Since I got back from PTown I have attempted to be on my best behavior. I've also been working enough that I haven't really even had time to think about anything other than my patients. I did get the chance to actually go on OKCupid and talk to a few new people though....some of them even seem normal. But in the midst of my decision to enter back into the world of online dating I got a message from Hickey....
Yep that's right, Hickey, the guy who sent me 11 text messages in a row at 5am, the guy who stormed out of a Panera because "I'm not through, we're through", the guy who hated the idea of me dating someone else so much they tried to give me a hickey to get someone I was on a date with to ask about it....
Most sane people would ignore a message from someone this crazy....Not Me! I decided that I should answer. He seemed genuinely interested in just chatting. Just chatting of course led to him asking for my number again, which means he must have deleted it from his phone, and texting on the phone led to the real intention of the online dating message. Hickey is looking for a fuck buddy.
I think finally being out and still not having a steady boyfriend that he can have sex with sort of bothers him. He started insinuating that he would be down to just get together every now and then and fuck and to be honest I really did think this was a good idea at first. We had great sexual chemistry. The sex was NEVER the problem....it was the pillow talk afterwards that always caused issues.
Ultimately the texts turned into sexts which turned into me....home alone wishing this guy would come over so I could fuck him senseless. It was at this point I realized that this motherfucker was crazy enough to try and use sex as a ploy to get back into contact with me again. After being really clear that this would be nothing other than sex and I was not interested in it going further he finally started to back off of the idea eventually.
I honestly feel bad about the whole situation. I wish I could make myself like this guy more than I do. I wish that I could just have a boyfriend that meant nothing to me like so many other people do, but I just can't. I have a few friends who think that because I go on dates with people and never make them an official boyfriend I must be a slut....its actually quite the opposite I think. I refuse to give someone a special place in my life if there is no chance in hell that it is going to work out beyond the next two weeks. I have to see that this could for longer than the next couple months and however long it takes until the sex becomes boring. I think that is the biggest challenge. I don't think there is anything wrong with having sex outside of a relationship. If I have been on dates with people I need to know that the sex stuff works well before I continue to date them and especially before I choose to be in a relationship with them. And now I am rambling....
I guess there really isn't much else to say about this situation. Now I will just have to continue to wait until something comes along too good or too bad to pass up.
Chau!!!
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