A Little More Hope....

I have been avoiding giving you all an update on this one for a few days now simply because I don't want to jinx anything. I am sitting here waiting to go on a second date and I can't believe how much I actually like this guy. I am completely sober right now (just thought I would add that for those of you who might be starting to think I have a drinking problem).

Our first date was adorable. I mean Throw-Up-In-Your-Mouth Adorable. We went and got coffee/fancy gay drinks from Starbucks and walked. First we went to the Christian Science Center where we sat, like the gay blasphemers we are, overlooking the reflecting pool and chatting. Then we took a stroll down Boylston St. to the Boston Gardens. Once we got to and were walking through the gardens he brought me to his favorite spot...a fountain in the corner...and we sat and talked some more. Then I had waited long enough and I just went for it...our first sober kiss. It was so cliché! And so freaking gay...sitting on a fountain in the middle of Boston Gardens and kissing. The weirdest part of the whole situation...despite the corniness of it all...I still think it was great.

When we finally realized what time it was we had to rush back to campus because he had a rehearsal that he was now going to be 20 minutes late for....Oooopps! And then we talked about going on another date.

As I sit here typing this right now I am waiting/preparing for our next date. I hope this goes well...everything else has so far...but I don't know.

Oh and I think I came up with a name for this one....ready for this....Romeo. Wait hear me out because I know exactly what you are thinking because even I got nauseous as I wrote it, but I really can't think of a more perfect name. So the part of the story I left out above....he quoted Romeo and Juliet after he kissed me....I know. He is so freaking cute I can't stand it. Okay well that is enough of an update for now...

Off to my second date...

Chau!!!

A Little Hope...

So I may or may not be drunk right now....but I am going to blog anyways....I know people always say never drink and blog but I really don't want to forget how I feel tomorrow.

Tonight I went to a friend's housewarming party despite having an absolutely horrid day at work. For some reason I felt compelled to go so I got on a bus and headed to her new place. For the first hour or so I felt extremely awkward. There were only a few people I knew and despite my charming attention grabbing personality I really wasn't having that great of a time.

Then all of a sudden this guy from my theater group showed up. He is awesome. He is a genuinely nice person, with a great voice, and he is super cute. He is friends with a lesbian I am actually pretty good friends with. He is adorable. The best part about him is I saw him interact with his family post show and it was adorable. They were the Cleavers if Beaver was a raging homo who did musical theater. Seeing them interact was literally an AWWWWW kind of a moment.

So this guy shows up and he sort of starts hitting on me. At first I wasn't really sure if he was hitting on me or not. He was being sort of shy and stand offish. Honestly I have had a crush on this guy for quite some time but never made a move because I assumed he wasn't even remotely into me. Then tonight everything changed and it was obvious to me that he may have been into me. I still am not sure if it was because he was gay or just because he liked me but I guess time will tell.

Well the party we were at got broken up by the cops. So instead of being under 21 year old assholes and just going home I went with him, his hag, his guy friend, and my sort of friend/acquaintance/fellow nurse to a bar for a couple of follow up drinks. Just as a funny anecdote this friend person is also a sex toy saleswoman.....and she happened to be carrying around a suitcase full of supplies and one of them happened to be going off....this really isn't relevant to the story at all I just thought that it was funny, but I digress. So we all go to the bar and begin drinking.

The cute guy who I still haven't come up with a name for yet's hag finds out that I am drinking a Long Island Iced Tea and immediately begins liking me and pushing me and her friend to get together. I was so excited. I mean, let's cut the shit, if the hag starts pushing a relationship then that means the other person has at least mentioned you before in conversation. I got really excited. Eventually after doing this really awkward flirting thing we ended up kissing in the middle of the bar.

It was Awesome! He was a great kisser! After a few passionate pecks he ended up bringing me to the back of the bar where we sneaked out the back door and began making out in the alley. At one point we both ended up on the ground, but I stopped things from going any further because I feel like I might actually like this guy. And he seemed to be okay with it.

We then went back into the bar where the bartender quickly and quite curtly informed me that I was not allowed to go into the back alley.....OOOPS....MY BAD! Oh well it was hot and I was into it. Fuck the bartender!

I paid my bill and met him and his friends out front of the bar where I was invited to go back to his place and smoke and watch Legally Blonde....however tempting this might have been I rejected because I think I might actually like this guy and I didn't want to fuck him right away. He is so nice, and sweet, and cute, and smart, and adorable, and I am sure that I am going to fuck this up somehow....

Well I texted him when I got home that I would talk to him tomorrow and take him on a proper date and he told me he was looking forward to it.....


Is it possible??? Have I actually found someone that I am attracted to and who is also a good person??? I hope so... Want to know what gives me hope??? My walk home...


As I was walking home from the bar everything seemed normal. Then as I got out in front of my dorm I started singing a song I wrote (I know how cheesy) called rain....

I want the rain to come and fall on my face.
Give me the storm to take away my pain,
To take away my hurting.
I want the water, I want the wind, Give me the storm,
Make me feel again.

 And as I am belting this out at the top of my lungs it started to pour.....the more I sang the harder and more persistent the rain became. It was like a baptism by nature. I am hoping that it was God's way of telling me that this time things will be different. This time I will have been born anew and everything will be innocent and fresh.

I HOPE....

So maybe tonight was the perfect example of A Little Hope....

And the Rain Keeps Fallin' Down....

I know its cliche to title a blog post as a gay man with a song from Elegies (Its linked for all of my straight readers), but I just couldn't help myself. What's funny is that the song really isn't applicable at all......except for one line....and I just keep singing it over and over and over again in my head....

Thought that I would see the sun by now 

One more tear  

might wash away this godforsaken town, 

but the rain keeps fallin’ down. 

Over and over and over...

As I sit here in my college dorm room overlooking the city of Boston and drinking mate alone watching the rain as it pours out my window I can't help but think that I thought I would see the sun by now.

I thought for sure that at this point in my life I would have found one single person who wasn't a total whacko and who I actually felt comfortable. Just one single person who had significant feelings for me and didn't simultaneously have something wrong with them. I mean I realized a while ago that whoever I fall in love with is probably going to be a little quirky, but am I really going to be alone until I find the true love of my life. 

Is that how it works??? I don't know. Sometimes I feel really weird for never having had a boyfriend, but then I remember there are a lot of people who haven't had any significant other before....And then I remember that most of those people aren't trying to have a significant other....and I feel weird again.

Well I guess that is the end of my rant for now, I'll be in touch if anything else interesting happens....don't hold your breath though!

Chau!!