Seriously What is My Life??

I am sitting here on a Saturday night home alone after having watched television on my computer. My entire body aches. I have a bruise on my right calf, arms that feel like I worked out at the gym for hours, and this weird red rash/burn mark under each of my arm pits. How did I get all of these ridiculous injuries? Just another day in the life of a gay-commitment-phobe. I spent my Friday night at a gay club, where not-sober-but-not-drunk-me thought it was a good idea to get up on the stripper pole. I will never understand what possesses me to do things like this.

I mean the first time. The subsequent times I know why I do it.....I am a complete attention whore. There is just something about dancing on a pole like a total slut and having everyone else in the club looking at you that makes you feel, I don't know, special.

But that isn't the point of this post at all. The point is how ridiculous my life has actually become.

Last week was St. Patty's day, which here in Boston is a big drunken mess of a shit show. So naturally I try to avoid it. I do this by having a date every St. Patty's Day.....its my own little tradition that keeps me from being a complete drunken Mick. This year's date was actually a second date.

Who was the prospective guy? Well basically the complete opposite of my type. I am going to call him a WASJC.....my take on a WASP....a white Anglo-Saxon Jew from CT. I really don't think it is possible to find someone who is more of the antithesis of my type than this guy. Now let me give you an accurate description of WASJC.....his face on a ten scale is maybe a 4...he has a big crooked nose, big floppy ears, and a lazy eye. His body is probably like a 6 or 7, not bad....better than mine, but that isn't saying much. And then there is this kids dick. Seriously at least a 9 probably a ten. As a rule I don't find penises pretty, but if I was ever going to say such a thing existed this kid would win. Just perfectly proportional, not to big, not to small, a nice matching set of balls....it is just a very nice penis. It is actually the reason why someone so non-traditionally my type got a second date.

For our second date we ended up going to Cambridge and I learned that he knew who Shoshana Bean is. I was dumbfounded. He earned major points there. So we went back to his place to make out and hook up. While we were hooking up I got a phone call from a fellow nursing major who was in a panic, so I took it despite being in the middle of something. During the conversation WASJC went soft.....not that big of a deal really so I made an off handed joke about it. What an idiot I am.....WASJC was so nervous after my small joke that he continued to be soft and get soft after I worked so hard to get him erect. Eventually we finished the job and I ended up heading home that night.

So here is the thing....he is a really nice guy and wants a third date....I couldn't go out last week and am thinking I might tell him I am free this week. So far there is no problem right....wrong....let me explain.

On Thursday of this week I went on a date with someone who was so my type it wasn't even funny.....a Black Dominican Cherokee guy from Berklee College of Music. I'm trying to come up with a nickname for him....and I think I am going to go with Mereb. For those of you that don't get that reference you will in a minute.

The date was fine, dinner, followed by drinks, followed by going back to his apartment. Now I was not going to go back to his apartment because I didn't want to hook up with him, but my small bladder got the best of me and I needed to pee so bad I just went inside to use the bathroom. I then ended up making out with Mereb on his couch and one thing led to another and another and then before I knew it we were hooking up. The chemistry between the two of us was INCREDIBLE. Mereb is a former fatty.....for those of you that don't understand this let me explain that this means he is attractive but still has the subconscious need to make up for not being perfect looking which makes him AMAZING in bed. Just a fact....try it out I bet I'm right.

I digress.....when we were done hooking up we just laid in his bed talking. The conversation actually came easier lying there naked in his bed then it had the entire beginning of the date. Around 5:00 I saw the clock. I have class at 8 AM on Friday so I figured I should get dressed and leave his bed. When I told him this he started to sing to me......I melted. I seriously melted.......I didn't know what to do. Then he wanted me to sing. I refused. Then he tried starting to sing songs from musicals hoping I would finish them. I stuck to my guns until he sang my absolute favorite song from my absolute favorite musical.....Elaborate Lives from Aida.

I couldn't help myself I started singing and he joined in with the harmony. This is why he is called Mereb. The man of my dream will be Radames from this show. He isn't exactly at Radames level yet, but based on his looks, physical chemistry, and the fact that he sang to me.....I would say he is definitely Mereb.

It was one of those scenes that seemed like it came straight out of a movie. The whole thing sparked that nauseous commitment-phobe part of me....but for some reason I was stuck. Then I just picked myself up and got dressed and left with a goodbye kiss. I didn't know what to do and I still don't

And then on Friday.....so the day after my date with Mereb.....Tiny texted me and invited me to go to the gay club with him. And despite having been on one really amazing date and one okay date in the last week and the fact that the last time Tiny and I went out together things ended weirdly I couldn't help it. I still have a crush on him. So I went and well you can read the beginning of this to know what exactly I did at the club.

Unfortunately all of my skills on a stripper pole weren't enough to gain Tiny's attention. He ended up making out and then hooking up with his former fuck buddy and I was left alone and feeling like an asshole. Fortunately my pole skills managed to get me some attention from a few other people including one guy I ended up making out with who was an 18 year old....19 in six days.....from MassArt. I gave him my number and now I have a date with him tomorrow.

What is my LIFE??? Seriously....why am I going on a date with this random guy I made out with at the club? Why haven't I responded to the other two guys I went on dates with to go on another date with them? They were both fine in their own way, but why do I feel like I should or want to go on a date with this other kid?

I guess it is all part of being a commitment phobe...I am beginning to think that the reason why I have a crush on Tiny is because I know he will never like me....so I don't have to worry about liking him.....does that even make sense? Whatever....I guess I need to go to bed...but I will keep you posted!