Sorry for the lack of updates here. My life has been crazy and to be completely honest I had kind of put the idea of ever finding someone legitimate on hold after the Hufflepuff. I was pretty devastated for a relationship that hadn't really even started yet. It was pretty unreasonable to be honest. What did I care if he didn't like me back? Except I really did care...a lot. Recently The Hufflepuff recently changed his Facebook status and my distant longing that he would change his mind about who I am and what he wanted faded away. I threw myself into work. Like I always do. I'm now up to 6 jobs and grad school. To be honest even I am starting to think it is getting a little ridiculous and that I should probably slow down, but I'll be damned if I am going to let anyone else tell me that......mother........
So this weekend I flew across the country to see one of my friends from nursing school marry the love of her life. Amidst my own self-deprecation and heart ache I was going to be supportive of my friend who has successfully navigated the one thing that despite my jobs I have been unable to figure out...how to find the love of your life.
Jokingly, before I flew out, my friend had mentioned that she thought it would be a sort of brilliant piece of life theater if I found the love of my life at her wedding. I laughed it off, but secretly I of course hoped that she was right. I crossed my fingers that when I flew into Seattle my own personal Brawny Paper Towel man would be helping me get my bags off the plane and offer me a suggestion about a hiking trail. I would coyly ask for him to be my personal Sacagawea (of course he would be some ethnic mix that would lend him to be both a burly mountain man and the male version of the folkloric Native American maze-runner) and guide me through his most treasured hiking trail. I'd try and sleep with him in the middle of woods and he would redirect all of my sexual frustrations to building as close a relationship as possible in the four days that I was in town.
Well that didn't happen. I arrived sans pomp and circumstance and spent the first two days in Seattle alone with my books. I fielded a few phone calls from work but mostly kept to myself and dwelt on the fact that I was utterly alone. Most of the time I was fine, but as I navigated through the Pike Place Market alone and sat at a lovely French Bistro with nothing but the jibes of the newest David Sedaris book to keep me company, I kept looking for my Brawny Man.
The wedding was lovely. The bride was gorgeous, the groom was handsome, and the ceremony was just the right amount of sap and sass to prove that they were a real and lasting couple. It truly made me wonder if I would ever have a love like that or if I would just be the eternal wedding guest, good for a dance and to entertain your gay cousin for the evening, but not really ever having a relationship that was more serious than that.
So the night after the wedding I splurged on a hotel room in Downtown Seattle at a place called the Paramount. In almost some kind of alternative joke universe I was informed that my room had been upgraded free of charge to the Master Suite. It was both exciting and devastating! I think almost everyone gets excited at the idea of a bigger bathroom with additional amenities, but the thought of being in a hotel room that was bigger than my studio apartment at home in Boston....all alone....did nothing except remind me that I was by myself and had no one to even call and enjoy this amazing opportunity with beyond my SnapChat story and my mother.....less than desirable to say the least.
I forced myself to go out. I hit up the local gay concierge and asked for a recommendation, Queer Bar, HOW ORIGINAL!! But at this point I was willing to give anything a shot. I got in my Uber and arrived just as the bar was starting to get busy. It was like a who's who of Seattle's Gender Spectrum. I think every drag queen, king, and gender non-binary person was attempting to dance with the likes of the 10-15 cisgendered gay men who had come out for a night of debauchery. I was enjoying my second sip of the vokda/RedBull I had ordered when this fairly tall gangly white boy came of no where and said, "Can I buy you a drink?"
I was totally off-kilter. Who was this guy? Why was he offering me a drink when mine was full? How drunk was he? Was he here alone? Why was he wearing those ugly shorts? It didn't take long until all of those questions were quickly answered. Apparently the SeattleCasanova, had come to the bar with his best friend and had just been shot down by two other guys that evening. There was a certain endearing quality to him and after a bit of conversation I learned that he had only come out to his family a month ago and that he had tried doing the online dating thing in the past but now that he was out wanted to give the real life thing a try.
I don't know why, if it was the booze, if it was my loneliness, if it was the suite that I didn't want to go to waste, but I invited SeattleCasanova home with me. I insisted that he drink more water, and I insisted that we wouldn't be having sex. I actually was that horny, I had taken care of that 2-3 times before I even decided to go out.
Once we got home SeattleCasanova took off his clothes to get into bed to snuggle and I realized that the bulky clothes he was wearing were actually covering up a well defined body that was clearly the product of the gym, genetics, and some dedication to outdoorsman activities. The most surprising revelation had to be not the body underneath the clothes or the meaty cock that he had been hiding in the ugliest pair of plaid shorts I had ever seen in my entire life....was this giant tatoo of a cephalod on his right rib cage. It was gorgeous and colorful and incited an instant connection with this stranger beyond simply being two lonely gay men in a club in Seattle. The night was great and we had a wonderful morning together. The chemistry was off the charts despite not having penetrative anal sex at all.
Breakfast was pleasant and the conversation flowed like water. I didn't want him to leave. SeattleCasanova is one of three brothers, part of a very close Northwestern family, an accountant for a medical company, and quirky enough to hold my interest (I think he washed his hand a minimal of 37 times in the 16 or so hours we were together. SeattleCasanova is looking for a boyfriend. I am looking for something and last night we both filled that need.
After breakfast we went to Pike Place Market and got coffee and I got to experience the whole fish throwing and gum wall with a partner. It was really nice. I enjoyed his company and it was just a great morning. I didn't want it to end and so I asked if he would show me one of his hiking trails. We went to Discovery Park and because I can't help myself I made my Brawny man tale come true and then I drove SeattleCasanova home.
We traded phone numbers and social networking platforms and I hope that we stay in touch. Who knows if we will.....we have been talking, but this seems oddly reminiscent of the IndyWitch. Why is it that I allow myself to fall so hard and so fast for people who it will never work with? Is that why I allow myself to go there because I know that it is impossible to grow any semblance of a relationship across the country?
Who knows......I guess it's time I get on this plane and leave Seattle and all it's Casanovas for now.
Tchau!!
