Two Cups of Crazy and a Side of CuckooCachoo

Geri is no more.....Is anyone surprised??? 

Well here is the story for all of you so you can feel better about your own lives. After our first date Geri called me and was interested in seeing me again. The first date went so well I jumped at the opportunity. He wanted to me to come by on Sunday evening after his work shift for ice cream and a movie. At first I wasn't huge on the idea because I thought it seemed like I was going to become a booty call, but I eventually gave in and agreed. Then that night I got a call from Geri and he wanted to reschedule for Monday during the day because he didn't want me to get the wrong impression. He realized that a second date of me coming to his place at 11pm might give the wrong impression. I was ecstatic! I quickly agreed to the Monday date, because for once I had Monday off, and we threw around some ideas and settled on apple picking.

Monday came and I got a call bright and early but I couldn't really understand him over the phone, but we settled on a time so I started doing some stuff for my patients and then I was going to head over. On my way to his place I called once again to let him know I was on my way and again I kept misunderstanding him over the phone. When I got to his place it did not look exactly how I remembered. It was not a really pretty old Victorian home in Dorchester, but rather an older Victorian in need of refurbishment on the brink of the hood. But who am I to judge a book by its cover? 

So I called him again and he told me he was going to meet me at the front door...and he hoped I didn't mind he was in his underwear. To be honest....I was definitely intrigued and then I saw the underwear he was wearing. A pair of old tighty whities with holes in them and a black wife beater with an almost equal number of holes. I want you all to have a good picture of this in your head....they weren't sexy you can see some of my ass or dick kind of holes...they were I live in a trailer and can't afford new underwear kind of holes. Again though I thought...no its fine I am going to let this go maybe it will be fine. I even ignored the fact that he was on the phone with someone else and didn't say hi so much as he nodded approval and started walking up the stairs. 

When we finally got in his apartment he led me to the kitchen where he finally got off the phone and went in for a kiss. I sort of begrudgingly gave him one and I noticed some red stuff on his lips that I couldn't quite make out. Then as he continued talking I realized that he was slurring a little bit. Almost immediately after that he began making scrambled eggs and rice and I realized that he was stumbling a little bit and that his breath when I kissed him smelled of something familiar....Geri was drunk and it was only 11a on a Monday. 

I tried to figure out if he was drunk and began asking some questions that sort of beat around the bush and before long Geri simply revealed..."I'm drunk from last night. I went out with a bunch of co-workers and then came home and got high with my roommates."

I was completely taken aback. It hit me as soon as he said it that the previous night was not about being respectful with me but more likely that he got a better offer with his co-workers. But again who am I to judge we had only been on one date and I suppose it was possible he had woken up drunk. 

Then he offered me a Bloody Mary which I refused because it was too early. We finished breakfast and we began kissing again and ended up in his bedroom. I was hoping that he would sober up and then we would be able to go apple picking like we planned. Then mid-hooking up he left and went to the kitchen presumably to get a glass of water and came back with a half consumed Bloody Mary. I couldn't believe it. I was really turned off. 

We started hooking up again despite my own issues and then I noticed a mole on his dick and I may have said something about the potential for HPV. He became indignant and made me inspect his penis in the light to see that it was in fact a mole. Then he became aggravated that I could not shut off my nurse hat for 3 minutes and stood up from bed. I thought the situation had gotten significantly awkward so I moved to put on some clothes and suavely make my exit. And I was informed rather gruffly that I should stay and he was going to have a cigarette and would be back. I then made a move to at least put my underwear on because I thought the hooking up portion of the day was over and was again rather curtly told..."Don't do that, we're adults we can disagree and I can have a cigarette and then we can get back to that."

I wasn't really sure what to do. I mean I didn't hate making out with him or fooling around but I definitely was getting less attracted to him as the time went on. So I stayed and we continued to hook up. He attempted to get me to cum....and I assured him that it wasn't going to happen, but he persevered and eventually after he came and left me to my own devices I was able to get off. He then threw me a towel and I cleaned off. Then he said that he needed to shower, because he hadn't yet that day, and that after that we should go apple picking. 

My reservations were compounding as the minutes passed and I knew apple picking was going to take longer than I wanted. Meanwhile he was planning dinner and breakfast the next morning. I needed an alternative to apple picking and a way out. Both came to me rather quickly, fortunately I have been in these need to get away situations before and have some tried and true Get Out of Date Free Cards to play. Based on the lovely weather and the fact that we were in Dorchester I suggested that we go for a walk to Castle Island. Then I also threw out that my roommate was potentially breaking up with her boyfriend and I might need to go home to help her cope with the break up. That was when the wonderfully old man-isms started flying, "Should I call the WHAAAAMBULANCE for her?" 

He did eventually agree that the beach might be a good idea but he expressed his disappointment with not being able to "chuck" apples at me. I chuckled despite the fact that I was less than unamused. It was requested that I go and sit on the porch while he showered so I didn't have to observe his getting ready ritual. I happily headed out to the porch where I was able to see one of Geri's cute neighbors washing his car. Then after about 25 minutes he came back onto the porch more intoxicated than he had been prior to his shower. 

We headed out to the beach and I was shocked at how intoxicated he actually was. He was staggering walking next to me and to be honest I was surprised he could find his way to the beach. We stopped to grab coffee on the way to the beach because I thought that maybe some other liquid in his system would help, but I was completely embarrassed by the fact that he couldn't even stand in one spot without leaning on the counter.

When we finally arrived at the beach he had suggested I realized that it was the old Stab N' Kill where Whitey use to dump his bodies. Sitting along the beach a man walking a dog came by and knew Geri. They had what must have been a 5-10 minute conversation that was very flirty but never once was I introduced. The guy's dog actually paid more attention to me more than either Geri or the mystery man.

He finally left and Geri explained that the mystery man was his ex-boyfriend who broke his heart. He also told me that he had spent the night with him the day before our date. That was pretty much the final straw. I needed to get out of there so I faked a text message from my friend saying that she was on her way home and needed me and a bottle of wine. Then he told me on our walk home that my friend sounded like she was "Two Cups of Crazy and a Side of CuckooCachoo" and I couldn't help but think, Someone in this situation is but I'm not sure its my friend. 

On the walk home we passed a home for the mentally disabled and he drunkenly slurred out, "Yea that's the retard house. I had a friend with Down Syndrome in high school, we use to give him so much shit." I was now completely horrified and I began walking with a purpose. When we got back to his car he said something to the effect of, "Well I will just have to get other dinner plans for tonight, maybe I will even fuck them." Then he went in for a final kiss. I tried to make it a peck and then his tongue invaded my mouth and I had no other choice. I got in my car without a single look back, put on Quittin' Time and sped home. 

All of my roommates were there and we ordered four pizzas and put away a few beers and a bottle of wine while watching Moulin Rouge. Is there really more you could ask of roommates. SO for now I guess its back to the drawing board. I will carefully avoid calls and make sure he knows its over but I will not be going on another date.

For now I guess that is all I have to report. If anyone has any suggestions on places to find normal men I am an open book feel free to let me know. 

Chau!! 

Just When you Thought it Couldn't Get Crazier...

So I got a little side tracked the last two weeks because I directed a musical (Yes, Apparently I am that gay...who knew?)

I forgot to tell you all what ended up happening with Hickey. So last we left off I had received a bunch of crazy text messages from him early in the morning. Well I met with him that evening to discuss things. We ended up meeting at his work and walking to a nearby Panera. Well when we got there we both got coffee and then sat down to begin the conversation. 

Basically, Hickey reiterated everything he had said in his texts and I just sat and listened. He was fairly adamant that he had made up his mind that he was going to wait for me. Until I was willing to be his boyfriend. He was just going to wait me out....that was his plan...it was at this point that I realized I needed to do a little reality checking much like I do with my patients at work. 

I looked him in the eye and just said, "Yea but I don't know that is necessarily going to happen. I mean I don't know that you and I are ever necessarily going to be boyfriends." Then he stared at me, the awkward stare he had done so many times before, and we just sat there. Then he looked at me and said ,"So we're through then." 

I didn't know exactly how to respond. I said, "No that's not what I said, I just think that maybe you have different expectations of this than I do. If we keep dating that might the extent of it for me. That's what I'm saying." Then as if I had kicked him under the table, Hickey jumped to his feet and said, "No we're through." 

Then as if it was a fucking movie he just kept repeating that, "No we're through. We're just through. That's it we're through." I tried to redirect him and repeated that "No that's not necessarily what I'm saying either. But it seems like you want it to be through, like maybe you're through." Then his volume increased and he half shouted, "No I'm not through, WE'RE through. We're through that's it." I had never been so angry that his jacket had that many buttons in my life. Things were getting to be quite the spectacle. He was repeating, "We're through" like a crazy person while angrily buttoning the endless number of buttons on his jacket. The small group of Asian people who hadn't spoken English yet at the table behind us were now staring. The black couple across the sitting area had also stopped talking and were holding hands and just openly staring at the two of us. And I just sat there, sipping my coffee. I mean what else would you do in that situation? 

Every time I talked it just seemed to agitate Hickey more and the crazy level just kept kicking it up a notch. Finally he finished buttoning his jacket and he left the Panera in quite the gay huff. That is the last time I try to be a grown up about this kind of stuff. I mean if someone seems crazy I am just going to phase them out....its much less awkward then meeting them and let them be crazy again in public. 

Well back to the drawing board...Maybe the spring will bring me some new sort of romance...Let's hope...

Chau!!