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Sunday, August 17, 2014

Let's Stick with Shakespeare....

As promised here is another update really soon after the first one. I have finally settled on a name for the latest guy, which of course means things are coming to a close, but I have been on a Shakespeare kick lately so let's stick with that shall we...We'll call him Othello

So Othello is a rather short, black/brown guy, super nice, wicked hot, went to an Ivy League school and is now teaching inner city 6th graders at a charter school. Sounds perfect for me right? Ay, here's the rub....he was a patient of mine a while back....and he had an STD....and then he has been a patient of my clinics at few more times throughout his slut when he asked me out a little before the 4th of July I was hesitant but excited. 

He's the guy that ran into me while I was working on the streets of PTown after my run in with the psychic and I really think I was going to project whatever that psychic had told me on the first guy who looked my way so naturally it was him. We went on a first date when we both got back to Boston; easy, iced coffee and a walk through Boston Common. He was just as nice and genuine as he seemed to be the first few times I saw him. It was at this point I learned that his favorite musical was Aida (anyone who can recall this knows the love of my life will be Radames) and his favorite piece of literature was Othello. That should have tipped me off right there as to how this would end but of course I'm an idiot. 

After walking for a while we made our way down to the Coast Guard station in the North End and made out watching the boats roll was super cute and nice. I told him that I liked him so I wanted to take things slow and he thought that was a good idea. 

Our second date ended up being sort of odd....I wanted to go out to dinner, but he insisted that he make me dinner at his house. I don't know about any of you but this seemed to be moving super fast to me. Dinner at someone's house usually implies dessert in their bedroom...which believe me I wanted...I was just confused because I thought he was into going slow. 

A quick funny aside just to explain to everyone exactly how awkward and ridiculous my dating life can be. I showed up at his apartment and ended up waiting outside for about 10 minutes before he came to the door with someone who was also waiting to go into the apartment next door clearly for a Grindr hook-up (Ah the joys of the South End). Then when I was walking downstairs into the kitchen with my bottle of wine in hand I fucking slipped. Like ass hit every stair on the way down kind of slipped until I was able to recover at the bottom (Fucking slippery Tom's Canvas shoes)....way to make an entrance right? I digress....

Dinner was wonderful...he's a great cook. I sneaked through his Itunes library to find songs he himself was the artist on and a really eclectic library of music. We finished off a bottle of wine and the conversation never really lagged at all. After dinner we ended up kissing and then he wanted to show me his room. Another sure fire sign to me that slow was not on the menu. Needless to say we ended up starting to fool around. I sucked his dick, he sucked mine, and then I sensed between him enjoying my blowjob that there was an issue. So I stopped and he said, "I thought you wanted to take it slow." At this point I agreed that I did and I sat up dick still hard  and put my clothes on and apologized. 

I don't want to say that it was never my intention to hook up with him because he is fucking gorgeous and that is definitely part of the attraction, but I also know that I am totally able to control myself in these situations and I was getting the sense that perhaps he does not. So I left with a good bye kiss.

That Friday, after texting off and on all week, while he was drunk I got a series of text messages telling me that he was made at me because essentially he felt that I had lied. I defended myself again with my typical, I want to take it slow, but I also don't want to deprive myself if I like someone. We decided that we would have another date on Sunday. 

So Sunday came and he pushed off the time of our date due to his hangover from the night before and we ended up going to SOWA. For those not from gay Boston....SOWA is this giant flea market/summer festival/food truck thing that happens in the South End during the summer on Sundays. Its a lot of fun and the two of us really had a good time. He tried on ridiculous shorts, we both ran into people we knew, and we had something quick to drink. 

At one point he turned to me and said, "I'm not trying to be rude...I know you're handsome and stuff, but literally everyone is staring at you." Quite frankly I hadn't noticed this at all....I guess I don't realize when gay men look at me anymore because it happens so frequently in Boston. I explained to him that it really had nothing to do with my looks, but rather everyone trying to figure out where they know me from. Its sort of a phenomenon. I will have gay guys on the train or out come up to me trying to figure out where they know me from and nine times out of ten it is from my job as the STD nurse. I have either tested them, treated their partner, or messaged them on one of the myriad gay sex apps to come in for testing. Unfortunately, because some of my patients come in under the influence they have a hard time remembering me in the scrubs. It is what it is I suppose. I explained that to him and he seemed to understand. 

The other major occurrence during the SOWA date was as we were walking back to his place. A guy from behind called out his name...It was a typical gay-queen-possessive-he's-mine-and-who-is-this-bitch kind of call out. I didn't even flinch really. I've been in this situation so many times I don't even care. However Othello...FROZE...he looked so uncomfortable I couldn't believe it. The conversation between him and the stranger was almost forced...he did introduce me though. Then as we were walking away he quickly pulled out his phone and sent a text. I could tell he sent a text to his best friend. There was obviously something about this guy. So when we ended up sitting on a bench I point blank asked what the deal was...He lied...naturally..."Oh just the best rimjob I ever had" I told him I knew that wasn't true and that was why he texted his best friend....he relented but I gave him the out and said he didn't have to tell me. He seemed appreciative for the out and definitely took it. 

He also seemed to understand the situation from our second date and was okay with it. We then planned a tentative day/time for a next date. Beehive is a nice restaurant in the South End with live music, essentially all the time while you eat. Its really a pretty nice/fun date place. We went here for our fourth date. Unfortunately I was working afterwards so I couldn't really have a drink at all but it was still a good time. However, it was midway through this date that I began to realize that perhaps I was falling harder than he was. Othello definitely bit off more than he could chew and rather than getting jealous was just starting to undermine his own involvement.

During the date I got a mini-freakout because I had made a guess about something in his life, which I was right about and he I think wanted to be more aloof about it from his reaction. Not really a big deal. Then at the end of the date I went in to kiss him before he went on his way and he totally shot me down. He insisted it wasn't me and that he wanted to take it slow and PDA freaked him out. Despite the fact that we had previously made out at the Coast Guard station on a first date. I could see the writing on the wall, but I liked him so rather than bail, which has always been my M.O. in the past I decided to try and stick it out. 

After that he went on a trip to TX for a conference and was gone for a week. When I realized he was back from a FB post I decided to see if he was down to hang out. He said he was and we set up a tentative day and time. He ended up bailing, but wanted to reschedule. I should note that after he came back from TX the cute name for me changed from sexy or babe to buddy.....I'm not blind. He bailed on a second reschedule date and then one more time last night on a third reschedule. 

So finally with my drunken fortitude I texted him and just asked point blank "Is this a coincidence that you keep bailing or are just not sure how to tell me that you're not into me." The honest drunken response came pretty quickly, "I'm just not into you like that. And the second date killed it, you weren't trying to take it slow." Of course....just when you think a problem is solved it never is. I tried to gracefully bow out. After all I still like him even if he doesn't like me. I can't help it. I think he's nice, attractive, and quirky but sometimes its just not there for both people. I'm honestly happy I know. My final text to him last night went something like this: "Its fine really better to just know....I suspected anyways. I hope you find what you're looking deserve it." I thought it was fine. I thought I had ended it like a grown up. 

Then this morning I woke up to a text message at 6 AM (probably post Saturday night hook up) that said, "Ugh...I think you're wonderful. I wanna hang out but I'm not ready to give you what you say you want."

I have NO idea what that means! I am more confused now then I have been in a long time. I don't want to continue to get strung along just so he doesn't have to feel bad about turning away someone he thinks has boyfriend potential. I don't know how or if I should respond to this message...this is definitely going to need some hag advice....but ultimately its like Bonnie Raitt says:

Until Next Time...


Thursday, August 14, 2014

A Midsummer's Breakdown

Hi all!! I apologize yet again for my lack of posting but the summer has just gotten weirder and weirder essentially. When you combine that with my fairly busy work schedule it just seems I never have time for you anymore.

Let's start with people from last time who are no longer in the picture:

Facebiter---He is now living and working in Geneva and being really important. His achievements constantly pop up on my facebook newsfeed and I always think, "Damn if his dick wasn't so small or he wasn't such a pussy that would have been perfect." Also as an FYI...the roommate I think he is in love with went with him to Geneva, and the other one who had a gf found me on okcupid. 

Teeth---Essentially he is out. I never went on a second date with him because after the first date I never saw him again. I know that he is at least semi-interested because every time I am working at a club he bounces at he makes a point to come say hello to me. The last time he told me I should call him if I ever wanted to grab a drink again. Needless to say I still have yet to make that phone call. 

Now let me tell you a tale of Pre-D. Pre-D is a 34 year old white guy who has amazing arms and the face of a 21 year old who is working in his second career as a pre-school teacher after giving up a career as an architect. We went on dates from April/May to July. I know, a long time for me right?

Our first date was really awkward. We went to Starbucks and just talked. I got a small kiss at the end of the date before he got into his Brian Kinney Jeep.

Date 2--We went to the Atlantic Fish Co. I got reservations, we ordered appetizers, a bottle of wine, and I paid the bill. A funny little anecdote about dinner. He ordered the special, some sort of fish over polenta. After the waiter left I said, "Wow I wouldn't have taken you for a polenta kind of guy," and he responded quickly, "Yea I love it. Its awesome." When his food came within seconds of the waiter leaving he pointed to the polenta on his plate and asked me what it was. At this point I realized it was my duty to inform him that it was the polenta he loved so much. We took a walk around Boston Common and the Boston Gardens after dinner. I ribbed him for his polenta mistake and he made fun of me for wanting to climb a tree. Then things got serious and he essentially asked me what was wrong with me. I had no option but to tell the truth: I'm ambitious as fuck and I am a total commitment phobe. In turn I asked him about his major character flaws which he pinpointed as one thing, I'm hard to read. 

Then afterwards he came by my place and we ended up making out on my couch. Only it was a generic make out session. He went after my nipples hardcore. Like was pulling and twisting and pinching like they were going to unlock a magic door. I stopped him at one point to say we weren't going to have sex and that I liked this side of him. And he agreed. I did end up blowing him and it was once again a pretty aggressive blowjob. After he came we ended up talking and I found out that he is always this aggressive. He also told me that he is essentially also always a top, which I tend not to believe but with this guy I was sensing maybe there was some truth to that statement. At the end of the day, there was an undeniable sexual chemistry either way. Although I wasn't sure what he was thinking before this point I was positive what was happening after he came. 

Date 3--- A simple movie date to watch Maleficent. I drove him back to his car after being super late getting to the movie. He was cute and listened to all of my terrible commentary throughout the movie, but he didn't eat movie theater popcorn...sort of weird right? Maybe its just me but I feel like that is sort of a red flag. Of course I ignored it. I got a simple good night kiss. No frills. No nipples pulling. And I was pretty confused as to where I stood, but I decided to just not worry about it. 

Date 4---We went to the beach. A really awesome date and I really liked hanging out with him. Prior to making it to the beach we stopped for coffee and a muffin at a place in Harvard Sq. Ordering at the counter flustered him so much that the cashier actually asked me what size drink he would want because he didn't want to fluster him again. 

After the beach we went back to my place where I blew him again and he was once again really aggressive and insanely hot. Then we went for dinner. When we got back we ended up laying on my bed and he rested his feet on my back. It was at this point that I saw the whole dom/sub fetish scene flash before my eyes. I would not be someone's slave all the time. A little pushing, biting, pinching, is all fun and games when I have a hard on, but I'll be damned if I am going to submit to being someone's foot stool or humiliated in public all the time. Not my bag and nor will it ever be. I totally get the BD/SM stuff during sex, but I just can't bring myself to be a participant beyond the bedroom or a sexual encounter. It does nothing for me. I also thought that I was going to become some hole he might choose to use, which was not my end game. I made all of this perfectly clear and he told me that's why we weren't fucking. We were going to take it slow, because he essentially saw potential. 

After that I brought him home after searching for appropriately colored fruits and vegetables for a gay party he was throwing that needed a rainbow of produce. 

Date 5---We actually ended up doing a breakfast date after one of my night shifts because I was going away. We met at a cute little diner in Allston and had breakfast. During breakfast he opened up about his last boyfriend, a Brazilian guy who seemed to have really screwed him over. The guy like most of his exes was much younger than him and even younger than me by almost 6 years. I was starting to piece together that Pre-D (get it Pre-D for the fact that he is a preschool teacher and the fact that he is a dom, and the fact that I never got his D) may still have some feelings for his ex and may not really be ready for any sort of a relationship. I let it go as I was going away and thought that it didn't really require any addressing right now. 

Date 6---Dinner again...this time at one of my favorite sushi restaurants in Brighton. We ate, we chatted, and then we went for a walk around the reservoir. We talked pretty extensively about his feelings regarding anonymous gay sex and how he didn't understand it. How he thought it was gross. He also told me about one of his older friends who is a dentist and who he often visits. It is not the first time I heard about this friend. In fact this is the same friend that I know he went to Chicago with and heard the stories about at dinner. After dinner he dropped me back off at the hospital so I could grab my car. 

In order to say 20 bucks on parking I needed to wait another 30 minutes before I could leave though. So what is a boy to do?? Check his work Grindr account obviously to see if the guy who just completely berated anonymous gay sex has an account. And of course he did. However the strange thing was that while I was checking to see if he was on I got a message from PG

Apparently PG had moved to Brighton and he wanted me to come over and fool around. He wanted to be fuck buddies. I knew that I shouldn't go. I knew that it was probably a bad idea, because PG definitely has clinger/stalker tendencies, but I hadn't hooked up with Pre-D since our 4th date and I was getting sick of masturbating wondering if things were going in the right direction between us. So I went to PG's new place. I know PLC...

I get there and immediately start fooling around. He loves sucking dick; unfortunately he is still not very good at it. I fooled around with him for about 30 minutes pretty aggressively. Eventually when I was fingering him I felt some condylomas internally and immediately stopped. I decided at that point to just throat fuck him until he finally came. He did this pretty quickly with a minimal amount of "cum for me you dirty slut"'s As soon as he came I was trying to wipe the finger that had felt the HPV off on his sheets. I was especially careful not to touch my own cock with that finger until I was sure I had washed off any traces of the virus. After cumming he wanted to chat about who I was currently dating. I started to describe Pre-D and pretty quickly PG had this smirk on his face. 

He grabbed his phone, fiddled for a minute, and quickly flashed me a picture of Pre-D's Jack'd profile and asked, "Wait, is that him?" Of course it was and of course he could tell by the face I made when he showed me the picture. No verbal assent was needed. Then with an unusual amount of glee PG described in pretty vivid detail a group sex encounter he had participated in almost 2 weeks ago with Pre-D, an older gentleman, and a young Brazilian. 

I froze. Like an asshole, I had decided to try and get my dick wet and quickly found out that the guy I thought I had a shot at a relationship with was having pretty raunchy group sex....hours after going on a date with me. I wasn't sure how I felt. At first I was upset, then I didn't care who he fucked because he was dating me, and then I realized what I was really feeling was jealous that PG (the prick that he was) had sex with the guy I actually liked before I did. My PLC had turned into one giant fucking mess if we are being completely honest. Not only did I find out that there was no chance I could ever have PG as a fuck buddy because of the discovery while fingering him but I also learned that I may need to explore my dating with Pre-D before I continued on with him at any other level. 

Post-hook up I couldn't get my hag on the phone quickly enough. Thank God for her really. She talked me off of acting like a completely crazy person that night. I ended up just choosing to ignore it completely. There was nothing I could do about it. We weren't monogamous by any means and all I really learned was that his bullshit lament about gay men's affinity for anonymous sex was a crock of shit. At least I knew now, right? 

After this revelation I ended up taking back to the internet and going on a date with another guy who I really liked (more to come). At this point I realized maybe I should make a move to figure out where I actually fit in with Pre-D. Was he going to continue to date me and keep me on reserve? Was he interested in something more serious in the near future or was I simply a place holder?

So via text message (I know so classy), I ended up asking him about the group sex session. What another PLC that was!!! It did not go well. He got really upset that I knew about it, that I asked him about it, and that I maybe-sort of-possibly implied that I was looking to date someone seriously and if he was just looking for some bottom slut that it wasn't going to be me so just let me know so I can move on. OOOOOPs...How was I to know that wouldn't go over well. He pretty much shut down after telling me that he didn't even want to have group sex that night and just did it "because". 

I felt bad honestly, but the truth is I don't think Pre-D is looking for a relationship right now. He is enjoying being a hot older dom for a bunch of newly out or closeted college age bottom sluts. I understand how at 24 I definitely seem like I might fit that category, but the truth is I have been at this too long. I have had my fun and I really want someone to date. I'm not looking to just be a fuck buddy. I have those. I don't really need more. The deeper truth is that despite a pretty excellent sexual chemistry I don't think Pre-D and I connected on a level beyond that romantically, as friends sure, but romantically I can't really tell. 

The next day I texted him to see if we could talk like grown ups. At first I was impressed with his way to carry a normal conversation. But within a few text messages I realized he was Connecticuting the issue. (You know Connecticuting---white people's way of pretending nothing happened and everything is okay and just as it was prior to the altercation or issue). I'm from Massachusetts and I'm a nurse...there is no Connecticuting in my life. So I was direct and  asked what the deal was with everything that happened yesterday. Then out of no where almost as an aside in a different text he told me he hated my job. I'm almost sure he said this because he was upset I had called him out about being a hypocrite regarding the anonymous sex in the gay community which he apparently didn't abhor as much as he led on, but it didn't matter. My job as a nurse is the one thing I have ever been sure of beyond my relationship with my family and close friends. If you fuck with my job---I'm out. I laid it all down and gave him the opportunity to back out but he didn't so I did. If you don't like my job then you can't possibly like me. It's literally that simple in my world. And so I have not spoken to Pre-D since or seen him out anywhere. 

The other guy that I started dating at the same time I'm not really sure what to call yet. I am still sort of holding out for good things with this one so I am going to hold off writing about him for a while, but that ma be changing soon. I go to PTown again next week and am on vacation this week so hopefully I will be able to be better about updating this blog in the next couple weeks. No promises after that but we shall see. 

Until Next Time!!