Since I got back from PTown I have attempted to be on my best behavior. I've also been working enough that I haven't really even had time to think about anything other than my patients. I did get the chance to actually go on OKCupid and talk to a few new people though....some of them even seem normal. But in the midst of my decision to enter back into the world of online dating I got a message from Hickey....
Yep that's right, Hickey, the guy who sent me 11 text messages in a row at 5am, the guy who stormed out of a Panera because "I'm not through, we're through", the guy who hated the idea of me dating someone else so much they tried to give me a hickey to get someone I was on a date with to ask about it....
Most sane people would ignore a message from someone this crazy....Not Me! I decided that I should answer. He seemed genuinely interested in just chatting. Just chatting of course led to him asking for my number again, which means he must have deleted it from his phone, and texting on the phone led to the real intention of the online dating message. Hickey is looking for a fuck buddy.
I think finally being out and still not having a steady boyfriend that he can have sex with sort of bothers him. He started insinuating that he would be down to just get together every now and then and fuck and to be honest I really did think this was a good idea at first. We had great sexual chemistry. The sex was NEVER the problem....it was the pillow talk afterwards that always caused issues.
Ultimately the texts turned into sexts which turned into me....home alone wishing this guy would come over so I could fuck him senseless. It was at this point I realized that this motherfucker was crazy enough to try and use sex as a ploy to get back into contact with me again. After being really clear that this would be nothing other than sex and I was not interested in it going further he finally started to back off of the idea eventually.
I honestly feel bad about the whole situation. I wish I could make myself like this guy more than I do. I wish that I could just have a boyfriend that meant nothing to me like so many other people do, but I just can't. I have a few friends who think that because I go on dates with people and never make them an official boyfriend I must be a slut....its actually quite the opposite I think. I refuse to give someone a special place in my life if there is no chance in hell that it is going to work out beyond the next two weeks. I have to see that this could for longer than the next couple months and however long it takes until the sex becomes boring. I think that is the biggest challenge. I don't think there is anything wrong with having sex outside of a relationship. If I have been on dates with people I need to know that the sex stuff works well before I continue to date them and especially before I choose to be in a relationship with them. And now I am rambling....
I guess there really isn't much else to say about this situation. Now I will just have to continue to wait until something comes along too good or too bad to pass up.
Chau!!!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
S/P PTown
Its been a week since I got back from PTown and I still have not reported on the goings on yet....so here goes nothing I guess...
The very first night I ended up spending all alone in this giant Brady Bunch style house waiting for all of my coworkers to arrive.....Wait I don't think I explained this yet....So its like a working vacation. A group of the nurses I work with, along with support staff, phlebotomists, registration, and other, all venture down to PTown rent a house and do free STD/HIV testing for a week. Its a little like Scrubs meets the Real World but televised on Logo if that even makes sense. I digress...so I am the first one in the house and instead of going out and being crazy I decided to take it easy. I got dinner but then I just went home and read...How boring I know, but exactly what I needed before the week began.
And then it started. We saw a ton of patients throughout the course of 5 days....there were probably only one or two that I was actually attracted to and they weren't my patients so it actually worked out rather nicely for me, I got to look and not feel guilty for checking out my patient.
We always do a big clinic on the day of the Fourth of July. This year was no different. An organization we work with usually gets together a group of attractive guys to try and find us patients clad in very little clothing. Again this year was no different. What was different is one of the outreach workers kept hitting on me. He was probably 6 feet tall, muscular, very hairy, very blue collar, wearing a blue bandana on his head and let's just say his speedo-runneth-over.
The first time he made a comment about me I totally ignored it. I figured it was all in good fun since it was in front of a group of the outreach workers, no harm no foul. Then he made another comment as he was walking by me almost under his breath. It was at that point I thought he might actually be serious. After the clinic we all, nurses and outreach workers went out to dinner together. I purposely sat at the opposite end of the table as the outreach workers surrounded by fellow nurses. Throughout the course of dinner several of the nurses chided me about being bitchy due to my lack of action lately and I chided back that we couldn't all be lucky enough to be married and get it regularly. Then as dinner was coming to a close one of the other nurses really wanted me to go out with her and meet her cousin. Seeing as I was still in scrubs and it was Ptown I thought this probably wasn't the best idea....I mean who goes out in scrubs in Ptown.
Cut to me a few shots later being goaded by my boss and the other nurses and the outreach workers to go out for just one drink. Eventually I broke down and agreed and who of course was right by my side the minute I made the decision to go out but the burly outreach worker....let's call him Trailer Pump (I'll explain later). The few of us made our way to the Crown and Anchor where of course the Trailer Pump began pretty aggressively making moves and I can't say I was hating it....it was also here that I began to see the familiar pattern reemerge.
Trailer Pump didn't have anything to drink at the bar because he was in recovery. From what you ask??? So did I and I give you the same answer I got.....EVERYTHING! Great!! However, on the bright side, I was invited along with another nurse to go along with Trailer Pump to visit four of his sponsees at one of the other places. He had sponsees, not just one but several.....that must mean that he is solid in his recovery from everything....right??? That's what I thought too.
At some point we ended up back at his place, a trailer in the campground right next to the house we rent, for a fire. When we arrived I was still having pretty mixed feelings about the whole situation...he was an outreach worker with a substance abuse history, but he was clean, had sponsors, and there was just something about him.....Then he started building the fire....I mean literally tearing pieces of wood apart with his bare hands completely shirtless....he could have come straight out of some old gay porn....It was hot! I couldn't deny it.
So we made our way inside the trailer and that's when I saw to the right of the bed the giant pump bottle of lube. That's right the Costco size bottle of lube! Talk about a RED FUCKING FLAG! It was at that point that I started laying down the ground rules. "WE are NOT HAVING SEX! Just not going to happen we can fool around, but we have to work together tomorrow and you have a giant pump bottle of lube so its just not happening." He nodded his head as he understood.
Then almost on cue he smiled and laughed and said....well let me show you the bathing suit I am wearing tomorrow then. That's when I got the full show. The BIGGEST shock...the speedo that runneth over was the result of a pretty tight cockring not an enormous cock. I should have known better. Things continued on...we fooled around a bit he got really into rimming me despite the fact that I told him I was not going to reciprocate the favor, "I fucking don't care I love the way it tastes"....I'm telling you there is something about a man's man who is just that aggressive that really does it for me every once and a while.
After an hour or so of fooling around I decided I needed to speed things along so I began pulling out some of my tricks and ultimately just ended up asking him what I could do to hasten the situation....and then I got the other really fun answer of the night...."Well if I can't fuck you can I fuck your thighs?"
I was dumbfounded....no one had ever asked me to do that before.....EVER! It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase there is a lot you can do without going all the way. I played soccer for years so I would say I have pretty strong thighs and he was really into it. So he laid down a towel, lubed up my thighs, and just had at it. It lasted all of about 2 minutes and that is being generous....then he came all over my inner thighs. He then flipped me over and began licking them like they were the best thing he'd ever tasted. Who knew? He went out for a cigarette and insisted he would finish me when he got back in. Then he put on a my scrubs which barely fit him and headed outside (sort of looked like this). I really do think he had some kind of a nurse fetish...but besides that he came back in and was true to his word about finishing me off.
Laying in a pose, with a similar amount of body hair, similar to the famous photo of Burt Reynold's in People, the post-orgasm pillow talk that every guy I hook up with seems to be so fond of began. He started talking about his ex-boyfriend and his life in St. Louis. The more he talked the happier I became that I had insisted we didn't have sex. This guy had quite the life and definitely brought with him enough baggage to sink the Titanic. That being said there was something sweet about him and trusting me to know all this stuff....I feel like no matter what is going on in my life things always come back to me being a nurse....I wish that would stop sometimes. I mean not all the time, I just wish I got a break every once in a great blue moon from that.
Eventually I got the guy to bring me back to the house as everyone else was already home at this point and I was going to need some rest for the clinic the next day. I slept and a few of the other nurses who had gone out with us and left me with Trailer Pump asked how things went. I informed them that nothing much had happened and we moved on with our day and headed to clinic.
When Trailer Pump arrived I got one of the most confused greetings I have ever received in my entire life. He hugged me and went in for a kiss, which I of course cheeked as I was at work and didn't really think that was appropriate especially from an outreach worker I had really just met the previous day. As the day progressed I was swamped with patients and Trailer Pump was clearly unhappy that I was not paying him the attention that I was paying to my patients and then all of a sudden he was gone. I didn't see where he went and I have no idea what happened. All I know is one of the other nurses thinks that they saw him and he appeared to be rather high....I'm hoping that this isn't the case....I feel like if the guy was going to relapse he was going to do it whether or not I paid him any attention....right?? At least that is what I am telling myself.
The rest of the trip went off without a hitch. I spent some time at the beach. I had brunch and went shopping with a few of the nurses and just generally enjoyed the atmosphere of Commercial St. during the day and chose to ignore the debuacherous ambience that tends to accompany the moonlight hours on Commercial.
All in all it was a pretty fun trip. I had just enough fun to tide me over for a little while and made arguably no PLCs.....Not bad....
I guess until next time!
Chau!
The very first night I ended up spending all alone in this giant Brady Bunch style house waiting for all of my coworkers to arrive.....Wait I don't think I explained this yet....So its like a working vacation. A group of the nurses I work with, along with support staff, phlebotomists, registration, and other, all venture down to PTown rent a house and do free STD/HIV testing for a week. Its a little like Scrubs meets the Real World but televised on Logo if that even makes sense. I digress...so I am the first one in the house and instead of going out and being crazy I decided to take it easy. I got dinner but then I just went home and read...How boring I know, but exactly what I needed before the week began.
And then it started. We saw a ton of patients throughout the course of 5 days....there were probably only one or two that I was actually attracted to and they weren't my patients so it actually worked out rather nicely for me, I got to look and not feel guilty for checking out my patient.
We always do a big clinic on the day of the Fourth of July. This year was no different. An organization we work with usually gets together a group of attractive guys to try and find us patients clad in very little clothing. Again this year was no different. What was different is one of the outreach workers kept hitting on me. He was probably 6 feet tall, muscular, very hairy, very blue collar, wearing a blue bandana on his head and let's just say his speedo-runneth-over.
The first time he made a comment about me I totally ignored it. I figured it was all in good fun since it was in front of a group of the outreach workers, no harm no foul. Then he made another comment as he was walking by me almost under his breath. It was at that point I thought he might actually be serious. After the clinic we all, nurses and outreach workers went out to dinner together. I purposely sat at the opposite end of the table as the outreach workers surrounded by fellow nurses. Throughout the course of dinner several of the nurses chided me about being bitchy due to my lack of action lately and I chided back that we couldn't all be lucky enough to be married and get it regularly. Then as dinner was coming to a close one of the other nurses really wanted me to go out with her and meet her cousin. Seeing as I was still in scrubs and it was Ptown I thought this probably wasn't the best idea....I mean who goes out in scrubs in Ptown.
Cut to me a few shots later being goaded by my boss and the other nurses and the outreach workers to go out for just one drink. Eventually I broke down and agreed and who of course was right by my side the minute I made the decision to go out but the burly outreach worker....let's call him Trailer Pump (I'll explain later). The few of us made our way to the Crown and Anchor where of course the Trailer Pump began pretty aggressively making moves and I can't say I was hating it....it was also here that I began to see the familiar pattern reemerge.
Trailer Pump didn't have anything to drink at the bar because he was in recovery. From what you ask??? So did I and I give you the same answer I got.....EVERYTHING! Great!! However, on the bright side, I was invited along with another nurse to go along with Trailer Pump to visit four of his sponsees at one of the other places. He had sponsees, not just one but several.....that must mean that he is solid in his recovery from everything....right??? That's what I thought too.
At some point we ended up back at his place, a trailer in the campground right next to the house we rent, for a fire. When we arrived I was still having pretty mixed feelings about the whole situation...he was an outreach worker with a substance abuse history, but he was clean, had sponsors, and there was just something about him.....Then he started building the fire....I mean literally tearing pieces of wood apart with his bare hands completely shirtless....he could have come straight out of some old gay porn....It was hot! I couldn't deny it.
So we made our way inside the trailer and that's when I saw to the right of the bed the giant pump bottle of lube. That's right the Costco size bottle of lube! Talk about a RED FUCKING FLAG! It was at that point that I started laying down the ground rules. "WE are NOT HAVING SEX! Just not going to happen we can fool around, but we have to work together tomorrow and you have a giant pump bottle of lube so its just not happening." He nodded his head as he understood.
***********************************NSFW****************************************
After an hour or so of fooling around I decided I needed to speed things along so I began pulling out some of my tricks and ultimately just ended up asking him what I could do to hasten the situation....and then I got the other really fun answer of the night...."Well if I can't fuck you can I fuck your thighs?"
I was dumbfounded....no one had ever asked me to do that before.....EVER! It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase there is a lot you can do without going all the way. I played soccer for years so I would say I have pretty strong thighs and he was really into it. So he laid down a towel, lubed up my thighs, and just had at it. It lasted all of about 2 minutes and that is being generous....then he came all over my inner thighs. He then flipped me over and began licking them like they were the best thing he'd ever tasted. Who knew? He went out for a cigarette and insisted he would finish me when he got back in. Then he put on a my scrubs which barely fit him and headed outside (sort of looked like this). I really do think he had some kind of a nurse fetish...but besides that he came back in and was true to his word about finishing me off.
**********************************SFW*****************************************
Eventually I got the guy to bring me back to the house as everyone else was already home at this point and I was going to need some rest for the clinic the next day. I slept and a few of the other nurses who had gone out with us and left me with Trailer Pump asked how things went. I informed them that nothing much had happened and we moved on with our day and headed to clinic.
When Trailer Pump arrived I got one of the most confused greetings I have ever received in my entire life. He hugged me and went in for a kiss, which I of course cheeked as I was at work and didn't really think that was appropriate especially from an outreach worker I had really just met the previous day. As the day progressed I was swamped with patients and Trailer Pump was clearly unhappy that I was not paying him the attention that I was paying to my patients and then all of a sudden he was gone. I didn't see where he went and I have no idea what happened. All I know is one of the other nurses thinks that they saw him and he appeared to be rather high....I'm hoping that this isn't the case....I feel like if the guy was going to relapse he was going to do it whether or not I paid him any attention....right?? At least that is what I am telling myself.
The rest of the trip went off without a hitch. I spent some time at the beach. I had brunch and went shopping with a few of the nurses and just generally enjoyed the atmosphere of Commercial St. during the day and chose to ignore the debuacherous ambience that tends to accompany the moonlight hours on Commercial.
All in all it was a pretty fun trip. I had just enough fun to tide me over for a little while and made arguably no PLCs.....Not bad....
I guess until next time!
Chau!
Monday, July 1, 2013
A Week Away
And today I am leaving Boston and my home to go spend a week in Provincetown.
A few updates before I go and hopefully one or two after the trip....God willing that is....
The Harvard Gaymer and I actually spent quite a bit of time talking online the other night. We even skyped....so yes that means exactly what you think it means. I also found out that he is a bit of an exhibitionist....That's right he has a cam4 account.....At first I was concerned about this....and then I realized that this could be the reason that I continue talking to him despite the fact that he is a virgin. I mean if you're a virgin, but you are curious and courageous enough to go on cam4 and share your goods for all the world then I should at least consider the possibility that you might be someone who is right up my alley, right? I mean he is a total dork, goes to Harvard, is a tall black guy, and has a great body, and is a little freaky....but not too much...he has to have one thing wrong right...I guess that might be his age and virginity....but maybe I will stick it out and see what happens. Its still nice to have someone to talk to I guess.
And the other update which is just getting silly....
Last night I got a message from KFlip..."You working tonight? Let's go out! My BF is in San Fran pride." I honestly don't even know how to take these kinds of messages. I think because I am one of the few out people that this guy knows he thinks I am always up to go out with him when he, and I quote, "Feels like being 'gay'" He actually sent that to me in a text message. I mean come on dude....you are 26....man up and come out and go to a gay bar by yourself if you're that desperate! I thought I made it pretty clear that nothing was going to happen now that I knew he had a boyfriend but apparently he didn't quite get the message. So I told him I was away....which is true I was packing to go and there was no way in hell I was going to go out....I had already cancelled plans with my lesbians and they definitely take priority over him so....that's that I guess.
And now I am just waiting to get my car fixed so that I can head down to PTown. I'm working all week testing people of course, but I am going to get a few chances to go out and just relax which is something I haven't done in quite a long time. I'm looking forward to being down there and hopefully getting hit on by someone who is around my age and at least attractive...but lets be real I would take getting hit on by someone much older and unattractive if they are going to buy me a drink. Does that mean I have low standards or I'm just smart?? I'm going with smart/frugal....
Well I will write when I get back of what should be a fun week.
Until Later...
Chau!
A few updates before I go and hopefully one or two after the trip....God willing that is....
The Harvard Gaymer and I actually spent quite a bit of time talking online the other night. We even skyped....so yes that means exactly what you think it means. I also found out that he is a bit of an exhibitionist....That's right he has a cam4 account.....At first I was concerned about this....and then I realized that this could be the reason that I continue talking to him despite the fact that he is a virgin. I mean if you're a virgin, but you are curious and courageous enough to go on cam4 and share your goods for all the world then I should at least consider the possibility that you might be someone who is right up my alley, right? I mean he is a total dork, goes to Harvard, is a tall black guy, and has a great body, and is a little freaky....but not too much...he has to have one thing wrong right...I guess that might be his age and virginity....but maybe I will stick it out and see what happens. Its still nice to have someone to talk to I guess.
And the other update which is just getting silly....
Last night I got a message from KFlip..."You working tonight? Let's go out! My BF is in San Fran pride." I honestly don't even know how to take these kinds of messages. I think because I am one of the few out people that this guy knows he thinks I am always up to go out with him when he, and I quote, "Feels like being 'gay'" He actually sent that to me in a text message. I mean come on dude....you are 26....man up and come out and go to a gay bar by yourself if you're that desperate! I thought I made it pretty clear that nothing was going to happen now that I knew he had a boyfriend but apparently he didn't quite get the message. So I told him I was away....which is true I was packing to go and there was no way in hell I was going to go out....I had already cancelled plans with my lesbians and they definitely take priority over him so....that's that I guess.
And now I am just waiting to get my car fixed so that I can head down to PTown. I'm working all week testing people of course, but I am going to get a few chances to go out and just relax which is something I haven't done in quite a long time. I'm looking forward to being down there and hopefully getting hit on by someone who is around my age and at least attractive...but lets be real I would take getting hit on by someone much older and unattractive if they are going to buy me a drink. Does that mean I have low standards or I'm just smart?? I'm going with smart/frugal....
Well I will write when I get back of what should be a fun week.
Until Later...
Chau!
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