Monday, December 9, 2013

Every Once in a While

There are some days where all of a sudden I am overcome by the fear that I am going to be alone forever. It is a paralyzing/crippling/take-your-breath-away type of fear that first thing in the morning when I wake up and realize that I am all alone in my house occasionally swallows me whole. There is no real trigger and no real way to assuage the consternation flooding my body. 

Eventually something jars me back to the real world; usually a call from work, or my mother, or a roommate, or a friend. For the minutes when I am laying in bed fraught with the conclusion that my bed is going to forever belong only to me it seems as though there is nothing that can pull my mind back from its interminable contemplation. But like magic....something always does....thank God....

Sometimes I worry that one day nothing will jar me back. I will become one of the crazy old gay spinsters who doesn't even have a cat because he is too afraid it will eat him when he goes. I will be alone in my house with my books and my education and a career that will have long withered away and I will have no one. 

What, an uplifting post? I really should be going back to work. I decided to work from home today (one of the perks of public health nursing). I felt like I needed to get this off of my chest before I could proceed in helping anyone else though.

Let's hope one of these posts doesn't happen again for a while. 

Chau!!

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