Tonight I went to a friend's housewarming party despite having an absolutely horrid day at work. For some reason I felt compelled to go so I got on a bus and headed to her new place. For the first hour or so I felt extremely awkward. There were only a few people I knew and despite my charming attention grabbing personality I really wasn't having that great of a time.
Then all of a sudden this guy from my theater group showed up. He is awesome. He is a genuinely nice person, with a great voice, and he is super cute. He is friends with a lesbian I am actually pretty good friends with. He is adorable. The best part about him is I saw him interact with his family post show and it was adorable. They were the Cleavers if Beaver was a raging homo who did musical theater. Seeing them interact was literally an AWWWWW kind of a moment.
So this guy shows up and he sort of starts hitting on me. At first I wasn't really sure if he was hitting on me or not. He was being sort of shy and stand offish. Honestly I have had a crush on this guy for quite some time but never made a move because I assumed he wasn't even remotely into me. Then tonight everything changed and it was obvious to me that he may have been into me. I still am not sure if it was because he was gay or just because he liked me but I guess time will tell.
Well the party we were at got broken up by the cops. So instead of being under 21 year old assholes and just going home I went with him, his hag, his guy friend, and my sort of friend/acquaintance/fellow nurse to a bar for a couple of follow up drinks. Just as a funny anecdote this friend person is also a sex toy saleswoman.....and she happened to be carrying around a suitcase full of supplies and one of them happened to be going off....this really isn't relevant to the story at all I just thought that it was funny, but I digress. So we all go to the bar and begin drinking.
The cute guy who I still haven't come up with a name for yet's hag finds out that I am drinking a Long Island Iced Tea and immediately begins liking me and pushing me and her friend to get together. I was so excited. I mean, let's cut the shit, if the hag starts pushing a relationship then that means the other person has at least mentioned you before in conversation. I got really excited. Eventually after doing this really awkward flirting thing we ended up kissing in the middle of the bar.
It was Awesome! He was a great kisser! After a few passionate pecks he ended up bringing me to the back of the bar where we sneaked out the back door and began making out in the alley. At one point we both ended up on the ground, but I stopped things from going any further because I feel like I might actually like this guy. And he seemed to be okay with it.
We then went back into the bar where the bartender quickly and quite curtly informed me that I was not allowed to go into the back alley.....OOOPS....MY BAD! Oh well it was hot and I was into it. Fuck the bartender!
I paid my bill and met him and his friends out front of the bar where I was invited to go back to his place and smoke and watch Legally Blonde....however tempting this might have been I rejected because I think I might actually like this guy and I didn't want to fuck him right away. He is so nice, and sweet, and cute, and smart, and adorable, and I am sure that I am going to fuck this up somehow....
Well I texted him when I got home that I would talk to him tomorrow and take him on a proper date and he told me he was looking forward to it.....
Is it possible??? Have I actually found someone that I am attracted to and who is also a good person??? I hope so... Want to know what gives me hope??? My walk home...
As I was walking home from the bar everything seemed normal. Then as I got out in front of my dorm I started singing a song I wrote (I know how cheesy) called rain....
I want the rain to come and fall on my face.
Give me the storm to take away my pain,
To take away my hurting.
I want the water, I want the wind, Give me the storm,
Make me feel again.
And as I am belting this out at the top of my lungs it started to pour.....the more I sang the harder and more persistent the rain became. It was like a baptism by nature. I am hoping that it was God's way of telling me that this time things will be different. This time I will have been born anew and everything will be innocent and fresh.
I HOPE....
So maybe tonight was the perfect example of A Little Hope....
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