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Sunday, March 31, 2013

Home and Old Friends

It is Easter weekend and I am home in my little Massachusetts town spending quality time with my friends and my family. And I am constantly bugged by my lack of an actual relationship ever in my life. I have never brought anyone home. I have never introduced a guy I was dating to any of my friends. I have never introduced a guy I was dating to my family. I have never even told my family that I was dating people. Does this make me weird? Is there something wrong with me?

I guess this is all part of what makes me a true commitment-phobe.....because all I really want is a relationship, but whenever I have the opportunity I find some reason why it can't happen. One of my best friends said tonight that I was a Fault Finder. At first I was totally offended and began defending myself and my dating habits. The truth is....he is right.

I am a Fault Finder, a total Fault Finder, but I don't think there is anything I can do about that really. I also question whether or not that is a bad thing. I think being a Fault Finder helps me to avoid a lot of really bad dating situations.

Then the same friend said something about me being pessimistic. But that is something that I just had to vehemently disagree with. I don't think I am pessimistic about love or relationships. I think I am quite the opposite actually. I am completely and totally hopeful that I have a Prince Charming. One day some guy is going to come sweep me off my feet and be perfect. I am going to know immediately that he is the one. There won't be a question. I won't be worried or scared, I will just know. Until that happens I guess I am going to continue to be a Fault Finder, until someone either proves me wrong, or shows up in my life sans faults.

I might be waiting forever.....maybe I will just get a dog.



Monday, March 25, 2013

Just When you Thought it Couldn't Get Crazier...

So I got a little side tracked the last two weeks because I directed a musical (Yes, Apparently I am that gay...who knew?)

I forgot to tell you all what ended up happening with Hickey. So last we left off I had received a bunch of crazy text messages from him early in the morning. Well I met with him that evening to discuss things. We ended up meeting at his work and walking to a nearby Panera. Well when we got there we both got coffee and then sat down to begin the conversation. 

Basically, Hickey reiterated everything he had said in his texts and I just sat and listened. He was fairly adamant that he had made up his mind that he was going to wait for me. Until I was willing to be his boyfriend. He was just going to wait me out....that was his was at this point that I realized I needed to do a little reality checking much like I do with my patients at work. 

I looked him in the eye and just said, "Yea but I don't know that is necessarily going to happen. I mean I don't know that you and I are ever necessarily going to be boyfriends." Then he stared at me, the awkward stare he had done so many times before, and we just sat there. Then he looked at me and said ,"So we're through then." 

I didn't know exactly how to respond. I said, "No that's not what I said, I just think that maybe you have different expectations of this than I do. If we keep dating that might the extent of it for me. That's what I'm saying." Then as if I had kicked him under the table, Hickey jumped to his feet and said, "No we're through." 

Then as if it was a fucking movie he just kept repeating that, "No we're through. We're just through. That's it we're through." I tried to redirect him and repeated that "No that's not necessarily what I'm saying either. But it seems like you want it to be through, like maybe you're through." Then his volume increased and he half shouted, "No I'm not through, WE'RE through. We're through that's it." I had never been so angry that his jacket had that many buttons in my life. Things were getting to be quite the spectacle. He was repeating, "We're through" like a crazy person while angrily buttoning the endless number of buttons on his jacket. The small group of Asian people who hadn't spoken English yet at the table behind us were now staring. The black couple across the sitting area had also stopped talking and were holding hands and just openly staring at the two of us. And I just sat there, sipping my coffee. I mean what else would you do in that situation? 

Every time I talked it just seemed to agitate Hickey more and the crazy level just kept kicking it up a notch. Finally he finished buttoning his jacket and he left the Panera in quite the gay huff. That is the last time I try to be a grown up about this kind of stuff. I mean if someone seems crazy I am just going to phase them out....its much less awkward then meeting them and let them be crazy again in public. 

Well back to the drawing board...Maybe the spring will bring me some new sort of romance...Let's hope...


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Am I a CRAZY Magnet?

For those of you who have been following my blog for the last month or so you have already heard about Hickey. Those of you who are just tuning in....I suggest going back and reading the other two posts about him otherwise you will probably be very confused while you read this one. 

I had a fourth date with Hickey yesterday and everything seemed to go as planned. We met up and this time we ended up getting smoothies and some food at Boloco, think a locally owned Qdoba. Its nice enough not what I would expect for a date but Hickey seemed to actually enjoy himself this time which was definitely a change of pace. I mean he still did the weird I'm going to stare at you in silence thing but it was less frequent, and he did talk a little bit this time and he actually ate something. 

Not to get sidetracked, but I think this was this first time I have seen the guy eat in the four dates that we have had. He has a sick body don't get me wrong. The guy is skinny, but lately I have noticed throughout the course of our few dates he has bulked up some which is something I am definitely not going to complain about. Actually thinking back on it he ate on our second date but nothing extraordinary. If we're speaking frankly the guy, with his clothes on, looks like he could be in one of the Feed the Children commercials where they tell you that for less than the price of one cup of coffee you can feed a child for a day in some weird country you have never heard of in your life. It was nice to see him eat.  Okay back to the main shallow of me to get sidetracked about a guys weight and body'd think I was gay or something...

After finishing eating we headed back to my room where he informed me we were definitely not going to be having sex....Ummm yea sure...

I realized when he said that that I definitely have a slight problem. I mean I can go a while without having sex with someone that I am dating, but once I have sex with you....GAME ON....I mean especially after only having had sex once. 

So naturally we started going at it despite his insistence that we would definitely not be having sex that night. And as we were he asked if I wouldn't mind being a little bit rougher and a little more domineering. Now for those of you who are worried that this means I am going to turn this blog into some sort of gay version of the 50 Shades novels fear not...I put those books to shame. Let's be real don't unleash my inner sexual dominant side unless you are really ready to handle it. I read people pretty well so knowing exactly what buttons to push to get someone to be so filled with sexual desire they'd do anything is something that comes pretty naturally to me. 

We started with the pretty normal Suck my dick, bitch kind of stuff while I completely ignored the fact that his cock even existed, a feat which would have been much easier had his dick not been so big and hard and dripping. Then stuff tended to move into the more aggressive side with me throwing him around, slapping his ass, a little bit of spitting, a little bit more of me beating up on his body. And then I couldn't take it anymore and I flipped him over and just started fucking his ass. Initially he definitely pulled away a little bit, but after a few minutes he really got into it and started to slam his ass back against me. The guy just wanted the dick. I then proceeded to tease him a little bit more and after a few more minutes I flipped him over and started to fuck him while looking into his eyes. He couldn't take it anymore. I don't know if he couldn't take it because he was going to cum or because his ass was sore, but either way he insisted I stop. So being the gentleman I am, I obliged and removed my dick from his ass. We finished each other off with very little finesse. A lot of dirty talk, which has somehow become a specialty of ours, and him slurping up my load. All in a date's work....or so I thought. 


In the post-coital pillow talk we began talking more than we had the entire date so far, another thing that has become pretty typical with him and me. One of the first things I complimented him on his ability to control his texting me throughout the week. And in that conversation he asked once again about my dating life very indirectly and I informed him that I had been on a date since our last one with another guy. He did not take this very well....I had been so happy because I thought I had been wrong about him becoming a STAGE 12 CLINGER and then I got the reaction of a lifetime to what I thought was a seemingly innocuous answer to a pretty easy question. The guy literally clammed up and got pouty like a four year old who had been scolded for having one too many cookies. Then he got angry and said Well I thought that you weren't doing that anymore

At this point I had been completely thrown off my game. I thought I had been explicitly clear with this guy regarding my desire to date people besides him. I thought I had been very clear that we weren't boyfriends and that we were simply two guys who were dating. Then he said I should have listened to my coworkers they said if you wanted to date other people that I shouldn't be with you

Again I was thrown for a loop. I just started apologizing. I mean what else does one do in this situation. "I'm sorry if I miscommunicated with you. I tried to be very clear from the outset that that was not what I was looking for." And then it started, the pouting turned into an almost inaudible deep breathing which I have become all too familiar with working in an Emergency Department. It's the breath sound associated with the forthcoming tears. That's right the guy literally folded into my arms and was choking back tears because I had been on a date with someone besides him. I continued apologizing. "I'm sorry I'm a dickhead." "You deserve better than me." "I'm sorry I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression." "I'm sorry, please don't hate me." One of the last apologies I made was something along the lines of "Listen if you hate me for now, can we be friends eventually." Suddenly he went from sad and almost despondent to pissed. He got up and started getting dressed like he had some place to be. 

I got up and started to try and talk to him and I probably would have had better luck getting a response from a wall. I offered to walk him to the train station, which he begrudgingly accepted. Then when we got to the station he stood there staring at me and acting as if I had seriously betrayed him. Before he left I got a very angry hug, you know the kind little kids give when they are being forced to apologize to someone against their will. I thought for sure things were completely done. This guy was going to hate me forever. Still I texted him about a half an hour later to make sure that he got home safely and I got the curtest answer possible....K.

And I thought it was over. I had a glass of wine, ordered some takeout, watched some TV and then fell asleep. In the morning I was awakened by the sound of my phone receiving not one, but multiple text messages in a row....11 to be exact.....for those of you curious, I have transcribed them below.....

Text 1
Good morning. To be honest no I don't hate you. Truth is I love/like you. I'm not falling too too hard for you. But deep down inside I love you. I know that sounds weird. Lol..
Text 2
I just want us to forget about what happened last night. Well not the sex part lol. That I enjoyed ALOT. I really and truly don't wanna lose you. And I would hope that in the future when your ready to settle that I'm the one but I can't decide that.
Text 3
I want to be more than friends with you and don't ever say that again, I was gonna punch you in the throat. I hate when guys break up with you and then they try to pull the friend card. That's a deal breaker for me. MAJOR RED FLAG. Lol.
Text 4
But again I don't wanna lose you. And I want to continue dating you. And I want us to have more and more sex. Please sir lol. I love spending time with you. Although we have our awkward moments but its cute. 
Text 5
I do find you very attractive. 
Text 6
I think what the problem is, is me. And I came to realize that now. And I'm sorry if I seen too dramatic about the whole thing. I'm sorry. I'm kinda embarrassed. 
Text 7
But I wanna continue dating you. I don't hate you. No your not a douche, I had worse, your not a dick head,. I think your a tool though lol. Just being honest with that one. 
Text 8
I'm new to this dating thing and I don't know how to deal with a guy that dates other guys.
Text 9
I like your honesty that's a plus. 
Text 10
And one more thing I still wanna have sex with you. 
Text 11
Lol...that's all I have to say I think lol. For now I guess, uh yeah...Lol. That's it hehe.

Now I am going to avoid breaking this down text by text because I feel like that might be overkill, but let's talk about some of the highlights shall we. 

Good things: He recognizes that he was unreasonable. He thinks I'm attractive. He still wants to have sex with me.

Bad things: This guy is FUCKING CRAZY!!! I mean if you send me a text message with MAJOR RED FLAG in all capital letters then I think it would be remiss of me to ignore that as anything except a sign from whatever God or supreme being we are all supposed to believe in. 

To me it is pretty obvious what must be done so I have texted Hickey about meeting tonight to discuss through some of this stuff. Normally I would throw out the friend card or the fuck buddy card to sort of save face, but I am thinking that Hickey is not the type of guy that can emotionally handle something like that. He needs concrete lines and delineations in his life, which is exactly the kind of thing that I am trying to avoid. Whether me bailing on this guy is a result of my commitment phobia, or his absolute insanity is probably something up for questioning, but either way I think this is the death of Hickey

We shall see what the night has in store, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Until next time...


Monday, March 4, 2013

Hairy Little Beast....

Okay this is a short one proving that old habits don't die fact old habits just never die. Its Saturday night and I have been invited to a party by my roommates for one of their cousin's 21st. One of my roommates seems to have the absolute epitome of no game. I mean he might actually be the first person I have ever met with negative game. So I decided I was going to try and play wingman for him and see if I could get him any ass.

I spent over half an hour talking with this one girl. She was primed and ready to go and actually seemed to show a genuine interest in my roommate which I as the helpful gay friend was able to exploit and magnify to a different level. All my roommate now had to do was close...not bad right? Well he was acting like a pussy trying to get this girl to come home with him. He wouldn't make a move. He then, drunkenly, made a statement to the effect that "if making a move is so easy how come I don't see you doing it". It was at this point that I began scouring the party for any other gay guy there. 

Then I saw him in the corner. Some small pocket gayby was just sitting in the corner on the phone. So to prove a point, as is too often the case with me, I went over to the gayby and said, "Get off the phone" He looked stunned that someone had spoken to him. He started babbling about who was on the phone, why he was sitting in the corner, and why he was ignoring the party and in typical fashion I just grabbed him and shoved my tongue down his throat. And almost instantaneously the phone was hung up. After about 5 minutes of making out I invited the guy back to my place. On the way out the door I gave my roommate a smug look and dragged the unsuspecting gayby behind me. 

When I got home I realized just how drunk this guy was as he was trying to take off his clothes. I also realized that although the guy appeared to be the perfect pocket gayby....he was actually covered in body hair. But covered in a very uniform and almost sexy way. It is very unusual for me to be attracted to someone white, hairy, short, and pretty flamboyant, but apparently after a few drinks and a challenge from a roommate my type changes a little bit. 

We started going at it almost immediately and I realized that this gayby was more screwed up than I though. The Hairy Little Beast (HLB) started telling me all about the guys he had been with since he came out 6 months ago (shocker there right). Apparently this kid had already had rectal Gonorrhea twice. And that was my cue to avoid actually having sex with him. Then when the kid whipped his pants off and I saw that his dick was about the same size as PillHeads I realized that this was definitely a PLC

Man I had been doing so well too...but I guess some things will never change. 

Oh the best part, HLB decided, as I was trying to blow him in much the same manner I use to blow PillHead (balls and cock at once) that he wasn't into it and didn't want to cum. Then in the morning he called me the wrong name. Then he told me that he was just not into me at all physically but continue to sleep and cuddle in my bed until I said, "So are you just going to stay here after that" Then he took the hint and hit the road. 

You'd think at this point in my life I would be able to ignore a dumb comment from a roommate with negative game, but I guess that is not the case once I've had a few drinks in me. Oh well....whatcha gonna do, right?

Until next time...