Here's the thing....Romeo is not dead. He is still very much alive and still very much a part of my life, but I get the feeling this is fizzling. This may just be the commitment-phobe in me talking now but I'm pretty sure this is fading slowly.
For starters....I still haven't had sex with Romeo. I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but it is.....its a huge problem actually. I have done everything except have sex with him. I'm beginning to think there is something wrong with me and that is why he isn't interested. I know the reality is he wants me to be his boyfriend before he has sex with me, but that isn't going to happen because it seems as though he is never coming out to his parents. So basically we are at a stalemate.
At this point our dating relationship is I come over to watch the Walking Dead, I blow him, and I go home. Now normally I would be completely okay with this kind of scenario so long as I knew this was my place in the world. However, he keeps acting as though we are going to be together or this is going to somehow progress beyond what it is. I realized this week that it never will.
Its Romeo's birthday this week and I wasn't even asked if I could join in on the festivities. I did see him, but I am pretty sure its only because he thinks I went out with another guy one night this week. Its surprising how jealous he gets for not really wanting me. I'm just fed up with the fake being led on or the hope that this might be something real for once. So I have turned back to going out with my friends, online dating, and just enjoying when I get hit on. What else is a boy to do really?
Sometimes I think I am never going to find anyone I can call a boyfriend. And do you know what I blame for this....my weird childhood obsession with the movie Cinderella. No not the cartoon Disney version. The version with Whitney Houston and Brandy. I have become reobsessed as of late and I'm telling you that movie and my fixation on finding a Prince Charming as ruined dating for me. Anyone who isn't perfect just seems to end up in my pile of goings through or ends up as a friend I occasionally fool around with....is it just me though??? Or is this how dating is now? If someone doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right are they just doomed to be Mr. When-its-Convenient-because-you're-nice?
All I know is that just like in the play it seems Romeo is slowly ending his life. I just don't want someone who doesn't really want me. I am convenient for him. So I have stopped sending the first text message. I have stopped suggesting things to do. I have stopped worrying about what we are. It is what it is in the end right? What do I care? I enjoy the time I spend with him even if it is just blowing him while he watches zombies eat people's guts and brains.... (I can't believe I just wrote that sentence)
Oh how very typical of my life.
Good news is....with the death of Romeo slowly approaching I may be posting a little bit more frequently....actually I have another post I'm planning so I will keep you posted.
Until then....Chau!!!
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