had 5 hours of sleep and schlepped over to the movies. Then when I was standing outside of the theater in the freezing cold for almost 20 minutes I decided to text Hickey and find out what the fuck was going on. Turns out he got completely side tracked doing some errands and was running late....Cut to me still standing outside of the movie theater at 2:00 in the middle of winter on a busy Boston street. Needless to say I wasn't thrilled with the prospect of this date, but I did end up being pleasantly surprised.
By the time Hickey ended up showing up I was sort of over the idea of seeing a movie and suggested we just grab lunch because I was starving and cold. Hickey of course apologized the whole way to the restaurant. We ended up going to the Beantown Pub, which is actually the place WASCJ....remember him??? Brought me for the date before I never heard from him again. After a really nice meal, I got breakfast and he got Fried chicken....I wish I could make that up....yes he is that black, we headed out and got coffee at one of my favorite date coffee places, The Thinking Cup. We then took our coffee and headed back to my place. He only mentioned his ex once the whole time actually which I took to be a good sign...although it was in reference to his ex possibly stalking his place of work now....Red flag, Maybe? Eh...Fuck it...
This date ended up going and going and going until probably 9:00 that same night. We spent hours just fooling around in my room. I had such a good time. I haven't done that in so long....no sex just good old fashioned fooling around. He was really skinny, but had a very defined body. A nice sized uncut dick which is something I haven't had in a while. He was so dirty too! Such a nice change of pace from the people I have dated the past couple months. I mean he was definitely a bottom by nature but he had the ability to man up and be aggressive, which was nice.
In terms of actual stuff that we did though...this boy was just filthy and he loved every second of it...which is always such a turn on for me. I mean, even if you're not dirty....if you can at least talk like you are you are already half way to getting me off, if truth be told. When we both finally finished it was quite the.....well lets just say I definitely had to wash my bed sheets afterwards.
I'm sure you are all wondering based on what I just told you how this guy got the name Hickey....well here goes nothing. Probably two hours into hooking up Hickey stopped me and started asking me all sorts of questions about my intentions. I immediately responded that I had no intention of fucking him as we had only been on two dates..I almost immediately realized I had missed the point of the question. He wasn't talking about in the immediate future he meant....were we going to be in a relationship.
I gave him the, "I'm really a commitment-phobe" speech without hesitation. He then asked if I was dating anyone else. And since I can never lie, even when it would probably spare someone's feelings getting hurt, I told him about KFlip. I could tell just from the look on his face that he was NOT happy. He acted as if I was cheating on him which is completely absurd since we were on our second date. After a few minutes I think he realized just how absurd it was and then it happened. He pinned me to my bed and started making out with me...Hot right? He then went for my neck and just started sucking and biting like he thought he was a vampire. I wasn't even a little worried about a hickey. I have literally never gotten one in my entire life...until then....I got cocky and got paid back almost immediately. After 5 minutes or so of some pretty intense neck biting or sucking....he pulled his mouth up...just like a vampire from True Blood when they are done feeding and looked at his handiwork. Then he looked and me and said, "Let the Filipino guy see that"
It was in that moment I knew this was never going to last. What a jealous fuck? I mean we have been on two dates and you are already trying to mark me as your territory. No matter how attractive I might find that kind of personal possessiveness I am definitely not feeling it after two dates.
As it stand right now....Hickey and I are still speaking via text. I think he is a really good guy, but there are a few issues. Most importantly I think he is very recently out....which is probably why he is so jealous....and so into talking about where we are going in the future....and continues to talk about his first real boyfriend on every date we go on...
I guess there really is no telling what Valentine's month has in store for me....Maybe I will go out with KFlip again....Maybe I will go out with Hickey again....Maybe I will meet the love of my life on the T....who knows??
Chau!!
To be honest though I think that was probably why he started getting weird after our second date. I think he saw the potential I did between us and I really don't think he was ready for anything serious yet. I mean I was his first real date with a guy for God's sake. To be expected....My curse as a Gay-Starter Kit continues. I'll keep his number in my phone, but I think I am probably done putting the effort into the whole thing.
In the midst of trying to figure out whether or not I was ever going to see KFlip again I was asked out by someone who on paper should be perfect for me. I think I am going to call this guy Hickey.
For my geographically challenged friends....here is a map...It is a real place and its right there----->
Now that we have established where Hickey is from I should probably tell you a little bit more about him. He is 22 and is a medical assistant for a local healthcare agency. He is totally understanding of me being busy. He is nice. He is attractive. He is really nice and cute. And he is out....as of December.....Hey its a step in the right direction for me!!
Our first date was a typical kind of first date for me. We went for coffee when he got out of work. And once again someone said yes to getting coffee on a first date despite not really liking coffee. Why do people do this? I mean I LOVE coffee so I can't imagine being asked out for coffee and that being a problem. However, if someone asks you out on a date where you have no interest in doing the date activity why would you say yes?? I just don't understand that. I mean if someone asked me on a gym date, I would absolutely offer a different idea I wouldn't just say yes no matter what the activity was. Maybe that is just me....maybe I am bitchier than I thought.
I digress....so Hickey.... The first date ended rather nicely. We went up to the 16th floor of my dorm so he could get a view of the city and we sat and made out for a few minutes. Really the only problem with the first date was that fact that he mentioned his ex-boyfriend. That's not by any means a deal breaker for me, but I have come to find that anyone who mentions their ex on a first date probably has some issues from their previous relationship that will make it impossible for me to ever truly date them.
After our first date Hickey and I set up a time on Saturday to go see a movie. Now its important to know that I worked the overnight shift on Friday night so I thought a movie might be an easy second date because if you fall asleep during a movie you can pretty much lie your way out of that right?
Well we were going to meet at the theater at 1:15 to catch a 1:30 movie....So I dragged my ass out of bed, despite only having had 5 hours of sleep and schlepped over to the movies. Then when I was standing outside of the theater in the freezing cold for almost 20 minutes I decided to text Hickey and find out what the fuck was going on. Turns out he got completely side tracked doing some errands and was running late....Cut to me still standing outside of the movie theater at 2:00 in the middle of winter on a busy Boston street. Needless to say I wasn't thrilled with the prospect of this date, but I did end up being pleasantly surprised.
By the time Hickey ended up showing up I was sort of over the idea of seeing a movie and suggested we just grab lunch because I was starving and cold. Hickey of course apologized the whole way to the restaurant. We ended up going to the Beantown Pub, which is actually the place WASCJ....remember him??? Brought me for the date before I never heard from him again. After a really nice meal, I got breakfast and he got Fried chicken....I wish I could make that up....yes he is that black, we headed out and got coffee at one of my favorite date coffee places, The Thinking Cup. We then took our coffee and headed back to my place. He only mentioned his ex once the whole time actually which I took to be a good sign...although it was in reference to his ex possibly stalking his place of work now....Red flag, Maybe? Eh...Fuck it...
This date ended up going and going and going until probably 9:00 that same night. We spent hours just fooling around in my room. I had such a good time. I haven't done that in so long....no sex just good old fashioned fooling around. He was really skinny, but had a very defined body. A nice sized uncut dick which is something I haven't had in a while. He was so dirty too! Such a nice change of pace from the people I have dated the past couple months. I mean he was definitely a bottom by nature but he had the ability to man up and be aggressive, which was nice.
In terms of actual stuff that we did though...this boy was just filthy and he loved every second of it...which is always such a turn on for me. I mean, even if you're not dirty....if you can at least talk like you are you are already half way to getting me off, if truth be told. When we both finally finished it was quite the.....well lets just say I definitely had to wash my bed sheets afterwards.
I'm sure you are all wondering based on what I just told you how this guy got the name Hickey....well here goes nothing. Probably two hours into hooking up Hickey stopped me and started asking me all sorts of questions about my intentions. I immediately responded that I had no intention of fucking him as we had only been on two dates..I almost immediately realized I had missed the point of the question. He wasn't talking about in the immediate future he meant....were we going to be in a relationship.
I gave him the, "I'm really a commitment-phobe" speech without hesitation. He then asked if I was dating anyone else. And since I can never lie, even when it would probably spare someone's feelings getting hurt, I told him about KFlip. I could tell just from the look on his face that he was NOT happy. He acted as if I was cheating on him which is completely absurd since we were on our second date. After a few minutes I think he realized just how absurd it was and then it happened. He pinned me to my bed and started making out with me...Hot right? He then went for my neck and just started sucking and biting like he thought he was a vampire. I wasn't even a little worried about a hickey. I have literally never gotten one in my entire life...until then....I got cocky and got paid back almost immediately. After 5 minutes or so of some pretty intense neck biting or sucking....he pulled his mouth up...just like a vampire from True Blood when they are done feeding and looked at his handiwork. Then he looked and me and said, "Let the Filipino guy see that"
It was in that moment I knew this was never going to last. What a jealous fuck? I mean we have been on two dates and you are already trying to mark me as your territory. No matter how attractive I might find that kind of personal possessiveness I am definitely not feeling it after two dates.
As it stand right now....Hickey and I are still speaking via text. I think he is a really good guy, but there are a few issues. Most importantly I think he is very recently out....which is probably why he is so jealous....and so into talking about where we are going in the future....and continues to talk about his first real boyfriend on every date we go on...
I guess there really is no telling what Valentine's month has in store for me....Maybe I will go out with KFlip again....Maybe I will go out with Hickey again....Maybe I will meet the love of my life on the T....who knows??
Chau!!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
New Year....Same Shit....
I have a few updates....
First, FTA is no longer. I didn't even have to break it to him in person. He texted me and basically knew it wasn't going to work. It was pretty painless actually which is pretty unusual for one of my dating adventures...well almost.
On New Years Eve I got a few texts from FTA. Most were normal, "So I guess we aren't going to be a thing" type texts but then there were a few that were pretty judgmental. I'm paraphrasing but basically a 25 year old virgin recovering alcoholic told me that I should examine my life and how fast I move with guys. Honestly, for a brief second I was a little concerned....and then he added, "But who knows, I mean I could go my whole life without sex and be fine" I mean who the Fuck says that.... Virgins...that's who....
After FTA I met another guy on OKCupid. This guy is 25 too, but has a job as a healthcare consultant, has his own apartment, and definitely has his life together which is a nice change of pace compared to FTA. I'm thinking I am going to call this one KFlip. He is actually really attractive, a little short, but he is Filipino and has a great body and cute face. He's smart and can carry on a conversation. But like every person I have ever dated there is always a catch right.... Per usual....He ISN'T OUT!!! Seriously I don't know why/how this keeps happening. I mean he is out to a certain extent. He is out to people in Boston and one of his brothers, but he isn't out to his friends and family in Chicago where he is from at all. Its not a problem so far he has been really great to go out with actually.
We have had two real dates. The first was coffee followed by sushi followed by a little bit of kissing at his place. The second date was even cuter. We went to Kings which is a bowling place here in Boston. We got drinks and food and bowled. It was very much a couple type of date which was nice. Then we went back to his place and fooled around. We didn't have sex, but we definitely got pretty hot and heavy, but at some point we sort stopped fooling around and took a nap. The funny thing was he was really really into it and then all of a sudden he wasn't anymore. I don't really know what happened. He kept saying that he liked me and that it wasn't me but I still can't help but think it was me.
To sort of ease the awkwardness I suggested we watch some TV so we laid on the couch and watched Gossip Girl. Unfortunately, my own horniness got the best of me and I definitely think I started to annoy him with my kissing him and stuff. He said he wanted to see me tomorrow though and take things slower. Its probably not a bad idea actually. I do sort of like him so we shall see where this one goes.
Then one more brief update about Romeo. Somehow Romeo sneaked right back into my life the same way he sneaked out. I am directing a musical this semester....I know its super gay, but hold your judgment...Lord knows I have enough to be judged for already. So Romeo saunters into my auditions after having not spoken to me in probably a month or so and belts As Long as Your Mine. Alright...I mean are you fucking kidding me with this shit? I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.... for my musical deprived friends...here's a video of the song so you know what it was that was being sung....
Yea that was a bit awkward for me to say the very least. What was worse is the fact that after my auditions that night I ran into him at the bar. While at the bar some frat guy started flirting with him and hitting on him and he kept coming over to me and the people we have as mutual friends to tell me all about it. I wanted to scream. And then he acted like it wasn't weird and gave me a hug when he left. Part of me definitely still likes him and wishes that it had been something that it wasn't. Part of me knows that it definitely worked out for the best though. He was not right for me and needs time to figure himself out, that's for sure. I hope that at some point we can have some sort of a conversation about it not being a thing anymore, but I am not holding out hope.
I guess for now I am just going to see where things go with KFlip. Maybe this time it will work out...at least for a little while. Who knows?
Chau!!
First, FTA is no longer. I didn't even have to break it to him in person. He texted me and basically knew it wasn't going to work. It was pretty painless actually which is pretty unusual for one of my dating adventures...well almost.
On New Years Eve I got a few texts from FTA. Most were normal, "So I guess we aren't going to be a thing" type texts but then there were a few that were pretty judgmental. I'm paraphrasing but basically a 25 year old virgin recovering alcoholic told me that I should examine my life and how fast I move with guys. Honestly, for a brief second I was a little concerned....and then he added, "But who knows, I mean I could go my whole life without sex and be fine" I mean who the Fuck says that.... Virgins...that's who....
After FTA I met another guy on OKCupid. This guy is 25 too, but has a job as a healthcare consultant, has his own apartment, and definitely has his life together which is a nice change of pace compared to FTA. I'm thinking I am going to call this one KFlip. He is actually really attractive, a little short, but he is Filipino and has a great body and cute face. He's smart and can carry on a conversation. But like every person I have ever dated there is always a catch right.... Per usual....He ISN'T OUT!!! Seriously I don't know why/how this keeps happening. I mean he is out to a certain extent. He is out to people in Boston and one of his brothers, but he isn't out to his friends and family in Chicago where he is from at all. Its not a problem so far he has been really great to go out with actually.
We have had two real dates. The first was coffee followed by sushi followed by a little bit of kissing at his place. The second date was even cuter. We went to Kings which is a bowling place here in Boston. We got drinks and food and bowled. It was very much a couple type of date which was nice. Then we went back to his place and fooled around. We didn't have sex, but we definitely got pretty hot and heavy, but at some point we sort stopped fooling around and took a nap. The funny thing was he was really really into it and then all of a sudden he wasn't anymore. I don't really know what happened. He kept saying that he liked me and that it wasn't me but I still can't help but think it was me.
To sort of ease the awkwardness I suggested we watch some TV so we laid on the couch and watched Gossip Girl. Unfortunately, my own horniness got the best of me and I definitely think I started to annoy him with my kissing him and stuff. He said he wanted to see me tomorrow though and take things slower. Its probably not a bad idea actually. I do sort of like him so we shall see where this one goes.
Then one more brief update about Romeo. Somehow Romeo sneaked right back into my life the same way he sneaked out. I am directing a musical this semester....I know its super gay, but hold your judgment...Lord knows I have enough to be judged for already. So Romeo saunters into my auditions after having not spoken to me in probably a month or so and belts As Long as Your Mine. Alright...I mean are you fucking kidding me with this shit? I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.... for my musical deprived friends...here's a video of the song so you know what it was that was being sung....
Yea that was a bit awkward for me to say the very least. What was worse is the fact that after my auditions that night I ran into him at the bar. While at the bar some frat guy started flirting with him and hitting on him and he kept coming over to me and the people we have as mutual friends to tell me all about it. I wanted to scream. And then he acted like it wasn't weird and gave me a hug when he left. Part of me definitely still likes him and wishes that it had been something that it wasn't. Part of me knows that it definitely worked out for the best though. He was not right for me and needs time to figure himself out, that's for sure. I hope that at some point we can have some sort of a conversation about it not being a thing anymore, but I am not holding out hope.
I guess for now I am just going to see where things go with KFlip. Maybe this time it will work out...at least for a little while. Who knows?
Chau!!
Monday, December 17, 2012
Well....I got my Mojo Back....
Maybe I shouldn't have complained about my missing Mojo....
I got it back and had a few flirty encounters this weekend one that even ended in a real date.
I mean it was a real date until I screwed it up and made it all weird again....and seriously I am straight back to my old ways....well not straight back, but you get what I mean. So the guy I went on a date with last night. He is a self-proclaimed alcoholic, but not like HaHa-funny-I'm-A-24-year-old-Alcoholic more like the I Attend Meetings Almost Every Night of the Week-Have been to a Halfway House-Could Have been on the Dr. Drew show-Alcoholic. So that is just perfect.
Let me cut to the chase this guy....we will call him FTA....short for Fast Talking Alchie...I know that seems mean which is why I am going to stick with the abbreviation. So FTA is not really my type at all...First off he is super white and tans regularly...yep he is a tanning bed baby...oy vey. On top of this and the recovering alcoholic thing I have never met a more anxious person in my entire life. Seriously he talked a mile a minute and I could barely get a word in edge wise but it was clear it was because he was nervous. I decided it was probably best if I invited him back to my apartment after our short coffee date because I felt like maybe in a more homey type of setting he would be more comfortable.
He had an AA meeting to go to at 8 naturally so he asked if maybe he could come by afterward. I said we should see when he got out first. Cut to me in my living room alone eating Whole Foods soup and watching the WORST VH1 Divas concert EVER and saying why don't you jsut come by you can spend the night if you want. That's right....I blame the 2012 VH1 Divas Live Concert on my PLC to bring a recovering alcoholic home with me overnight after a first date....
We started kissing and FTA just couldn't hang. He was so fidgety and nervous. Then he admitted he has only ever done anything with three guys. Could you imagine??? So sad. But I digress, an hour or so later I had FTA calm enough to just enjoy my company. So we swapped some blowjobs and the next disappointing factor of FTA came to fruition.....his dick was small and had a skin tag, which I may or may not have mistaken for HPV and questioned him on which I think only made him more nervous....OOOOPS!
A shower finished off our little tryst and then we split a bag of potato chips while watching some old rerun of Roseanne, he popped some pills and we went to bed. FTA wanted me to go shopping with him today....yes he is one of those gays, but I politely lied my way out of it by pretending my phone call from a computer service was work calling me to draw blood on a patient in Dorchester....Isn't it great to have a job that you can get called in for??
Now I have the dilemma of course of how to break it to this guy that I don't think its going to work. I mean for Christ's sake he left a message that said "Your hot" in marker on my mirror.....how do you tell someone that is only cute in movies? Well I am sure I will figure it out....I'm thinking a second date with something definitive planned after that I HAVE to be at so I can make my exit...or maybe just say I went home for Xmas and forget to text him when I get back from holiday??? Who knows, I'll have to think of something so I'm not responsible for this kid falling off the wagon.
I guess that's all I have for now....but good news for all of you my MOJO is back....bad news for my dating life, but probably funny reading to be had by all in the near future.
Chau!!!!
I got it back and had a few flirty encounters this weekend one that even ended in a real date.
I mean it was a real date until I screwed it up and made it all weird again....and seriously I am straight back to my old ways....well not straight back, but you get what I mean. So the guy I went on a date with last night. He is a self-proclaimed alcoholic, but not like HaHa-funny-I'm-A-24-year-old-Alcoholic more like the I Attend Meetings Almost Every Night of the Week-Have been to a Halfway House-Could Have been on the Dr. Drew show-Alcoholic. So that is just perfect.
Let me cut to the chase this guy....we will call him FTA....short for Fast Talking Alchie...I know that seems mean which is why I am going to stick with the abbreviation. So FTA is not really my type at all...First off he is super white and tans regularly...yep he is a tanning bed baby...oy vey. On top of this and the recovering alcoholic thing I have never met a more anxious person in my entire life. Seriously he talked a mile a minute and I could barely get a word in edge wise but it was clear it was because he was nervous. I decided it was probably best if I invited him back to my apartment after our short coffee date because I felt like maybe in a more homey type of setting he would be more comfortable.
He had an AA meeting to go to at 8 naturally so he asked if maybe he could come by afterward. I said we should see when he got out first. Cut to me in my living room alone eating Whole Foods soup and watching the WORST VH1 Divas concert EVER and saying why don't you jsut come by you can spend the night if you want. That's right....I blame the 2012 VH1 Divas Live Concert on my PLC to bring a recovering alcoholic home with me overnight after a first date....
We started kissing and FTA just couldn't hang. He was so fidgety and nervous. Then he admitted he has only ever done anything with three guys. Could you imagine??? So sad. But I digress, an hour or so later I had FTA calm enough to just enjoy my company. So we swapped some blowjobs and the next disappointing factor of FTA came to fruition.....his dick was small and had a skin tag, which I may or may not have mistaken for HPV and questioned him on which I think only made him more nervous....OOOOPS!
A shower finished off our little tryst and then we split a bag of potato chips while watching some old rerun of Roseanne, he popped some pills and we went to bed. FTA wanted me to go shopping with him today....yes he is one of those gays, but I politely lied my way out of it by pretending my phone call from a computer service was work calling me to draw blood on a patient in Dorchester....Isn't it great to have a job that you can get called in for??
Now I have the dilemma of course of how to break it to this guy that I don't think its going to work. I mean for Christ's sake he left a message that said "Your hot" in marker on my mirror.....how do you tell someone that is only cute in movies? Well I am sure I will figure it out....I'm thinking a second date with something definitive planned after that I HAVE to be at so I can make my exit...or maybe just say I went home for Xmas and forget to text him when I get back from holiday??? Who knows, I'll have to think of something so I'm not responsible for this kid falling off the wagon.
I guess that's all I have for now....but good news for all of you my MOJO is back....bad news for my dating life, but probably funny reading to be had by all in the near future.
Chau!!!!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Back to Basics
I'm pretty sure I lost my Mojo.
Wait let me back track. So Romeo is officially dead as far as I'm concerned. I haven't heard from him since I decided I was going to stop texting/messaging him. Nothing...not a hi, not a how are you, not a I'd love a bj....nothing, which I can only assume means he is absolutely not interested in anything I have to offer or anything at all.
And after I realized all of that I ended up going out a few times and realized that any game I thought I had before had been stripped of me in the few months I hadn't used it. I was now just like the stupid gaybies without an idea in the world of how to flirt with someone at the bar. What happened to me??
The first time it happened I went out with one fo my good friends. We went to two different places. The first was this really busy commercial bar and directly across from us was a cute gay guy with his girl friend as well. despite my best efforts to attempt to get some flirting to happen. NOTHING. I couldn't even manage to figure out how to do the eye contact thing. Then a flaming black guy, I mean Liberace but left in the oven to long kind of flaming, came and sat right next to me. I assumed this was a sure sign that eventually he would do the creepy older guy hit on my kind of thing that I was so used to, "Maybe I would get a free drink," I thought. But NOTHING, again. It was so disappointing that my friend and I decided we would head over to another bar and see how we did there.
On the way we started singing obnoxiously on the street, Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody, of course. Two things you should know: Both my friend and I have been singing for basically our whole lives and we aren't completely terrible and we both LOVE karaoke. So in the moment our plans changed and we headed to this karaoke bar in Boston called Limelight. Usually places like this with a stage and a fairly gay crowd were my bread and butter in terms of getting hit on/ getting a phone number or date. But NOTHING. Several songs and several beers later and I ended up walking home with my friend as she feverishly texted her military man and practically ran dragging me through the city so she could get home and skype him.
That night sitting alone in my apartment and eating a bag of chips I realized I lost my MOJO. I don't know when or how it happened but it did. I had been out the entire night and hadn't managed to talk to a single cute guy, but worse than that not even a single creepy guy hit on me.
Then again last night I went out to a place in Boston that use to be perfect, Howl at the Moon. Just the right mix of fun straight drunk girls, some of the appropriate gay friends, and all of the straight guys that refuse to dance. It makes it very obvious who is playing for my team and through dancing with the drunk girls you usually get to introduce yourself to their group of friends and thus their corresponding gays. For whatever reason last night I simply couldn't make it happen. There were at least three or four cute gay guys who were definitely eyeing me, I think at least, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to them and apparently wasn't appealing enough for them to talk to me. What was even more frustrating was a my type was there with a group of 5 white girls, and I just couldn't make a move. Then he went to the bathroom and I thought maybe I can use there hags to introduce myself so I asked if there friend was gay assuming the answer would be yes and I could say, "I knew it, my friends and I were having a contest and I just won", but of course the answer came back as "No he's straight". I thought to myself of how typical this was. I again had locked my focus on the one closeted asshole in the bar. I mean what the fuck is wrong with me that I can never just like a gay guy. Back to the point, I have totally lost my Mojo and I don't quite know how I'm going to get it back.
I guess that is going to be my goal for the next few weeks, find my MOJO. I mean it only took me what 20 years the first time right so it shouldn't take me that long the second go around right. I mean by that math maybe I will have found someone by 35!
Well I guess that's all I have for now....a depressing story about my lost mojo.....I hope you at least get a kick out of it.
Chau!!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Signs from God
Do you every feel like you are getting a sign from God???
Okay this is going to sound absolutely crazy, but I feel like this a lot of the time. I don't mean it in like a weird I-hear-voices-God-is-talking-to-me-and-I-Need-meds sort of a way......I just mean
Do you ever feel like Fate is trying to make a point?
Here is the dilemma....
I NEVER dream....like never NEVER NEVER dream....and in the last two night I have had a dream each night. Now I could attribute this to the new NUtritious Cookies that I purchased and have been eating one or two before bed each night, but that would be rational and reasonable...so of course I am choosing to believe these dreams are some power stronger than myself trying to send me a message. So lets break em down shall we?
DREAM 1: The first dream basically had me upset because Romeo was fucking another guy this whole time. I blew this one off because quite frankly I don't think Romeo has it in him. Also I blew it off because I'm not really sure I would be upset if Romeo was fucking someone else. This dream did leave me with a sour taste in my mouth though. Is it odd that a little piece me felt hurt by a dream? Irrelevant I guess, but interesting to think about.
Dream 2: The second dream had me in a relationship with another guy, not Romeo, but running into Romeo out. Basically in this dream Romeo avoided me like the plague and I'm still not sure if it was because I was upset at him or if he was upset at me.
Basically the point is I find it very weird that I never dream and in the last two days I have had dreams about Romeo....does that mean this guy has managed to squirm his way into my inner psyche already? Are the dreams signs or warnings that I should get out now before things get more involved? Are the dreams just trying to give me the heads up that Romeo isn't as into this whole thing as I am?
Then the Fates to confuse me a little bit more sent me something strange today as I was leaving work. I was waiting for the Orange Line and one of the most attractive mixed race guys I have seen in a long time came up to me and just struck up a conversation. He was hot as hell and my type to a T. He had muscles, brown skin, was a football player, great dresser, was going back to college for a marketing degree...and he was talking and flirting with me. I couldn't believe it....I have always wanted that to happen so of course it does when I am having all of these complicated...dare I say it....feelings for Romeo. Is it a sign that my dream man is still out there and that Romeo isn't good for right now? Is it a sign that I should just go for it with Romeo because my dream guy will still be out there if this doesn't work?
I honestly have no idea what the fuck any of this means....all I do know is it has brought into question a lot of the feelings I am having about Romeo....I'm just not sure it is all its cracked up to be...
Have I made him to be better than he is in my head? Do I want too much? Am I settling or am I compromising because I really like him? Are these things signs or hallucinations? Should I get some sort of psych eval?
Clearly the answer is still waiting for me to discover it...so off to bed I go...let's see if anymore weird dreams await me.
Until Later
Chau!!!
Okay this is going to sound absolutely crazy, but I feel like this a lot of the time. I don't mean it in like a weird I-hear-voices-God-is-talking-to-me-and-I-Need-meds sort of a way......I just mean
Do you ever feel like Fate is trying to make a point?
Here is the dilemma....
I NEVER dream....like never NEVER NEVER dream....and in the last two night I have had a dream each night. Now I could attribute this to the new NUtritious Cookies that I purchased and have been eating one or two before bed each night, but that would be rational and reasonable...so of course I am choosing to believe these dreams are some power stronger than myself trying to send me a message. So lets break em down shall we?
DREAM 1: The first dream basically had me upset because Romeo was fucking another guy this whole time. I blew this one off because quite frankly I don't think Romeo has it in him. Also I blew it off because I'm not really sure I would be upset if Romeo was fucking someone else. This dream did leave me with a sour taste in my mouth though. Is it odd that a little piece me felt hurt by a dream? Irrelevant I guess, but interesting to think about.
Dream 2: The second dream had me in a relationship with another guy, not Romeo, but running into Romeo out. Basically in this dream Romeo avoided me like the plague and I'm still not sure if it was because I was upset at him or if he was upset at me.
Basically the point is I find it very weird that I never dream and in the last two days I have had dreams about Romeo....does that mean this guy has managed to squirm his way into my inner psyche already? Are the dreams signs or warnings that I should get out now before things get more involved? Are the dreams just trying to give me the heads up that Romeo isn't as into this whole thing as I am?
Then the Fates to confuse me a little bit more sent me something strange today as I was leaving work. I was waiting for the Orange Line and one of the most attractive mixed race guys I have seen in a long time came up to me and just struck up a conversation. He was hot as hell and my type to a T. He had muscles, brown skin, was a football player, great dresser, was going back to college for a marketing degree...and he was talking and flirting with me. I couldn't believe it....I have always wanted that to happen so of course it does when I am having all of these complicated...dare I say it....feelings for Romeo. Is it a sign that my dream man is still out there and that Romeo isn't good for right now? Is it a sign that I should just go for it with Romeo because my dream guy will still be out there if this doesn't work?
I honestly have no idea what the fuck any of this means....all I do know is it has brought into question a lot of the feelings I am having about Romeo....I'm just not sure it is all its cracked up to be...
Have I made him to be better than he is in my head? Do I want too much? Am I settling or am I compromising because I really like him? Are these things signs or hallucinations? Should I get some sort of psych eval?
Clearly the answer is still waiting for me to discover it...so off to bed I go...let's see if anymore weird dreams await me.
Until Later
Chau!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)