Maybe I shouldn't have complained about my missing Mojo....
I got it back and had a few flirty encounters this weekend one that even ended in a real date.
I mean it was a real date until I screwed it up and made it all weird again....and seriously I am straight back to my old ways....well not straight back, but you get what I mean. So the guy I went on a date with last night. He is a self-proclaimed alcoholic, but not like HaHa-funny-I'm-A-24-year-old-Alcoholic more like the I Attend Meetings Almost Every Night of the Week-Have been to a Halfway House-Could Have been on the Dr. Drew show-Alcoholic. So that is just perfect.
Let me cut to the chase this guy....we will call him FTA....short for Fast Talking Alchie...I know that seems mean which is why I am going to stick with the abbreviation. So FTA is not really my type at all...First off he is super white and tans regularly...yep he is a tanning bed baby...oy vey. On top of this and the recovering alcoholic thing I have never met a more anxious person in my entire life. Seriously he talked a mile a minute and I could barely get a word in edge wise but it was clear it was because he was nervous. I decided it was probably best if I invited him back to my apartment after our short coffee date because I felt like maybe in a more homey type of setting he would be more comfortable.
He had an AA meeting to go to at 8 naturally so he asked if maybe he could come by afterward. I said we should see when he got out first. Cut to me in my living room alone eating Whole Foods soup and watching the WORST VH1 Divas concert EVER and saying why don't you jsut come by you can spend the night if you want. That's right....I blame the 2012 VH1 Divas Live Concert on my PLC to bring a recovering alcoholic home with me overnight after a first date....
We started kissing and FTA just couldn't hang. He was so fidgety and nervous. Then he admitted he has only ever done anything with three guys. Could you imagine??? So sad. But I digress, an hour or so later I had FTA calm enough to just enjoy my company. So we swapped some blowjobs and the next disappointing factor of FTA came to fruition.....his dick was small and had a skin tag, which I may or may not have mistaken for HPV and questioned him on which I think only made him more nervous....OOOOPS!
A shower finished off our little tryst and then we split a bag of potato chips while watching some old rerun of Roseanne, he popped some pills and we went to bed. FTA wanted me to go shopping with him today....yes he is one of those gays, but I politely lied my way out of it by pretending my phone call from a computer service was work calling me to draw blood on a patient in Dorchester....Isn't it great to have a job that you can get called in for??
Now I have the dilemma of course of how to break it to this guy that I don't think its going to work. I mean for Christ's sake he left a message that said "Your hot" in marker on my mirror.....how do you tell someone that is only cute in movies? Well I am sure I will figure it out....I'm thinking a second date with something definitive planned after that I HAVE to be at so I can make my exit...or maybe just say I went home for Xmas and forget to text him when I get back from holiday??? Who knows, I'll have to think of something so I'm not responsible for this kid falling off the wagon.
I guess that's all I have for now....but good news for all of you my MOJO is back....bad news for my dating life, but probably funny reading to be had by all in the near future.
Chau!!!!
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