So I went on a date last week with a really nice white guy. He was cute, professional, smart, and funny, actually one of his few flaws was his lack of chin....hence his nickname....Chinless. Everything I should be looking for so I figured I would try for another date this week. He was really into it and then when trying to make plans for whatever reason everything fell through. We were supposed to go out Thursday night to Club Cafe (one of the gay bars here in Boston) just for drinks and for a cute and easy second date. Unfortunately he ended up needing to go to Long Island for the week. GREAT! Now that makes two people in the last two weeks that have literally moved to a different state just to avoid going on a second date with me.
Maybe this is just coincidence I tell myself. Maybe I just happened to get two completely different guys, both great in their own ways, and maybe the both just needed to move out of state within the same week that just maybe happened to coincide with directly after our first date. My life is actually beginning to make me feel a wee bit more insecure than I already did, which is very hard.
I think that the remainder of my self-confidence is actually just being flushed down the toilet. Why is it that I can't seem to even get a second date out of anyone? I didn't put out this time because I thought I would try to have a decent and/or respectable relationship before I just blew or fucked them but it seems that my sexual aptitude is the only thing that has ever really assured me a second date. Right now I am just trying to figure out what it is about me that is so anti-relationship that I can't even get a second date when I don't have sex with someone on the first date. How/Why/When did this become my fucking problem?
On the bright side....
I went out with a Venezuelan deaf lawyer friend of mine on Thursday night. We had only ever met once in person but we have stayed connected through the internet and Facebook. When he arrived back in Boston for his international law degree we decided we would meet up. He has told me in the past he isn't interested in my sexually and only wants to be friends and yet last night felt an awful lot like a date to me. We went to the bar, I paid, we gawked at other people in the bar, we laughed, we drank a lot, and then when we both went to take out separate trains something weird happened.
I went in to give him a hug. And then I thought we were going to do the South American kiss on the cheek thing but all of a sudden his lips were on mine. Initially I thought it was just a little peck, but then I felt tongue just sliding into my mouth. And there we were french kissing goodbye like a couple of horny 8th graders. And me, like the jackass that I am, went to get on the train but french kissed him one more time good bye before I finally stepped on the platform.
And to top it all off I got a text message smiley while I was at work today. More than that I got a message on facebook saying how much fun he had last night. I am SO FUCKING CONFUSED!!! Seriously I don't know what's going on with him and with me. I do have a little bit of a crush on him and he is a lot of fun to kiss, but I don't think he has any feelings for me. I think when he gets drunk he just makes out with the closest person to him. Its a little sad to be honest. I guess its not really that bright a side, but whatever. At least I had a fun make out session on the MBTA platform for a change. It wasn't a bad way to end a pretty drunk night.