Well...it is officially 2020.....I'm 30..With 5 jobs and in grad school...and still desperately single.....
To be honest I was hoping to be able to update this blog one day with a link to a disgusting Instagram couples account with a picture of me and my future husband on a beach somewhere, but alas I'm beginning to think that is becoming less and less likely as the years trudge on. I oscillate between being okay with this and feeling like if I am still alone at 40 then I might just actually give up on trying to be with someone and just adopt a kid and a dog ad settle down with myself.
It is really funny how this blog has morphed throughout the years from me being worried that I would never be able to commit to now feeling like I might not ever be able to find someone who wants to commit to me. For a long time I have focused on the issues that other people had that made them not realistic for me to date, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it has just been me all along.
So in a weird act of contrition I think that I am going to make a list of all the reasons that someone might decide I was not a right fit for them.
1. I work WAAAAAAY to much. I have known that this was a problem for a while now that I have just never really wanted to address because work is one of the few things that I have that gives me a purpose. Also selfishly work is one of the few places that I feel like I get a genuine connection with people outside of my family. I'm not really sure what the best way to work on this is....I mean obviously I could just quit one or two or three of my jobs, but I really don't want to do that. Eventually, I will change this one...I swear.....I PROMISE....just not yet, don't make me.
2. I've really stopped caring about my physical appearance in the last year. I really need to find the inside of a gym again because this muffin top is not pretty or tasty.
3. I'm a slob....I mean I'm not dirty, but I am definitely not neat and tidy. I really don't know how so many of these homos are so type A and prim and proper. I'm a mess. I love being able to walk into the house and take my pants off and then pick them up the next morning before work.
4. I can be dismissive of small problems. The people that I work with are always chaotic and frequently in crisis so if I come home or we go out and I have to hear about how Becky at work snubbed you at the water cooler and how that was the worst part of your day then I will probably tell you to consider yourself lucky.
5. I can be arrogant and condescending. I try really hard to keep myself in check, but there are some days when I do feel like what I do is vitally important and act like I am the only person who can do it. I feel like gay dating in some way sets people up to act this way though. People are always looking for the boyfriend with the best husband resume right? The abs....check....the job....check....the money...check...the do-gooder insta attitude...check.....the sexual prowess of a porn star...check....and the list goes on. I have actually been on a date when someone went through a mental checklist with me before deciding to go on to the next activity. Trying to figure out how to create the perfect husband resume and not come off like an arrogant prick is still something I am in a regular struggle about.
6. My relationship with my family can be a bit much for people. This is definitely something that I don't think I can change and its not really something I am interested in changing so I will need to figure out some kind of work around for this. Or just get someone who can understand or appreciate my family connection.
7. I'm greedy. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want a partner on my terms....when and how and as frequently as I can. I don't want terms to be dictated to me, but rather I want to be the one dictating the terms. I want the illustrious career, the blossoming academic reputation, and the 1950s Leave it to Beaver living situation.
8. I love to play devil's advocate. While I might be loyal to a fault outwardly, inwardly I will always pick the opposite side and just argue it out. I find this to be stimulating mental acrobatics, but many people just find it annoying and unnecessary.
9. I'm distrustful of anyone that likes or compliments me. The minute someone starts to show interest I assume there is some kind of ulterior motive. They want something from me or are trying to hook up with one of my friends. I also tend to keep interested men at arms length because when people like me I assume it is only a matter of time until they break up with me.
10. I'm a furnace when I sleep and I very rarely turn the heat on in my house. This is strange for some, but I love my house being a bit chilly. I would much rather put on a sweater or two or bake cookies in the oven than turn the heat on. I could probably compromise about this if ever given the opportunity honestly.
I think I'll stop at ten otherwise I'm not sure I will ever stop. I have a few stories I am going to try and write and get up in the next few weeks. I am going to the Berkshires and then I will be in Hawaii, so I am hoping for a little time to decompress.
Until next time!
Tchau...
Showing posts with label gay dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gay dating. Show all posts
Saturday, February 15, 2020
Saturday, February 18, 2017
The Hufflepuff
So it finally happened today...the it's not you it's me conversation. I knew it was coming and low and behold it did. And now I feel incredibly silly as I sit preparing to write this post because I realize I am more upset about this man that I only went on three dates with than I have been about people I dated for several months.
Date 1: I should have known from the minute I got out of my Uber and met him in line at Mike's Pastry's how this would end, and if I'm being honest I think I did. Our first interaction was an awkward handshake and beginning of a conversation and this look of disappointment at the way I looked. Such is life I guess but I allowed myself to get attached anyway. The Hufflepuff is tall, dark and handsome, a D1 track athlete who works with students requiring an IEP at a special school. He has political aspirations, a husband dick, an amazing body, and is genuinely a really nice person. He is kind with a charming personality and I was really feeling it.
We grabbed cannolis and cappuccinos at Mike's and proceeded to walk to the area by the Coast Guard where you can sit and see the Boston Harbor. After that we walked around and the conversation flowed well and I came to like him even more. He is a man's man and again, just genuinely a nice person. He has a big vocabulary because he reads and he seemed genuinely interested. We grabbed some apps and a drink and then he drove me home. I kissed him goodnight and then went inside. A really respectable first date with a really nice guy.
I should mention that we met on OKCupid and he messaged me first. I think it's nice to know that at least on paper at one point he was interested....again....sort of my MO.
Date 2: We went to dinner and then ended up getting dessert. It was fun and the conversation again flowed easily. He insisted on feeding me cake when we went to get dessert which I find both sickening and was secretly loving. I really do want a man who wants to dote on me and feed me even if I might pretend that I am sickened by the thought.
He ended up spending the night at my place with the understanding that we weren't going to have sex. He was the big spoon and we fooled around and I was and still am in awe of his body. He has muscles everywhere!!! What else was nice is that he gives pretty good head. He wasn't super aggressive in bed, which was a little bit of a bummer, but I thought I would let it slide since I genuinely liked him.
Date 3: We ended up going to a trampoline park and to a brewery which was great. We were active and we fooled around and made jokes the entire day. I really did enjoy myself and getting to see him act literally like a giant kid at a trampoline park was so much fun.
When we got home my roommate was here with her mom who was recently diagnosed with cancer. She was going to be spending the night on our couch. I wasn't sure if the Hufflepuff would want to venture back to NH or spend the night so I made the offer. He opted to stay with us and we made a cake and then watched a movie while we fell asleep.
We fooled around that night be we never actually ended up having sex; just dry humping and some oral fun. I guess one interesting thing is that I never actually came with him. I made him cum a few times but for some reason I could never quite get there with him. I don't know if I was intimidated or nervous. I actually orgasmed once but I didn't ejaculate
*** I guess as an aside I should say, I have acquired this strange ability to orgasm without cumming. I don't know when it happened or why, but it's a new skill and it has happened to me on more than one occasion in the last few months. Its really confusing to me, but it is even more confusing to the people I am sleeping with because they think I am faking an orgasm. I can understand their reticence to believe me, but it really is the truth. So I think that perhaps this played into everything as well though I don't suppose we will ever really know. ****
The next morning the Hufflepuff woke up and shared a pot of coffee with me and my roommate and her mother and then was off to go rock climbing. And right before he left I got this weird feeling about seeing him again.
I had planned on driving up to see him on Valentine's Day since he had always come down to see me, but then I got a cold and I continued to get a sense that he was not really interested in seeing me. I don't know what it was necessarily, but I think it was just a difference in text message response time. I know that sounds stupid, but there was something different about the text composition, both grammar and prose were off and I knew that there was something more afoot.
In Mounting Securities, I think all of my fears came to a head and then today when we met they were confirmed.
We went and grabbed coffee and walked around the bike path in Somerville until we got back to my house. Once back he had a cookie sat down and said, "So how do you think this is going?" Never a good sign...so I told him that while I thought it was going well I got a vibe that perhaps he didn't think that way.....
I could have a been a dick. I could have dragged it out. I could have made him feel horrible. But as he looked at me with trepidation and concern in his eyes I realized I had seen this coming. This has happened to me before. Othello was one in a myriad of perfect men for me who in one disarmingly charming way or another 'let me down gently'.
So in the same composed-nurse way that I tell a patient that they have HIV and that everything is going to be okay even though I have no idea if that is true or not. I looked him in the eyes and said, "It's okay. I'm a big boy. Sometimes things just don't work. It's cool. I'm fine." He looked surprised and relieved all at once.
Then almost on cue he said, "Are you telling me the truth or are you doing that nurse thing where you pretend everything's okay when it's not?" At this point I had two options: 1) Double down and confirm that I was a mature person capable of rationale thought with control of my emotions or 2) Tell the truth, that I was secretly dying inside wondering if this was all my dating life would ever amount to...an almost or a just not quite right.
You just can't devastate a Hufflepuff...that's fucked up. So I doubled down. I offered the friend card like I do with everyone I've ever dated and he seemed happy and content and most importantly relieved. He kissed me goodbye and I told him that the ball to hang out was now in his court.
I'm disappointed.....mostly in myself....I never get attached like this. I don't usually tell people, particularly my family about who I'm dating and I broke all of my rules with this guy. I fucked up. I let him get to me and now I feel like shit. But such is life and sometimes....you just feel like a useless piece of shit.
So what do I do? I go back to the one thing that I know I can always have....my patients. I put stew in the crockpot and headed out to check on all of my beautiful disasters. Even if nobody else wants me....they're stuck with me.
Date 1: I should have known from the minute I got out of my Uber and met him in line at Mike's Pastry's how this would end, and if I'm being honest I think I did. Our first interaction was an awkward handshake and beginning of a conversation and this look of disappointment at the way I looked. Such is life I guess but I allowed myself to get attached anyway. The Hufflepuff is tall, dark and handsome, a D1 track athlete who works with students requiring an IEP at a special school. He has political aspirations, a husband dick, an amazing body, and is genuinely a really nice person. He is kind with a charming personality and I was really feeling it.
We grabbed cannolis and cappuccinos at Mike's and proceeded to walk to the area by the Coast Guard where you can sit and see the Boston Harbor. After that we walked around and the conversation flowed well and I came to like him even more. He is a man's man and again, just genuinely a nice person. He has a big vocabulary because he reads and he seemed genuinely interested. We grabbed some apps and a drink and then he drove me home. I kissed him goodnight and then went inside. A really respectable first date with a really nice guy.
I should mention that we met on OKCupid and he messaged me first. I think it's nice to know that at least on paper at one point he was interested....again....sort of my MO.
Date 2: We went to dinner and then ended up getting dessert. It was fun and the conversation again flowed easily. He insisted on feeding me cake when we went to get dessert which I find both sickening and was secretly loving. I really do want a man who wants to dote on me and feed me even if I might pretend that I am sickened by the thought.
He ended up spending the night at my place with the understanding that we weren't going to have sex. He was the big spoon and we fooled around and I was and still am in awe of his body. He has muscles everywhere!!! What else was nice is that he gives pretty good head. He wasn't super aggressive in bed, which was a little bit of a bummer, but I thought I would let it slide since I genuinely liked him.
Date 3: We ended up going to a trampoline park and to a brewery which was great. We were active and we fooled around and made jokes the entire day. I really did enjoy myself and getting to see him act literally like a giant kid at a trampoline park was so much fun.
When we got home my roommate was here with her mom who was recently diagnosed with cancer. She was going to be spending the night on our couch. I wasn't sure if the Hufflepuff would want to venture back to NH or spend the night so I made the offer. He opted to stay with us and we made a cake and then watched a movie while we fell asleep.
We fooled around that night be we never actually ended up having sex; just dry humping and some oral fun. I guess one interesting thing is that I never actually came with him. I made him cum a few times but for some reason I could never quite get there with him. I don't know if I was intimidated or nervous. I actually orgasmed once but I didn't ejaculate
*** I guess as an aside I should say, I have acquired this strange ability to orgasm without cumming. I don't know when it happened or why, but it's a new skill and it has happened to me on more than one occasion in the last few months. Its really confusing to me, but it is even more confusing to the people I am sleeping with because they think I am faking an orgasm. I can understand their reticence to believe me, but it really is the truth. So I think that perhaps this played into everything as well though I don't suppose we will ever really know. ****
The next morning the Hufflepuff woke up and shared a pot of coffee with me and my roommate and her mother and then was off to go rock climbing. And right before he left I got this weird feeling about seeing him again.
I had planned on driving up to see him on Valentine's Day since he had always come down to see me, but then I got a cold and I continued to get a sense that he was not really interested in seeing me. I don't know what it was necessarily, but I think it was just a difference in text message response time. I know that sounds stupid, but there was something different about the text composition, both grammar and prose were off and I knew that there was something more afoot.
In Mounting Securities, I think all of my fears came to a head and then today when we met they were confirmed.
We went and grabbed coffee and walked around the bike path in Somerville until we got back to my house. Once back he had a cookie sat down and said, "So how do you think this is going?" Never a good sign...so I told him that while I thought it was going well I got a vibe that perhaps he didn't think that way.....
I could have a been a dick. I could have dragged it out. I could have made him feel horrible. But as he looked at me with trepidation and concern in his eyes I realized I had seen this coming. This has happened to me before. Othello was one in a myriad of perfect men for me who in one disarmingly charming way or another 'let me down gently'.
So in the same composed-nurse way that I tell a patient that they have HIV and that everything is going to be okay even though I have no idea if that is true or not. I looked him in the eyes and said, "It's okay. I'm a big boy. Sometimes things just don't work. It's cool. I'm fine." He looked surprised and relieved all at once.
Then almost on cue he said, "Are you telling me the truth or are you doing that nurse thing where you pretend everything's okay when it's not?" At this point I had two options: 1) Double down and confirm that I was a mature person capable of rationale thought with control of my emotions or 2) Tell the truth, that I was secretly dying inside wondering if this was all my dating life would ever amount to...an almost or a just not quite right.
You just can't devastate a Hufflepuff...that's fucked up. So I doubled down. I offered the friend card like I do with everyone I've ever dated and he seemed happy and content and most importantly relieved. He kissed me goodbye and I told him that the ball to hang out was now in his court.
I'm disappointed.....mostly in myself....I never get attached like this. I don't usually tell people, particularly my family about who I'm dating and I broke all of my rules with this guy. I fucked up. I let him get to me and now I feel like shit. But such is life and sometimes....you just feel like a useless piece of shit.
So what do I do? I go back to the one thing that I know I can always have....my patients. I put stew in the crockpot and headed out to check on all of my beautiful disasters. Even if nobody else wants me....they're stuck with me.
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Alcoholics Abound
There have been countless times in my dating and professional life where lines and boundaries have gotten....well let's say blurred. I walk into the waiting room of the STD clinic to find a guy that I , dated or have previously fucked. I'm out at the club and one or another of the dancers wants to ask me questions about the bicillin shots that I had given him earlier in the week to treat his syphilis. One of the disease intervention specialists is given my name by a patient who thinks I may have been a contact to their rectal gonorrhea. Luckily for me I have come up with two sure fire ways to deal with these types of situations: 1) I ALWAYS use a condom and 2)I ALWAYS offer to talk about things more at the office and can provide my phone number for you to leave a voicemail on.
Recently a new situation came up for me though where the lines between casual friendship/fuck buddy blurred into a more nurse patient relationship. A guy that I have previously hooked up with....LOC....asked me if I thought he had a drinking problem. I think this was the first time that someone I was hooking up with had a questions about their substance use disorder. I mean in the past I have had guys I dated interested in doing drugs, but they never involved me in their drug use. There was something about the way he framed the question though that really threw me for a loop.
"Like do you think I have a drinking problem? No seriously I have been thinking I might need help but I want your professional opinion?" At this point I was so flummoxed that the only thing I could say was, "Well how much do you drink a night? and what happens if you don't have a drink one night?" The answers to both questions indicated to me that LOC would require a little more TLC to get his life in check. Drinking 3-4 drinks per night and getting shaky by 6 if you haven't had a drink yet is almost certainly an indication that you have a drinking problem.
And I can't help myself....so with true grace and class I said, "Yes I think you need some help." and I gave the number to a detox or two with the expectation that he would never follow through. But now what do I do? Do I continue to hook up with him? Do I try to use myself as leverage to get him to seek treatment? Do I just ghost him?
Ultimately I decided on none of the above. Instead what I did was provide the patient/LOC with info on places where he could seek treatment and encouraged him to do so. I also continued to talk to him like a friend and someone who I had slept with a while back but still enjoyed flirting with. I think I am going to try and treat it in the same way that I treat chlamydia/gonorrhea in a guy who is really interested in me. I give it some time and if the interest is still there, but the original problem is taken care of then I give them a second chance. If any piece of that is screwed up then its back to the drawing board for me but at least I can't be accused of not giving people a chance.
Recently a new situation came up for me though where the lines between casual friendship/fuck buddy blurred into a more nurse patient relationship. A guy that I have previously hooked up with....LOC....asked me if I thought he had a drinking problem. I think this was the first time that someone I was hooking up with had a questions about their substance use disorder. I mean in the past I have had guys I dated interested in doing drugs, but they never involved me in their drug use. There was something about the way he framed the question though that really threw me for a loop.
"Like do you think I have a drinking problem? No seriously I have been thinking I might need help but I want your professional opinion?" At this point I was so flummoxed that the only thing I could say was, "Well how much do you drink a night? and what happens if you don't have a drink one night?" The answers to both questions indicated to me that LOC would require a little more TLC to get his life in check. Drinking 3-4 drinks per night and getting shaky by 6 if you haven't had a drink yet is almost certainly an indication that you have a drinking problem.
And I can't help myself....so with true grace and class I said, "Yes I think you need some help." and I gave the number to a detox or two with the expectation that he would never follow through. But now what do I do? Do I continue to hook up with him? Do I try to use myself as leverage to get him to seek treatment? Do I just ghost him?
Ultimately I decided on none of the above. Instead what I did was provide the patient/LOC with info on places where he could seek treatment and encouraged him to do so. I also continued to talk to him like a friend and someone who I had slept with a while back but still enjoyed flirting with. I think I am going to try and treat it in the same way that I treat chlamydia/gonorrhea in a guy who is really interested in me. I give it some time and if the interest is still there, but the original problem is taken care of then I give them a second chance. If any piece of that is screwed up then its back to the drawing board for me but at least I can't be accused of not giving people a chance.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Post Date Anxiety
I have been actively dating and looking for a long term relationship in Boston for going on 6 years, give or take. I have been on literally hundreds of dates. Some of the dates were total trainwrecks, others were as exciting as watching paint dry, some were good, and a select few were fucking amazing. No matter how many dates I go on, or how much fun I actually had on the date, there is one thing that always happens; post-date anxiety.
For the first 2-3 hours post date I am filled with the anxiety that I think most people probably experience prior to their date. Did he like me? Why did I say that? What did he mean by that? Fuck, I'm an idiot. Will he call? Should I call him? Do I want him to call me? What would my mother say? What would my fag hag think? It is a series of endless questions that can be easily assuaged by a simple text from the other person. A yay or nay, a thumbs up or a thumbs down.
What's odd is that I don't have any of these anxieties prior to the date. I'm not nervous. I don't worry about what I'm wearing or how my hair looks. I simply go with the thought, "This is me....fuck it I can't do anything about it." Somewhere between meeting my date and spending some time with them I go from "fuck it" to "God I hope he liked me". Even on bad dates, I want the other guy to like me. I don't ever want to be the guy someone tells his friends about as the worst date of their life.
If I liked the guy and it was what I would consider a good date, then "God I hope he liked me" quickly divests into a series of insecurities about how I look, my physicality, my clothing choices, my word choices, what I ordered, and my choice of body language as we said goodbye (i.e. why did I hug him, a fist bump what the fuck were you thinking).
I'm not sure if I will ever really get over this. Its a product of my own self esteem I think. When left to my own devices I am able to convince myself that I have my shit together, but the minute I compare myself to anything in the outside world I rapidly feel inadequate and unaccomplished. Further fueling my inadequacies is my desire to be with someone that might actually give a shit about me.
I often profess how comfortable I am being alone and single, and more often than not, that confession is a complete fallacy. I worry about being alone forever. I am concerned that I might never get the family I want. I fret that I will have no one to share my professional accomplishments with when I come home. I brood about what adulthood would be like if the only men in my life were Ben and Jerry and Jose. I agonize over wanting the American dream and being satisfied with an alternative version of it.
The one thing that I am grateful for about this post-date anxiety is that it never pervades my preparation for another date. If the post-date anxiety becomes too much then all I need do is schedule another date with someone else. It's kind of like having an eye opener to stave off a hangover. Probably not the best idea in the long run, but sometimes we all need the quick fix.
Later
Tchau!!
For the first 2-3 hours post date I am filled with the anxiety that I think most people probably experience prior to their date. Did he like me? Why did I say that? What did he mean by that? Fuck, I'm an idiot. Will he call? Should I call him? Do I want him to call me? What would my mother say? What would my fag hag think? It is a series of endless questions that can be easily assuaged by a simple text from the other person. A yay or nay, a thumbs up or a thumbs down.
What's odd is that I don't have any of these anxieties prior to the date. I'm not nervous. I don't worry about what I'm wearing or how my hair looks. I simply go with the thought, "This is me....fuck it I can't do anything about it." Somewhere between meeting my date and spending some time with them I go from "fuck it" to "God I hope he liked me". Even on bad dates, I want the other guy to like me. I don't ever want to be the guy someone tells his friends about as the worst date of their life.
If I liked the guy and it was what I would consider a good date, then "God I hope he liked me" quickly divests into a series of insecurities about how I look, my physicality, my clothing choices, my word choices, what I ordered, and my choice of body language as we said goodbye (i.e. why did I hug him, a fist bump what the fuck were you thinking).
I'm not sure if I will ever really get over this. Its a product of my own self esteem I think. When left to my own devices I am able to convince myself that I have my shit together, but the minute I compare myself to anything in the outside world I rapidly feel inadequate and unaccomplished. Further fueling my inadequacies is my desire to be with someone that might actually give a shit about me.
I often profess how comfortable I am being alone and single, and more often than not, that confession is a complete fallacy. I worry about being alone forever. I am concerned that I might never get the family I want. I fret that I will have no one to share my professional accomplishments with when I come home. I brood about what adulthood would be like if the only men in my life were Ben and Jerry and Jose. I agonize over wanting the American dream and being satisfied with an alternative version of it.
The one thing that I am grateful for about this post-date anxiety is that it never pervades my preparation for another date. If the post-date anxiety becomes too much then all I need do is schedule another date with someone else. It's kind of like having an eye opener to stave off a hangover. Probably not the best idea in the long run, but sometimes we all need the quick fix.
Later
Tchau!!
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Il Paradiso
It always comes to a head at Paradise. Something that I think almost every Boston gay can relate to in their own very special way. Well it was the first block party that I was able to go to without having to work the van....a special occasion to say the least.
I went with my Gayggle of course. While we were there who did I see but Othello. He came right up and gave me a hug. And truth be told my stomach still totally did a little somersault. Then he hugged two other people in my Gayggle as if he knew them. That was when I found out that he did know one of them. A member of my gayggle had actually fucked him....not only did he fuck him but apparently Othello shit on his dick. I mean I can't make this shit up....And it was in the moment of hearing them talk about Othello and how thirsty he was that I realized it wasn't meant to be. That right now that is not who I should be with and it is most certainly not who I should be with in the months to come.
Then almost like clockwork Prof walked by with his Gayggle. They said hello and I got a quick hug but it was definitely confirmation that we were both okay with being a former thing. A past fun event and a mutual understanding that we probably shouldn't be together.
As the night went on I saw several other young gay guys that I had tested and I had gone to school with and for once I felt no pressure to hook up with anyone. I was perfectly happy being drunk and dancing. It happens every once in a while but this was the first time it happened when there were people who I had dated and actually considered viable dating options previously.
It was at this point that I decided it was time to head back out onto the dating seen and give OkC another try.
Until Next Time....
Chau!!
I went with my Gayggle of course. While we were there who did I see but Othello. He came right up and gave me a hug. And truth be told my stomach still totally did a little somersault. Then he hugged two other people in my Gayggle as if he knew them. That was when I found out that he did know one of them. A member of my gayggle had actually fucked him....not only did he fuck him but apparently Othello shit on his dick. I mean I can't make this shit up....And it was in the moment of hearing them talk about Othello and how thirsty he was that I realized it wasn't meant to be. That right now that is not who I should be with and it is most certainly not who I should be with in the months to come.
Then almost like clockwork Prof walked by with his Gayggle. They said hello and I got a quick hug but it was definitely confirmation that we were both okay with being a former thing. A past fun event and a mutual understanding that we probably shouldn't be together.
As the night went on I saw several other young gay guys that I had tested and I had gone to school with and for once I felt no pressure to hook up with anyone. I was perfectly happy being drunk and dancing. It happens every once in a while but this was the first time it happened when there were people who I had dated and actually considered viable dating options previously.
It was at this point that I decided it was time to head back out onto the dating seen and give OkC another try.
Until Next Time....
Chau!!
A Prof, A Football Field, and the Stars....
Post-PTown I kept in touch with Prof. It took a week or two before our schedules finally jived but ultimately we were able to figure out a night to get together. I wasn't really sure what we should do. I thought about coffee but that didn't seem to fit since we had already gone out twice.
One of the things that strikes me about Prof is that he is definitely a romantic. On our second beach date he was already saying things about watching the sunrise and sunset with me. A total sappy romantic European, which deep down I fucking love. I mean doesn't everyone want that?....someone who puts thought into how to make something special for another person. I thought for a little while and decided that since we both lived right near Tufts that laying in the middle of the football field on a warm summer night and looking at the stars might be fun and right up his alley.
I struck gold with the suggestion because he loved it. So around 9:30 after I had gotten out of work we rendezvoused at the football field. We laid down and stared at the stars and talked for a good 30 minutes before the middle school kid that lives deep within my soul reared his ugly head and I suggested we play truth or dare.
No matter how old I get, given the right partner, I will always want to play truth or dare. I think its fun and funny on so many different levels. Given the Prof's penchant for exhibitionism I was not surprised at all to find that the game turned dirty pretty quickly. Before I knew it we were underneath the bleachers at the football field like a drunk high school cheerleader and the captain of the football team fooling around. He definitely redeemed himself with the blowjob I was getting but I could tell even though he was an exhibitionist that hooking up on the school football field where he is a professor may have been pushing the envelope. I didn't want to sleep with him yet because I actually was pretty attracted to him. He had a great personality, a good job, and was smart....which I see as potential which means I like to hold out on the sex.
Eventually he convinced me to go and see his place. He is one of the live-in professors at the university.....yes that means he lives in a dorm. It was a little weird to be honest. Walking into the dorm with the person that all of his residents saw as a professor and knowing that we were on a date. I can't really place my finger on what was weird about it, but it was. It felt viscerally weird.
It didn't take long for us to continue to hook up in his place. He was respectful of my request to not have sex, but he was definitely acting the part of the thirsty bottom. Then out of nowhere he lost his erection. I mean there was nothing I could do to get it back. This had never really happened to me before for no reason. So we started talking about ways that it might get seduced into returning and that is when I realized that I was dealing with another weird fetish. The guy loved SPANKING.
I've never really understood spanking as a fetish if I am being completely honest. I mean I totally understand an aggressive ass slap mid-fuck, but bending someone over your knee and spanking someone for an extended period of time. Enjoying turning someone's ass red and warm...I mean to each there own. So in our discussion I learned that the guy was not just into spanking but into corporal punishment and specifically spanking. The funny thing for me was that he was very into me spanking him.
When I started spanking him he loved it. Then I gave part of his thigh a little slap and was told that was not an acceptable place to spank him. It was at this point that I decided I needed to be spanked appropriately in order to learn how I should dole out the punishment. So I submitted my ass to probably 10 aggressive spanks.
The funniest part about the whole thing was that the bigger my reaction to the spanking the harder his dick got. So I started playing it up....squirming, moaning, and whining with every slap until his dick was rock hard and sticking into my stomach. Then it was time to turn the tides and spank him and within minutes his dick was rock hard and dripping precum. I wasn't sure if I should keep going or if I should finish him off and then without warning he flipped over and just finished himself off. Apparently just spanking him and the thought of it continuing was enough to cum.
Again I relayed the message that I didn't really need to cum....I would be fine without cumming. My dick would go soft and then I could head out. The sad dejected look on his face when I said that I would not be spending the night was sad, but in no way did it change my opinion. It was in that look that I realized that this would probably never work. I mean I could definitely hook up with him again in a pinch but I couldn't be with someone who wanted to cuddle post spanking session for the duration of the night. It just is not my style and nor do I ever think it really could be.
So I quickly slipped out of the dorm and headed back to my place. I got a text pretty soon after my departure with a thank you for such a fun date and the prospect of another date, but I knew pretty well that it would probably lead no where. I still have a hard time with trying to distance myself from people without seeming judgmental.
For whatever reason I tend to bring out the fetish in people. I always feel bad to say I'm not interested in someone right after they have expressed their fetish to me. I think to some extent everyone has a fetish of some sort and I think they are all valid in their own right. I mean who am I to say something is sexy if it totally gets you off right? I just don't want to come off as not being into someone because of their fetish.....which I guess is stupid. I mean if someone were into castration or something I think that fetish would be a deal breaker for me. I don't even really know where I'm going with this but at the end of the day I didn't want Prof to think that his spanking fetish was the reason I wasn't into him. So I did a slow text phase out....a specialty of mine lately.
I have a few more updates to come so stay tuned!!!
Chau!!!
One of the things that strikes me about Prof is that he is definitely a romantic. On our second beach date he was already saying things about watching the sunrise and sunset with me. A total sappy romantic European, which deep down I fucking love. I mean doesn't everyone want that?....someone who puts thought into how to make something special for another person. I thought for a little while and decided that since we both lived right near Tufts that laying in the middle of the football field on a warm summer night and looking at the stars might be fun and right up his alley.
I struck gold with the suggestion because he loved it. So around 9:30 after I had gotten out of work we rendezvoused at the football field. We laid down and stared at the stars and talked for a good 30 minutes before the middle school kid that lives deep within my soul reared his ugly head and I suggested we play truth or dare.
No matter how old I get, given the right partner, I will always want to play truth or dare. I think its fun and funny on so many different levels. Given the Prof's penchant for exhibitionism I was not surprised at all to find that the game turned dirty pretty quickly. Before I knew it we were underneath the bleachers at the football field like a drunk high school cheerleader and the captain of the football team fooling around. He definitely redeemed himself with the blowjob I was getting but I could tell even though he was an exhibitionist that hooking up on the school football field where he is a professor may have been pushing the envelope. I didn't want to sleep with him yet because I actually was pretty attracted to him. He had a great personality, a good job, and was smart....which I see as potential which means I like to hold out on the sex.
Eventually he convinced me to go and see his place. He is one of the live-in professors at the university.....yes that means he lives in a dorm. It was a little weird to be honest. Walking into the dorm with the person that all of his residents saw as a professor and knowing that we were on a date. I can't really place my finger on what was weird about it, but it was. It felt viscerally weird.
It didn't take long for us to continue to hook up in his place. He was respectful of my request to not have sex, but he was definitely acting the part of the thirsty bottom. Then out of nowhere he lost his erection. I mean there was nothing I could do to get it back. This had never really happened to me before for no reason. So we started talking about ways that it might get seduced into returning and that is when I realized that I was dealing with another weird fetish. The guy loved SPANKING.
I've never really understood spanking as a fetish if I am being completely honest. I mean I totally understand an aggressive ass slap mid-fuck, but bending someone over your knee and spanking someone for an extended period of time. Enjoying turning someone's ass red and warm...I mean to each there own. So in our discussion I learned that the guy was not just into spanking but into corporal punishment and specifically spanking. The funny thing for me was that he was very into me spanking him.
When I started spanking him he loved it. Then I gave part of his thigh a little slap and was told that was not an acceptable place to spank him. It was at this point that I decided I needed to be spanked appropriately in order to learn how I should dole out the punishment. So I submitted my ass to probably 10 aggressive spanks.
The funniest part about the whole thing was that the bigger my reaction to the spanking the harder his dick got. So I started playing it up....squirming, moaning, and whining with every slap until his dick was rock hard and sticking into my stomach. Then it was time to turn the tides and spank him and within minutes his dick was rock hard and dripping precum. I wasn't sure if I should keep going or if I should finish him off and then without warning he flipped over and just finished himself off. Apparently just spanking him and the thought of it continuing was enough to cum.
Again I relayed the message that I didn't really need to cum....I would be fine without cumming. My dick would go soft and then I could head out. The sad dejected look on his face when I said that I would not be spending the night was sad, but in no way did it change my opinion. It was in that look that I realized that this would probably never work. I mean I could definitely hook up with him again in a pinch but I couldn't be with someone who wanted to cuddle post spanking session for the duration of the night. It just is not my style and nor do I ever think it really could be.
So I quickly slipped out of the dorm and headed back to my place. I got a text pretty soon after my departure with a thank you for such a fun date and the prospect of another date, but I knew pretty well that it would probably lead no where. I still have a hard time with trying to distance myself from people without seeming judgmental.
For whatever reason I tend to bring out the fetish in people. I always feel bad to say I'm not interested in someone right after they have expressed their fetish to me. I think to some extent everyone has a fetish of some sort and I think they are all valid in their own right. I mean who am I to say something is sexy if it totally gets you off right? I just don't want to come off as not being into someone because of their fetish.....which I guess is stupid. I mean if someone were into castration or something I think that fetish would be a deal breaker for me. I don't even really know where I'm going with this but at the end of the day I didn't want Prof to think that his spanking fetish was the reason I wasn't into him. So I did a slow text phase out....a specialty of mine lately.
I have a few more updates to come so stay tuned!!!
Chau!!!
PTown PLCs 2014....
This is a few months late for a lot of reasons but primarily because my life has been in flux. I started a new job and I have gotten another advanced nursing certification...so like I have said before, I'm sorry I've been super busy.
I go to Ptown for my old job about three times a year to test people. This year I actually got to have some days off while I was there and in typical fashion I made some PLCs. Nothing terrible but enough to remind me that I am still a young gay man.
Prior to going down for the second time this summer for what is known in the PTown world as Carnival. I had been talking to a guy on OkC who we will call Prof. He was a little bit older and a physics professor at Tufts....in the building right near my apartment coincidentally enough. We hadn't me in person but we each were going to be in PTown for Carnival so I was told to say hi if I saw him.
Well don't you know that the very first night I am there I decided to go out alone because I had the night off and the nurses doing the clinics volunteered to drive my drunk ass home. While I was out dancing and drinking and just enjoying being in PTown and not working from across the dance floor I spotted Prof. He was dancing shirtless in a group of people who I assumed were his friends. Luckily, I had already been drinking for several hours and thought it was the perfect time to go say hello. I interjected myself right into his friend group and started dancing with him. It took a few minutes for him to recognize my face, but the minute he did his tongue was in my mouth.
That is the funny thing about PTown...a lot of the normal little courtesies that occur between gay men in the traditionally hetero culture totally melt away. It is completely acceptable for a greeting at 12a in PTown between two acquaintances to be hardcore making out and shirtless groping. No one even bats an eye. Quite frankly it would be more out of place if you tried to shake someone's hand and offered to buy them a drink.
I digress....we continued making out and dancing until the bar closed at 2a and it was time for everyone, by everyone I mean any gay man who is breathing and drunk in PTown during Carnival, to head to Spiritus for some of the world's crappiest/best drunk pizza and the closest thing to old school cruising this generation of gays is likely to ever know.
While waiting in line he was all over me. I was drunk and thought the whole thing was pretty fun. You have to remember I had just recently been told "you're great, but not great for me" from a guy who I sort of actually had a thing for at the time.
***********************NSFW*************************
One thing led to another and in my typical fashion I made a small PLC. Prof led me to the side of the pizza building and kept making out and groping me like a bear mauling a tent with hamburgers in it. At one point he started trying to blow me right on the street underneath a street lamp.
I was appalled at such exhibitionism of course and from the guys who were catcalling us both. Being the PTown vet that I am, I brought him around back of the pizza place between the driveway of the abutting house and the exit to the kitchen where there is a convenient enclosed area perfect for hooking up. At this point I let him have at my dick and was honestly disappointed at his dick sucking abilities given how eager he was to get my cock in his mouth. It was after a few minutes of what I can only classify as mediocre head that I decided to rock his world. I blew him for maybe 3 minutes....long enough to prove my skills, and then I zipped him back up.
I love the moment after I have teased someone with an amazing blowjob where they are both fascinated that your mouth was able to do that to them and totally despondent that you have stopped. Does that make me weird? Probably, but what are you going to do.
*************************SFW*********************
At this point we traded numbers with the promise to get together once more before leaving and to see each other when we returned to normal life outside of the PTown haze that so many gay men experience. I headed back to the nurses who rushed me home totally bemused by my drunken state. One of them had actually seen me on outreach making out in front of the pizza place so there were several questions regarding the mystery man. I'm a pretty open book so I shared the details and everyone was amused and excited to see what would happen on my next day out alone.
When I went out the next night I thought I would play it safe and see if I could maybe find the Prof and his friends again. However, when I was at the first bar and noticed the Prof making out with another one of his friends I quickly let that idea go as I didn't want to push something that would screw up his vacation...I mean there are plenty of men to dance and make out with in PTown, why recycle if you don't have to?
Before I knew it one of the guys dancing on one of the stages was leaning down and asking me my name. Then as soon as I had responded he jumped down and introduced himself as a Major in the US Army, hence his name Major. My face must have looked skeptical because he was quickly pulling out his wallet to prove his rank to me. I laughed and he offered to buy me a drink and then we ended up chatting for 3 hours outside on the patio. When I had finished my second or third drink he asked about where I was staying. I explained the living arrangement in PTown with the other nurses for work and how this was my night off. As soon as the words "my night off" escaped my mouth he must have seen his opening because he immediately wanted to show me the place he was staying.
I knew I had another few hours to kill before I turned into a pumpkin and would have to head back with the other nurses to the house so I conceded a visit to his place knowing full well where this all was going. His place was one of the house right on Commercial St. though? I mean that is like a PTown privilege to be invited in for something other than an orgy.
**********************NSFW************************
One thing led to another and we were hooking up in the house overlooking Commercial....a first for me for sure. Before my pants were even off I looked him in the eye and demanded that condoms be used. I'm always surprised when guys attempt to do anything with me sans condom. I mean, for motherfucking sake.....I am an HIV nurse.....seriously. The sex was appalling. He was going at it as if he had never been in an asshole before and he used a studded condom no less.
Just an aside.....As a gay man....I FUCKING HATE studded condoms. No amount of lube in the entire world can make all those little rubber balls of plastic feel good in my asshole. There is no added stimulation from my prostate, there are only all these micro tears. If I were a woman and got some kind of added clittoral stimulation I would get it but nothing about added plastic going into your ass feels good. As someone who is completely versatile I make an effort when I top to use condoms that are going to feel good for me and not hurt the person I'm fucking. When I bottom I would only hope that the top showed the same amount of courtesy.
After fucking for a few minutes the guy got close and pulled out and wanted to wait to fuck more. I decided that his cock, his studded condom, and his less than stellar moves as a top did not deserve anymore of my asshole than he had already gotten and went immediately to finish him off with my mouth. Within minutes that guy was ready to cum and blew all over his chest. I was satisfied I had done a good job. He then wanted to make sure that I got off and went to try and finger me and suck me off, but I was again unimpressed with his oral skills and decided that it wasn't 100% necessary that I cum. We showered and then just were hanging out and talking. One of his vacation buddies came home and started chatting with us too.
*************************SFW*********************
It didn't occur to me how old one would have to be to actually be a major in the army until Major's vacation buddy showed up with completely grey hair. The guy was still very physically attractive, but in a definite silver fox way. It was then about time for drunk pizza and all three of us headed over to Spiritus. I met all of their friends who were all much older and had various really important jobs. All were super nice and insisted on seeing me later or buying me drunk food. Then as we were waiting in line I finally took at one of their watches and noticed that it was almost 1:30a...which meant my chariot awaited and my glass slippers were about to disappear once again. I kissed Major goodbye and headed on my way to meet the nurses.
I suppose that's one of the funny things about PTown PLCs. They never really seem like PLCs. I mean obviously having sex with Major was a PLC and so was sucking off Prof behind the pizza place. But I had fun, I was safe, and I don't regret either thing. So there's that. I still blame both things on my lack of an appropriate love life here in Boston though....it just makes the situation easier in my mind.
I worked throughout the rest of the week. However I did find time to meet the Prof for a beach date. It was really cute. I was going to head to the clinic after spending the day tanning on the beach and he decided to meet me for a few hours. We talked about books, life, sex, pretty much everything right on the beach and he once again showed his exhibitionist side. Luckily, I was completely sober this time and I was able to keep it in check, but he was definitely into PDA. I kept getting kissed and straddled and hugged. Prof is significantly bigger than me and was able to pin me down with relative ease.
Now Prof is obviously a physics professor and is super smart, but he is also British and went to Oxford for undergrad and has a degree in philosophy as well. The man is super smart and super cute and super kinky. He seemed wonderful. However there is always this question whenever you meet anyone in PTown as to whether it is a temporary thing because of the situation or if in the real world things click too....That is going to be the next post....so keep your eyes peeled.
In the mean time....
Chau!!
I go to Ptown for my old job about three times a year to test people. This year I actually got to have some days off while I was there and in typical fashion I made some PLCs. Nothing terrible but enough to remind me that I am still a young gay man.
Prior to going down for the second time this summer for what is known in the PTown world as Carnival. I had been talking to a guy on OkC who we will call Prof. He was a little bit older and a physics professor at Tufts....in the building right near my apartment coincidentally enough. We hadn't me in person but we each were going to be in PTown for Carnival so I was told to say hi if I saw him.
Well don't you know that the very first night I am there I decided to go out alone because I had the night off and the nurses doing the clinics volunteered to drive my drunk ass home. While I was out dancing and drinking and just enjoying being in PTown and not working from across the dance floor I spotted Prof. He was dancing shirtless in a group of people who I assumed were his friends. Luckily, I had already been drinking for several hours and thought it was the perfect time to go say hello. I interjected myself right into his friend group and started dancing with him. It took a few minutes for him to recognize my face, but the minute he did his tongue was in my mouth.
That is the funny thing about PTown...a lot of the normal little courtesies that occur between gay men in the traditionally hetero culture totally melt away. It is completely acceptable for a greeting at 12a in PTown between two acquaintances to be hardcore making out and shirtless groping. No one even bats an eye. Quite frankly it would be more out of place if you tried to shake someone's hand and offered to buy them a drink.
I digress....we continued making out and dancing until the bar closed at 2a and it was time for everyone, by everyone I mean any gay man who is breathing and drunk in PTown during Carnival, to head to Spiritus for some of the world's crappiest/best drunk pizza and the closest thing to old school cruising this generation of gays is likely to ever know.
While waiting in line he was all over me. I was drunk and thought the whole thing was pretty fun. You have to remember I had just recently been told "you're great, but not great for me" from a guy who I sort of actually had a thing for at the time.
***********************NSFW*************************
One thing led to another and in my typical fashion I made a small PLC. Prof led me to the side of the pizza building and kept making out and groping me like a bear mauling a tent with hamburgers in it. At one point he started trying to blow me right on the street underneath a street lamp.
I was appalled at such exhibitionism of course and from the guys who were catcalling us both. Being the PTown vet that I am, I brought him around back of the pizza place between the driveway of the abutting house and the exit to the kitchen where there is a convenient enclosed area perfect for hooking up. At this point I let him have at my dick and was honestly disappointed at his dick sucking abilities given how eager he was to get my cock in his mouth. It was after a few minutes of what I can only classify as mediocre head that I decided to rock his world. I blew him for maybe 3 minutes....long enough to prove my skills, and then I zipped him back up.
I love the moment after I have teased someone with an amazing blowjob where they are both fascinated that your mouth was able to do that to them and totally despondent that you have stopped. Does that make me weird? Probably, but what are you going to do.
*************************SFW*********************
At this point we traded numbers with the promise to get together once more before leaving and to see each other when we returned to normal life outside of the PTown haze that so many gay men experience. I headed back to the nurses who rushed me home totally bemused by my drunken state. One of them had actually seen me on outreach making out in front of the pizza place so there were several questions regarding the mystery man. I'm a pretty open book so I shared the details and everyone was amused and excited to see what would happen on my next day out alone.
When I went out the next night I thought I would play it safe and see if I could maybe find the Prof and his friends again. However, when I was at the first bar and noticed the Prof making out with another one of his friends I quickly let that idea go as I didn't want to push something that would screw up his vacation...I mean there are plenty of men to dance and make out with in PTown, why recycle if you don't have to?
Before I knew it one of the guys dancing on one of the stages was leaning down and asking me my name. Then as soon as I had responded he jumped down and introduced himself as a Major in the US Army, hence his name Major. My face must have looked skeptical because he was quickly pulling out his wallet to prove his rank to me. I laughed and he offered to buy me a drink and then we ended up chatting for 3 hours outside on the patio. When I had finished my second or third drink he asked about where I was staying. I explained the living arrangement in PTown with the other nurses for work and how this was my night off. As soon as the words "my night off" escaped my mouth he must have seen his opening because he immediately wanted to show me the place he was staying.
I knew I had another few hours to kill before I turned into a pumpkin and would have to head back with the other nurses to the house so I conceded a visit to his place knowing full well where this all was going. His place was one of the house right on Commercial St. though? I mean that is like a PTown privilege to be invited in for something other than an orgy.
**********************NSFW************************
One thing led to another and we were hooking up in the house overlooking Commercial....a first for me for sure. Before my pants were even off I looked him in the eye and demanded that condoms be used. I'm always surprised when guys attempt to do anything with me sans condom. I mean, for motherfucking sake.....I am an HIV nurse.....seriously. The sex was appalling. He was going at it as if he had never been in an asshole before and he used a studded condom no less.
Just an aside.....As a gay man....I FUCKING HATE studded condoms. No amount of lube in the entire world can make all those little rubber balls of plastic feel good in my asshole. There is no added stimulation from my prostate, there are only all these micro tears. If I were a woman and got some kind of added clittoral stimulation I would get it but nothing about added plastic going into your ass feels good. As someone who is completely versatile I make an effort when I top to use condoms that are going to feel good for me and not hurt the person I'm fucking. When I bottom I would only hope that the top showed the same amount of courtesy.
After fucking for a few minutes the guy got close and pulled out and wanted to wait to fuck more. I decided that his cock, his studded condom, and his less than stellar moves as a top did not deserve anymore of my asshole than he had already gotten and went immediately to finish him off with my mouth. Within minutes that guy was ready to cum and blew all over his chest. I was satisfied I had done a good job. He then wanted to make sure that I got off and went to try and finger me and suck me off, but I was again unimpressed with his oral skills and decided that it wasn't 100% necessary that I cum. We showered and then just were hanging out and talking. One of his vacation buddies came home and started chatting with us too.
*************************SFW*********************
It didn't occur to me how old one would have to be to actually be a major in the army until Major's vacation buddy showed up with completely grey hair. The guy was still very physically attractive, but in a definite silver fox way. It was then about time for drunk pizza and all three of us headed over to Spiritus. I met all of their friends who were all much older and had various really important jobs. All were super nice and insisted on seeing me later or buying me drunk food. Then as we were waiting in line I finally took at one of their watches and noticed that it was almost 1:30a...which meant my chariot awaited and my glass slippers were about to disappear once again. I kissed Major goodbye and headed on my way to meet the nurses.
I suppose that's one of the funny things about PTown PLCs. They never really seem like PLCs. I mean obviously having sex with Major was a PLC and so was sucking off Prof behind the pizza place. But I had fun, I was safe, and I don't regret either thing. So there's that. I still blame both things on my lack of an appropriate love life here in Boston though....it just makes the situation easier in my mind.
I worked throughout the rest of the week. However I did find time to meet the Prof for a beach date. It was really cute. I was going to head to the clinic after spending the day tanning on the beach and he decided to meet me for a few hours. We talked about books, life, sex, pretty much everything right on the beach and he once again showed his exhibitionist side. Luckily, I was completely sober this time and I was able to keep it in check, but he was definitely into PDA. I kept getting kissed and straddled and hugged. Prof is significantly bigger than me and was able to pin me down with relative ease.
Now Prof is obviously a physics professor and is super smart, but he is also British and went to Oxford for undergrad and has a degree in philosophy as well. The man is super smart and super cute and super kinky. He seemed wonderful. However there is always this question whenever you meet anyone in PTown as to whether it is a temporary thing because of the situation or if in the real world things click too....That is going to be the next post....so keep your eyes peeled.
In the mean time....
Chau!!
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Let's Stick with Shakespeare....
As promised here is another update really soon after the first one. I have finally settled on a name for the latest guy, which of course means things are coming to a close, but I have been on a Shakespeare kick lately so let's stick with that shall we...We'll call him Othello.
So Othello is a rather short, black/brown guy, super nice, wicked hot, went to an Ivy League school and is now teaching inner city 6th graders at a charter school. Sounds perfect for me right? Ay, here's the rub....he was a patient of mine a while back....and he had an STD....and then he has been a patient of my clinics at few more times throughout his slut phase....so when he asked me out a little before the 4th of July I was hesitant but excited.
He's the guy that ran into me while I was working on the streets of PTown after my run in with the psychic and I really think I was going to project whatever that psychic had told me on the first guy who looked my way so naturally it was him. We went on a first date when we both got back to Boston; easy, iced coffee and a walk through Boston Common. He was just as nice and genuine as he seemed to be the first few times I saw him. It was at this point I learned that his favorite musical was Aida (anyone who can recall this knows the love of my life will be Radames) and his favorite piece of literature was Othello. That should have tipped me off right there as to how this would end but of course I'm an idiot.
After walking for a while we made our way down to the Coast Guard station in the North End and made out watching the boats roll by....it was super cute and nice. I told him that I liked him so I wanted to take things slow and he thought that was a good idea.
Our second date ended up being sort of odd....I wanted to go out to dinner, but he insisted that he make me dinner at his house. I don't know about any of you but this seemed to be moving super fast to me. Dinner at someone's house usually implies dessert in their bedroom...which believe me I wanted...I was just confused because I thought he was into going slow.
A quick funny aside just to explain to everyone exactly how awkward and ridiculous my dating life can be. I showed up at his apartment and ended up waiting outside for about 10 minutes before he came to the door with someone who was also waiting to go into the apartment next door clearly for a Grindr hook-up (Ah the joys of the South End). Then when I was walking downstairs into the kitchen with my bottle of wine in hand I fucking slipped. Like ass hit every stair on the way down kind of slipped until I was able to recover at the bottom (Fucking slippery Tom's Canvas shoes)....way to make an entrance right? I digress....
Dinner was wonderful...he's a great cook. I sneaked through his Itunes library to find songs he himself was the artist on and a really eclectic library of music. We finished off a bottle of wine and the conversation never really lagged at all. After dinner we ended up kissing and then he wanted to show me his room. Another sure fire sign to me that slow was not on the menu. Needless to say we ended up starting to fool around. I sucked his dick, he sucked mine, and then I sensed between him enjoying my blowjob that there was an issue. So I stopped and he said, "I thought you wanted to take it slow." At this point I agreed that I did and I sat up dick still hard and put my clothes on and apologized.
I don't want to say that it was never my intention to hook up with him because he is fucking gorgeous and that is definitely part of the attraction, but I also know that I am totally able to control myself in these situations and I was getting the sense that perhaps he does not. So I left with a good bye kiss.
That Friday, after texting off and on all week, while he was drunk I got a series of text messages telling me that he was made at me because essentially he felt that I had lied. I defended myself again with my typical, I want to take it slow, but I also don't want to deprive myself if I like someone. We decided that we would have another date on Sunday.
So Sunday came and he pushed off the time of our date due to his hangover from the night before and we ended up going to SOWA. For those not from gay Boston....SOWA is this giant flea market/summer festival/food truck thing that happens in the South End during the summer on Sundays. Its a lot of fun and the two of us really had a good time. He tried on ridiculous shorts, we both ran into people we knew, and we had something quick to drink.
At one point he turned to me and said, "I'm not trying to be rude...I know you're handsome and stuff, but literally everyone is staring at you." Quite frankly I hadn't noticed this at all....I guess I don't realize when gay men look at me anymore because it happens so frequently in Boston. I explained to him that it really had nothing to do with my looks, but rather everyone trying to figure out where they know me from. Its sort of a phenomenon. I will have gay guys on the train or out come up to me trying to figure out where they know me from and nine times out of ten it is from my job as the STD nurse. I have either tested them, treated their partner, or messaged them on one of the myriad gay sex apps to come in for testing. Unfortunately, because some of my patients come in under the influence they have a hard time remembering me in the scrubs. It is what it is I suppose. I explained that to him and he seemed to understand.
The other major occurrence during the SOWA date was as we were walking back to his place. A guy from behind called out his name...It was a typical gay-queen-possessive-he's-mine-and-who-is-this-bitch kind of call out. I didn't even flinch really. I've been in this situation so many times I don't even care. However Othello...FROZE...he looked so uncomfortable I couldn't believe it. The conversation between him and the stranger was almost forced...he did introduce me though. Then as we were walking away he quickly pulled out his phone and sent a text. I could tell he sent a text to his best friend. There was obviously something about this guy. So when we ended up sitting on a bench I point blank asked what the deal was...He lied...naturally..."Oh just the best rimjob I ever had" I told him I knew that wasn't true and that was why he texted his best friend....he relented but I gave him the out and said he didn't have to tell me. He seemed appreciative for the out and definitely took it.
He also seemed to understand the situation from our second date and was okay with it. We then planned a tentative day/time for a next date. Beehive is a nice restaurant in the South End with live music, essentially all the time while you eat. Its really a pretty nice/fun date place. We went here for our fourth date. Unfortunately I was working afterwards so I couldn't really have a drink at all but it was still a good time. However, it was midway through this date that I began to realize that perhaps I was falling harder than he was. Othello definitely bit off more than he could chew and rather than getting jealous was just starting to undermine his own involvement.
During the date I got a mini-freakout because I had made a guess about something in his life, which I was right about and he I think wanted to be more aloof about it from his reaction. Not really a big deal. Then at the end of the date I went in to kiss him before he went on his way and he totally shot me down. He insisted it wasn't me and that he wanted to take it slow and PDA freaked him out. Despite the fact that we had previously made out at the Coast Guard station on a first date. I could see the writing on the wall, but I liked him so rather than bail, which has always been my M.O. in the past I decided to try and stick it out.
After that he went on a trip to TX for a conference and was gone for a week. When I realized he was back from a FB post I decided to see if he was down to hang out. He said he was and we set up a tentative day and time. He ended up bailing, but wanted to reschedule. I should note that after he came back from TX the cute name for me changed from sexy or babe to buddy.....I'm not blind. He bailed on a second reschedule date and then one more time last night on a third reschedule.
So finally with my drunken fortitude I texted him and just asked point blank "Is this a coincidence that you keep bailing or are just not sure how to tell me that you're not into me." The honest drunken response came pretty quickly, "I'm just not into you like that. And the second date killed it, you weren't trying to take it slow." Of course....just when you think a problem is solved it never is. I tried to gracefully bow out. After all I still like him even if he doesn't like me. I can't help it. I think he's nice, attractive, and quirky but sometimes its just not there for both people. I'm honestly happy I know. My final text to him last night went something like this: "Its fine really better to just know....I suspected anyways. I hope you find what you're looking for....you deserve it." I thought it was fine. I thought I had ended it like a grown up.
Then this morning I woke up to a text message at 6 AM (probably post Saturday night hook up) that said, "Ugh...I think you're wonderful. I wanna hang out but I'm not ready to give you what you say you want."
I have NO idea what that means! I am more confused now then I have been in a long time. I don't want to continue to get strung along just so he doesn't have to feel bad about turning away someone he thinks has boyfriend potential. I don't know how or if I should respond to this message...this is definitely going to need some hag advice....but ultimately its like Bonnie Raitt says:
Until Next Time...
Chau!!
So Othello is a rather short, black/brown guy, super nice, wicked hot, went to an Ivy League school and is now teaching inner city 6th graders at a charter school. Sounds perfect for me right? Ay, here's the rub....he was a patient of mine a while back....and he had an STD....and then he has been a patient of my clinics at few more times throughout his slut phase....so when he asked me out a little before the 4th of July I was hesitant but excited.
He's the guy that ran into me while I was working on the streets of PTown after my run in with the psychic and I really think I was going to project whatever that psychic had told me on the first guy who looked my way so naturally it was him. We went on a first date when we both got back to Boston; easy, iced coffee and a walk through Boston Common. He was just as nice and genuine as he seemed to be the first few times I saw him. It was at this point I learned that his favorite musical was Aida (anyone who can recall this knows the love of my life will be Radames) and his favorite piece of literature was Othello. That should have tipped me off right there as to how this would end but of course I'm an idiot.
After walking for a while we made our way down to the Coast Guard station in the North End and made out watching the boats roll by....it was super cute and nice. I told him that I liked him so I wanted to take things slow and he thought that was a good idea.
Our second date ended up being sort of odd....I wanted to go out to dinner, but he insisted that he make me dinner at his house. I don't know about any of you but this seemed to be moving super fast to me. Dinner at someone's house usually implies dessert in their bedroom...which believe me I wanted...I was just confused because I thought he was into going slow.
A quick funny aside just to explain to everyone exactly how awkward and ridiculous my dating life can be. I showed up at his apartment and ended up waiting outside for about 10 minutes before he came to the door with someone who was also waiting to go into the apartment next door clearly for a Grindr hook-up (Ah the joys of the South End). Then when I was walking downstairs into the kitchen with my bottle of wine in hand I fucking slipped. Like ass hit every stair on the way down kind of slipped until I was able to recover at the bottom (Fucking slippery Tom's Canvas shoes)....way to make an entrance right? I digress....
Dinner was wonderful...he's a great cook. I sneaked through his Itunes library to find songs he himself was the artist on and a really eclectic library of music. We finished off a bottle of wine and the conversation never really lagged at all. After dinner we ended up kissing and then he wanted to show me his room. Another sure fire sign to me that slow was not on the menu. Needless to say we ended up starting to fool around. I sucked his dick, he sucked mine, and then I sensed between him enjoying my blowjob that there was an issue. So I stopped and he said, "I thought you wanted to take it slow." At this point I agreed that I did and I sat up dick still hard and put my clothes on and apologized.
I don't want to say that it was never my intention to hook up with him because he is fucking gorgeous and that is definitely part of the attraction, but I also know that I am totally able to control myself in these situations and I was getting the sense that perhaps he does not. So I left with a good bye kiss.
That Friday, after texting off and on all week, while he was drunk I got a series of text messages telling me that he was made at me because essentially he felt that I had lied. I defended myself again with my typical, I want to take it slow, but I also don't want to deprive myself if I like someone. We decided that we would have another date on Sunday.
So Sunday came and he pushed off the time of our date due to his hangover from the night before and we ended up going to SOWA. For those not from gay Boston....SOWA is this giant flea market/summer festival/food truck thing that happens in the South End during the summer on Sundays. Its a lot of fun and the two of us really had a good time. He tried on ridiculous shorts, we both ran into people we knew, and we had something quick to drink.
At one point he turned to me and said, "I'm not trying to be rude...I know you're handsome and stuff, but literally everyone is staring at you." Quite frankly I hadn't noticed this at all....I guess I don't realize when gay men look at me anymore because it happens so frequently in Boston. I explained to him that it really had nothing to do with my looks, but rather everyone trying to figure out where they know me from. Its sort of a phenomenon. I will have gay guys on the train or out come up to me trying to figure out where they know me from and nine times out of ten it is from my job as the STD nurse. I have either tested them, treated their partner, or messaged them on one of the myriad gay sex apps to come in for testing. Unfortunately, because some of my patients come in under the influence they have a hard time remembering me in the scrubs. It is what it is I suppose. I explained that to him and he seemed to understand.
The other major occurrence during the SOWA date was as we were walking back to his place. A guy from behind called out his name...It was a typical gay-queen-possessive-he's-mine-and-who-is-this-bitch kind of call out. I didn't even flinch really. I've been in this situation so many times I don't even care. However Othello...FROZE...he looked so uncomfortable I couldn't believe it. The conversation between him and the stranger was almost forced...he did introduce me though. Then as we were walking away he quickly pulled out his phone and sent a text. I could tell he sent a text to his best friend. There was obviously something about this guy. So when we ended up sitting on a bench I point blank asked what the deal was...He lied...naturally..."Oh just the best rimjob I ever had" I told him I knew that wasn't true and that was why he texted his best friend....he relented but I gave him the out and said he didn't have to tell me. He seemed appreciative for the out and definitely took it.
He also seemed to understand the situation from our second date and was okay with it. We then planned a tentative day/time for a next date. Beehive is a nice restaurant in the South End with live music, essentially all the time while you eat. Its really a pretty nice/fun date place. We went here for our fourth date. Unfortunately I was working afterwards so I couldn't really have a drink at all but it was still a good time. However, it was midway through this date that I began to realize that perhaps I was falling harder than he was. Othello definitely bit off more than he could chew and rather than getting jealous was just starting to undermine his own involvement.
During the date I got a mini-freakout because I had made a guess about something in his life, which I was right about and he I think wanted to be more aloof about it from his reaction. Not really a big deal. Then at the end of the date I went in to kiss him before he went on his way and he totally shot me down. He insisted it wasn't me and that he wanted to take it slow and PDA freaked him out. Despite the fact that we had previously made out at the Coast Guard station on a first date. I could see the writing on the wall, but I liked him so rather than bail, which has always been my M.O. in the past I decided to try and stick it out.
After that he went on a trip to TX for a conference and was gone for a week. When I realized he was back from a FB post I decided to see if he was down to hang out. He said he was and we set up a tentative day and time. He ended up bailing, but wanted to reschedule. I should note that after he came back from TX the cute name for me changed from sexy or babe to buddy.....I'm not blind. He bailed on a second reschedule date and then one more time last night on a third reschedule.
So finally with my drunken fortitude I texted him and just asked point blank "Is this a coincidence that you keep bailing or are just not sure how to tell me that you're not into me." The honest drunken response came pretty quickly, "I'm just not into you like that. And the second date killed it, you weren't trying to take it slow." Of course....just when you think a problem is solved it never is. I tried to gracefully bow out. After all I still like him even if he doesn't like me. I can't help it. I think he's nice, attractive, and quirky but sometimes its just not there for both people. I'm honestly happy I know. My final text to him last night went something like this: "Its fine really better to just know....I suspected anyways. I hope you find what you're looking for....you deserve it." I thought it was fine. I thought I had ended it like a grown up.
Then this morning I woke up to a text message at 6 AM (probably post Saturday night hook up) that said, "Ugh...I think you're wonderful. I wanna hang out but I'm not ready to give you what you say you want."
I have NO idea what that means! I am more confused now then I have been in a long time. I don't want to continue to get strung along just so he doesn't have to feel bad about turning away someone he thinks has boyfriend potential. I don't know how or if I should respond to this message...this is definitely going to need some hag advice....but ultimately its like Bonnie Raitt says:
Until Next Time...
Chau!!
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
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