I don't even know where to begin really. I had so many plans for blogging in January and absolutely none of them came to fruition. 2014 is going to be one hell of a year...I can tell already.
Let me begin by saying that the reason I haven't blogged is not because I have been so inundated by dates or a one particular man that I have completely forgotten that it exists....quite the contrary. I started a second job working inpatient at another hospital in the city and I have barely even had time to think for the past month. Every time I sat down to write it seemed that I would either fall asleep or just have nothing to say. Its the eternal problem with my dating life really...I'm all about the job!
I was sure in trying to come up with a plan for 2014 that this would be the year I would finally get my personal life together. I've actually started going to the gym on a regular basis. I was finally feeling that I had my one job completely under control. I even had my little side projects well managed. Then I added the second job into the mix and everything seemed to shift slightly. I'm pretty sure after February things will probably calm down again and I will feel like I have a manageable workload and I can actually attempt dating like a real person again. Until then it is taking a back seat, per usual.
Well back to the updates and then I will continue to extrapolate on the reasons why I always choose my job and my academic life over dating.
I am still talking to the IndyGinger almost four months after meeting him. The conversations tend to be focused on him and I am okay with that. It's nice to talk to someone who calls me. He generally initiates the conversation whether on Facebook, text, or an actual phone call and I really like that a lot. It's too bad that he lives so far away. It's also too bad that he really does have a lot of self-esteem and depression stuff to overcome. I can only imagine the kind of psychological problems I would face having grown up in Kentucky so the fact that the guy is still standing at the end of everyday is amazing to me.
Unfortunately, the more I talk to the IndyGinger the more I am sure I am using him as a means of not going out and meeting new people. He is just another tool in this commitment phobe's toolbox. I mean there is no need for me to go out and strike up a conversation with someone interesting at the gym if I know I can go home and text a friend about it. I think that the IndyGinger may be using me as much as a tool in the commitment phobe toolbox as I'm using him. I'm sure talking to him everyday for the last week probably is not the best thing in the world to help my dating life. Oh well, for right now I am not going to push it. I'm just going to enjoy the fact that I have a friend who is easy to talk to and who only exists electronically....maybe one day he will get Skype and I'll actually be able to see him face to face.
This past weekend was a big fundraiser for the young gays of Boston so naturally I managed to get myself a free ticket. One of my lesbians called me last minute and insisted I accompany her as it was my chance to meet "Out-Gays-Who-Have-Their-Shit-Together". I went because quite frankly I wasn't doing anything else.
The event was held at the Revere Hotel in Downtown Boston and let me just say "Damn do the Homos know how to throw a fundraiser." There was a bar the minute you walked in and a second one in the giant warehouse like room beyond, there was an aerialist, there were veggie burger sliders, and there was of course a pretty cool DJ. I had a great time between the people I was with, the amount of gin I was consuming, and the music that was playing my Saturday was awesome.
Then as I was walking to pee I saw BRP. I should have known that he would be there as one of the politico-look-at-me-I'm-Important-Gays, but I didn't really come up with any sort of escape plan. Luckily, my lesbians are great and were able to hide me for the entirety of the night from him and any guy that I was not interested in talking to about some mundane chit chat. One guy had the balls the whole night to come talk with me standing among my lesbians and I have to say I wasn't annoyed at all . It was actually a residence director from one of the universities in Boston who I have always thought was cute. It's nice to know that people like that can at least be interested in you and are willing to bear the Birkenstocks to talk to you.
After the fundraiser ended we grabbed our coats and headed to the Liquor Store for a GQB event. I met up with one of my old college roommates in line waiting to get in and we ended up going together with some friends he met at a gay conference at Harvard. I got right into the club because I had a bracelet from the other fundraising event and left my ex-roommate and his new found friends at the door. Once I realized I had made it to the coat check without them I turned around and began trying to figure out where they went. I was walking up a narrow staircase next to a mechanical bull when I practically walked into BRP.
I had been doing so well at avoiding him at the other event it never even occurred to me that he may have transitioned over to this bar along with the rest of the hordes. Before I had even processed what was happening BRP physically lifted me off of the ground and held me in his arms smiling this big cheeky grin saying, "I've missed you." Almost as if it was an instinct my legs wrapped around his body and my arms flew around his neck. He looked up into my eyes and asked for a kiss.
I want everyone to take a minute and think about what this scene looks like. I am in a bar surrounded by a bunch of homos for the GQB night, a bunch of really confused straight people because its GQB night, I have a mechanical bull to my left, I have a line of people in front of me and behind me, and there is a stage to the right of me with two stripper poles, and here I am on the first step of a narrow staircase literally wrapped up in the arms of BRP. I had no other option....I gave him a quick peck on the lips and moved my hands for around his head to his chest and light hit him so as to make the point it was time to let me down because I had paid the troll my toll to cross his bridge. He obliged and I told him I was trying to find my friend and scurried off. I didn't see him the rest of the night.
Really the rest of the night went off without any problems. No problems and no action either....sort of a double edged sword. It was weird though as there were definitely people who appeared to be checking me out but nobody would even come and say hi. Whether that was because they had seen BRP lift me up, were afraid, or I had something stuck in my teeth is something that is still up for debate, but whatever the reason I wasn't totally offended by the result. It's nice to go out with friends and not get hit on sometimes.
I should mention that I did manage to go on one real date in January. I met this guy on OKC of course because I don't tend to meet anyone in person anymore who has the balls to actually ask me out. I think the appropriate nickname for this guy is the FaceBiter.
Allow me to explain: The FaceBiter is one of those guys who really enjoys the feel of facial hair/scruff. He likes the idea so much in fact that he rubbed his face against my 5 o'clock shadow and actually bit my chin or my cheek more than twice throughout the night.
A little more on the FaceBiter. It was actually one of those really easy good first dates. We met at Mike's in Davis Square after I worked all day and he had been in class. He beat me to the restaurant (no shocker there). He went in though and didn't sit down. He simply just waited for me to arrive before we went and got a seat. He is a pretty good catch beyond the face biting stuff. He is probably 6'1", heavier than me but not fat, he is Venezuelan, goes to MIT and works on Internet Policy, and he laughed at everything I said.
I really do enjoy having a sense of humor and making jokes out of everything, particularly those kinds of things which most people don't typically find funny. My brand of humor is a lot like me, either you get it and you love it or you don't get it and find it horribly offensive. He got it and laughed at some things that I didn't even intend to be jokes. We split a pitcher of beer and just talked for almost two hours. There was only one point in the conversation where one of my red flags went up. We were talking about how often/how much alcohol we drank when he told me he has about 20 drinks/week. In the moment I nodded and shook my head, but I was immediately comparing him to the alcoholic patients I treat in my work. 20 drinks/week is a pretty good amount of booze for one person every week and it is definitely over the recommended number of drinks per week.
In typical fashion after a semi good first date (by semi-good I mean no disclosure of past felonies) I invited him back to my place for another beer. Sitting on my couch enjoying a Blue Moon he made a move and actually started kissing me. We made out on the couch for a good 15 minutes until I finally made the suggestion to move to my bedroom. This was both because I thought it would be more comfortable for us, but it was also so my Fag Hag's straight boyfriend could walk about the house without having to see to guys make out. It's not that he is homophobic, but I am his first real foray into having a gay friend and we are still a little early in the game for him to be watching two dudes make out on the couch in front of him. I'll get him there, no worries, but all in time.
FaceBiter and I didn't have sex. We continued to hook up for about 2 hours, at first just playing around and then trading blowjobs. It was at this point where I found two more strikes against the FaceBiter. The first was that his dick was just not really what I am looking for in a man. It's not that his dick is to small, but rather its the proportions. It's on the short side and thick with a weirdly shaped shaft. The other strike against the FaceBiter was his use of his teeth during a blowjob.
The blowjob issue is rather amusing. FaceBiter loves to give head and LOVES to deep throat but every time my dick actually got into his throat it seemed like my dick would suddenly feel a bunch of little teeth around the base of the shaft. It was really disappointing. I was hoping that it would be one of his best assets....but I was wrong.
He claims that he is vers but judging on our interaction that boy is a sub bottom. He really wanted me to fuck him but luckily I was able to keep that in check and insist that he wait until next time. We played around. He came then he worked me over until I did and then we both passed out in my bed. The next morning I woke him up, we showered, and I dropped him off at home. He was going away the next weekend and wanted to know if he could see me again before that.....I wasn't able to make any plans but we have tentative plans for dinner this weekend. We'll see if that happens although I am less than optimistic since I have a bit of work to catch up on.
And with that I think everyone is caught up and I am now sufficiently tired enough to go to bed.
I promise another update very soon....
Until Next Time!
Chau!!
Showing posts with label BRP. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BRP. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Updates...or Hauntings Depending on How You Look At It
As 2013 comes to a close apparently a bunch of the guys I went on dates with are going through their contact lists and deciding it would be a good idea to see exactly what I am up to again. So I thought I would share some of these updates with you.
Romeo--Recently Romeo has started to play games of Words with Friends with me again. In these games he almost invariably kicks my ass, but always strikes up a conversation. I have learned his plans for post-graduation, checked in about his holidays, and have even talked with him about the every day goings on of his life. It's almost as if he is using Words with Friends as a way to text me and show interest without texting me and showing interest. Honestly, its not doing anything for me. I am responding and being cordial because there was a time that I liked Romeo and thought he was wonderful, but the truth is the being in the closet to his family thing is a deal breaker. Since that still has not changed neither have my feelings about the Death of Romeo.
Geri--This guy is proving to be a bigger and bigger mistake with each passing month. He texted me this month inquiring as to whether or not he could get a test. I thought that he must have other options to get the test and was using this as a simple excuse to see me again, but I can't turn away a patient. I don't have it in me. He came in for the appointment and before he even sat down was commenting on my ass. REALLY? At that point I wanted to scream, but I kept it together and got through the risk assessment. It was actually one of the most awkward scenarios I've had in quite some time. I had to ask questions about his sexual history, which he then proceeded to try and make me feel awkward about. Then when I got to the substance abuse questions that I ask everyone he got very upset and almost angry. Geri was also clearly intoxicated when he came to see me so I really do think that he needs some sort of alcohol treatment, but at this point my hands are tied. He does not want to discuss that with me and I can't force him to so I simply gave him his test and sent him on his way.
SkaterBoy--Anybody even remember him?? I actually haven't written about him in a while but he has always sort of been in the orbit of people that I know. For those of you who are just joining us or who have forgotten...this is a friend of Tiny's who I have had a HUGE CRUSH on for a very long time. The guy is a figure skater with an ass to die for and a good heart. He's a little intense when it comes to certain things, but I love that kind of unbridled passion.
Well back to the point....he got an OKC account. He came up in my match ratings so I naturally rated him either a 4 or 5 stars so that if he rated me back similarly I would know that maybe he was interested. Well much to my surprise a day later I got a message from OKC informing me that indeed he had also rated me highly. So in an unprecedented maneuver...I actually messaged him first. I NEVER do that. It's like rule number one of online dating for me. I always respond, will always say yes to a first date, but I never make the first move. I guess part of me is afraid of being rejected and part of me thinks that I need a man who can take the initiative to be interested in me. For some reason I decided to buck traditional logic and go for it....and of course....NO RESPONSE. Typical! I'm okay with it though. My crush has been waning throughout the year and one time I saw him at the beach wearing shoes...yes he is a Shoebie so it would probably never work anyways.
Harvard Gaymer--Last week the Harvard Gaymer actually messaged me on OKC. It was a really cute message that basically boiled down to I miss you. That was nice. The conversation continued and it became a little bit more about catching up with each other. He is 21 now and asked if I might consider going out to a bar with him at least as friends since we did get along well together. I think that there really is no harm in that at all. Actually, I believe that he probably doesn't have a lot of gay friends who are of legal drinking age and it wouldn't hurt if I took him out to a gay bar or two and showed him the ropes. Unfortunately, the same problems that existed there before still exist. He is still not out to his family and he is young. I don't mean young in terms of his age, but in terms of his maturity level/comfortability with himself.
BRP--Well since my last post about him he has actually messaged me again, but I didn't respond this time. I know that makes me sound like a horribly immature person, but he just isn't taking the hint otherwise. I have tried to be honest without hurting his feelings, but it is simply not working so just not responding is really my only option at this point.
Hickey--We still talk and we still sext and we still booty call each other. I think that he definitely still has feelings for me though so I have to be careful about how often I talk with him. I don't want to give him the wrong impression and create a problem for myself in the future. I like what's happening now, but only because I think that we both have a mutual understanding that it is just a friendship with occasional bouts of sex.
Tiny--I messaged him on Facebook not too long ago and we had a talk about his date. Neither one of us mentioned the sex. I didn't mention it because quite frankly it wasn't a thing for me and I'm willing to bet he didn't mention it because he didn't even cum. We are still able to talk just like we use to and I am thankful for that....I like my gay friends and would hate for that to change.
So those are the updates for now on all my men....sometimes I think it must be some kind of sick joke and then I reread the blog posts....
Until Next Time!!
Chau!
Friday, December 27, 2013
Crazy Magnet Part Deux
SO as I had told you all things with BRP were over. I had texted him and he seemed to accept everything really well. Then tonight....at about 2:30AM this motherfucker texts me "You clearly weren't that interested, which is cool, but I get it, I'm not your type."
Seriously at 2:30am on a Thursday/Friday after Christmas. I thought you were a grown up with a real job like me. I answered because I thought it might be a patient and then when I read it I couldn't just go back to sleep. I actually answered him. That's right I answered him and said that he actually was my type I just felt guilty I couldn't give him the time I thought he deserved.
As previously discussed here I didn't really feel that way, but I think its a lot better then saying...."on paper you are perfect, everything I've ever imagined my future husband would be, but for some reason there is no spark. I don't see fireworks when we kiss. I don't get lost in your eyes. I don't find myself helplessly checking you out every time you walk away from me." Am I crazy here? I mean I needed to be honest which is why I said we shouldn't see each other, but I don't want to hurt the guy's feelings either because the truth is he is perfect on paper and he is super nice.
The rest of the conversation progressed exactly as you would have imagined. But one thing distinctively caught my eye. In one of the texts he said, "I miss our sex...lol" Anybody remember where they have seen that before??? Maybe with Hickey? How crazy is that? I'm still floored, but it definitely just clued me in to the kind of craziness I am actually dealing with when I talk to this guy.
At around 3am when I realized this texting was going no where fast I even volunteered to let the guy come over to talk it out, which he thankfully denied. He did try to get me to see him tomorrow though. I, THANK GOD, have to work and study for an exam I am taking on Saturday.
I feel bad...the guy is perfect on paper but there is just something off about it....
The perfect example of that is this whole conversation we had tonight. A totally appropriate conversation to have had when I first told you I thought maybe it wasn't a great idea to see each other anymore. But you brought it up almost 2.5 weeks later at 2:30am undoubtedly after coming home drunk from a bar. It's just weird.
I digress....just needed to get that off my chest. I actually have two more updates but they're about people who aren't in the race anymore.
Until Next Time,
Chau!!
Seriously at 2:30am on a Thursday/Friday after Christmas. I thought you were a grown up with a real job like me. I answered because I thought it might be a patient and then when I read it I couldn't just go back to sleep. I actually answered him. That's right I answered him and said that he actually was my type I just felt guilty I couldn't give him the time I thought he deserved.
As previously discussed here I didn't really feel that way, but I think its a lot better then saying...."on paper you are perfect, everything I've ever imagined my future husband would be, but for some reason there is no spark. I don't see fireworks when we kiss. I don't get lost in your eyes. I don't find myself helplessly checking you out every time you walk away from me." Am I crazy here? I mean I needed to be honest which is why I said we shouldn't see each other, but I don't want to hurt the guy's feelings either because the truth is he is perfect on paper and he is super nice.
The rest of the conversation progressed exactly as you would have imagined. But one thing distinctively caught my eye. In one of the texts he said, "I miss our sex...lol" Anybody remember where they have seen that before??? Maybe with Hickey? How crazy is that? I'm still floored, but it definitely just clued me in to the kind of craziness I am actually dealing with when I talk to this guy.
At around 3am when I realized this texting was going no where fast I even volunteered to let the guy come over to talk it out, which he thankfully denied. He did try to get me to see him tomorrow though. I, THANK GOD, have to work and study for an exam I am taking on Saturday.
I feel bad...the guy is perfect on paper but there is just something off about it....
The perfect example of that is this whole conversation we had tonight. A totally appropriate conversation to have had when I first told you I thought maybe it wasn't a great idea to see each other anymore. But you brought it up almost 2.5 weeks later at 2:30am undoubtedly after coming home drunk from a bar. It's just weird.
I digress....just needed to get that off my chest. I actually have two more updates but they're about people who aren't in the race anymore.
Until Next Time,
Chau!!
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Your Ass Tastes Minty....
I basically ended things with BRP recently. He kept texting me to hang out and every time we made tentative plans something kept coming up; a patient at work, a snow storm, the death of my phone battery. After two reschedules and BRP being more than understanding I realized I was not being fair. I wanted BRP to want me. I liked being wanted and wooed, but I knew there was something off about the two of us romantically. I still can't really put my finger on it just something in my gut that tells me a few dates were never going to turn into any legitimate. He took the news as expected, curtly, and I thought that I had probably heard from him with a final okay.
Then this weekend, again on Friday night. I assume he was out drinking and I got a text message that said one of my college friends who also works with the Senator was out with him and she wanted to say hello. That and she thought the two of us would make a fantastic couple. I didn't know how to respond at first. Eventually, I said hello to my friend and agreed that we should be a great couple. He questioned my use of the word should. I quickly explained that on paper we are really good for each other, but in real life it just doesn't seem to be fair to him. He makes time to see me and get coffee or dinner and I constantly cancel on him for one crisis or another. While I knew the romantic chemistry was not right too, I decided to leave that one alone.
For some reason whenever you question the romantic chemistry of another person with yourself they automatically become defensive. I find this absolutely hysterical. Its not like I am bashing you in anyway if I say the chemistry between the two of us isn't there. It has nothing to do with your attractiveness, your dick size, or your personality; if it was one of those things I would just say so. A lack or spark of chemistry is one of those unaccountable things. Its one of the unquanitfiables in the world. For a lot of people I think that concept is really hard. People like concrete things and answers to say that the chemistry just seems off appears to be a cop out to most. I assure you that is not the case. Some times, no matter how good someone is for you on paper (a nonwhite, out, musclebound, politico) there just isn't any chemistry. And other times when someone should have never even entered your list of possibilities (a white, longhaired, ginger, Wiccan) the spark of chemistry is completely undeniable.
This brings me to the next thing....I am still talking with IndyGinger. We text regularly, we both now follow each other on Instagram, and in the past few weeks I have even spoken to him on the phone at length a few times. What is really odd is that there are almost two versions of the IndyGinger when we speak on the phone. There is the IndyGinger who I met in Indianapolis who is really bubbly, happy, and optimistic and then there is the IndyGinger who is so riddled with self esteem issues and body insecurities that I feel like I am talking with a patient and not a guy who I like. We've talked about that and he agrees. Part of me wishes that he would move here just to get out of the toxic environment that is Indianapolis for him, but that will never happen. He is definitely very comfortable with where he is located. Again, I'm going to continue to talk to him and see where things go though, because there is no point in stopping something I really enjoy if at some point something could happen to reveal an opportunity where something might be able to work out for us.
Now to get to the fun stuff....I guess you can say that I buried the lead. Many of you may be new to reading this and may have forgotten about Tiny. Well so had I...romantically at least. I still consider Tiny a pretty good friend and he has seemed lonely since a lot of his gay friends moved out of the city this year. We were supposed to go out last weekend and I ended up staying in because of the snow, but I invited him over to my place to drink and watch crappy lifetime movies. Tiny of course brought his usual friend....the one who I have yet to name...I'm thinking Tiny's Sure Thing or TST for short. So Tiny and TST were both over and we were drinking and just generally having a good time. It was just a couple of gay friends hanging out and I genuinely thought that is how the night was going to progress. TST at one point put his arms around me but whenever I got touchy feely he simply lifted my hand and shoved it back on my own lap. I was getting mixed messages. After a little while, and feeling slightly rejected, I decided to head into my bed leaving Tiny and TST to sleep on the couch.
I was not even in my bed 5 minutes when Tiny came walking in the door and asking if he could share my bed. In my drunken stupor I agreed, and still thought nothing of it. Then Tiny was face to face with me and we started making out. Then his pants were off, then my pants were off, then his shirt, then my shirt, then before I knew it there we were naked and just going at it. I stopped it all and said, "For the record we are just friends who are hooking up right?" I wanted to know where I stood. I have always thought Tiny was attractive but have been so rejected by him before I didn't really know what to expect. Tiny then told me, "Yea we are just friends and I find you attractive and I want to hook up with you."
**************************************NSFW**************************************
With that we went back to making out and touching each other. Even though Tiny is short he is super aggressive. He always says that he is vers but the reality is he is all top and will occasionally bottom for a boyfriend who asks. I didn't mind the aggression because for the last 6 months I have been only hooking up with one person who really prefers bottoming. I wasn't sure if we were going to have sex, but I needed to make a few things clear with Tiny at this point since I know his MO. "I don't mind if you fuck me, but you have to wear a condom. I don't care if your dick gets soft." Tiny looked at me almost dejectedly and I didn't care. I have never had anal sex without a condom and I was most certainly not going to go down that road with Tiny. I then moved down to blow Tiny and get him rock hard. He has a good sized dick, but really his biggest asset are his balls. I would say 80-85% of Tiny's bulge, which is above average, is composed of his balls.
After I got Tiny going he flipped me over and started rimming me and fingering me. I have to admit this was a blast. I hadn't had someone aggressively rim me or finger me in a while and it just felt so good. Then it was time to fuck so he flipped me over one more time. As I was getting the condom and the lube Tiny looked at me and asked, "What do you clean your ass with because its delicious. Its like minty."
I'm telling you I couldn't make this stuff up if I fucking tried. For the record, I don't try to have my ass taste minty. Its not like I am giving myself a Scope Enema or anything. I do however have a brand of soap Every Man Jack that is one of the all natural Trader Joe's types of liquid soap that I use that apparently has some lasting effects. So if you are looking for my secret to a minty ass...I would use a mint scented soap and wash you asshole with warm water and soap while you shower :)
The condom went on and Tiny's dick didn't immediately soften so I tried to get on top at first. This was a HUGE failure. I forgot that when you don't bottom for a while it takes some time to get yourself back into the swing of things. I eventually got myself into the doggy position and after a 3 minutes adjustment period was ready to go. Tiny was pounding away and I was loving it. It felt fantastic. Tiny was grabbing my hands behind my back for leverage and really going to town. We changed positions again and everything was fine, but as we attempted to change how we were fucking for the third time Tiny's dick became like Play-Do after sitting in the sun all day.
Tiny tried fervently to bring the blood back into the shaft of his penis so he could finish what he started but it seemed as though nothing was working. I decided the whole situation was getting pretty sad. Even if Tiny couldn't fuck me maybe I could blow him, or jerk him off, or something so that he could cum...and in turn I would be able to cum. I threw out the option to Tiny and he requested being able to jerk off onto my back while he fingered my hole. I obliged and flipped over. Within seconds Tiny found my prostate and began stimulating it like a democrat trying to fix the economy (see I can make political jokes too). I was loving every second of it and Tiny definitely appeared to be getting close. After a few minutes of fingering I had a first. I orgasmed without actually cumming. As Tiny was fingering my prostate I could feel these pre-orgasm muscle contractions starting to develop in my arms, stomach, and legs, then before I knew it I was hit with this wave of ecstasy. It felt just like I was cumming only....no cum....It was fascinating. At that point I think Tiny assumed I had cum. He flipped me over and seemed a little surprised to see nothing but my raging hard on staring back at him.
**********************************SFW*****************************************
Tiny finally gave up. I told him that it was okay of course because that is what you are supposed to do in these situations, but I really had a good understanding of what had happened. Tiny always blames a condom, but he is also usually intoxicated when he hooks up with people. I think Tiny has a lot of self-esteem issues. I know, from being his friend, that his anxiety is out of this world. The fact that Tiny and I hooked up is an indicator to me not that he is into me but that he needed to prove people liked him. I also think that most of the reason Tiny hooked up with me is because he wanted to make TST jealous.
Whatever the reason, it happened and I didn't hate it. Even though neither one of us came, I still enjoyed myself. I have no real feelings for Tiny, probably even less after the situation last night, but he is still a really good friend. I don't think there is a problem with hooking up with one of your good friends.
Gay people get shit for this all the time. That we sleep with all of our friends. I have a news flash for everyone though....so do straight people. It just so happens that it usually breaks down differently. Allow me to explain. Generally speaking, straight people have friends within their own gender groups ( a group of guy friends or a group of girlfriends). Almost inevitably (most clearly evident in college) a group of guys befriends a group of girls. These two groups then pass each other back and for like a bowl of mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving. The difference between straight people and gay people is that gay people have no base friend group to retreat to after their hookup. Straight guys retreat back to their boys and straight girls go back to their biddies discussing each of their triumphs and travesties with the people in their opposite, but corresponding gender friend group.
This morning TST jumped in bed with Tiny and I and we went back to our conversations about boys, school, and life in general as if there was nothing unusual with Tiny being in his underwear in my bed, which in truth there wasn't at all. Tiny did have a fairly sizable hickey on his neck though (apparently I am more aggressive than I anticipated). I felt bad, not because TST figured out who had given Tiny the hickey, but because Tiny had a date that afternoon. OOOOOPS!! I guess I'm just glad it wasn't my date. I brought both Tiny and TST to the train and saw them off on their way. I am sure that I will continue to be friends with Tiny regardless of whether or not we ever hook up again. He is funny and neurotic and fits in quite well with the gay position that I need filled in my life.
Thinking that is all I have for now. I might have more after Christmas but you never know. Don't hesitate to say Hi!! Also....Merry Christmas,
Chau!!!
Then this weekend, again on Friday night. I assume he was out drinking and I got a text message that said one of my college friends who also works with the Senator was out with him and she wanted to say hello. That and she thought the two of us would make a fantastic couple. I didn't know how to respond at first. Eventually, I said hello to my friend and agreed that we should be a great couple. He questioned my use of the word should. I quickly explained that on paper we are really good for each other, but in real life it just doesn't seem to be fair to him. He makes time to see me and get coffee or dinner and I constantly cancel on him for one crisis or another. While I knew the romantic chemistry was not right too, I decided to leave that one alone.
For some reason whenever you question the romantic chemistry of another person with yourself they automatically become defensive. I find this absolutely hysterical. Its not like I am bashing you in anyway if I say the chemistry between the two of us isn't there. It has nothing to do with your attractiveness, your dick size, or your personality; if it was one of those things I would just say so. A lack or spark of chemistry is one of those unaccountable things. Its one of the unquanitfiables in the world. For a lot of people I think that concept is really hard. People like concrete things and answers to say that the chemistry just seems off appears to be a cop out to most. I assure you that is not the case. Some times, no matter how good someone is for you on paper (a nonwhite, out, musclebound, politico) there just isn't any chemistry. And other times when someone should have never even entered your list of possibilities (a white, longhaired, ginger, Wiccan) the spark of chemistry is completely undeniable.
This brings me to the next thing....I am still talking with IndyGinger. We text regularly, we both now follow each other on Instagram, and in the past few weeks I have even spoken to him on the phone at length a few times. What is really odd is that there are almost two versions of the IndyGinger when we speak on the phone. There is the IndyGinger who I met in Indianapolis who is really bubbly, happy, and optimistic and then there is the IndyGinger who is so riddled with self esteem issues and body insecurities that I feel like I am talking with a patient and not a guy who I like. We've talked about that and he agrees. Part of me wishes that he would move here just to get out of the toxic environment that is Indianapolis for him, but that will never happen. He is definitely very comfortable with where he is located. Again, I'm going to continue to talk to him and see where things go though, because there is no point in stopping something I really enjoy if at some point something could happen to reveal an opportunity where something might be able to work out for us.
Now to get to the fun stuff....I guess you can say that I buried the lead. Many of you may be new to reading this and may have forgotten about Tiny. Well so had I...romantically at least. I still consider Tiny a pretty good friend and he has seemed lonely since a lot of his gay friends moved out of the city this year. We were supposed to go out last weekend and I ended up staying in because of the snow, but I invited him over to my place to drink and watch crappy lifetime movies. Tiny of course brought his usual friend....the one who I have yet to name...I'm thinking Tiny's Sure Thing or TST for short. So Tiny and TST were both over and we were drinking and just generally having a good time. It was just a couple of gay friends hanging out and I genuinely thought that is how the night was going to progress. TST at one point put his arms around me but whenever I got touchy feely he simply lifted my hand and shoved it back on my own lap. I was getting mixed messages. After a little while, and feeling slightly rejected, I decided to head into my bed leaving Tiny and TST to sleep on the couch.
I was not even in my bed 5 minutes when Tiny came walking in the door and asking if he could share my bed. In my drunken stupor I agreed, and still thought nothing of it. Then Tiny was face to face with me and we started making out. Then his pants were off, then my pants were off, then his shirt, then my shirt, then before I knew it there we were naked and just going at it. I stopped it all and said, "For the record we are just friends who are hooking up right?" I wanted to know where I stood. I have always thought Tiny was attractive but have been so rejected by him before I didn't really know what to expect. Tiny then told me, "Yea we are just friends and I find you attractive and I want to hook up with you."
**************************************NSFW**************************************
With that we went back to making out and touching each other. Even though Tiny is short he is super aggressive. He always says that he is vers but the reality is he is all top and will occasionally bottom for a boyfriend who asks. I didn't mind the aggression because for the last 6 months I have been only hooking up with one person who really prefers bottoming. I wasn't sure if we were going to have sex, but I needed to make a few things clear with Tiny at this point since I know his MO. "I don't mind if you fuck me, but you have to wear a condom. I don't care if your dick gets soft." Tiny looked at me almost dejectedly and I didn't care. I have never had anal sex without a condom and I was most certainly not going to go down that road with Tiny. I then moved down to blow Tiny and get him rock hard. He has a good sized dick, but really his biggest asset are his balls. I would say 80-85% of Tiny's bulge, which is above average, is composed of his balls.
After I got Tiny going he flipped me over and started rimming me and fingering me. I have to admit this was a blast. I hadn't had someone aggressively rim me or finger me in a while and it just felt so good. Then it was time to fuck so he flipped me over one more time. As I was getting the condom and the lube Tiny looked at me and asked, "What do you clean your ass with because its delicious. Its like minty."
I'm telling you I couldn't make this stuff up if I fucking tried. For the record, I don't try to have my ass taste minty. Its not like I am giving myself a Scope Enema or anything. I do however have a brand of soap Every Man Jack that is one of the all natural Trader Joe's types of liquid soap that I use that apparently has some lasting effects. So if you are looking for my secret to a minty ass...I would use a mint scented soap and wash you asshole with warm water and soap while you shower :)
The condom went on and Tiny's dick didn't immediately soften so I tried to get on top at first. This was a HUGE failure. I forgot that when you don't bottom for a while it takes some time to get yourself back into the swing of things. I eventually got myself into the doggy position and after a 3 minutes adjustment period was ready to go. Tiny was pounding away and I was loving it. It felt fantastic. Tiny was grabbing my hands behind my back for leverage and really going to town. We changed positions again and everything was fine, but as we attempted to change how we were fucking for the third time Tiny's dick became like Play-Do after sitting in the sun all day.
Tiny tried fervently to bring the blood back into the shaft of his penis so he could finish what he started but it seemed as though nothing was working. I decided the whole situation was getting pretty sad. Even if Tiny couldn't fuck me maybe I could blow him, or jerk him off, or something so that he could cum...and in turn I would be able to cum. I threw out the option to Tiny and he requested being able to jerk off onto my back while he fingered my hole. I obliged and flipped over. Within seconds Tiny found my prostate and began stimulating it like a democrat trying to fix the economy (see I can make political jokes too). I was loving every second of it and Tiny definitely appeared to be getting close. After a few minutes of fingering I had a first. I orgasmed without actually cumming. As Tiny was fingering my prostate I could feel these pre-orgasm muscle contractions starting to develop in my arms, stomach, and legs, then before I knew it I was hit with this wave of ecstasy. It felt just like I was cumming only....no cum....It was fascinating. At that point I think Tiny assumed I had cum. He flipped me over and seemed a little surprised to see nothing but my raging hard on staring back at him.
**********************************SFW*****************************************
Tiny finally gave up. I told him that it was okay of course because that is what you are supposed to do in these situations, but I really had a good understanding of what had happened. Tiny always blames a condom, but he is also usually intoxicated when he hooks up with people. I think Tiny has a lot of self-esteem issues. I know, from being his friend, that his anxiety is out of this world. The fact that Tiny and I hooked up is an indicator to me not that he is into me but that he needed to prove people liked him. I also think that most of the reason Tiny hooked up with me is because he wanted to make TST jealous.
Whatever the reason, it happened and I didn't hate it. Even though neither one of us came, I still enjoyed myself. I have no real feelings for Tiny, probably even less after the situation last night, but he is still a really good friend. I don't think there is a problem with hooking up with one of your good friends.
Gay people get shit for this all the time. That we sleep with all of our friends. I have a news flash for everyone though....so do straight people. It just so happens that it usually breaks down differently. Allow me to explain. Generally speaking, straight people have friends within their own gender groups ( a group of guy friends or a group of girlfriends). Almost inevitably (most clearly evident in college) a group of guys befriends a group of girls. These two groups then pass each other back and for like a bowl of mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving. The difference between straight people and gay people is that gay people have no base friend group to retreat to after their hookup. Straight guys retreat back to their boys and straight girls go back to their biddies discussing each of their triumphs and travesties with the people in their opposite, but corresponding gender friend group.
This morning TST jumped in bed with Tiny and I and we went back to our conversations about boys, school, and life in general as if there was nothing unusual with Tiny being in his underwear in my bed, which in truth there wasn't at all. Tiny did have a fairly sizable hickey on his neck though (apparently I am more aggressive than I anticipated). I felt bad, not because TST figured out who had given Tiny the hickey, but because Tiny had a date that afternoon. OOOOOPS!! I guess I'm just glad it wasn't my date. I brought both Tiny and TST to the train and saw them off on their way. I am sure that I will continue to be friends with Tiny regardless of whether or not we ever hook up again. He is funny and neurotic and fits in quite well with the gay position that I need filled in my life.
Thinking that is all I have for now. I might have more after Christmas but you never know. Don't hesitate to say Hi!! Also....Merry Christmas,
Chau!!!
Sunday, December 8, 2013
A Ginger, A Black-A-Rican, and a Freak!
So I have a few updates. No one new, just some old recycled folks.
I guess I should start with the oldest in the repertoire. This weekend I invited Hickey to come by so we could fool around again. Our Friends with Benefits thing has worked out far better than the two of us dating ever could have. We both have a mutual respect for each other and we both have pretty high standards for who we actually sleep with which is really comforting in a way. For instance, despite the fact that we have both gone out on dates with several people the only people we have had anal sex with in the last four months have been each other.
The other nice thing about the sex with Hickey is that we have both come to the understanding that sex is it. We aren't looking for it to be anything else. We are both really comfortable asking the other to do things sexually to get each other off. The freakier the sex gets, the better it is, and the more we both just really have a good time when we get together. All of the awkwardness from our first Friends with Benefits encounter is officially gone. We both understand what is happening and we have finally settled into a wonderful rhythm of fucking, sucking, and kinking. (I'm not sure if that is a word, but it is now!)
Every once in a while I get this feeling that Hickey is waiting for me to ask him to be my boyfriend, but he always assures me that is not the case. I'm hoping that is true because I could very easily be setting myself up for a repeat of the Panera incident....let's hope that does not happen...again!
The next person that I have updates on is BRP. As I have said before BRP is perfect for me on paper, but there is definitely something off about the whole thing. For this reason while I was away BRP texted me to say hi, but I did not respond. When I finally got back I let him know I was home and that I still had his hat from his night time visit, but I did not hear from him. It wasn't until the Saturday after Thanksgiving that I heard back from him. It was a very short message simply asking when he could retrieve his hat. It was late and I figured it must have been a drunken response to my text so I let him know I was still interested in seeing him.
I got a second equally as curt response. Not being one for passive aggressive games, I flat out asked if he was upset because his messages were so curt and almost bitter. He then went into a long explanation about that not being the case and we set up a time to see each other the next week. I almost had to cancel on him because of a patient emergency, but fortunately I was able to move things around and still make a late night coffee date work.
We met at 1369 Cafe in Inman Square. It was packed so we ended up just getting coffee and walking around Cambridge a little bit. Ultimately, we ended up stopping at a pizza place so he could get food since he still had not eaten and we both wanted a place to sit and talk.
The conversation was very cordial at first, no mention of the curtness from the texts, but I can never leave well enough alone. I picked the scab and before I knew it I was getting the litany of reasons that he was "pissed" not bitter about my lack of response to him while I was away. We had quite a discussion about his gripes with me.
What was really interesting was hearing all of the things that BRP considered red flags about myself.
Let me begin:
1. I'm young
2. I've never been in a relationship
3. I am sexually expressive/adept
4. I ignored him for 2 weeks
5. I am ambitious/driven
He qualified all of these statements with: "I mean you have all of these things which individually are red flags but together they don't bother me." How charming right?
I have to be honest; none of his 5 things surprised me. I recognize them as part of the issues I have in committing to any relationship anyways so the fact that someone finally recognizes them as issues in a relationship with me is something that I just have to come to terms with as I continue dating.
Ultimately, I can't do anything about the fact that I am young. I also could do something about never having been in a relationship, but I won't. I refuse to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. I don't care if that means I am single for another 20 years. I am waiting for someone I really think is worth it. I could do something about the sexual expressiveness, but I don't want to. I like sex. I enjoy sex. It's fun and I am not going to apologize because I know what I want and I'm good at what I do. I could also do something about the ambition I have related to my career, but I won't. My career and my patients are really important to me and I am not going to change that just to please someone or enter into a relationship. The thing about me ignoring him for 2 weeks...well that I'll own. I definitely could have changed that and I definitely should have.
After he finished eating I offered to drive him home since he had driven me home the last time. I realized that things definitely still weren't right in the car, but I couldn't just send him back into his apartment when we got to his place. I felt like he was looking for an excuse to blow me off or just write me off completely and that annoyed me. I know this is absolutely insane, but I hate the idea that someone would write me off based on those 5 red flags. I felt like I needed to do something to prove he was wrong, even though he wasn't.
I am officially insane! I know and I can't help it. I went in for a kiss literally mid-awkward conversation where it seemed like he didn't want to see me again. I ended up in his apartment and we started making out. He stopped me and insisted that we not hook up. He told me he promised himself he wouldn't do that with me. I was being rejected sexually and I was stunned. I don't like the feeling that someone could just choose not to do something they wanted to. The idea that someone could have that kind of self control around me perturbed me a little bit. So I tried harder. Eventually I won him over and I was blowing him. Then I decided to respect his initial desires and stopped before he came. That was pretty bitchy of me but I couldn't help it. I had to prove the point that my sexual prowess could win him over.
I AM COMPLETELY INSANE!
I then left his apartment and hopped in my car and went home. I ended up seeing him again on Saturday for a cute lunch date in Harvard Square. I was super late (this is becoming a pattern for me unfortunately). We met at Tory Row and sat at the bar.
The restaurant was amazing: a great menu, a great atmosphere, and the bartender had an amazing ass. The fact that I am commenting on the bartender's ass should be a pretty good indicator for how my date went. I can't help but feel bad for how I behaved actually. I was sort of an ass. I was trying to treat him the way I treat a lot of my old friends. I was joking around and sort of making fun of him a little bit, but I'm not sure it really came off the right way. Luckily, this guy likes himself enough, and has a high enough self-esteem, that the whole time I was ribbing him he was pointing out how wrong I was.
When it came time to pay the bill I pulled out my card to pay. He insisted on paying. I said we could split it and he agreed, until the bartender brought over the bill and he literally grabbed my card out of the bartender's hand and gave it back to me. Apparently the bartender thought this guy should pay because he sort of chuckled when I again tried to pay and told me, "Nah let's let him get this one." The whole thing just seemed odd to me. I couldn't tell if the bartender had been listening and felt bad for me or if he somehow thought that this guy should be paying for me for some reason. I decided to let it go and just went to get my jacket.
BRP drove me home and we kissed in the car and I jumped out. He definitely wanted more of kiss, but I couldn't bring myself to sit in front of my house and make out with him like I have in the past. There is still something so off about the whole thing and I can't really put my finger on it.
He texted me again today to hang out, but I was studying so I told him that I would have to pass. He volunteered to come over and help and I told him he would just be a distraction. I got one of those stupid :P faces in response.
The last update I have for everyone is about the IndyGinger. I have still been talking to him almost every day. We talk either via text, facebook messenger, or actual phone call about nothing. Simply talking to him about the paper he needs to write brings a smile to my face. Its so weird. We've talked about the sex stuff we did, but we have yet to truly sext. It's oddly enough just to chat during the week.
One of the most recent calls I got from him lasted for well over 30 minutes. It wasn't the same happy guy that called me though. I finally figured out the problem with the IndyGinger. He is totally insecure. I don't know if its something to do with his family when he was growing up, the city he lives in, or some horrible ex-boyfriend he had but the IndyGinger has no self esteem. He is super concerned that his dick isn't big enough, his body isn't jacked enough, his hair isn't the right way, and that his physical appearance isn't good enough for anyone. It kills me. If he lived here I would date him in a heart beat. I would be really happy to see him as frequently as I could.
He is so eclectic and different that I can't imagine that he could feel so uncomfortable about his body. His muscles are something I could only dream of having and his dick isn't small (its definitely not huge but its nothing to laugh at either). I also learned that the IndyGinger has a history of suicidality. Typical right? Someone who I actually like, someone who I actually feel the need to continue to speak with despite being miles away from each other, thinks that they need to hurt themselves. I don't really know what to do. I am going to keep talking to him, because I can't help myself. I am also going to send him my copy of El Alquimista.
He is really into speaking/learning Spanish. He's not great, but he seems to really like it. I think that coupled with his lack of self-esteem just make it seem like he needs to read the book. Its a great story about accepting yourself for the gift you are and realizing what you already have and its something he needs to figure out. I feel like I want to save him. Again, its crazy, I know it, but I just can't help it.
So here I sit...blogging and watching reruns of the X Factor. I don't know what I'm doing. The more I try and be open and make things work the more confused I seem to get. For now I am just going to avoid analyzing anything. I am just going to accept things as they come. I am going to continue to do things that make me happy.
Well I guess that's it for now. Per usual if anyone has any advice feel free to send me a message or put a comment below.
Until Later,
Chau!!
I guess I should start with the oldest in the repertoire. This weekend I invited Hickey to come by so we could fool around again. Our Friends with Benefits thing has worked out far better than the two of us dating ever could have. We both have a mutual respect for each other and we both have pretty high standards for who we actually sleep with which is really comforting in a way. For instance, despite the fact that we have both gone out on dates with several people the only people we have had anal sex with in the last four months have been each other.
The other nice thing about the sex with Hickey is that we have both come to the understanding that sex is it. We aren't looking for it to be anything else. We are both really comfortable asking the other to do things sexually to get each other off. The freakier the sex gets, the better it is, and the more we both just really have a good time when we get together. All of the awkwardness from our first Friends with Benefits encounter is officially gone. We both understand what is happening and we have finally settled into a wonderful rhythm of fucking, sucking, and kinking. (I'm not sure if that is a word, but it is now!)
Every once in a while I get this feeling that Hickey is waiting for me to ask him to be my boyfriend, but he always assures me that is not the case. I'm hoping that is true because I could very easily be setting myself up for a repeat of the Panera incident....let's hope that does not happen...again!
The next person that I have updates on is BRP. As I have said before BRP is perfect for me on paper, but there is definitely something off about the whole thing. For this reason while I was away BRP texted me to say hi, but I did not respond. When I finally got back I let him know I was home and that I still had his hat from his night time visit, but I did not hear from him. It wasn't until the Saturday after Thanksgiving that I heard back from him. It was a very short message simply asking when he could retrieve his hat. It was late and I figured it must have been a drunken response to my text so I let him know I was still interested in seeing him.
I got a second equally as curt response. Not being one for passive aggressive games, I flat out asked if he was upset because his messages were so curt and almost bitter. He then went into a long explanation about that not being the case and we set up a time to see each other the next week. I almost had to cancel on him because of a patient emergency, but fortunately I was able to move things around and still make a late night coffee date work.
We met at 1369 Cafe in Inman Square. It was packed so we ended up just getting coffee and walking around Cambridge a little bit. Ultimately, we ended up stopping at a pizza place so he could get food since he still had not eaten and we both wanted a place to sit and talk.
The conversation was very cordial at first, no mention of the curtness from the texts, but I can never leave well enough alone. I picked the scab and before I knew it I was getting the litany of reasons that he was "pissed" not bitter about my lack of response to him while I was away. We had quite a discussion about his gripes with me.
What was really interesting was hearing all of the things that BRP considered red flags about myself.
Let me begin:
1. I'm young
2. I've never been in a relationship
3. I am sexually expressive/adept
4. I ignored him for 2 weeks
5. I am ambitious/driven
He qualified all of these statements with: "I mean you have all of these things which individually are red flags but together they don't bother me." How charming right?
I have to be honest; none of his 5 things surprised me. I recognize them as part of the issues I have in committing to any relationship anyways so the fact that someone finally recognizes them as issues in a relationship with me is something that I just have to come to terms with as I continue dating.
Ultimately, I can't do anything about the fact that I am young. I also could do something about never having been in a relationship, but I won't. I refuse to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. I don't care if that means I am single for another 20 years. I am waiting for someone I really think is worth it. I could do something about the sexual expressiveness, but I don't want to. I like sex. I enjoy sex. It's fun and I am not going to apologize because I know what I want and I'm good at what I do. I could also do something about the ambition I have related to my career, but I won't. My career and my patients are really important to me and I am not going to change that just to please someone or enter into a relationship. The thing about me ignoring him for 2 weeks...well that I'll own. I definitely could have changed that and I definitely should have.
After he finished eating I offered to drive him home since he had driven me home the last time. I realized that things definitely still weren't right in the car, but I couldn't just send him back into his apartment when we got to his place. I felt like he was looking for an excuse to blow me off or just write me off completely and that annoyed me. I know this is absolutely insane, but I hate the idea that someone would write me off based on those 5 red flags. I felt like I needed to do something to prove he was wrong, even though he wasn't.
I am officially insane! I know and I can't help it. I went in for a kiss literally mid-awkward conversation where it seemed like he didn't want to see me again. I ended up in his apartment and we started making out. He stopped me and insisted that we not hook up. He told me he promised himself he wouldn't do that with me. I was being rejected sexually and I was stunned. I don't like the feeling that someone could just choose not to do something they wanted to. The idea that someone could have that kind of self control around me perturbed me a little bit. So I tried harder. Eventually I won him over and I was blowing him. Then I decided to respect his initial desires and stopped before he came. That was pretty bitchy of me but I couldn't help it. I had to prove the point that my sexual prowess could win him over.
I AM COMPLETELY INSANE!
I then left his apartment and hopped in my car and went home. I ended up seeing him again on Saturday for a cute lunch date in Harvard Square. I was super late (this is becoming a pattern for me unfortunately). We met at Tory Row and sat at the bar.
The restaurant was amazing: a great menu, a great atmosphere, and the bartender had an amazing ass. The fact that I am commenting on the bartender's ass should be a pretty good indicator for how my date went. I can't help but feel bad for how I behaved actually. I was sort of an ass. I was trying to treat him the way I treat a lot of my old friends. I was joking around and sort of making fun of him a little bit, but I'm not sure it really came off the right way. Luckily, this guy likes himself enough, and has a high enough self-esteem, that the whole time I was ribbing him he was pointing out how wrong I was.
When it came time to pay the bill I pulled out my card to pay. He insisted on paying. I said we could split it and he agreed, until the bartender brought over the bill and he literally grabbed my card out of the bartender's hand and gave it back to me. Apparently the bartender thought this guy should pay because he sort of chuckled when I again tried to pay and told me, "Nah let's let him get this one." The whole thing just seemed odd to me. I couldn't tell if the bartender had been listening and felt bad for me or if he somehow thought that this guy should be paying for me for some reason. I decided to let it go and just went to get my jacket.
BRP drove me home and we kissed in the car and I jumped out. He definitely wanted more of kiss, but I couldn't bring myself to sit in front of my house and make out with him like I have in the past. There is still something so off about the whole thing and I can't really put my finger on it.
He texted me again today to hang out, but I was studying so I told him that I would have to pass. He volunteered to come over and help and I told him he would just be a distraction. I got one of those stupid :P faces in response.
The last update I have for everyone is about the IndyGinger. I have still been talking to him almost every day. We talk either via text, facebook messenger, or actual phone call about nothing. Simply talking to him about the paper he needs to write brings a smile to my face. Its so weird. We've talked about the sex stuff we did, but we have yet to truly sext. It's oddly enough just to chat during the week.
One of the most recent calls I got from him lasted for well over 30 minutes. It wasn't the same happy guy that called me though. I finally figured out the problem with the IndyGinger. He is totally insecure. I don't know if its something to do with his family when he was growing up, the city he lives in, or some horrible ex-boyfriend he had but the IndyGinger has no self esteem. He is super concerned that his dick isn't big enough, his body isn't jacked enough, his hair isn't the right way, and that his physical appearance isn't good enough for anyone. It kills me. If he lived here I would date him in a heart beat. I would be really happy to see him as frequently as I could.
He is so eclectic and different that I can't imagine that he could feel so uncomfortable about his body. His muscles are something I could only dream of having and his dick isn't small (its definitely not huge but its nothing to laugh at either). I also learned that the IndyGinger has a history of suicidality. Typical right? Someone who I actually like, someone who I actually feel the need to continue to speak with despite being miles away from each other, thinks that they need to hurt themselves. I don't really know what to do. I am going to keep talking to him, because I can't help myself. I am also going to send him my copy of El Alquimista.
He is really into speaking/learning Spanish. He's not great, but he seems to really like it. I think that coupled with his lack of self-esteem just make it seem like he needs to read the book. Its a great story about accepting yourself for the gift you are and realizing what you already have and its something he needs to figure out. I feel like I want to save him. Again, its crazy, I know it, but I just can't help it.
So here I sit...blogging and watching reruns of the X Factor. I don't know what I'm doing. The more I try and be open and make things work the more confused I seem to get. For now I am just going to avoid analyzing anything. I am just going to accept things as they come. I am going to continue to do things that make me happy.
Well I guess that's it for now. Per usual if anyone has any advice feel free to send me a message or put a comment below.
Until Later,
Chau!!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
So Much....So Much....
I want to start this post by saying I have SO MUCH to report about. There are so many things going on and I have been completely remiss in trying to make sure that I have been keeping this blog updated. So let me begin with the date I had after Dramatic Churchboy.
The guy that I was really excited to go on a date with let's call him the BlackaRican Politico or BRP. Let me start with a physical description. He is shorter than me probably 5'9" or so, dark skinned, goatee, and big and beefy. He is a Crossfit guy. He also has a pretty fancy job working for a big deal politician in the State of MA. He is older than me (32). He is out and he lives in Boston. He is PERFECT on paper!
Our first date was at Diesel Cafe the day after my date with Dramatic Churchboy. We met at Diesel later that night. I got coffee and he got a drink and a sandwich and we just began talking. We definitely hit it off. We talked about everything! His job, my job, his family, my family, future plans, tv, books, politics...the conversation flowed like BUTTAH! Plus he looked exactly like what I had expected (minus a pair of really pointy shoes).
Before I knew it the staff at Diesel were flashing the lights a sure sign that they want you to get the hell out. We had arrived at around 8 and it was now past 11....we had been talking for 3 hours and I didn't even notice.
Once we were outside I suggested that we maybe go for a little walk around Davis Square. He agreed and before I knew it we were strolling along and continuing our conversation. It was a pretty chilly night and in typical fashion I had not brought a proper coat, so I was a little cold. When I indicated that I should probably get going because of the temperature BRP began asking about our next meeting. I told him that I unfortunately would not be able to go out anytime in the near future because I had to leave town for a conference in Indianapolis. He seemed okay with that but still began asking what I thought an appropriate second date might look like.
I insisted that just about anything would be good and he seemed a little frustrated with me which I took to be a good sign. A sign that he wanted to impress me...which I can definitely appreciate.
When he realized that I was about to walk home he ended up offering me a ride up the street to my apartment. I jumped at the opportunity. I figured if he drove me home I would be able to at least get a kiss in and see just how compatible we were. Arriving in front of my house I turned to him and we began kissing. After 5 minutes we were in full on make-out mode and I didn't really care. It wasn't until a car behind us put on its high beams that I realized we were blocking my neighbors entrance to their driveway.
I wasn't ready to stop the kissing so I advised a quick drive up the street. We ended up in a little parking lot that overlooks one of the local university fields. It was here where the make-out session got pretty hot and heavy. I attempted to control myself, but sometimes I just get these urges, especially when I haven't been on a date with a normal attractive guy in a while. So there I was in a parked car outside of a football field with the windows fogged up rounding third.
His dick was a good size. Not necessarily super long, but girthy, just like him. He had a nice set of balls, but the best part of this guy was definitely his muscles. His arms, thighs, and chest are just HUGE! Definitely one of those guys who "Picks Things Up and Puts Things Down."
A couple hours later, when I couldn't feel my toes, I realized that it was a couple hours later. I had been fooling around with BRP in his car for some time and he still hadn't finished. I figured it was about time to call it a draw. I felt bad that I wasn't able to finish the job, but BRP insisted that it wasn't anything I was doing, it was the temperature of the car. I guess that made sense, but I couldn't help feeling a little bit bad about the whole thing.
He then started the car and began the drive back to the front of my apartment. With a final passionate kiss goodnight I headed to my bedroom elated that I had finally found someone who could maybe make my dream of being a politician's do-gooder gay husband a reality.
The date was great, the conversation was super friendly, and the connection physically was definitely real. I couldn't wait to get back from Indianapolis to see him again.
I got a text message a few days later, two prior to my trip, asking if maybe I could entertain a night time cuddler. I hesitated because I didn't want to let on how much I like BRP so far. I figured if I made him wait until I got back from my trip I would have a better handle on my feelings and would be able to sort them out, but I had a glass of wine or two in me and really just wanted to see him again.
BRP came over and all of my roommates headed to bed before he even made it in the house. I proceeded to give a tour of the apartment, saving my room for last. When we entered my room we immediately began making out. I think he popped a chubby the minute his lips touched mine. He was wearing gym shorts(clearly no underwear), a tight under armor shirt, and a baseball hat. He looked good and I was excited to be warmer this time to see what I could do.
After only a few minutes we were back to the same situation we had been in when we were in his car. Both of us were excited and having a good time. Half an hour later we stopped going at it and began actually talking. Neither one of us had cum yet but it was nice just to be able to have a conversation. Fifteen minutes later I realized two things: 1) His father died the week before our date and 2) His dick was now completely soft.
To me this makes perfect sense. If talking about the death of your father gave you an erection I would say you are probably a good candidate for a Criminal Minds episode....which would definitely disqualify you from being one of my potential dating candidates.
The problem was not that his dick got hard but that I couldn't get it hard again if my life depended on it. I tried every trick I knew. Every swirl, whirl, and twirl my tongue would allow but it remained a piece of Play-Do in my mouth.
Three or four failed attempts to rectify the situation led to him offering to just finish me off. I informed him that would be impossible and once I explained why he understood and decided that it was probably time for him to go since it was 3:30a and he had to be at work for 7a.
As he was getting himself dressed and the idea of getting hard and cumming was finally out of his mind, I dropped to my knees and in 3 minutes got the guy to cum. I don't know what it was, but it was definitely something psychological that was the problem. Clearly the equipment worked it was just whether or not it worked with me.
BRP assured me that I was not the problem and that he didn't think the stress was a problem at all. Then he turned his sights and goals toward getting me off. Within 20 minutes I finally was able to just cum, but I was left with an odd feeling. Deep down something seemed to be wrong. I'm still not really sure what it is but something just seemed off about the chemistry. I guess I will just have to go out with him again after my trip to Indianapolis and really figure out what the problem is exactly or if I am maybe just imagining it.
For the record this is one of two guys I still have to tell you about but its getting late and a lot of things need to happen tomorrow so....
Until Next Time!
Chau!!
The guy that I was really excited to go on a date with let's call him the BlackaRican Politico or BRP. Let me start with a physical description. He is shorter than me probably 5'9" or so, dark skinned, goatee, and big and beefy. He is a Crossfit guy. He also has a pretty fancy job working for a big deal politician in the State of MA. He is older than me (32). He is out and he lives in Boston. He is PERFECT on paper!
Our first date was at Diesel Cafe the day after my date with Dramatic Churchboy. We met at Diesel later that night. I got coffee and he got a drink and a sandwich and we just began talking. We definitely hit it off. We talked about everything! His job, my job, his family, my family, future plans, tv, books, politics...the conversation flowed like BUTTAH! Plus he looked exactly like what I had expected (minus a pair of really pointy shoes).
Before I knew it the staff at Diesel were flashing the lights a sure sign that they want you to get the hell out. We had arrived at around 8 and it was now past 11....we had been talking for 3 hours and I didn't even notice.
Once we were outside I suggested that we maybe go for a little walk around Davis Square. He agreed and before I knew it we were strolling along and continuing our conversation. It was a pretty chilly night and in typical fashion I had not brought a proper coat, so I was a little cold. When I indicated that I should probably get going because of the temperature BRP began asking about our next meeting. I told him that I unfortunately would not be able to go out anytime in the near future because I had to leave town for a conference in Indianapolis. He seemed okay with that but still began asking what I thought an appropriate second date might look like.
I insisted that just about anything would be good and he seemed a little frustrated with me which I took to be a good sign. A sign that he wanted to impress me...which I can definitely appreciate.
When he realized that I was about to walk home he ended up offering me a ride up the street to my apartment. I jumped at the opportunity. I figured if he drove me home I would be able to at least get a kiss in and see just how compatible we were. Arriving in front of my house I turned to him and we began kissing. After 5 minutes we were in full on make-out mode and I didn't really care. It wasn't until a car behind us put on its high beams that I realized we were blocking my neighbors entrance to their driveway.
I wasn't ready to stop the kissing so I advised a quick drive up the street. We ended up in a little parking lot that overlooks one of the local university fields. It was here where the make-out session got pretty hot and heavy. I attempted to control myself, but sometimes I just get these urges, especially when I haven't been on a date with a normal attractive guy in a while. So there I was in a parked car outside of a football field with the windows fogged up rounding third.
His dick was a good size. Not necessarily super long, but girthy, just like him. He had a nice set of balls, but the best part of this guy was definitely his muscles. His arms, thighs, and chest are just HUGE! Definitely one of those guys who "Picks Things Up and Puts Things Down."
A couple hours later, when I couldn't feel my toes, I realized that it was a couple hours later. I had been fooling around with BRP in his car for some time and he still hadn't finished. I figured it was about time to call it a draw. I felt bad that I wasn't able to finish the job, but BRP insisted that it wasn't anything I was doing, it was the temperature of the car. I guess that made sense, but I couldn't help feeling a little bit bad about the whole thing.
He then started the car and began the drive back to the front of my apartment. With a final passionate kiss goodnight I headed to my bedroom elated that I had finally found someone who could maybe make my dream of being a politician's do-gooder gay husband a reality.
The date was great, the conversation was super friendly, and the connection physically was definitely real. I couldn't wait to get back from Indianapolis to see him again.
I got a text message a few days later, two prior to my trip, asking if maybe I could entertain a night time cuddler. I hesitated because I didn't want to let on how much I like BRP so far. I figured if I made him wait until I got back from my trip I would have a better handle on my feelings and would be able to sort them out, but I had a glass of wine or two in me and really just wanted to see him again.
BRP came over and all of my roommates headed to bed before he even made it in the house. I proceeded to give a tour of the apartment, saving my room for last. When we entered my room we immediately began making out. I think he popped a chubby the minute his lips touched mine. He was wearing gym shorts(clearly no underwear), a tight under armor shirt, and a baseball hat. He looked good and I was excited to be warmer this time to see what I could do.
After only a few minutes we were back to the same situation we had been in when we were in his car. Both of us were excited and having a good time. Half an hour later we stopped going at it and began actually talking. Neither one of us had cum yet but it was nice just to be able to have a conversation. Fifteen minutes later I realized two things: 1) His father died the week before our date and 2) His dick was now completely soft.
To me this makes perfect sense. If talking about the death of your father gave you an erection I would say you are probably a good candidate for a Criminal Minds episode....which would definitely disqualify you from being one of my potential dating candidates.
The problem was not that his dick got hard but that I couldn't get it hard again if my life depended on it. I tried every trick I knew. Every swirl, whirl, and twirl my tongue would allow but it remained a piece of Play-Do in my mouth.
Three or four failed attempts to rectify the situation led to him offering to just finish me off. I informed him that would be impossible and once I explained why he understood and decided that it was probably time for him to go since it was 3:30a and he had to be at work for 7a.
As he was getting himself dressed and the idea of getting hard and cumming was finally out of his mind, I dropped to my knees and in 3 minutes got the guy to cum. I don't know what it was, but it was definitely something psychological that was the problem. Clearly the equipment worked it was just whether or not it worked with me.
BRP assured me that I was not the problem and that he didn't think the stress was a problem at all. Then he turned his sights and goals toward getting me off. Within 20 minutes I finally was able to just cum, but I was left with an odd feeling. Deep down something seemed to be wrong. I'm still not really sure what it is but something just seemed off about the chemistry. I guess I will just have to go out with him again after my trip to Indianapolis and really figure out what the problem is exactly or if I am maybe just imagining it.
For the record this is one of two guys I still have to tell you about but its getting late and a lot of things need to happen tomorrow so....
Until Next Time!
Chau!!
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