Well...it is officially 2020.....I'm 30..With 5 jobs and in grad school...and still desperately single.....
To be honest I was hoping to be able to update this blog one day with a link to a disgusting Instagram couples account with a picture of me and my future husband on a beach somewhere, but alas I'm beginning to think that is becoming less and less likely as the years trudge on. I oscillate between being okay with this and feeling like if I am still alone at 40 then I might just actually give up on trying to be with someone and just adopt a kid and a dog ad settle down with myself.
It is really funny how this blog has morphed throughout the years from me being worried that I would never be able to commit to now feeling like I might not ever be able to find someone who wants to commit to me. For a long time I have focused on the issues that other people had that made them not realistic for me to date, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it has just been me all along.
So in a weird act of contrition I think that I am going to make a list of all the reasons that someone might decide I was not a right fit for them.
1. I work WAAAAAAY to much. I have known that this was a problem for a while now that I have just never really wanted to address because work is one of the few things that I have that gives me a purpose. Also selfishly work is one of the few places that I feel like I get a genuine connection with people outside of my family. I'm not really sure what the best way to work on this is....I mean obviously I could just quit one or two or three of my jobs, but I really don't want to do that. Eventually, I will change this one...I swear.....I PROMISE....just not yet, don't make me.
2. I've really stopped caring about my physical appearance in the last year. I really need to find the inside of a gym again because this muffin top is not pretty or tasty.
3. I'm a slob....I mean I'm not dirty, but I am definitely not neat and tidy. I really don't know how so many of these homos are so type A and prim and proper. I'm a mess. I love being able to walk into the house and take my pants off and then pick them up the next morning before work.
4. I can be dismissive of small problems. The people that I work with are always chaotic and frequently in crisis so if I come home or we go out and I have to hear about how Becky at work snubbed you at the water cooler and how that was the worst part of your day then I will probably tell you to consider yourself lucky.
5. I can be arrogant and condescending. I try really hard to keep myself in check, but there are some days when I do feel like what I do is vitally important and act like I am the only person who can do it. I feel like gay dating in some way sets people up to act this way though. People are always looking for the boyfriend with the best husband resume right? The abs....check....the job....check....the money...check...the do-gooder insta attitude...check.....the sexual prowess of a porn star...check....and the list goes on. I have actually been on a date when someone went through a mental checklist with me before deciding to go on to the next activity. Trying to figure out how to create the perfect husband resume and not come off like an arrogant prick is still something I am in a regular struggle about.
6. My relationship with my family can be a bit much for people. This is definitely something that I don't think I can change and its not really something I am interested in changing so I will need to figure out some kind of work around for this. Or just get someone who can understand or appreciate my family connection.
7. I'm greedy. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want a partner on my terms....when and how and as frequently as I can. I don't want terms to be dictated to me, but rather I want to be the one dictating the terms. I want the illustrious career, the blossoming academic reputation, and the 1950s Leave it to Beaver living situation.
8. I love to play devil's advocate. While I might be loyal to a fault outwardly, inwardly I will always pick the opposite side and just argue it out. I find this to be stimulating mental acrobatics, but many people just find it annoying and unnecessary.
9. I'm distrustful of anyone that likes or compliments me. The minute someone starts to show interest I assume there is some kind of ulterior motive. They want something from me or are trying to hook up with one of my friends. I also tend to keep interested men at arms length because when people like me I assume it is only a matter of time until they break up with me.
10. I'm a furnace when I sleep and I very rarely turn the heat on in my house. This is strange for some, but I love my house being a bit chilly. I would much rather put on a sweater or two or bake cookies in the oven than turn the heat on. I could probably compromise about this if ever given the opportunity honestly.
I think I'll stop at ten otherwise I'm not sure I will ever stop. I have a few stories I am going to try and write and get up in the next few weeks. I am going to the Berkshires and then I will be in Hawaii, so I am hoping for a little time to decompress.
Until next time!
Tchau...
Showing posts with label boston gay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boston gay. Show all posts
Saturday, February 15, 2020
Saturday, February 18, 2017
The Hufflepuff
So it finally happened today...the it's not you it's me conversation. I knew it was coming and low and behold it did. And now I feel incredibly silly as I sit preparing to write this post because I realize I am more upset about this man that I only went on three dates with than I have been about people I dated for several months.
Date 1: I should have known from the minute I got out of my Uber and met him in line at Mike's Pastry's how this would end, and if I'm being honest I think I did. Our first interaction was an awkward handshake and beginning of a conversation and this look of disappointment at the way I looked. Such is life I guess but I allowed myself to get attached anyway. The Hufflepuff is tall, dark and handsome, a D1 track athlete who works with students requiring an IEP at a special school. He has political aspirations, a husband dick, an amazing body, and is genuinely a really nice person. He is kind with a charming personality and I was really feeling it.
We grabbed cannolis and cappuccinos at Mike's and proceeded to walk to the area by the Coast Guard where you can sit and see the Boston Harbor. After that we walked around and the conversation flowed well and I came to like him even more. He is a man's man and again, just genuinely a nice person. He has a big vocabulary because he reads and he seemed genuinely interested. We grabbed some apps and a drink and then he drove me home. I kissed him goodnight and then went inside. A really respectable first date with a really nice guy.
I should mention that we met on OKCupid and he messaged me first. I think it's nice to know that at least on paper at one point he was interested....again....sort of my MO.
Date 2: We went to dinner and then ended up getting dessert. It was fun and the conversation again flowed easily. He insisted on feeding me cake when we went to get dessert which I find both sickening and was secretly loving. I really do want a man who wants to dote on me and feed me even if I might pretend that I am sickened by the thought.
He ended up spending the night at my place with the understanding that we weren't going to have sex. He was the big spoon and we fooled around and I was and still am in awe of his body. He has muscles everywhere!!! What else was nice is that he gives pretty good head. He wasn't super aggressive in bed, which was a little bit of a bummer, but I thought I would let it slide since I genuinely liked him.
Date 3: We ended up going to a trampoline park and to a brewery which was great. We were active and we fooled around and made jokes the entire day. I really did enjoy myself and getting to see him act literally like a giant kid at a trampoline park was so much fun.
When we got home my roommate was here with her mom who was recently diagnosed with cancer. She was going to be spending the night on our couch. I wasn't sure if the Hufflepuff would want to venture back to NH or spend the night so I made the offer. He opted to stay with us and we made a cake and then watched a movie while we fell asleep.
We fooled around that night be we never actually ended up having sex; just dry humping and some oral fun. I guess one interesting thing is that I never actually came with him. I made him cum a few times but for some reason I could never quite get there with him. I don't know if I was intimidated or nervous. I actually orgasmed once but I didn't ejaculate
*** I guess as an aside I should say, I have acquired this strange ability to orgasm without cumming. I don't know when it happened or why, but it's a new skill and it has happened to me on more than one occasion in the last few months. Its really confusing to me, but it is even more confusing to the people I am sleeping with because they think I am faking an orgasm. I can understand their reticence to believe me, but it really is the truth. So I think that perhaps this played into everything as well though I don't suppose we will ever really know. ****
The next morning the Hufflepuff woke up and shared a pot of coffee with me and my roommate and her mother and then was off to go rock climbing. And right before he left I got this weird feeling about seeing him again.
I had planned on driving up to see him on Valentine's Day since he had always come down to see me, but then I got a cold and I continued to get a sense that he was not really interested in seeing me. I don't know what it was necessarily, but I think it was just a difference in text message response time. I know that sounds stupid, but there was something different about the text composition, both grammar and prose were off and I knew that there was something more afoot.
In Mounting Securities, I think all of my fears came to a head and then today when we met they were confirmed.
We went and grabbed coffee and walked around the bike path in Somerville until we got back to my house. Once back he had a cookie sat down and said, "So how do you think this is going?" Never a good sign...so I told him that while I thought it was going well I got a vibe that perhaps he didn't think that way.....
I could have a been a dick. I could have dragged it out. I could have made him feel horrible. But as he looked at me with trepidation and concern in his eyes I realized I had seen this coming. This has happened to me before. Othello was one in a myriad of perfect men for me who in one disarmingly charming way or another 'let me down gently'.
So in the same composed-nurse way that I tell a patient that they have HIV and that everything is going to be okay even though I have no idea if that is true or not. I looked him in the eyes and said, "It's okay. I'm a big boy. Sometimes things just don't work. It's cool. I'm fine." He looked surprised and relieved all at once.
Then almost on cue he said, "Are you telling me the truth or are you doing that nurse thing where you pretend everything's okay when it's not?" At this point I had two options: 1) Double down and confirm that I was a mature person capable of rationale thought with control of my emotions or 2) Tell the truth, that I was secretly dying inside wondering if this was all my dating life would ever amount to...an almost or a just not quite right.
You just can't devastate a Hufflepuff...that's fucked up. So I doubled down. I offered the friend card like I do with everyone I've ever dated and he seemed happy and content and most importantly relieved. He kissed me goodbye and I told him that the ball to hang out was now in his court.
I'm disappointed.....mostly in myself....I never get attached like this. I don't usually tell people, particularly my family about who I'm dating and I broke all of my rules with this guy. I fucked up. I let him get to me and now I feel like shit. But such is life and sometimes....you just feel like a useless piece of shit.
So what do I do? I go back to the one thing that I know I can always have....my patients. I put stew in the crockpot and headed out to check on all of my beautiful disasters. Even if nobody else wants me....they're stuck with me.
Date 1: I should have known from the minute I got out of my Uber and met him in line at Mike's Pastry's how this would end, and if I'm being honest I think I did. Our first interaction was an awkward handshake and beginning of a conversation and this look of disappointment at the way I looked. Such is life I guess but I allowed myself to get attached anyway. The Hufflepuff is tall, dark and handsome, a D1 track athlete who works with students requiring an IEP at a special school. He has political aspirations, a husband dick, an amazing body, and is genuinely a really nice person. He is kind with a charming personality and I was really feeling it.
We grabbed cannolis and cappuccinos at Mike's and proceeded to walk to the area by the Coast Guard where you can sit and see the Boston Harbor. After that we walked around and the conversation flowed well and I came to like him even more. He is a man's man and again, just genuinely a nice person. He has a big vocabulary because he reads and he seemed genuinely interested. We grabbed some apps and a drink and then he drove me home. I kissed him goodnight and then went inside. A really respectable first date with a really nice guy.
I should mention that we met on OKCupid and he messaged me first. I think it's nice to know that at least on paper at one point he was interested....again....sort of my MO.
Date 2: We went to dinner and then ended up getting dessert. It was fun and the conversation again flowed easily. He insisted on feeding me cake when we went to get dessert which I find both sickening and was secretly loving. I really do want a man who wants to dote on me and feed me even if I might pretend that I am sickened by the thought.
He ended up spending the night at my place with the understanding that we weren't going to have sex. He was the big spoon and we fooled around and I was and still am in awe of his body. He has muscles everywhere!!! What else was nice is that he gives pretty good head. He wasn't super aggressive in bed, which was a little bit of a bummer, but I thought I would let it slide since I genuinely liked him.
Date 3: We ended up going to a trampoline park and to a brewery which was great. We were active and we fooled around and made jokes the entire day. I really did enjoy myself and getting to see him act literally like a giant kid at a trampoline park was so much fun.
When we got home my roommate was here with her mom who was recently diagnosed with cancer. She was going to be spending the night on our couch. I wasn't sure if the Hufflepuff would want to venture back to NH or spend the night so I made the offer. He opted to stay with us and we made a cake and then watched a movie while we fell asleep.
We fooled around that night be we never actually ended up having sex; just dry humping and some oral fun. I guess one interesting thing is that I never actually came with him. I made him cum a few times but for some reason I could never quite get there with him. I don't know if I was intimidated or nervous. I actually orgasmed once but I didn't ejaculate
*** I guess as an aside I should say, I have acquired this strange ability to orgasm without cumming. I don't know when it happened or why, but it's a new skill and it has happened to me on more than one occasion in the last few months. Its really confusing to me, but it is even more confusing to the people I am sleeping with because they think I am faking an orgasm. I can understand their reticence to believe me, but it really is the truth. So I think that perhaps this played into everything as well though I don't suppose we will ever really know. ****
The next morning the Hufflepuff woke up and shared a pot of coffee with me and my roommate and her mother and then was off to go rock climbing. And right before he left I got this weird feeling about seeing him again.
I had planned on driving up to see him on Valentine's Day since he had always come down to see me, but then I got a cold and I continued to get a sense that he was not really interested in seeing me. I don't know what it was necessarily, but I think it was just a difference in text message response time. I know that sounds stupid, but there was something different about the text composition, both grammar and prose were off and I knew that there was something more afoot.
In Mounting Securities, I think all of my fears came to a head and then today when we met they were confirmed.
We went and grabbed coffee and walked around the bike path in Somerville until we got back to my house. Once back he had a cookie sat down and said, "So how do you think this is going?" Never a good sign...so I told him that while I thought it was going well I got a vibe that perhaps he didn't think that way.....
I could have a been a dick. I could have dragged it out. I could have made him feel horrible. But as he looked at me with trepidation and concern in his eyes I realized I had seen this coming. This has happened to me before. Othello was one in a myriad of perfect men for me who in one disarmingly charming way or another 'let me down gently'.
So in the same composed-nurse way that I tell a patient that they have HIV and that everything is going to be okay even though I have no idea if that is true or not. I looked him in the eyes and said, "It's okay. I'm a big boy. Sometimes things just don't work. It's cool. I'm fine." He looked surprised and relieved all at once.
Then almost on cue he said, "Are you telling me the truth or are you doing that nurse thing where you pretend everything's okay when it's not?" At this point I had two options: 1) Double down and confirm that I was a mature person capable of rationale thought with control of my emotions or 2) Tell the truth, that I was secretly dying inside wondering if this was all my dating life would ever amount to...an almost or a just not quite right.
You just can't devastate a Hufflepuff...that's fucked up. So I doubled down. I offered the friend card like I do with everyone I've ever dated and he seemed happy and content and most importantly relieved. He kissed me goodbye and I told him that the ball to hang out was now in his court.
I'm disappointed.....mostly in myself....I never get attached like this. I don't usually tell people, particularly my family about who I'm dating and I broke all of my rules with this guy. I fucked up. I let him get to me and now I feel like shit. But such is life and sometimes....you just feel like a useless piece of shit.
So what do I do? I go back to the one thing that I know I can always have....my patients. I put stew in the crockpot and headed out to check on all of my beautiful disasters. Even if nobody else wants me....they're stuck with me.
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
I'm Back
So my life got a little crazy for a bit and I stopped blogging. If truth be told, my computer died and it has literally taken me two years to buy a new one. I am a sick combination of cheap and lazy when it comes to myself and some of my personal choices in life.....which is probably why it is more than two years later and I am about to turn 27 tomorrow and I am still as single as when I first started this blog, oh so many years ago.
Prior to starting this blog I had worked for many years at honing my commitment phobe skills. I practiced diligently at being able to dodge almost every sign that a relationship would become serious. Recently a rather formative relationship came back to really confuse the hell out of me if truth be told.
One of the first guys that I dated while I was in college I actually met at a club that was 18+ with one of my friends. We dated for several months and I really liked him and he seemed to really like me. I am going to call him Diego for the purposes of this blog. Well Diego and I were going along swimmingly and then there was an incident. We were out walking his dog and these two little girls came over to pet it and their Mom yelled at them to "Leave they're dog alone"
In that moment something inside me woke up and just started screaming. I felt awful about it and that was when I think I first realized that I was a commitment phobe. I mean who gets upset that a stranger thought that two gay guys walking a dog would be a couple who owned the dog....I'm insane, or so I thought.
The other day at work I was going about my day as usual and went into the waiting room and called, "Paul" and who stood up but Diego. This has to be at least 6 years later, but I was sure that it was him. So sure in fact that I said, "Diego, sorry I called Paul." and in that moment he said, "yea its me" and followed me to have his vital signs taken. While I was taking his vital signs I tried to ask him if he remembered who I was and he simply looked at me and smiled the same stupid smile he had given me a million times before and said, "A lot of people think they know me, maybe we've met before" and with that kind of a response I simply put him in his room and notified his doctor of his arrival.
Then the freak out began. I just couldn't believe that there was Diego in my clinic. That there was Diego in my clinic and that he was seeing one of the more established HIV doctors. Then I had to enter the vitals in his chart and I saw that he has been HIV positive and tenuously in care since 2008.
Its sobering....
For years I thought that there was something wrong with me in that relationship and the truth was, I had been lied to for months. There wasn't anything true about the relationship at all, even the name I use to call him was different than the name in the hospital computer.
The other layer that I had to unpack is just how close I had come to being infected with HIV. I have since been tested many times and recently tested negative again (I went 1-2 days after Diego came to the clinic, I know that is crazy, but I needed to do it). I am on PrEP now which is a change since the last time I was writing on here. I have still never had sex without a condom something that I am forever more and more grateful for now.
I talk all the time in my lectures and in my job about how really anyone could become infected, but I think that deep down in some recesses of my brain I thought, 'Yea but probably not me' and this one person totally destroyed that thought in my brain.
The only good thing that came of Diego coming in to clinic to see his MD for the first time in over 1.5 years, I realize now that maybe I'm not a commitment phobe at all...maybe it isn't my own undoing. I think viscerally I knew that Diego had been lying to me. I think that some part of me always knew that there was something very wrong with our relationship, and in hindsight my gut was right. Truthfully, the whole thing was rather comforting to know that I wasn't wrong about him. In my mind if I was right about this, then I will most certainly be right about when I have found the perfect match.
So here's to hoping that 2017 shapes up to be an amazing year and that I don't join the 27 club...
Until next time...
Chau!
Prior to starting this blog I had worked for many years at honing my commitment phobe skills. I practiced diligently at being able to dodge almost every sign that a relationship would become serious. Recently a rather formative relationship came back to really confuse the hell out of me if truth be told.
One of the first guys that I dated while I was in college I actually met at a club that was 18+ with one of my friends. We dated for several months and I really liked him and he seemed to really like me. I am going to call him Diego for the purposes of this blog. Well Diego and I were going along swimmingly and then there was an incident. We were out walking his dog and these two little girls came over to pet it and their Mom yelled at them to "Leave they're dog alone"
In that moment something inside me woke up and just started screaming. I felt awful about it and that was when I think I first realized that I was a commitment phobe. I mean who gets upset that a stranger thought that two gay guys walking a dog would be a couple who owned the dog....I'm insane, or so I thought.
The other day at work I was going about my day as usual and went into the waiting room and called, "Paul" and who stood up but Diego. This has to be at least 6 years later, but I was sure that it was him. So sure in fact that I said, "Diego, sorry I called Paul." and in that moment he said, "yea its me" and followed me to have his vital signs taken. While I was taking his vital signs I tried to ask him if he remembered who I was and he simply looked at me and smiled the same stupid smile he had given me a million times before and said, "A lot of people think they know me, maybe we've met before" and with that kind of a response I simply put him in his room and notified his doctor of his arrival.
Then the freak out began. I just couldn't believe that there was Diego in my clinic. That there was Diego in my clinic and that he was seeing one of the more established HIV doctors. Then I had to enter the vitals in his chart and I saw that he has been HIV positive and tenuously in care since 2008.
Its sobering....
For years I thought that there was something wrong with me in that relationship and the truth was, I had been lied to for months. There wasn't anything true about the relationship at all, even the name I use to call him was different than the name in the hospital computer.
The other layer that I had to unpack is just how close I had come to being infected with HIV. I have since been tested many times and recently tested negative again (I went 1-2 days after Diego came to the clinic, I know that is crazy, but I needed to do it). I am on PrEP now which is a change since the last time I was writing on here. I have still never had sex without a condom something that I am forever more and more grateful for now.
I talk all the time in my lectures and in my job about how really anyone could become infected, but I think that deep down in some recesses of my brain I thought, 'Yea but probably not me' and this one person totally destroyed that thought in my brain.
The only good thing that came of Diego coming in to clinic to see his MD for the first time in over 1.5 years, I realize now that maybe I'm not a commitment phobe at all...maybe it isn't my own undoing. I think viscerally I knew that Diego had been lying to me. I think that some part of me always knew that there was something very wrong with our relationship, and in hindsight my gut was right. Truthfully, the whole thing was rather comforting to know that I wasn't wrong about him. In my mind if I was right about this, then I will most certainly be right about when I have found the perfect match.
So here's to hoping that 2017 shapes up to be an amazing year and that I don't join the 27 club...
Until next time...
Chau!
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Il Paradiso
It always comes to a head at Paradise. Something that I think almost every Boston gay can relate to in their own very special way. Well it was the first block party that I was able to go to without having to work the van....a special occasion to say the least.
I went with my Gayggle of course. While we were there who did I see but Othello. He came right up and gave me a hug. And truth be told my stomach still totally did a little somersault. Then he hugged two other people in my Gayggle as if he knew them. That was when I found out that he did know one of them. A member of my gayggle had actually fucked him....not only did he fuck him but apparently Othello shit on his dick. I mean I can't make this shit up....And it was in the moment of hearing them talk about Othello and how thirsty he was that I realized it wasn't meant to be. That right now that is not who I should be with and it is most certainly not who I should be with in the months to come.
Then almost like clockwork Prof walked by with his Gayggle. They said hello and I got a quick hug but it was definitely confirmation that we were both okay with being a former thing. A past fun event and a mutual understanding that we probably shouldn't be together.
As the night went on I saw several other young gay guys that I had tested and I had gone to school with and for once I felt no pressure to hook up with anyone. I was perfectly happy being drunk and dancing. It happens every once in a while but this was the first time it happened when there were people who I had dated and actually considered viable dating options previously.
It was at this point that I decided it was time to head back out onto the dating seen and give OkC another try.
Until Next Time....
Chau!!
I went with my Gayggle of course. While we were there who did I see but Othello. He came right up and gave me a hug. And truth be told my stomach still totally did a little somersault. Then he hugged two other people in my Gayggle as if he knew them. That was when I found out that he did know one of them. A member of my gayggle had actually fucked him....not only did he fuck him but apparently Othello shit on his dick. I mean I can't make this shit up....And it was in the moment of hearing them talk about Othello and how thirsty he was that I realized it wasn't meant to be. That right now that is not who I should be with and it is most certainly not who I should be with in the months to come.
Then almost like clockwork Prof walked by with his Gayggle. They said hello and I got a quick hug but it was definitely confirmation that we were both okay with being a former thing. A past fun event and a mutual understanding that we probably shouldn't be together.
As the night went on I saw several other young gay guys that I had tested and I had gone to school with and for once I felt no pressure to hook up with anyone. I was perfectly happy being drunk and dancing. It happens every once in a while but this was the first time it happened when there were people who I had dated and actually considered viable dating options previously.
It was at this point that I decided it was time to head back out onto the dating seen and give OkC another try.
Until Next Time....
Chau!!
A Prof, A Football Field, and the Stars....
Post-PTown I kept in touch with Prof. It took a week or two before our schedules finally jived but ultimately we were able to figure out a night to get together. I wasn't really sure what we should do. I thought about coffee but that didn't seem to fit since we had already gone out twice.
One of the things that strikes me about Prof is that he is definitely a romantic. On our second beach date he was already saying things about watching the sunrise and sunset with me. A total sappy romantic European, which deep down I fucking love. I mean doesn't everyone want that?....someone who puts thought into how to make something special for another person. I thought for a little while and decided that since we both lived right near Tufts that laying in the middle of the football field on a warm summer night and looking at the stars might be fun and right up his alley.
I struck gold with the suggestion because he loved it. So around 9:30 after I had gotten out of work we rendezvoused at the football field. We laid down and stared at the stars and talked for a good 30 minutes before the middle school kid that lives deep within my soul reared his ugly head and I suggested we play truth or dare.
No matter how old I get, given the right partner, I will always want to play truth or dare. I think its fun and funny on so many different levels. Given the Prof's penchant for exhibitionism I was not surprised at all to find that the game turned dirty pretty quickly. Before I knew it we were underneath the bleachers at the football field like a drunk high school cheerleader and the captain of the football team fooling around. He definitely redeemed himself with the blowjob I was getting but I could tell even though he was an exhibitionist that hooking up on the school football field where he is a professor may have been pushing the envelope. I didn't want to sleep with him yet because I actually was pretty attracted to him. He had a great personality, a good job, and was smart....which I see as potential which means I like to hold out on the sex.
Eventually he convinced me to go and see his place. He is one of the live-in professors at the university.....yes that means he lives in a dorm. It was a little weird to be honest. Walking into the dorm with the person that all of his residents saw as a professor and knowing that we were on a date. I can't really place my finger on what was weird about it, but it was. It felt viscerally weird.
It didn't take long for us to continue to hook up in his place. He was respectful of my request to not have sex, but he was definitely acting the part of the thirsty bottom. Then out of nowhere he lost his erection. I mean there was nothing I could do to get it back. This had never really happened to me before for no reason. So we started talking about ways that it might get seduced into returning and that is when I realized that I was dealing with another weird fetish. The guy loved SPANKING.
I've never really understood spanking as a fetish if I am being completely honest. I mean I totally understand an aggressive ass slap mid-fuck, but bending someone over your knee and spanking someone for an extended period of time. Enjoying turning someone's ass red and warm...I mean to each there own. So in our discussion I learned that the guy was not just into spanking but into corporal punishment and specifically spanking. The funny thing for me was that he was very into me spanking him.
When I started spanking him he loved it. Then I gave part of his thigh a little slap and was told that was not an acceptable place to spank him. It was at this point that I decided I needed to be spanked appropriately in order to learn how I should dole out the punishment. So I submitted my ass to probably 10 aggressive spanks.
The funniest part about the whole thing was that the bigger my reaction to the spanking the harder his dick got. So I started playing it up....squirming, moaning, and whining with every slap until his dick was rock hard and sticking into my stomach. Then it was time to turn the tides and spank him and within minutes his dick was rock hard and dripping precum. I wasn't sure if I should keep going or if I should finish him off and then without warning he flipped over and just finished himself off. Apparently just spanking him and the thought of it continuing was enough to cum.
Again I relayed the message that I didn't really need to cum....I would be fine without cumming. My dick would go soft and then I could head out. The sad dejected look on his face when I said that I would not be spending the night was sad, but in no way did it change my opinion. It was in that look that I realized that this would probably never work. I mean I could definitely hook up with him again in a pinch but I couldn't be with someone who wanted to cuddle post spanking session for the duration of the night. It just is not my style and nor do I ever think it really could be.
So I quickly slipped out of the dorm and headed back to my place. I got a text pretty soon after my departure with a thank you for such a fun date and the prospect of another date, but I knew pretty well that it would probably lead no where. I still have a hard time with trying to distance myself from people without seeming judgmental.
For whatever reason I tend to bring out the fetish in people. I always feel bad to say I'm not interested in someone right after they have expressed their fetish to me. I think to some extent everyone has a fetish of some sort and I think they are all valid in their own right. I mean who am I to say something is sexy if it totally gets you off right? I just don't want to come off as not being into someone because of their fetish.....which I guess is stupid. I mean if someone were into castration or something I think that fetish would be a deal breaker for me. I don't even really know where I'm going with this but at the end of the day I didn't want Prof to think that his spanking fetish was the reason I wasn't into him. So I did a slow text phase out....a specialty of mine lately.
I have a few more updates to come so stay tuned!!!
Chau!!!
One of the things that strikes me about Prof is that he is definitely a romantic. On our second beach date he was already saying things about watching the sunrise and sunset with me. A total sappy romantic European, which deep down I fucking love. I mean doesn't everyone want that?....someone who puts thought into how to make something special for another person. I thought for a little while and decided that since we both lived right near Tufts that laying in the middle of the football field on a warm summer night and looking at the stars might be fun and right up his alley.
I struck gold with the suggestion because he loved it. So around 9:30 after I had gotten out of work we rendezvoused at the football field. We laid down and stared at the stars and talked for a good 30 minutes before the middle school kid that lives deep within my soul reared his ugly head and I suggested we play truth or dare.
No matter how old I get, given the right partner, I will always want to play truth or dare. I think its fun and funny on so many different levels. Given the Prof's penchant for exhibitionism I was not surprised at all to find that the game turned dirty pretty quickly. Before I knew it we were underneath the bleachers at the football field like a drunk high school cheerleader and the captain of the football team fooling around. He definitely redeemed himself with the blowjob I was getting but I could tell even though he was an exhibitionist that hooking up on the school football field where he is a professor may have been pushing the envelope. I didn't want to sleep with him yet because I actually was pretty attracted to him. He had a great personality, a good job, and was smart....which I see as potential which means I like to hold out on the sex.
Eventually he convinced me to go and see his place. He is one of the live-in professors at the university.....yes that means he lives in a dorm. It was a little weird to be honest. Walking into the dorm with the person that all of his residents saw as a professor and knowing that we were on a date. I can't really place my finger on what was weird about it, but it was. It felt viscerally weird.
It didn't take long for us to continue to hook up in his place. He was respectful of my request to not have sex, but he was definitely acting the part of the thirsty bottom. Then out of nowhere he lost his erection. I mean there was nothing I could do to get it back. This had never really happened to me before for no reason. So we started talking about ways that it might get seduced into returning and that is when I realized that I was dealing with another weird fetish. The guy loved SPANKING.
I've never really understood spanking as a fetish if I am being completely honest. I mean I totally understand an aggressive ass slap mid-fuck, but bending someone over your knee and spanking someone for an extended period of time. Enjoying turning someone's ass red and warm...I mean to each there own. So in our discussion I learned that the guy was not just into spanking but into corporal punishment and specifically spanking. The funny thing for me was that he was very into me spanking him.
When I started spanking him he loved it. Then I gave part of his thigh a little slap and was told that was not an acceptable place to spank him. It was at this point that I decided I needed to be spanked appropriately in order to learn how I should dole out the punishment. So I submitted my ass to probably 10 aggressive spanks.
The funniest part about the whole thing was that the bigger my reaction to the spanking the harder his dick got. So I started playing it up....squirming, moaning, and whining with every slap until his dick was rock hard and sticking into my stomach. Then it was time to turn the tides and spank him and within minutes his dick was rock hard and dripping precum. I wasn't sure if I should keep going or if I should finish him off and then without warning he flipped over and just finished himself off. Apparently just spanking him and the thought of it continuing was enough to cum.
Again I relayed the message that I didn't really need to cum....I would be fine without cumming. My dick would go soft and then I could head out. The sad dejected look on his face when I said that I would not be spending the night was sad, but in no way did it change my opinion. It was in that look that I realized that this would probably never work. I mean I could definitely hook up with him again in a pinch but I couldn't be with someone who wanted to cuddle post spanking session for the duration of the night. It just is not my style and nor do I ever think it really could be.
So I quickly slipped out of the dorm and headed back to my place. I got a text pretty soon after my departure with a thank you for such a fun date and the prospect of another date, but I knew pretty well that it would probably lead no where. I still have a hard time with trying to distance myself from people without seeming judgmental.
For whatever reason I tend to bring out the fetish in people. I always feel bad to say I'm not interested in someone right after they have expressed their fetish to me. I think to some extent everyone has a fetish of some sort and I think they are all valid in their own right. I mean who am I to say something is sexy if it totally gets you off right? I just don't want to come off as not being into someone because of their fetish.....which I guess is stupid. I mean if someone were into castration or something I think that fetish would be a deal breaker for me. I don't even really know where I'm going with this but at the end of the day I didn't want Prof to think that his spanking fetish was the reason I wasn't into him. So I did a slow text phase out....a specialty of mine lately.
I have a few more updates to come so stay tuned!!!
Chau!!!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Call DCF I've Been Neglecting You
I don't even know where to begin really. I had so many plans for blogging in January and absolutely none of them came to fruition. 2014 is going to be one hell of a year...I can tell already.
Let me begin by saying that the reason I haven't blogged is not because I have been so inundated by dates or a one particular man that I have completely forgotten that it exists....quite the contrary. I started a second job working inpatient at another hospital in the city and I have barely even had time to think for the past month. Every time I sat down to write it seemed that I would either fall asleep or just have nothing to say. Its the eternal problem with my dating life really...I'm all about the job!
I was sure in trying to come up with a plan for 2014 that this would be the year I would finally get my personal life together. I've actually started going to the gym on a regular basis. I was finally feeling that I had my one job completely under control. I even had my little side projects well managed. Then I added the second job into the mix and everything seemed to shift slightly. I'm pretty sure after February things will probably calm down again and I will feel like I have a manageable workload and I can actually attempt dating like a real person again. Until then it is taking a back seat, per usual.
Well back to the updates and then I will continue to extrapolate on the reasons why I always choose my job and my academic life over dating.
I am still talking to the IndyGinger almost four months after meeting him. The conversations tend to be focused on him and I am okay with that. It's nice to talk to someone who calls me. He generally initiates the conversation whether on Facebook, text, or an actual phone call and I really like that a lot. It's too bad that he lives so far away. It's also too bad that he really does have a lot of self-esteem and depression stuff to overcome. I can only imagine the kind of psychological problems I would face having grown up in Kentucky so the fact that the guy is still standing at the end of everyday is amazing to me.
Unfortunately, the more I talk to the IndyGinger the more I am sure I am using him as a means of not going out and meeting new people. He is just another tool in this commitment phobe's toolbox. I mean there is no need for me to go out and strike up a conversation with someone interesting at the gym if I know I can go home and text a friend about it. I think that the IndyGinger may be using me as much as a tool in the commitment phobe toolbox as I'm using him. I'm sure talking to him everyday for the last week probably is not the best thing in the world to help my dating life. Oh well, for right now I am not going to push it. I'm just going to enjoy the fact that I have a friend who is easy to talk to and who only exists electronically....maybe one day he will get Skype and I'll actually be able to see him face to face.
This past weekend was a big fundraiser for the young gays of Boston so naturally I managed to get myself a free ticket. One of my lesbians called me last minute and insisted I accompany her as it was my chance to meet "Out-Gays-Who-Have-Their-Shit-Together". I went because quite frankly I wasn't doing anything else.
The event was held at the Revere Hotel in Downtown Boston and let me just say "Damn do the Homos know how to throw a fundraiser." There was a bar the minute you walked in and a second one in the giant warehouse like room beyond, there was an aerialist, there were veggie burger sliders, and there was of course a pretty cool DJ. I had a great time between the people I was with, the amount of gin I was consuming, and the music that was playing my Saturday was awesome.
Then as I was walking to pee I saw BRP. I should have known that he would be there as one of the politico-look-at-me-I'm-Important-Gays, but I didn't really come up with any sort of escape plan. Luckily, my lesbians are great and were able to hide me for the entirety of the night from him and any guy that I was not interested in talking to about some mundane chit chat. One guy had the balls the whole night to come talk with me standing among my lesbians and I have to say I wasn't annoyed at all . It was actually a residence director from one of the universities in Boston who I have always thought was cute. It's nice to know that people like that can at least be interested in you and are willing to bear the Birkenstocks to talk to you.
After the fundraiser ended we grabbed our coats and headed to the Liquor Store for a GQB event. I met up with one of my old college roommates in line waiting to get in and we ended up going together with some friends he met at a gay conference at Harvard. I got right into the club because I had a bracelet from the other fundraising event and left my ex-roommate and his new found friends at the door. Once I realized I had made it to the coat check without them I turned around and began trying to figure out where they went. I was walking up a narrow staircase next to a mechanical bull when I practically walked into BRP.
I had been doing so well at avoiding him at the other event it never even occurred to me that he may have transitioned over to this bar along with the rest of the hordes. Before I had even processed what was happening BRP physically lifted me off of the ground and held me in his arms smiling this big cheeky grin saying, "I've missed you." Almost as if it was an instinct my legs wrapped around his body and my arms flew around his neck. He looked up into my eyes and asked for a kiss.
I want everyone to take a minute and think about what this scene looks like. I am in a bar surrounded by a bunch of homos for the GQB night, a bunch of really confused straight people because its GQB night, I have a mechanical bull to my left, I have a line of people in front of me and behind me, and there is a stage to the right of me with two stripper poles, and here I am on the first step of a narrow staircase literally wrapped up in the arms of BRP. I had no other option....I gave him a quick peck on the lips and moved my hands for around his head to his chest and light hit him so as to make the point it was time to let me down because I had paid the troll my toll to cross his bridge. He obliged and I told him I was trying to find my friend and scurried off. I didn't see him the rest of the night.
Really the rest of the night went off without any problems. No problems and no action either....sort of a double edged sword. It was weird though as there were definitely people who appeared to be checking me out but nobody would even come and say hi. Whether that was because they had seen BRP lift me up, were afraid, or I had something stuck in my teeth is something that is still up for debate, but whatever the reason I wasn't totally offended by the result. It's nice to go out with friends and not get hit on sometimes.
I should mention that I did manage to go on one real date in January. I met this guy on OKC of course because I don't tend to meet anyone in person anymore who has the balls to actually ask me out. I think the appropriate nickname for this guy is the FaceBiter.
Allow me to explain: The FaceBiter is one of those guys who really enjoys the feel of facial hair/scruff. He likes the idea so much in fact that he rubbed his face against my 5 o'clock shadow and actually bit my chin or my cheek more than twice throughout the night.
A little more on the FaceBiter. It was actually one of those really easy good first dates. We met at Mike's in Davis Square after I worked all day and he had been in class. He beat me to the restaurant (no shocker there). He went in though and didn't sit down. He simply just waited for me to arrive before we went and got a seat. He is a pretty good catch beyond the face biting stuff. He is probably 6'1", heavier than me but not fat, he is Venezuelan, goes to MIT and works on Internet Policy, and he laughed at everything I said.
I really do enjoy having a sense of humor and making jokes out of everything, particularly those kinds of things which most people don't typically find funny. My brand of humor is a lot like me, either you get it and you love it or you don't get it and find it horribly offensive. He got it and laughed at some things that I didn't even intend to be jokes. We split a pitcher of beer and just talked for almost two hours. There was only one point in the conversation where one of my red flags went up. We were talking about how often/how much alcohol we drank when he told me he has about 20 drinks/week. In the moment I nodded and shook my head, but I was immediately comparing him to the alcoholic patients I treat in my work. 20 drinks/week is a pretty good amount of booze for one person every week and it is definitely over the recommended number of drinks per week.
In typical fashion after a semi good first date (by semi-good I mean no disclosure of past felonies) I invited him back to my place for another beer. Sitting on my couch enjoying a Blue Moon he made a move and actually started kissing me. We made out on the couch for a good 15 minutes until I finally made the suggestion to move to my bedroom. This was both because I thought it would be more comfortable for us, but it was also so my Fag Hag's straight boyfriend could walk about the house without having to see to guys make out. It's not that he is homophobic, but I am his first real foray into having a gay friend and we are still a little early in the game for him to be watching two dudes make out on the couch in front of him. I'll get him there, no worries, but all in time.
FaceBiter and I didn't have sex. We continued to hook up for about 2 hours, at first just playing around and then trading blowjobs. It was at this point where I found two more strikes against the FaceBiter. The first was that his dick was just not really what I am looking for in a man. It's not that his dick is to small, but rather its the proportions. It's on the short side and thick with a weirdly shaped shaft. The other strike against the FaceBiter was his use of his teeth during a blowjob.
The blowjob issue is rather amusing. FaceBiter loves to give head and LOVES to deep throat but every time my dick actually got into his throat it seemed like my dick would suddenly feel a bunch of little teeth around the base of the shaft. It was really disappointing. I was hoping that it would be one of his best assets....but I was wrong.
He claims that he is vers but judging on our interaction that boy is a sub bottom. He really wanted me to fuck him but luckily I was able to keep that in check and insist that he wait until next time. We played around. He came then he worked me over until I did and then we both passed out in my bed. The next morning I woke him up, we showered, and I dropped him off at home. He was going away the next weekend and wanted to know if he could see me again before that.....I wasn't able to make any plans but we have tentative plans for dinner this weekend. We'll see if that happens although I am less than optimistic since I have a bit of work to catch up on.
And with that I think everyone is caught up and I am now sufficiently tired enough to go to bed.
I promise another update very soon....
Until Next Time!
Chau!!
Let me begin by saying that the reason I haven't blogged is not because I have been so inundated by dates or a one particular man that I have completely forgotten that it exists....quite the contrary. I started a second job working inpatient at another hospital in the city and I have barely even had time to think for the past month. Every time I sat down to write it seemed that I would either fall asleep or just have nothing to say. Its the eternal problem with my dating life really...I'm all about the job!
I was sure in trying to come up with a plan for 2014 that this would be the year I would finally get my personal life together. I've actually started going to the gym on a regular basis. I was finally feeling that I had my one job completely under control. I even had my little side projects well managed. Then I added the second job into the mix and everything seemed to shift slightly. I'm pretty sure after February things will probably calm down again and I will feel like I have a manageable workload and I can actually attempt dating like a real person again. Until then it is taking a back seat, per usual.
Well back to the updates and then I will continue to extrapolate on the reasons why I always choose my job and my academic life over dating.
I am still talking to the IndyGinger almost four months after meeting him. The conversations tend to be focused on him and I am okay with that. It's nice to talk to someone who calls me. He generally initiates the conversation whether on Facebook, text, or an actual phone call and I really like that a lot. It's too bad that he lives so far away. It's also too bad that he really does have a lot of self-esteem and depression stuff to overcome. I can only imagine the kind of psychological problems I would face having grown up in Kentucky so the fact that the guy is still standing at the end of everyday is amazing to me.
Unfortunately, the more I talk to the IndyGinger the more I am sure I am using him as a means of not going out and meeting new people. He is just another tool in this commitment phobe's toolbox. I mean there is no need for me to go out and strike up a conversation with someone interesting at the gym if I know I can go home and text a friend about it. I think that the IndyGinger may be using me as much as a tool in the commitment phobe toolbox as I'm using him. I'm sure talking to him everyday for the last week probably is not the best thing in the world to help my dating life. Oh well, for right now I am not going to push it. I'm just going to enjoy the fact that I have a friend who is easy to talk to and who only exists electronically....maybe one day he will get Skype and I'll actually be able to see him face to face.
This past weekend was a big fundraiser for the young gays of Boston so naturally I managed to get myself a free ticket. One of my lesbians called me last minute and insisted I accompany her as it was my chance to meet "Out-Gays-Who-Have-Their-Shit-Together". I went because quite frankly I wasn't doing anything else.
The event was held at the Revere Hotel in Downtown Boston and let me just say "Damn do the Homos know how to throw a fundraiser." There was a bar the minute you walked in and a second one in the giant warehouse like room beyond, there was an aerialist, there were veggie burger sliders, and there was of course a pretty cool DJ. I had a great time between the people I was with, the amount of gin I was consuming, and the music that was playing my Saturday was awesome.
Then as I was walking to pee I saw BRP. I should have known that he would be there as one of the politico-look-at-me-I'm-Important-Gays, but I didn't really come up with any sort of escape plan. Luckily, my lesbians are great and were able to hide me for the entirety of the night from him and any guy that I was not interested in talking to about some mundane chit chat. One guy had the balls the whole night to come talk with me standing among my lesbians and I have to say I wasn't annoyed at all . It was actually a residence director from one of the universities in Boston who I have always thought was cute. It's nice to know that people like that can at least be interested in you and are willing to bear the Birkenstocks to talk to you.
After the fundraiser ended we grabbed our coats and headed to the Liquor Store for a GQB event. I met up with one of my old college roommates in line waiting to get in and we ended up going together with some friends he met at a gay conference at Harvard. I got right into the club because I had a bracelet from the other fundraising event and left my ex-roommate and his new found friends at the door. Once I realized I had made it to the coat check without them I turned around and began trying to figure out where they went. I was walking up a narrow staircase next to a mechanical bull when I practically walked into BRP.
I had been doing so well at avoiding him at the other event it never even occurred to me that he may have transitioned over to this bar along with the rest of the hordes. Before I had even processed what was happening BRP physically lifted me off of the ground and held me in his arms smiling this big cheeky grin saying, "I've missed you." Almost as if it was an instinct my legs wrapped around his body and my arms flew around his neck. He looked up into my eyes and asked for a kiss.
I want everyone to take a minute and think about what this scene looks like. I am in a bar surrounded by a bunch of homos for the GQB night, a bunch of really confused straight people because its GQB night, I have a mechanical bull to my left, I have a line of people in front of me and behind me, and there is a stage to the right of me with two stripper poles, and here I am on the first step of a narrow staircase literally wrapped up in the arms of BRP. I had no other option....I gave him a quick peck on the lips and moved my hands for around his head to his chest and light hit him so as to make the point it was time to let me down because I had paid the troll my toll to cross his bridge. He obliged and I told him I was trying to find my friend and scurried off. I didn't see him the rest of the night.
Really the rest of the night went off without any problems. No problems and no action either....sort of a double edged sword. It was weird though as there were definitely people who appeared to be checking me out but nobody would even come and say hi. Whether that was because they had seen BRP lift me up, were afraid, or I had something stuck in my teeth is something that is still up for debate, but whatever the reason I wasn't totally offended by the result. It's nice to go out with friends and not get hit on sometimes.
I should mention that I did manage to go on one real date in January. I met this guy on OKC of course because I don't tend to meet anyone in person anymore who has the balls to actually ask me out. I think the appropriate nickname for this guy is the FaceBiter.
Allow me to explain: The FaceBiter is one of those guys who really enjoys the feel of facial hair/scruff. He likes the idea so much in fact that he rubbed his face against my 5 o'clock shadow and actually bit my chin or my cheek more than twice throughout the night.
A little more on the FaceBiter. It was actually one of those really easy good first dates. We met at Mike's in Davis Square after I worked all day and he had been in class. He beat me to the restaurant (no shocker there). He went in though and didn't sit down. He simply just waited for me to arrive before we went and got a seat. He is a pretty good catch beyond the face biting stuff. He is probably 6'1", heavier than me but not fat, he is Venezuelan, goes to MIT and works on Internet Policy, and he laughed at everything I said.
I really do enjoy having a sense of humor and making jokes out of everything, particularly those kinds of things which most people don't typically find funny. My brand of humor is a lot like me, either you get it and you love it or you don't get it and find it horribly offensive. He got it and laughed at some things that I didn't even intend to be jokes. We split a pitcher of beer and just talked for almost two hours. There was only one point in the conversation where one of my red flags went up. We were talking about how often/how much alcohol we drank when he told me he has about 20 drinks/week. In the moment I nodded and shook my head, but I was immediately comparing him to the alcoholic patients I treat in my work. 20 drinks/week is a pretty good amount of booze for one person every week and it is definitely over the recommended number of drinks per week.
In typical fashion after a semi good first date (by semi-good I mean no disclosure of past felonies) I invited him back to my place for another beer. Sitting on my couch enjoying a Blue Moon he made a move and actually started kissing me. We made out on the couch for a good 15 minutes until I finally made the suggestion to move to my bedroom. This was both because I thought it would be more comfortable for us, but it was also so my Fag Hag's straight boyfriend could walk about the house without having to see to guys make out. It's not that he is homophobic, but I am his first real foray into having a gay friend and we are still a little early in the game for him to be watching two dudes make out on the couch in front of him. I'll get him there, no worries, but all in time.
FaceBiter and I didn't have sex. We continued to hook up for about 2 hours, at first just playing around and then trading blowjobs. It was at this point where I found two more strikes against the FaceBiter. The first was that his dick was just not really what I am looking for in a man. It's not that his dick is to small, but rather its the proportions. It's on the short side and thick with a weirdly shaped shaft. The other strike against the FaceBiter was his use of his teeth during a blowjob.
The blowjob issue is rather amusing. FaceBiter loves to give head and LOVES to deep throat but every time my dick actually got into his throat it seemed like my dick would suddenly feel a bunch of little teeth around the base of the shaft. It was really disappointing. I was hoping that it would be one of his best assets....but I was wrong.
He claims that he is vers but judging on our interaction that boy is a sub bottom. He really wanted me to fuck him but luckily I was able to keep that in check and insist that he wait until next time. We played around. He came then he worked me over until I did and then we both passed out in my bed. The next morning I woke him up, we showered, and I dropped him off at home. He was going away the next weekend and wanted to know if he could see me again before that.....I wasn't able to make any plans but we have tentative plans for dinner this weekend. We'll see if that happens although I am less than optimistic since I have a bit of work to catch up on.
And with that I think everyone is caught up and I am now sufficiently tired enough to go to bed.
I promise another update very soon....
Until Next Time!
Chau!!
Sunday, November 24, 2013
WTF Indy??
My trip to Indianapolis was a total success on a lot of different levels. First I was there for an amazing nursing conference. I learned a lot. I got to schmooze with a lot of really big names in nursing. I was inspired to continue my education ASAP. I didn't feel alone in the world of nursing academia for once.
The other success of my trip to Indy was a guy that I met. We met the first night that I was there and saw each other basically everyday I was in the city...
Let's start with some basic facts. I met the guy and we ended up together in my hotel room pretty shortly after I met him. He was cute, 27, a ginger, has long pony-tail length hair, nice body, pale as a ghost, and beautiful grey eyes. Think cast member from the revival of Hair...We ended up kissing pretty soon after meeting and I noticed the pentagram necklace around his neck. So I of course just had to ask. Mid tongue exploration of my mouth he told me that he was a witch.
Yes....a real witch. I asked him what he meant and he proceeded to tell me how he was a practitioner of Wiccan. I'm not one to judge so we continued making out. I was originally going to base his nickname off of this fact, but he asked that I not use his religion in making up his nickname so he is going to just be the IndyGinger.
***********************NSFW************************
Making out quickly turned to more... Before I really knew what was going on the IndyGinger had dropped to his knees and was undoing my pants asking me to throat fuck him. Now before this post goes any further I have to sort of put together a disclaimer. I am all about having good, safe, fun sexually. So if someone wants me to fuck their throat who am I to judge or not accommodate.
So we started fooling around and things got really dirty in a good way really fast. Eventually I figured that he could use a break and we started talking some more. The conversation was again so natural and so easy I couldn't believe it. I learned about a column he writes for a paper about horoscopes. He has two jobs on top of that. He is the oldest of seven....originally from Kentucky. Yes he has an accent...and is a self-proclaimed hillbilly...What was great is that after the talking he was just as into going back to the rough oral sex as I was.
The other amazing thing about hooking up with the IndyGinger is that he liked having fun while we fooled around. So he made a game of trying to guess my last name, my birth date, my astrological sign but involving the oral sex. It was honestly so much fun and hot all at the same time. We continued on in this way for a while until he finally wanted me to cum. I explained that I couldn't cum first and he made a quizzical face but just proceeded on. He grabbed my ass and shoved my dick as far down his throat as he could and he came within a minute barely touching his own cock. He then continued sucking me off until I came myself minutes later.
************************SFW*************************
We showered and he suggested that we do food or something. I agree for a lot of reasons, but mostly because the conversation had been good and the oral was awesome too. We headed to the grocery store to buy snacks, but ultimately decided that going to a diner for breakfast food would be the better option at this point. We walked into a diner called Peppy's which actually a fairly famous Indy landmark for locals.
Basically think Merlotte's from True Blood, but with less thick southern accents, and only white people. What was surreal is that I was sitting their with an out gay witch. It really was like an episode of True Blood in some ways. The cooks/waitstaff were phenomenal and joked around with both the IndyGinger and me. Then as we were about to head out it started pouring rain. As were walking back to the car he stopped me and kissed me in the rain. There was just something so very right about the whole thing.
The next day he texted me about going out to dinner. I agreed because after the convention was over there wasn't much for me to do anyway. Plus...he was cute, nice, different, and into me. Probably an hour before we were supposed to meet he asked if I would mind going to his place for dinner. I didn't have any objections so I figured it would be okay...I did make sure my friends from home knew though so I would be getting and giving text message updates...I was actually really excited to have met a nice guy for a change.
He picked me up and we went to his house...which he rents alone with the money from his three jobs...oh and did I mention he is in college too...he wants to go to med school to become a D.O. Immediately he started making dinner and I got to look around the house.
First let me say the house smelled AMAZING!! I'm not sure what it would feel like for a nose to have an orgasm, but if its possible mine may have had one, from the smell of the oils, the candles, and the food that was being cooked my nose was on total overdrive.
Secondly, the house definitely had a Wiccan vibe. I mean besides the altar room where he practiced, there was definitely signs of his religion throughout the house. From the paintings, to the sculptures, to the plants, to the furniture, everything was unique and had a flair of Charmed about it.
Finally in the kitchen it was very much like I had stepped into a hippy's place in Cambridge. Home grown and dried herbs, organic food, distilled water, everything looked as though it was right out of a home owned by a college professor and his wife. Dinner was chicken in a tumeric and garlic sauce, cous cous, and baked diced potatoes...DELICIOUS! He could cook and I was thrilled.
Conversation throughout dinner flowed just as easily as it had the day before our dinner date. Nothing seemed forced or contrived. It was just easy. I enjoyed hearing about his life and he was interested in mine.
After dinner we snuggled up on the couch and watched a crappy James Franco like we had been a couple for years. I laid on him and then when I got sick of that he just snuggled up into the crook of my arm. The movie ended and he offered to let me stay at his place. I thought about it and decided that it would be okay. So I went up to his room and we hopped into bed and simply fell asleep. Nothing sexual at all....just spooning.
We woke up a little late the next morning and he was actually late to work...but he insisted on driving me to the door of the hotel to make sure I made it there safely....which made him later to work. Despite his efforts to see me that night I insisted that he stay home and do his homework and sleep. He had to work after all and still had things to do for school...but we ended up texting back and forth all night.
The next day the effort to see me doubled and I relented. Though I blamed his own school work on my reasoning for not seeing him the day before a lot of the reason I didn't want to see him was because I was really beginning to like him and I knew I was leaving the coming Wednesday. My own desire to see the IndyGinger overcame my fear that I might actually miss him when I left.
************************NSFW***********************
He came over and we were talking and then making out and then fooling around and then he said he wanted me to fuck him. I had condoms...always prepared...just like a girl scout....my Mama taught me right....so I agreed. Unfortunately, he definitely was not use to bottoming. We waited and waited for him to adjust but it just didn't seem to be happening...so I said, "Listen if its not happening that's okay. We don't have to have sex." He looked totally dejected so I offered to bottom, but that just made him look more upset. I then insisted that we stop trying to have anal sex because the oral sex we had been having was so good. He agreed and we kept fooling around.
We again played a game this time involving him learning Spanish. It was fun and sexy and it just worked. Everything about us hooking up just worked. When we both finally came we showered and again started having some pillow talk.
*************************SFW************************
It was at this point that I brought up the fact that I was leaving. Neither one of us really wanted to talk about it. Neither one of us had a very good understanding of what was going to happen after I left. In discussing my trip home we both revealed that we had talked about each other with our friends from home. His friends, a girl and a former pornstar, couldn't believe that I was real. My friends felt the same way about him.
We also had the discussion about what would happen if I wasn't leaving the next day. We were both totally agreed that we would be dating. I'm sure that if he lived in Cambridge instead of Indianapolis I would make an effort to continue to see him and date him. Should that change though because of the distance? Neither one of us was sure. He finally left with a passionate kiss and a peck good bye. The minute he had walked out the door I could tell I was going to miss him.
Isn't that completely insane? I knew someone for four days and on my trip home I knew I was going to miss them. I swear I am losing my mind. I have been home for four days now and have spoken with him every day.
Yesterday I got this text: "So....I really miss you...a lot...lol. No joke"
I didn't even know how to respond. I miss him too. I let him know that I was willing to continue talking but I wasn't sure exactly how this would work. He agreed that for now texting and phone calls were probably the best idea since he doesn't have skype.
He called me today and we talked on the phone for at least 20 minutes. We didn't talk about anything particularly important: how our weeks had gone, how my trip home went, and other things we had talked to our friends about. The subject of how/if we should keep talking came up again and we both agreed for the second time that texting and a regular phone call would suffice for now.
I'm really unsure of how to proceed at this point. I've NEVER been in this predicament before in my life. I should not like this guy based on what he looks like on paper. He is from Indy, he is weird, he is from Indianapolis, and he is a hillbilly at heart, not to mention his religion. I can't help the fact that I still like talking to him. I smile every time I get a text message from him. The craziest thing is I have only known him for a little over a week and I feel this way.
I guess for now I am going to tread carefully. I don't know what the right decisions in this situation are and I don't think anyone really does. So I am going to keep and open mind, take one day at a time, and just see what happens. Who knows? Maybe the IndyGinger is the reason I was supposed to go to Indianapolis in the first place.
Until Next Time....
Chau!!
The other success of my trip to Indy was a guy that I met. We met the first night that I was there and saw each other basically everyday I was in the city...
Let's start with some basic facts. I met the guy and we ended up together in my hotel room pretty shortly after I met him. He was cute, 27, a ginger, has long pony-tail length hair, nice body, pale as a ghost, and beautiful grey eyes. Think cast member from the revival of Hair...We ended up kissing pretty soon after meeting and I noticed the pentagram necklace around his neck. So I of course just had to ask. Mid tongue exploration of my mouth he told me that he was a witch.
Yes....a real witch. I asked him what he meant and he proceeded to tell me how he was a practitioner of Wiccan. I'm not one to judge so we continued making out. I was originally going to base his nickname off of this fact, but he asked that I not use his religion in making up his nickname so he is going to just be the IndyGinger.
***********************NSFW************************
Making out quickly turned to more... Before I really knew what was going on the IndyGinger had dropped to his knees and was undoing my pants asking me to throat fuck him. Now before this post goes any further I have to sort of put together a disclaimer. I am all about having good, safe, fun sexually. So if someone wants me to fuck their throat who am I to judge or not accommodate.
So we started fooling around and things got really dirty in a good way really fast. Eventually I figured that he could use a break and we started talking some more. The conversation was again so natural and so easy I couldn't believe it. I learned about a column he writes for a paper about horoscopes. He has two jobs on top of that. He is the oldest of seven....originally from Kentucky. Yes he has an accent...and is a self-proclaimed hillbilly...What was great is that after the talking he was just as into going back to the rough oral sex as I was.
The other amazing thing about hooking up with the IndyGinger is that he liked having fun while we fooled around. So he made a game of trying to guess my last name, my birth date, my astrological sign but involving the oral sex. It was honestly so much fun and hot all at the same time. We continued on in this way for a while until he finally wanted me to cum. I explained that I couldn't cum first and he made a quizzical face but just proceeded on. He grabbed my ass and shoved my dick as far down his throat as he could and he came within a minute barely touching his own cock. He then continued sucking me off until I came myself minutes later.
************************SFW*************************
We showered and he suggested that we do food or something. I agree for a lot of reasons, but mostly because the conversation had been good and the oral was awesome too. We headed to the grocery store to buy snacks, but ultimately decided that going to a diner for breakfast food would be the better option at this point. We walked into a diner called Peppy's which actually a fairly famous Indy landmark for locals.
Basically think Merlotte's from True Blood, but with less thick southern accents, and only white people. What was surreal is that I was sitting their with an out gay witch. It really was like an episode of True Blood in some ways. The cooks/waitstaff were phenomenal and joked around with both the IndyGinger and me. Then as we were about to head out it started pouring rain. As were walking back to the car he stopped me and kissed me in the rain. There was just something so very right about the whole thing.
The next day he texted me about going out to dinner. I agreed because after the convention was over there wasn't much for me to do anyway. Plus...he was cute, nice, different, and into me. Probably an hour before we were supposed to meet he asked if I would mind going to his place for dinner. I didn't have any objections so I figured it would be okay...I did make sure my friends from home knew though so I would be getting and giving text message updates...I was actually really excited to have met a nice guy for a change.
He picked me up and we went to his house...which he rents alone with the money from his three jobs...oh and did I mention he is in college too...he wants to go to med school to become a D.O. Immediately he started making dinner and I got to look around the house.
First let me say the house smelled AMAZING!! I'm not sure what it would feel like for a nose to have an orgasm, but if its possible mine may have had one, from the smell of the oils, the candles, and the food that was being cooked my nose was on total overdrive.
Secondly, the house definitely had a Wiccan vibe. I mean besides the altar room where he practiced, there was definitely signs of his religion throughout the house. From the paintings, to the sculptures, to the plants, to the furniture, everything was unique and had a flair of Charmed about it.
Finally in the kitchen it was very much like I had stepped into a hippy's place in Cambridge. Home grown and dried herbs, organic food, distilled water, everything looked as though it was right out of a home owned by a college professor and his wife. Dinner was chicken in a tumeric and garlic sauce, cous cous, and baked diced potatoes...DELICIOUS! He could cook and I was thrilled.
Conversation throughout dinner flowed just as easily as it had the day before our dinner date. Nothing seemed forced or contrived. It was just easy. I enjoyed hearing about his life and he was interested in mine.
After dinner we snuggled up on the couch and watched a crappy James Franco like we had been a couple for years. I laid on him and then when I got sick of that he just snuggled up into the crook of my arm. The movie ended and he offered to let me stay at his place. I thought about it and decided that it would be okay. So I went up to his room and we hopped into bed and simply fell asleep. Nothing sexual at all....just spooning.
We woke up a little late the next morning and he was actually late to work...but he insisted on driving me to the door of the hotel to make sure I made it there safely....which made him later to work. Despite his efforts to see me that night I insisted that he stay home and do his homework and sleep. He had to work after all and still had things to do for school...but we ended up texting back and forth all night.
The next day the effort to see me doubled and I relented. Though I blamed his own school work on my reasoning for not seeing him the day before a lot of the reason I didn't want to see him was because I was really beginning to like him and I knew I was leaving the coming Wednesday. My own desire to see the IndyGinger overcame my fear that I might actually miss him when I left.
************************NSFW***********************
He came over and we were talking and then making out and then fooling around and then he said he wanted me to fuck him. I had condoms...always prepared...just like a girl scout....my Mama taught me right....so I agreed. Unfortunately, he definitely was not use to bottoming. We waited and waited for him to adjust but it just didn't seem to be happening...so I said, "Listen if its not happening that's okay. We don't have to have sex." He looked totally dejected so I offered to bottom, but that just made him look more upset. I then insisted that we stop trying to have anal sex because the oral sex we had been having was so good. He agreed and we kept fooling around.
We again played a game this time involving him learning Spanish. It was fun and sexy and it just worked. Everything about us hooking up just worked. When we both finally came we showered and again started having some pillow talk.
*************************SFW************************
It was at this point that I brought up the fact that I was leaving. Neither one of us really wanted to talk about it. Neither one of us had a very good understanding of what was going to happen after I left. In discussing my trip home we both revealed that we had talked about each other with our friends from home. His friends, a girl and a former pornstar, couldn't believe that I was real. My friends felt the same way about him.
We also had the discussion about what would happen if I wasn't leaving the next day. We were both totally agreed that we would be dating. I'm sure that if he lived in Cambridge instead of Indianapolis I would make an effort to continue to see him and date him. Should that change though because of the distance? Neither one of us was sure. He finally left with a passionate kiss and a peck good bye. The minute he had walked out the door I could tell I was going to miss him.
Isn't that completely insane? I knew someone for four days and on my trip home I knew I was going to miss them. I swear I am losing my mind. I have been home for four days now and have spoken with him every day.
Yesterday I got this text: "So....I really miss you...a lot...lol. No joke"
I didn't even know how to respond. I miss him too. I let him know that I was willing to continue talking but I wasn't sure exactly how this would work. He agreed that for now texting and phone calls were probably the best idea since he doesn't have skype.
He called me today and we talked on the phone for at least 20 minutes. We didn't talk about anything particularly important: how our weeks had gone, how my trip home went, and other things we had talked to our friends about. The subject of how/if we should keep talking came up again and we both agreed for the second time that texting and a regular phone call would suffice for now.
I'm really unsure of how to proceed at this point. I've NEVER been in this predicament before in my life. I should not like this guy based on what he looks like on paper. He is from Indy, he is weird, he is from Indianapolis, and he is a hillbilly at heart, not to mention his religion. I can't help the fact that I still like talking to him. I smile every time I get a text message from him. The craziest thing is I have only known him for a little over a week and I feel this way.
I guess for now I am going to tread carefully. I don't know what the right decisions in this situation are and I don't think anyone really does. So I am going to keep and open mind, take one day at a time, and just see what happens. Who knows? Maybe the IndyGinger is the reason I was supposed to go to Indianapolis in the first place.
Until Next Time....
Chau!!
Monday, November 11, 2013
Switching Things Up and Still Striking Out...
After having 50 posts on this blog and not being any closer to finding my one true love I decided I would not give up, but try even harder.
I went out this weekend with one of my friends from home and was determined to go to a bar and at least get a guy's number. We started at the one gay bar in my home town and that was a total bust. I was the youngest person their next to my female friend and it was more a dyke bar than anything else.
We headed to the straight bar next because normally getting a guy's number is not really a problem its me doing the follow up work that is the problem and texting them appropriately and planning a good/sober second time to meet. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and I focused on the one guy who, to me was clearly gay. Before I said anything to him though I played the game and made an inquiry to one of the several girls who had accompanied him in as to the state of his sexuality. The quizzical look I got followed by the slightly inebriated fag hag chortle said it all. Clearly he was still in the closet and clearly she knew exactly what I did.
Once again the mixed feelings of disappointment, derision, and confusion all washed over me. I turned back to my friend and was ready to head to the other side of the bar to wallow in my melange of feelings when the girl touched my arm. I turned around and unabashedly chuckled at my "error" and she said, "Wait, what's your number?" I must have looked confused because she immediately said, "Well when he comes out I'll give it to him." In my inebriated state I willingly passed along my digits, but honestly I am a little horrified that is what my life has come to, giving my number to a fag hag of a guy that isn't out yet for when he finally grows a set and can tell himself he likes boys. I am not knocking anyone for not being out or for not being ready to be out, but what is wrong with me that I, an openly out gay man, can't pick one other out-person to try and talk to at a bar of straight people. What are you going to do I guess?
Today I went on a date with a guy who, from his online profile (yes I am still using this because I know several people who have gotten engaged this way), I knew was probably not going to be a perfect fit. Let's call him Dramatic Church Boy or DCB. DCB is a 21 year old theater and religion major at BU. As a Husky alum that is already strike one but I was willing to overlook that as he told me he was completely out and proud.
It seemed strange to me that a out and proud gay man from San Francisco would have such a bond with religion. I don't think it is impossible to be gay and religious, but I do think that a lot of gay men are not particularly into the whole church thing. We ultimately agreed to meet at Boston Common Coffee and grab a coffee between his 1 o'clock class and his 5 o'clock meeting.
I always think setting up a first date on a time table like this is a good thing. That way if the date is going particularly terribly you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Likewise if a date is going really well, you prevent yourself from going to far on a first date. Who could be a slut in 4 hours right?
Upon meeting DCB I was a little put off as he was not exactly what his pictures promised. He is white, a little shorter than me, a little heavier than me, and had a haircut that made him look like Lena Dunham circa that picture in the link. He was a little disappointing to say the least, but I hate to judge a book by its cover so we kept on walking toward the coffee place.
On the way to the coffee place a few things became apparent. One: This guy actually talks louder than I do. Two: Buckle in you're about to learn a lot about DCB and Three: Oh Dear God....his pants are cuffed around the ankles at different and inappropriate heights on each leg. I quickly dismissed one as being a normally loud talker myself I couldn't possibly hold that against someone. Two I figured wouldn't be that bad. I mean someone who is a theater and religions major can't be boring. But three....I know this is incredibly shallow....I also know I am going to go to hell for thinking this given my own feelings about personal appearance but, what the hell is wrong with you that you didn't see and fix that when you looked in the mirror.
The date dragged on and he continued to talk. He occasionally asked me things about myself, but mostly only when he thought they would relate back to him or a story he could tell. He asked about my job and then asked if I had ever told anyone they were HIV + and then he told me there was a play in that somewhere. Eventually, I got to ask my obligatory first date question, So tell me something interesting about yourself? He told me without thinking his majors, which I refused to take as an answer. And after some cajoling he stated, "I really love public transportation. Like every time I feel the train go by underneath us I get a little excited."
You can't knock a kid for trying right? I mean, that fact is probably the most interesting dull fact I have ever heard. It makes you seem at least a little weird and prompts me to think about why one may feel that way about public transportation.
We started walking around Boston Common. He realized that I had done a co-op in Latin America and quickly began speaking to me in the most horrible English accented Spanish I have heard. I responded back as I thought that might be polite. After carrying on the conversation for 10 minutes though and listening to him butcher the beautiful vowels and the sexy r's I just had to revert back to English where his tongue was much better suited.
At some point after 2 hours I threw out the line, "Don't you have to be going soon", quickly followed by "I am going to be meeting someone at Northeastern." I figured this was a big old hit. This was the cartoon grand piano falling through the roof and landing on one of the main animated characters, but no....I was wrong. He clearly was not picking up on the hint and volunteered to not only walk me back to Copley but to accompany me to Northeastern if I wanted. I assured him I would be good from Copley and he decided it would be better for him to take Comm Ave anyways.
When the date was finally over there was the awkward moment when we were parting ways. We both looked at each other unsure of what the appropriate gestures were. I took the lead and leaned in for a hug. I mean I greeted him with a hug and its not like he said he killed babies or anything. The words that came out next were almost disheartening. I could tell he was waiting for me to say, "I'll call you." Or "Text me sometime to do this again." but I didn't want to lead him on at all. I could see the writing on the wall from the first five minutes into the date and I don't see any reason why I should have continued the charade passed one date.
Maybe that is what will be different in my next 50 posts. I'm giving up on the bullshit. If things aren't working I am just moving on until I find something that does work, or something that is worth me giving up my time to fix.
I actually have another date planned for tomorrow night, but I would rather not jinx it...so you will just have to wait to see what happens. I have hopes for this one though so cross whatever digits you can.
I guess until next time...
Chau!!
I went out this weekend with one of my friends from home and was determined to go to a bar and at least get a guy's number. We started at the one gay bar in my home town and that was a total bust. I was the youngest person their next to my female friend and it was more a dyke bar than anything else.
We headed to the straight bar next because normally getting a guy's number is not really a problem its me doing the follow up work that is the problem and texting them appropriately and planning a good/sober second time to meet. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and I focused on the one guy who, to me was clearly gay. Before I said anything to him though I played the game and made an inquiry to one of the several girls who had accompanied him in as to the state of his sexuality. The quizzical look I got followed by the slightly inebriated fag hag chortle said it all. Clearly he was still in the closet and clearly she knew exactly what I did.
Once again the mixed feelings of disappointment, derision, and confusion all washed over me. I turned back to my friend and was ready to head to the other side of the bar to wallow in my melange of feelings when the girl touched my arm. I turned around and unabashedly chuckled at my "error" and she said, "Wait, what's your number?" I must have looked confused because she immediately said, "Well when he comes out I'll give it to him." In my inebriated state I willingly passed along my digits, but honestly I am a little horrified that is what my life has come to, giving my number to a fag hag of a guy that isn't out yet for when he finally grows a set and can tell himself he likes boys. I am not knocking anyone for not being out or for not being ready to be out, but what is wrong with me that I, an openly out gay man, can't pick one other out-person to try and talk to at a bar of straight people. What are you going to do I guess?
Today I went on a date with a guy who, from his online profile (yes I am still using this because I know several people who have gotten engaged this way), I knew was probably not going to be a perfect fit. Let's call him Dramatic Church Boy or DCB. DCB is a 21 year old theater and religion major at BU. As a Husky alum that is already strike one but I was willing to overlook that as he told me he was completely out and proud.
It seemed strange to me that a out and proud gay man from San Francisco would have such a bond with religion. I don't think it is impossible to be gay and religious, but I do think that a lot of gay men are not particularly into the whole church thing. We ultimately agreed to meet at Boston Common Coffee and grab a coffee between his 1 o'clock class and his 5 o'clock meeting.
I always think setting up a first date on a time table like this is a good thing. That way if the date is going particularly terribly you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Likewise if a date is going really well, you prevent yourself from going to far on a first date. Who could be a slut in 4 hours right?
Upon meeting DCB I was a little put off as he was not exactly what his pictures promised. He is white, a little shorter than me, a little heavier than me, and had a haircut that made him look like Lena Dunham circa that picture in the link. He was a little disappointing to say the least, but I hate to judge a book by its cover so we kept on walking toward the coffee place.
On the way to the coffee place a few things became apparent. One: This guy actually talks louder than I do. Two: Buckle in you're about to learn a lot about DCB and Three: Oh Dear God....his pants are cuffed around the ankles at different and inappropriate heights on each leg. I quickly dismissed one as being a normally loud talker myself I couldn't possibly hold that against someone. Two I figured wouldn't be that bad. I mean someone who is a theater and religions major can't be boring. But three....I know this is incredibly shallow....I also know I am going to go to hell for thinking this given my own feelings about personal appearance but, what the hell is wrong with you that you didn't see and fix that when you looked in the mirror.
The date dragged on and he continued to talk. He occasionally asked me things about myself, but mostly only when he thought they would relate back to him or a story he could tell. He asked about my job and then asked if I had ever told anyone they were HIV + and then he told me there was a play in that somewhere. Eventually, I got to ask my obligatory first date question, So tell me something interesting about yourself? He told me without thinking his majors, which I refused to take as an answer. And after some cajoling he stated, "I really love public transportation. Like every time I feel the train go by underneath us I get a little excited."
You can't knock a kid for trying right? I mean, that fact is probably the most interesting dull fact I have ever heard. It makes you seem at least a little weird and prompts me to think about why one may feel that way about public transportation.
We started walking around Boston Common. He realized that I had done a co-op in Latin America and quickly began speaking to me in the most horrible English accented Spanish I have heard. I responded back as I thought that might be polite. After carrying on the conversation for 10 minutes though and listening to him butcher the beautiful vowels and the sexy r's I just had to revert back to English where his tongue was much better suited.
At some point after 2 hours I threw out the line, "Don't you have to be going soon", quickly followed by "I am going to be meeting someone at Northeastern." I figured this was a big old hit. This was the cartoon grand piano falling through the roof and landing on one of the main animated characters, but no....I was wrong. He clearly was not picking up on the hint and volunteered to not only walk me back to Copley but to accompany me to Northeastern if I wanted. I assured him I would be good from Copley and he decided it would be better for him to take Comm Ave anyways.
When the date was finally over there was the awkward moment when we were parting ways. We both looked at each other unsure of what the appropriate gestures were. I took the lead and leaned in for a hug. I mean I greeted him with a hug and its not like he said he killed babies or anything. The words that came out next were almost disheartening. I could tell he was waiting for me to say, "I'll call you." Or "Text me sometime to do this again." but I didn't want to lead him on at all. I could see the writing on the wall from the first five minutes into the date and I don't see any reason why I should have continued the charade passed one date.
Maybe that is what will be different in my next 50 posts. I'm giving up on the bullshit. If things aren't working I am just moving on until I find something that does work, or something that is worth me giving up my time to fix.
I actually have another date planned for tomorrow night, but I would rather not jinx it...so you will just have to wait to see what happens. I have hopes for this one though so cross whatever digits you can.
I guess until next time...
Chau!!
Saturday, October 12, 2013
50 Posts and Still As Single As Ever!
Here we are at post 50 of this blog experiment and I am still as single as the day that I first started it. I have still never had anyone that I would consider a boyfriend. Still not a single soul that I would even introduce to my brother never mind my mother or father. I'm not sure if I am more disappointed in myself for not being able to sustain any semblance of an adult romantic relationship or if I am more disappointed in the absolute lack of any type of normal man that I would want to be in a romantic relationship with at this point in my life.
Yesterday was National Coming Out Day October 11th. I went out with one of my really good friends to dinner in the South End and then to a bar called Jose McIntyre's in downtown Boston. Dinner in the South End is always fun because the restaurants tend to be fairly well priced with excellent food and drinks and of course a friendly gay atmosphere. This night was no different as we went to Masa and had a grand old time. Then we headed out to Jose McIntyre's for a BC Law get together. I was assured that there would be a ton of eligible future lawyers and I figured What The Hell....
When we got to Jose's we didn't pay a cover at all and headed right up stairs where the DJ was already playing a great set and we both got drinks and just started schmoozing. As I was being introduced to friend group after friend group a few things became very apparent. One was that my friend really is super nice and it is impossible not to like her, which meant I had a lot of people to meet. Two was that I was probably the most ethnic person there and I am only half Portuguese. That's sort of a joke but not really, I think maybe there was one black couple there and a few latinos but that was pretty much it. Three was that as each group of friends met me and I was introduced they would ask what I do and when I would say I was an STD nurse. Then they would ask if I was my friend's boyfriend and there was always this awkward pause. You could see it in their face that they were searching for some sort of confirmation that I was gay or straight, because clearly I was not my female friend's State Street working beau.
I may have completely fabricated this in my head, but honestly that is what it felt like and I couldn't quite figure out why. I never like to leave it up in the air though so I would always make a comment or drop something in casual conversation to make sure that they knew I was open about my sexuality. It puzzled me for about 10-15 minutes because from what I could tell there were a lot of available guys on my team throughout the bar. I mean everywhere I turned my gaydar was pinging for one homo or another. Then it dawned on me when one of the girls asked me if I thought she could make out with a boy who was dancing in a circle and moving his hips like Shakira. "Ummm...yea I'm sure you could make out with him the gays love making out with straight girls." The look of horror in the girl's face said it all. The boy who she was so plainly talking about and who was so obviously gay to me was not out.
At this point I turned to my friend who had been joined by her boyfriend and asked point blank, "What the fuck? Are all of these guys in the closet? Do they have a weekly tea with the White Witch and Mr. Tumnus?" She looked at me and chuckled. I spent the rest of the night Dancing On My Own. And I was actually perfectly happy about it. Once all of my friend's Northeastern friends started to show up I really began just relaxing and having a good time. The drinks were good and cheap, the music was fun, and there was no reason not to have a good time.
Then the most gorgeous man I have seen in weeks walked onto the dance floor. He was about 6'4" tall, long brown hair (model long, not homeless long), pretty face, amazing body, white (?), and just seemed to be having a genuinely good time with a bunch of his friends. I gawked like any normal gay man, but ultimately went back to dancing with my friends because he was probably straight or in the closet and it just wasn't going to be worth my time. As the hour went by he kept getting closer and closer to me until we were literally back to back. I was a little taken aback by his dancing ability if I am being completely honest for a 6'4" white guy he at least had rhythm. Then he leaned down and just started talking to me. I was shocked. It wasn't about anything in particular, but still I thought it was weird. Then he went to the bathroom and came back and once again muttered something stupid to me about being underneath the air conditioner vent before going back to our dancing back to back position.
At this point my friend's boyfriend leaned in and asked me if the guy was hitting on me. I am not going to lie. I hoped so. He was gorgeous. I thought maybe this is it. The one truly gorgeous man in the bar on National Coming Out Day..wouldn't that be a fucking story....
So my female friend went right up to him and basically just asked, "What's your deal my gay friend likes you?" The response was typical, Sorry if I gave him the wrong impression but I'm straight. I wish I could say I was crushed, but I wasn't. I expected it. I think that may actually be worse, I was not even surprised that the gorgeous attractive man was in no way interested in me.
The night wore on and eventually it was 12:40 and it was time for me to head home before public transportation completely shut down. I got to the orange line and decided that I would just shut my eyes and wait for the train to show up. Naturally I spent at least 30 minutes waiting for the last orange line train. And when I finally opened my eyes it was because I thought I felt someone touch my leg. And there the creeper, some older black guy, was literally sitting and rubbing my thigh. I can't make this shit up! I moved immediately and threw his hand back at him. "Dude what the fuck keep your hands to yourself." I got on a train car and then the guy got on the same one. He literally followed me. Thank God when I got back to Sullivan I was able to get on a bus away from him and head home in peace.
I came to two conclusions last night.
One: I may not have someone in my life that I would want to have a romantic relationship with, but really that's okay. I do not want to settle for someone that is not right. I refuse to just be in a relationship to be in a relationship even if it means that I am going to the bar alone and dancing in a group full of couples for the next 10 years. Well....maybe not 10 years I don't want to be that creepy dude at the bar dancing far beyond his expiration date.
Two: Even if nothing else....at least I'm Out. I never realized how important that really is to me. I've never really thought about the whole being open about your sexuality thing. I've been out for so long and I really am so comfortable talking about it with anyone that I forget that for a lot of people it is not just that simple. The concept of being in the closet and faking a relationship with a girl or faking not finding the right one when they may be sitting in front of you but the same sex so you never let yourself like them is just crazy to me. So even if I end up alone at least I won't be worried its because I never gave it a shot it will be because my perfect other half doesn't exist.
The only thing that gives me the slightest bit of hope is a sentence that came from the most unsuspecting place last week. My boss is an older female nursing professor who has devoted her life to working with vulnerable populations and teaching students how to take care of them. She is married and has two adopted children and, in a nutshell, she is everything I want to be when I grow up. To get to my point though, while we were working at a clinic in PTown we were discussing future life plans because my nursing counterpart is pregnant and my boss looked at me and said, "Welll you're going to have kids one day so you'll see. I mean you are planning on having kids right? I mean I just always picture you with kids." I was totally taken aback because it just seemed like it came out of no where but it was nice. The nurse whose gut instinct I most trust thinks in her heart of hearts that I am going to end up married with kids. Its not a lot, but its enough hope to get me to keep this blog going until I finally find someone.
Until Next Time....
Chau!!!
Yesterday was National Coming Out Day October 11th. I went out with one of my really good friends to dinner in the South End and then to a bar called Jose McIntyre's in downtown Boston. Dinner in the South End is always fun because the restaurants tend to be fairly well priced with excellent food and drinks and of course a friendly gay atmosphere. This night was no different as we went to Masa and had a grand old time. Then we headed out to Jose McIntyre's for a BC Law get together. I was assured that there would be a ton of eligible future lawyers and I figured What The Hell....
When we got to Jose's we didn't pay a cover at all and headed right up stairs where the DJ was already playing a great set and we both got drinks and just started schmoozing. As I was being introduced to friend group after friend group a few things became very apparent. One was that my friend really is super nice and it is impossible not to like her, which meant I had a lot of people to meet. Two was that I was probably the most ethnic person there and I am only half Portuguese. That's sort of a joke but not really, I think maybe there was one black couple there and a few latinos but that was pretty much it. Three was that as each group of friends met me and I was introduced they would ask what I do and when I would say I was an STD nurse. Then they would ask if I was my friend's boyfriend and there was always this awkward pause. You could see it in their face that they were searching for some sort of confirmation that I was gay or straight, because clearly I was not my female friend's State Street working beau.
I may have completely fabricated this in my head, but honestly that is what it felt like and I couldn't quite figure out why. I never like to leave it up in the air though so I would always make a comment or drop something in casual conversation to make sure that they knew I was open about my sexuality. It puzzled me for about 10-15 minutes because from what I could tell there were a lot of available guys on my team throughout the bar. I mean everywhere I turned my gaydar was pinging for one homo or another. Then it dawned on me when one of the girls asked me if I thought she could make out with a boy who was dancing in a circle and moving his hips like Shakira. "Ummm...yea I'm sure you could make out with him the gays love making out with straight girls." The look of horror in the girl's face said it all. The boy who she was so plainly talking about and who was so obviously gay to me was not out.
At this point I turned to my friend who had been joined by her boyfriend and asked point blank, "What the fuck? Are all of these guys in the closet? Do they have a weekly tea with the White Witch and Mr. Tumnus?" She looked at me and chuckled. I spent the rest of the night Dancing On My Own. And I was actually perfectly happy about it. Once all of my friend's Northeastern friends started to show up I really began just relaxing and having a good time. The drinks were good and cheap, the music was fun, and there was no reason not to have a good time.
Then the most gorgeous man I have seen in weeks walked onto the dance floor. He was about 6'4" tall, long brown hair (model long, not homeless long), pretty face, amazing body, white (?), and just seemed to be having a genuinely good time with a bunch of his friends. I gawked like any normal gay man, but ultimately went back to dancing with my friends because he was probably straight or in the closet and it just wasn't going to be worth my time. As the hour went by he kept getting closer and closer to me until we were literally back to back. I was a little taken aback by his dancing ability if I am being completely honest for a 6'4" white guy he at least had rhythm. Then he leaned down and just started talking to me. I was shocked. It wasn't about anything in particular, but still I thought it was weird. Then he went to the bathroom and came back and once again muttered something stupid to me about being underneath the air conditioner vent before going back to our dancing back to back position.
At this point my friend's boyfriend leaned in and asked me if the guy was hitting on me. I am not going to lie. I hoped so. He was gorgeous. I thought maybe this is it. The one truly gorgeous man in the bar on National Coming Out Day..wouldn't that be a fucking story....
So my female friend went right up to him and basically just asked, "What's your deal my gay friend likes you?" The response was typical, Sorry if I gave him the wrong impression but I'm straight. I wish I could say I was crushed, but I wasn't. I expected it. I think that may actually be worse, I was not even surprised that the gorgeous attractive man was in no way interested in me.
The night wore on and eventually it was 12:40 and it was time for me to head home before public transportation completely shut down. I got to the orange line and decided that I would just shut my eyes and wait for the train to show up. Naturally I spent at least 30 minutes waiting for the last orange line train. And when I finally opened my eyes it was because I thought I felt someone touch my leg. And there the creeper, some older black guy, was literally sitting and rubbing my thigh. I can't make this shit up! I moved immediately and threw his hand back at him. "Dude what the fuck keep your hands to yourself." I got on a train car and then the guy got on the same one. He literally followed me. Thank God when I got back to Sullivan I was able to get on a bus away from him and head home in peace.
I came to two conclusions last night.
One: I may not have someone in my life that I would want to have a romantic relationship with, but really that's okay. I do not want to settle for someone that is not right. I refuse to just be in a relationship to be in a relationship even if it means that I am going to the bar alone and dancing in a group full of couples for the next 10 years. Well....maybe not 10 years I don't want to be that creepy dude at the bar dancing far beyond his expiration date.
Two: Even if nothing else....at least I'm Out. I never realized how important that really is to me. I've never really thought about the whole being open about your sexuality thing. I've been out for so long and I really am so comfortable talking about it with anyone that I forget that for a lot of people it is not just that simple. The concept of being in the closet and faking a relationship with a girl or faking not finding the right one when they may be sitting in front of you but the same sex so you never let yourself like them is just crazy to me. So even if I end up alone at least I won't be worried its because I never gave it a shot it will be because my perfect other half doesn't exist.
The only thing that gives me the slightest bit of hope is a sentence that came from the most unsuspecting place last week. My boss is an older female nursing professor who has devoted her life to working with vulnerable populations and teaching students how to take care of them. She is married and has two adopted children and, in a nutshell, she is everything I want to be when I grow up. To get to my point though, while we were working at a clinic in PTown we were discussing future life plans because my nursing counterpart is pregnant and my boss looked at me and said, "Welll you're going to have kids one day so you'll see. I mean you are planning on having kids right? I mean I just always picture you with kids." I was totally taken aback because it just seemed like it came out of no where but it was nice. The nurse whose gut instinct I most trust thinks in her heart of hearts that I am going to end up married with kids. Its not a lot, but its enough hope to get me to keep this blog going until I finally find someone.
Until Next Time....
Chau!!!
Monday, August 12, 2013
Flirts With Friends....
I am here today to talk to you all about something odd and strange that keeps occurring in my life....
The mobile app game Words With Friends has somehow become a gay flirting app. I'm not kidding. On one occasion this app actually even got me laid. Most recently I have been flirting with a total closet case and someone who has come back into the realm of possibility from Argentina.
Before I go any further let me start by explaining this app/game. Its basically electronic scrabble. You play the game remotely with a friend and take turns playing words with the letters dealt to you by the computer. Simple enough right. Except there is a section of the game where you are able to message your opponent.
As you can see the little chat box has a 1 next to it. That means that whoever you are playing against has sent you a message. I imagine that in the straight world this chat message back and forth is often a place where a lot of shit talking gets accomplished. Not in the gay world. For whatever reason this is where two people with no apparent interactions in the real world besides a chance encounter where you may have become facebook friends can strike up a conversation. It never starts out flirty....then when you are playing words back and forth at 2:39AM and asking why they are still up...things always turn out to be more than what they first appeared.
Back to my most recent encounters. One guy I was in a show with a few months back happened to invite me to a game and we have been playing back and forth off and on for probably 2 weeks now. We have played words and with each word we play some message happens to accompany it. We've talked about everything from tv shows, to leisure activities, to him suggesting he may be Anthony Weiner for Halloween. Now here is the kicker...this guy is totally in the closet...which most inevitably means I am not imagining the flirting and that it is real. I guess time will tell where this leads.
The other game that has recently started was with a guy I met while in Argentina. He was engaged at the time to a woman and after one night of making out with me...and crying called off his wedding. I didn't hear from him at all after that, but we did become facebook friends. Through his facebook I was able to see that he spent an entire year in South America traveling around before finally applying to law school. Then he finally moved back to the states and started a game of Words with Friends with me on the same day that he added a relationship with a girl to his facebook timeline. Its like a joke...I swear to God.
Is Words With Friends becoming the new way for closeted gay men to sleuth and flirt with out gay guys they are attracted to or who they think they might get some action from?? Who really knows....just thought I would share this rather strange phenomenon in my life.
Until Next time...
Chau!!!
The mobile app game Words With Friends has somehow become a gay flirting app. I'm not kidding. On one occasion this app actually even got me laid. Most recently I have been flirting with a total closet case and someone who has come back into the realm of possibility from Argentina.
Before I go any further let me start by explaining this app/game. Its basically electronic scrabble. You play the game remotely with a friend and take turns playing words with the letters dealt to you by the computer. Simple enough right. Except there is a section of the game where you are able to message your opponent.
As you can see the little chat box has a 1 next to it. That means that whoever you are playing against has sent you a message. I imagine that in the straight world this chat message back and forth is often a place where a lot of shit talking gets accomplished. Not in the gay world. For whatever reason this is where two people with no apparent interactions in the real world besides a chance encounter where you may have become facebook friends can strike up a conversation. It never starts out flirty....then when you are playing words back and forth at 2:39AM and asking why they are still up...things always turn out to be more than what they first appeared.
Back to my most recent encounters. One guy I was in a show with a few months back happened to invite me to a game and we have been playing back and forth off and on for probably 2 weeks now. We have played words and with each word we play some message happens to accompany it. We've talked about everything from tv shows, to leisure activities, to him suggesting he may be Anthony Weiner for Halloween. Now here is the kicker...this guy is totally in the closet...which most inevitably means I am not imagining the flirting and that it is real. I guess time will tell where this leads.
The other game that has recently started was with a guy I met while in Argentina. He was engaged at the time to a woman and after one night of making out with me...and crying called off his wedding. I didn't hear from him at all after that, but we did become facebook friends. Through his facebook I was able to see that he spent an entire year in South America traveling around before finally applying to law school. Then he finally moved back to the states and started a game of Words with Friends with me on the same day that he added a relationship with a girl to his facebook timeline. Its like a joke...I swear to God.
Is Words With Friends becoming the new way for closeted gay men to sleuth and flirt with out gay guys they are attracted to or who they think they might get some action from?? Who really knows....just thought I would share this rather strange phenomenon in my life.
Until Next time...
Chau!!!
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