A Ginger, A Black-A-Rican, and a Freak!

So I have a few updates. No one new, just some old recycled folks.

I guess I should start with the oldest in the repertoire. This weekend I invited Hickey to come by so we could fool around again. Our Friends with Benefits thing has worked out far better than the two of us dating ever could have. We both have a mutual respect for each other and we both have pretty high standards for who we actually sleep with which is really comforting in a way. For instance, despite the fact that we have both gone out on dates with several people the only people we have had anal sex with in the last four months have been each other.

The other nice thing about the sex with Hickey is that we have both come to the understanding that sex is it. We aren't looking for it to be anything else. We are both really comfortable asking the other to do things sexually to get each other off. The freakier the sex gets, the better it is, and the more we both just really have a good time when we get together. All of the awkwardness from our first Friends with Benefits encounter is officially gone. We both understand what is happening and we have finally settled into a wonderful rhythm of fucking, sucking, and kinking. (I'm not sure if that is a word, but it is now!)

Every once in a while I get this feeling that Hickey is waiting for me to ask him to be my boyfriend, but he always assures me that is not the case. I'm hoping that is true because I could very easily be setting myself up for a repeat of the Panera incident....let's hope that does not happen...again!

The next person that I have updates on is BRP. As I have said before BRP is perfect for me on paper, but there is definitely something off about the whole thing. For this reason while I was away BRP texted me to say hi, but I did not respond. When I finally got back I let him know I was home and that I still had his hat from his night time visit, but I did not hear from him. It wasn't until the Saturday after Thanksgiving that I heard back from him. It was a very short message simply asking when he could retrieve his hat. It was late and I figured it must have been a drunken response to my text so I let him know I was still interested in seeing him.

I got a second equally as curt response. Not being one for passive aggressive games, I flat out asked if he was upset because his messages were so curt and almost bitter. He then went into a long explanation about that not being the case and we set up a time to see each other the next week. I almost had to cancel on him because of a patient emergency, but fortunately I was able to move things around and still make a late night coffee date work.

We met at 1369 Cafe in Inman Square. It was packed so we ended up just getting coffee and walking around Cambridge a little bit. Ultimately, we ended up stopping at a pizza place so he could get food since he still had not eaten and we both wanted a place to sit and talk.

The conversation was very cordial at first, no mention of the curtness from the texts, but I can never leave well enough alone. I picked the scab and before I knew it I was getting the litany of reasons that he was "pissed" not bitter about my lack of response to him while I was away. We had quite a discussion about his gripes with me.

What was really interesting was hearing all of the things that BRP considered red flags about myself.
Let me begin:
1. I'm young
 2. I've never been in a relationship
  3. I am sexually expressive/adept
   4. I ignored him for 2 weeks
    5. I am ambitious/driven
He qualified all of these statements with: "I mean you have all of these things which individually are red flags but together they don't bother me." How charming right?

I have to be honest; none of his 5 things surprised me. I recognize them as part of the issues I have in committing to any relationship anyways so the fact that someone finally recognizes them as issues in a relationship with me is something that I just have to come to terms with as I continue dating.

Ultimately, I can't do anything about the fact that I am young. I also could do something about never having been in a relationship, but I won't. I refuse to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. I don't care if that means I am single for another 20 years. I am waiting for someone I really think is worth it. I could do something about the sexual expressiveness, but I don't want to. I like sex. I enjoy sex. It's fun and I am not going to apologize because I know what I want and I'm good at what I do. I could also do something about the ambition I have related to my career, but I won't. My career and my patients are really important to me and I am not going to change that just to please someone or enter into a relationship. The thing about me ignoring him for 2 weeks...well that I'll own. I definitely could have changed that and I definitely should have.

After he finished eating I offered to drive him home since he had driven me home the last time. I realized that things definitely still weren't right in the car, but I couldn't just send him back into his apartment when we got to his place. I felt like he was looking for an excuse to blow me off or just write me off completely and that annoyed me. I know this is absolutely insane, but I hate the idea that someone would write me off based on those 5 red flags. I felt like I needed to do something to prove he was wrong, even though he wasn't.

I am officially insane! I know and I can't help it. I went in for a kiss literally mid-awkward conversation where it seemed like he didn't want to see me again. I ended up in his apartment and we started making out. He stopped me and insisted that we not hook up. He told me he promised himself he wouldn't do that with me. I was being rejected sexually and I was stunned. I don't like the feeling that someone could just choose not to do something they wanted to. The idea that someone could have that kind of self control around me perturbed me a little bit. So I tried harder. Eventually I won him over and I was blowing him. Then I decided to respect his initial desires and stopped before he came. That was pretty bitchy of me but I couldn't help it. I had to prove the point that my sexual prowess could win him over.

I AM COMPLETELY INSANE!

I then left his apartment and hopped in my car and went home. I ended up seeing him again on Saturday for a cute lunch date in Harvard Square. I was super late (this is becoming a pattern for me unfortunately). We met at Tory Row and sat at the bar.

The restaurant was amazing: a great menu, a great atmosphere, and the bartender had an amazing ass. The fact that I am commenting on the bartender's ass should be a pretty good indicator for how my date went. I can't help but feel bad for how I behaved actually. I was sort of an ass. I was trying to treat him the way I treat a lot of my old friends. I was joking around and sort of making fun of him a little bit, but I'm not sure it really came off the right way. Luckily, this guy likes himself enough, and has a high enough self-esteem, that the whole time I was ribbing him he was pointing out how wrong I was.

When it came time to pay the bill I pulled out my card to pay. He insisted on paying. I said we could split it and he agreed, until the bartender brought over the bill and he literally grabbed my card out of the bartender's hand and gave it back to me. Apparently the bartender thought this guy should pay because he sort of chuckled when I again tried to pay and told me, "Nah let's let him get this one." The whole thing just seemed odd to me. I couldn't tell if the bartender had been listening and felt bad for me or if he somehow thought that this guy should be paying for me for some reason. I decided to let it go and just went to get my jacket.

BRP drove me home and we kissed in the car and I jumped out. He definitely wanted more of kiss, but I couldn't bring myself to sit in front of my house and make out with him like I have in the past. There is still something so off about the whole thing and I can't really put my finger on it.

He texted me again today to hang out, but I was studying so I told him that I would have to pass. He volunteered to come over and help and I told him he would just be a distraction. I got one of those stupid :P faces in response.

The last update I have for everyone is about the IndyGinger. I have still been talking to him almost every day. We talk either via text, facebook messenger, or actual phone call about nothing. Simply talking to him about the paper he needs to write brings a smile to my face. Its so weird. We've talked about the sex stuff we did, but we have yet to truly sext. It's oddly enough just to chat during the week.

One of the most recent calls I got from him lasted for well over 30 minutes. It wasn't the same happy guy that called me though. I finally figured out the problem with the IndyGinger. He is totally insecure. I don't know if its something to do with his family when he was growing up, the city he lives in, or some horrible ex-boyfriend he had but the IndyGinger has no self esteem. He is super concerned that his dick isn't big enough, his body isn't jacked enough, his hair isn't the right way, and that his physical appearance isn't good enough for anyone. It kills me. If he lived here I would date him in a heart beat. I would be really happy to see him as frequently as I could.

He is so eclectic and different that I can't imagine that he could feel so uncomfortable about his body. His muscles are something I could only dream of having and his dick isn't small (its definitely not huge but its nothing to laugh at either). I also learned that the IndyGinger has a history of suicidality. Typical right? Someone who I actually like, someone who I actually feel the need to continue to speak with despite being miles away from each other, thinks that they need to hurt themselves. I don't really know what to do. I am going to keep talking to him, because I can't help myself. I am also going to send him my copy of El Alquimista. 

He is really into speaking/learning Spanish. He's not great, but he seems to really like it. I think that coupled with his lack of self-esteem just make it seem like he needs to read the book. Its a great story about accepting yourself for the gift you are and realizing what you already have and its something he needs to figure out. I feel like I want to save him. Again, its crazy, I know it, but I just can't help it.

So here I sit...blogging and watching reruns of the X Factor. I don't know what I'm doing. The more I try and be open and make things work the more confused I seem to get. For now I am just going to avoid analyzing anything. I am just going to accept things as they come. I am going to continue to do things that make me happy.

Well I guess that's it for now. Per usual if anyone has any advice feel free to send me a message or put a comment below.

Until Later,

Chau!!

So Much....So Much....

I want to start this post by saying I have SO MUCH to report about. There are so many things going on and I have been completely remiss in trying to make sure that I have been keeping this blog updated. So let me begin with the date I had after Dramatic Churchboy.

The guy that I was really excited to go on a date with let's call him the BlackaRican Politico or BRP. Let me start with a physical description. He is shorter than me probably 5'9" or so, dark skinned, goatee, and big and beefy. He is a Crossfit guy. He also has a pretty fancy job working for a big deal politician in the State of MA. He is older than me (32). He is out and he lives in Boston. He is PERFECT on paper!

Our first date was at Diesel Cafe the day after my date with Dramatic Churchboy. We met at Diesel later that night. I got coffee and he got a drink and a sandwich and we just began talking. We definitely hit it off. We talked about everything! His job, my job, his family, my family, future plans, tv, books, politics...the conversation flowed like BUTTAH! Plus he looked exactly like what I had expected (minus a pair of really pointy shoes).

Before I knew it the staff at Diesel were flashing the lights a sure sign that they want you to get the hell out. We had arrived at around 8 and it was now past 11....we had been talking for 3 hours and I didn't even notice.

Once we were outside I suggested that we maybe go for a little walk around Davis Square. He agreed and before I knew it we were strolling along and continuing our conversation. It was a pretty chilly night and in typical fashion I had not brought a proper coat, so I was a little cold. When I indicated that I should probably get going because of the temperature BRP began asking about our next meeting. I told him that I unfortunately would not be able to go out anytime in the near future because I had to leave town for a conference in Indianapolis. He seemed okay with that but still began asking what I thought an appropriate second date might look like.

I insisted that just about anything would be good and he seemed a little frustrated with me which I took to be a good sign. A sign that he wanted to impress me...which I can definitely appreciate.

When he realized that I was about to walk home he ended up offering me a ride up the street to my apartment. I jumped at the opportunity. I figured if he drove me home I would be able to at least get a kiss in and see just how compatible we were. Arriving in front of my house I turned to him and we began kissing. After 5 minutes we were in full on make-out mode and I didn't really care. It wasn't until a car behind us put on its high beams that I realized we were blocking my neighbors entrance to their driveway.

I wasn't ready to stop the kissing so I advised a quick drive up the street. We ended up in a little parking lot that overlooks one of the local university fields. It was here where the make-out session got pretty hot and heavy. I attempted to control myself, but sometimes I just get these urges, especially when I haven't been on a date with a normal attractive guy in a while. So there I was in a parked car outside of a football field with the windows fogged up rounding third.

His dick was a good size. Not necessarily super long, but girthy, just like him. He had a nice set of balls, but the best part of this guy was definitely his muscles. His arms, thighs, and chest are just HUGE! Definitely one of those guys who "Picks Things Up and Puts Things Down."

A couple hours later, when I couldn't feel my toes, I realized that it was a couple hours later. I had been fooling around with BRP in his car for some time and he still hadn't finished. I figured it was about time to call it a draw. I felt bad that I wasn't able to finish the job, but BRP insisted that it wasn't anything I was doing, it was the temperature of the car. I guess that made sense, but I couldn't help feeling a little bit bad about the whole thing.

He then started the car and began the drive back to the front of my apartment. With a final passionate kiss goodnight I headed to my bedroom elated that I had finally found someone who could maybe make my dream of being a politician's do-gooder gay husband a reality.

The date was great, the conversation was super friendly, and the connection physically was definitely real. I couldn't wait to get back from Indianapolis to see him again.

I got a text message a few days later, two prior to my trip, asking if maybe I could entertain a night time cuddler. I hesitated because I didn't want to let on how much I like BRP so far. I figured if I made him wait until I got back from my trip I would have a better handle on my feelings and would be able to sort them out, but I had a glass of wine or two in me and really just wanted to see him again.

BRP came over and all of my roommates headed to bed before he even made it in the house. I proceeded to give a tour of the apartment, saving my room for last. When we entered my room we immediately began making out. I think he popped a chubby the minute his lips touched mine. He was wearing gym shorts(clearly no underwear), a tight under armor shirt, and a baseball hat. He looked good and I was excited to be warmer this time to see what I could do.

After only a few minutes we were back to the same situation we had been in when we were in his car. Both of us were excited and having a good time. Half an hour later we stopped going at it and began actually talking. Neither one of us had cum yet but it was nice just to be able to have a conversation. Fifteen minutes later I realized two things: 1) His father died the week before our date and 2) His dick was now completely soft.

To me this makes perfect sense. If talking about the death of your father gave you an erection I would say you are probably a good candidate for a Criminal Minds episode....which would definitely disqualify you from being one of my potential dating candidates.

The problem was not that his dick got hard but that I couldn't get it hard again if my life depended on it. I tried every trick I knew. Every swirl, whirl, and twirl my tongue would allow but it remained a piece of Play-Do in my mouth.

Three or four failed attempts to rectify the situation led to him offering to just finish me off. I informed him that would be impossible and once I explained why he understood and decided that it was probably time for him to go since it was 3:30a and he had to be at work for 7a.

As he was getting himself dressed and the idea of getting hard and cumming was finally out of his mind, I dropped to my knees and in 3 minutes got the guy to cum. I don't know what it was, but it was definitely something psychological that was the problem. Clearly the equipment worked it was just whether or not it worked with me.

BRP assured me that I was not the problem and that he didn't think the stress was a problem at all. Then he turned his sights and goals toward getting me off. Within 20 minutes I finally was able to just cum, but I was left with an odd feeling. Deep down something seemed to be wrong. I'm still not really sure what it is but something just seemed off about the chemistry. I guess I will just have to go out with him again after my trip to Indianapolis and really figure out what the problem is exactly or if I am maybe just imagining it.

For the record this is one of two guys I still have to tell you about but its getting late and a lot of things need to happen tomorrow so....

Until Next Time!
Chau!!