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Monday, September 30, 2013

Grave Robbing Just In Time For Halloween

If you haven't already guessed the newest guy is a little bit older than me.... I was born in the year 1990....He was not....He was born in 1975. This means that I am 23 and he is 37. 

According to the standard age limit equation for the Lower Limit used by most people in America (Half your Age + 7) I am a little too young for him. His lower limit is 25.5. However, when you use the standard age limit equation for the Upper Limit (Double your Age - 7) He is within the acceptable age range for me. SO the math says this whole situation is really only half fucked up so its fine. Nevertheless, I'm going to call this guy Geri for a few reasons. One I like the simplicity of the name it matches the simplicity of his name in real life too. Two its short for geriatric...which is not really funny because 37 is not that old, but its a little amusing because technically he is closer in age to my mother than he is to me.

But let's get down to the nitty gritty shall we. Geri is a tall bald white guy. He has blue eyes, a scruffy beard, a nice smile, and a pretty good dresser. 

Geri asked me out initially while I was working and I totally blew him off. But he was persistent and asked me out a second time and I....once again blew him off understanding that we had a pretty big age gap between the two of us. I don't really think he understood how young I was in comparison. Then he asked me out a third time directly for dinner or drinks and my first date rule kicked in. Prior to his third invitation he had never actually asked me out on a date so I felt no obligation to actually go. Then he did and I remembered that I have my one rule for dating....if someone has the balls to ask you out then you owe them at least a first date. 

I agreed to a date, but not to dinner because I didn't want to commit myself to more than I could handle. Geri lives in Dorchester and I now live on the other side of the city so we decided we would meet halfway for both of us at Fajitas and Ritas downtown and split a pitcher of margaritas with the understand that if things went well we could always get another pitcher or some food. 

I was of course running late for the date because of the stupid Red Line, but I texted ahead and let him know the situation. He understood and I as I walked through the door and saw him sitting at the bar I realized it was the first time he had ever seen me not in scrubs and I immediately regretted procrastinating buying a new untattered/unfrayed pair of jeans. 

We decided pretty quickly to sit at one of the tables and get some appetizers because I hadn't eaten all day because I got called in to the office to deal with a patient. Everything went really well so we got a second pitcher of margaritas and split a few more nachos, just cheese and guac (I'm sure people thought we were ridiculous but they were delicious). Toward the end of the meal he admitted the dirty secret that he smoked cigarettes and asked if I would join him while he had a post food cigarette. I agreed and walked with him outside. While standing outside he revealed that he was half French Canadian and while this meant he could speak fluent French it also meant that he smoked at least his fair share of cigarettes. We went back into the restaurant after his cigarette and on the way in he grabbed my ass...which for some reason I didn't really find creepy, it way more playful than anything. I paid because I felt bad that I was late. 

Geri then offered to go to a place in the North End for another drink. I was a little hesitant but ultimately I was having a really good time. We ended up going to the sister restaurant of the one he works at in the Back Bay. It was super swanky. We had a few drinks, a group of people bought us some shots just for being friendly, we ordered some food, and then we started talking with the young married couple next to us. They were asking all sorts of benign questions and then asked how long we had been together and where we had met. We both sort of froze and looked at each other and laughed while we almost simultaneously said, "Well its our first date." 

Despite the rather obvious faux pax the conversation continued about different Boston goings-on, basic national news coverage, and favorite travel destinations. It was in the latter part of the conversation that Geri made a sort of offhand comment that he would love to take me to Montreal with him. I smiled and pretended like it hadn't happened, but I simply cannot overlook the fact that it was our first date and he was already planning a couples trip to Canada. After a two minute recovery period I got my wits back and quickly changed the subject to the giant rock sitting on the ring finger of the young bride. 

This time Geri paid the bill and we headed out. I was planning on trying to get back to Davis Square before the T closed when I realized that it was not even 9:30 yet. We had covered a lot of ground not because the date was bad but because we had met at a little over 5p. Geri suggested we go to the Alley for a drink. I feigned resistance, but ultimately we went to the Alley for a beer. I was the youngest person there by at least 20 years if you don't count my date. I needed to pee and I headed to the bathroom....luckily Geri followed me in and picked the urinal right beside me. I am still unsure if it was because he needed to pee or if it was because he wanted to make sure that nothing happened to me in the bathroom of the sketchy old gay bar he wanted to go to. 

Finally we left the Alley and started to head back toward the T and he offered to have me come back to his place. I was hesistant and I think its because he knew I didn't want to just go back and fuck him so he said, "No just come back, we won't have sex we will just watch a movie and cuddle and maybe kiss." How could I say no to that right?

On our way to the T we passed a young homeless man holding a change sign. Geri actually stopped brought the guy into Subway and bought him a sandwich, a cookie, and a drink and bought cookies for each of us too. Then Geri without batting an eye said, "Yea and you give him your card so you can help him." I was the most turned I had been in probably a year at the moment in the middle of the Subway. 

We ended up back at his place and it really was a pretty uneventful sleepover. I blew him and he blew me and then we went to bed and passed out in each other's arms. The next morning I got at least 4 text messages and two calls from work and not once did he have anything to negative to say about it at all. Finally around 12 I left and headed home. I probably got home around 1 with a detour or two to grab a coffee on the way back to the apartment where all of my roomies were waiting for the stories from the night before. Mid-Storytelling my phone rang, it was Geri calling to make sure that I made it home safely. I was FLOORED!! He is just such a grown up and I am so ready to fake it! But I digress...we have another date coming up tomorrow so I will update you all then. 

Chau!! 

Christening the Shower

This post is a little late in coming but better late than never I guess right? 

The day after my date with the Harvard Gaymer that solidified for me that it was not really going to work out the way I had envisioned it I decided to give Hickey a call. I mean for all intents and purposes we are still fuck buddies now that he has relented that he was a little crazy in the Panera incident. Much to my surprise he responded almost immediately to my text message and was up to come over that day. For those of you not following the timeline let me lay it out nice and simple for you. I went on a date with the Harvard Gaymer, he came home with me, spent the night, left, I texted Hickey, and he came over so we could fuck that afternoon. 

Normally I would be very judgmental of someone who did this because after all....what the Hell you basically traded one guy in your bed for another....except for the fact that I never came with the Harvard Gaymer so I don't really think he counts because there was nothing satisfying sexually about that sleep over. 

The sex with Hickey was once again absolutely PHENOMENAL! I've got to say there is definitely something to that old thought process that crazy people have the best sex. I think its something about the lack of inhibitions that crazy people naturally have that makes them inclined to be sexual savants. 

I don't even know that the sex between Hickey and me is that out-of-this-world to be honest. I think our sexual chemistry for whatever reason just clicks. The times when he just wants to be thrown around and fucked hard I'm in the mood to pick him up and throw him on the bed and have my way with him. The times when I feel like I need good lay he is there with that enormous dick just waiting to have at it. I'm not complaining I just think it is one of those really unique situations.

The best part about the sex with Hickey was HANDS-DOWN....the fact that I was able to christen my new shower. The shower has four separate shower heads on the wall and a sort of rain down spout on the ceiling. It's an awesome shower and is one of the many reasons that my current residence is so amazing. Having sex while being pelted in lots of different directions with hot water is an experience that everyone should have. Its fun, hot, and just really relaxing. I will admit that despite the amazing sex I did find myself thinking....I could definitely someone simply because they had an awesome shower or bathtub. I still haven't decided how normal that thought process really is. I mean if I was bottoming sure there is normally a lot of time to think things over in your head if you banging someone boring, but if you're topping someone who is a total freak you have to have your wits about you and there I was contemplating how nice someone's shower would have to be for me to fuck them for that factor alone. My conclusion: For me to fuck someone based solely on their bathtub or shower it would have to be very similar to the Playboy Mansion Grotto....Yes I know that makes me seem like a total Gold Digger....and NO I do NOT care. 

After the wonderful afternoon of sex, Hickey and I grabbed coffee and I brought him back home. Before dropping him off I found myself running through all of the scenarios in my head. Is there anyway I could start dating this guy again? Is there anyway that I could turn this into a short term dating situation? Could this become more of a Friends with Benefits thing and less of a Fuck Buddy thing? But as I stopped my car, once again, two or three houses down on his street to make sure his uber Guyanese father did not see him getting out of my car it dawned on me...I made the right choice, a Fair Life Choice if you will. 

I actually have another update about my dating life but I am going to make it a separate post completely just so nothing gets confused. 

So I guess that is it for this one...
Until the next post...
Chau!!

Monday, September 9, 2013

When It's Just Not Right...

I moved into a new apartment this week with a bunch of friends and I simply could not be happier about my new living situation. Its a perfect 20-something apartment/social group. And that is my exposition for today....now I will move onto the rest of the story.

The Harvard Gaymer returned to school this week. Naturally I was really excited to see him and go on a date with someone again who was normal. We made plans for Friday night to do dinner in Davis Square and then just hang out at my new place. Prior to the date on Thursday night I received a slew of drunk texts that sort of freaked me out. I would supply them below, but it appears that they somehow got deleted...but here is a summary: 

Summary of Scary Text Messages

This is a drunk text. I want to tell you that I want to ask you to be my boyfriend but I don't think you would want to do that so I can't ask. But I really like you ALOT. And I want to cuddle you forever because drunk me wants to tell you that I LOVE being with you.

End of Summary of Scary Text Messages

Lots of things happened there. One, I realized that he was only 20 and therefore drunk in a dorm room while I was sitting in my new apartment with my Yo-Pro roomies. Two, was that I realized he wanted me to be his boyfriend. Three, he threw out the word LOVE....I ALMOST DIED!!

I chose not to really respond to these texts until the next morning because I figured engaging in a conversation via text with a drunk 20 year old was probably not a great idea. The next morning I texted quickly to check that we were still on for Friday and to say that the drunk text messages were fine. 

On Friday we went to dinner at the Painted Burro. We had to wait for half an hour to get a table so we decided to walk around the block once or twice. Talking and catching up I realized that we really were at different points in our lives. He was really concerned with his classes and what he was taking and his new dormmates and I just don't have any of those concerns any more which is weird but an unfortunate truth. 

When we finally got a table we got seated next to a large group of gay guys in their mid-to-late twenties and some of them were super cute, even the waiter was a 25ish year old attractive Latino man. Looking around and listening to the conversations at the tables around me while I was sitting and talking with the Harvard Gaymer I couldn't help but that think there was just something not quite right about the date. The Harvard Gaymer is cute and the conversation was fine but there was just something not right about the date. I kept looking at the tables around me and thinking that I belonged more at one of them than at the one I was currently sitting at. 

When dinner was finished we headed over to Diesel Cafe where we grabbed some coffee and continued talking. It was at this point that I realized he still had not come out to his parents and that he was no more closer to coming out to them now than he had been after our first date. The perfect symbol for the date and the situation was my coffee. I ordered a hot 20 oz coffee that was served to me in an actual glass with a hot cup holder around it...I practically burned my lips on the glass. 

Nevertheless, I brought the Harvard Gaymer back to my place. I was hoping that if the chemistry when we got back to my place was perfect I might be able to overlook some of the problems, but that was not the case. Rather, when we got back to my place and started fooling around the lack of chemistry between us just further elucidated just how much this was not going to work. 

Neither one of us came despite the fact that he stayed the night. He couldn't really stay hard at all throughout the course of our fooling around. We cuddled well together but again it just didn't feel quite right for whatever reason. So as we were spooning and falling asleep I bit the bullet and just laid it all out on the table.

I don't think that it will work out between the Harvard Gaymer and I for a lot of reasons:
1. He is too young.
2. The sexual chemistry is just not right.
3. He is not out. 
4. He is a virgin.
5. He can't drink....even out at dinner.
6. He got REAL SERIOUS REAL FAST

I guess that's it really and most of them come down to the same point.....He is TOO young. It just sucks...he would be perfect if he was a couple years older. 

At the end of the conversation we both ended up agreeing that we could still go on dates on occasion but that the intention would not be to get really serious. He seemed to understand my point about not wanting to date someone in the closet AGAIN. He also seemed to understand why I did not want to take his virginity which I think is really the more important point. 

All in all I have to say that I am disappointed. I was so hopeful that it was going to work out this time. I really thought the Harvard Gaymer was more right than he was. I think part of the problem was that for the past couple months I had really only been speaking to him via text and it wasn't really giving me a good idea of just how off the chemistry between the two of us was, which quite frankly gave me a false hope that it was all going to work out this time. 

I guess I will just have to keep looking. Maybe one day soon I will find a wonderful man that will complete my new apartment and YoPro lifestyle....A boy can dream right??

Until Later....
Chau!!