Hickey Part Deux

After our second rendezvous Hickey sort of turned into a stage 5 clinger, and by sort of I mean 'beyond a shadow of a doubt'. This guy texted me every day after our second date. At first it was nice and cute...and then the text messages kept coming, and each subsequent text message kept getting longer, and more sappy, until before you knew it I was getting things like this:

"Its okay. I know your a busy man. I'm very patient. :) I'm just glad to know that your okay. I miss you a lot."

and this:

"I don't have any plans either but I was gonna ask you to be my Valentine." and when I responded I don't really do the Valentine's day thing I received...."LMAO its okay. I don't really do Valentine's day either. I was just kidding. And I don't hate you I was telling my coworkers, love stinks. When am I gonna see you?"

And then on Valentine's Day I got this:

"Happy Valentine's Day my love. Hope your day is filled with lots and lots of love. From me to you. Hugs and Kisses....(cute pet name that I will spare you that Hickey has given to himself)."

I'm thinking that all of those things equate to at least a stage 5 clinger right? But I digress, I decided that I would make some time for an evening type date....maybe a drink and an appetizer kind of a thing. And away we went to a very popular place near the Fenway called Landsdowne Pub its a great place with some decent food. Well on a Thursday at 5:30 with the threat of snow...the place was dead...I mean DEAD. Like there were three times as many people working there as there was customers in the whole place. That made the whole beginning of the date a little awkward.

Then as the date progressed...Hickey didn't want a drink and didn't want to eat anything. Meanwhile I had ordered a beer before Hickey even showed up and had been eyeing a plate of fries and gravy since I walked in. So now I felt fat and like alcoholic but that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that Hickey didn't talk. It was like the awkward first date all over again. He kept staring at me with these blank expressions, giggling, and then looking down. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I simply asked him what the deal was. He dismissed my question and claimed that there was nothing and then finally came clean and asked me about KFlip...

The guy was still stuck on the fact that I wasn't exclusively dating him after only two dates. I mean come on right? Maybe its me, but that seems absolutely INSANE. When I informed Hickey that I hadn't heard from KFlip in almost two weeks (WOMP WOMP...ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST) He got this big smile on his face and then began talking like a bubbly school girl. 

When we left the restaurant I had every intention of sending Hickey on his way with maybe a goodnight kiss but that was about it. My plan was to redirect the stage 5 clinger slowly with a normal date with no physical intimacy. Well that was going well until we ended up going back to my school to unlock a piano for one of my friends...(For the record that is not an innuendo for anything the pianos at my school actually require a key that only certain people have its pretty ridiculous actually) 

While waiting for someone to show up we started kissing. Not even two minutes into the kissing the dirty talk started. All of a sudden the quiet guy from the pub became the dirtiest talking motherfucker I have come across in a long time, but I was still sticking to my guns about the physical intimacy thing....and then he said something that just made my toes curl..."I want to bite your dick and suck on your asshole like a vacuum." Now to be honest I really have no true interest in either one of those things ever occurring to me, but in the heat of the moment that kind of dirty talk totally got me going. And before I knew what I was doing we were in my dorm room going at it.

I was still planning on holding my ground, but something during the hooking up came over me and before I knew it we were having sex. Condoms were used of course because while I am all about breaking my dry spell I was not about breaking my record for 100% condom use 100% of the time. (I'm such a good little doobie) And the sex was GREAT!

 Honestly, I'm saying that, but I'm not even positive. I haven't had sex in so long I could have had absolutely terrible sex and I still probably though it was pretty good. But if I am truly recalling correctly this was some pretty great sex. Hickey has a nice sized dick, a dirty mouth, a rough approach, and was willing to both top and bottom, which totally made my fucking day. I really do love someone who is as versatile as I am....I'm not really sure he is....actually I am pretty sure he is more of a top, but whatever he let me fuck him so I am going to pretend he is a true vers like me. 

After the sex and post-coital cordialities had been expressed I broke Hickey's total euphoric state and warned him..."No crazy...I fucked you but that means you can't become crazy." I mean that was probably pretty mean, but I didn't want to risk the stage 5 clinger become a full-fledged stage 12...I always think frankness is the best policy. 

I'm proud to say it worked too! I texted Hickey to make sure he got home and then he didn't text me again until I talked to him 3 days after our date. Who knows maybe Hickey will turn out to be more than a friend after all?

Until Later!

Chau!!

Well....I got my Mojo Back....

Maybe I shouldn't have complained about my missing Mojo....

I got it back and had a few flirty encounters this weekend one that even ended in a real date.

I mean it was a real date until I screwed it up and made it all weird again....and seriously I am straight back to my old ways....well not straight back, but you get what I mean. So the guy I went on a date with last night. He is a self-proclaimed alcoholic, but not like HaHa-funny-I'm-A-24-year-old-Alcoholic more like the I Attend Meetings Almost Every Night of the Week-Have been to a Halfway House-Could Have been on the Dr. Drew show-Alcoholic. So that is just perfect.

Let me cut to the chase this guy....we will call him FTA....short for Fast Talking Alchie...I know that seems mean which is why I am going to stick with the abbreviation. So FTA is not really my type at all...First off he is super white and tans regularly...yep he is a tanning bed baby...oy vey. On top of this and the recovering alcoholic thing I have never met a more anxious person in my entire life. Seriously he talked a mile a minute and I could barely get a word in edge wise but it was clear it was because he was nervous. I decided it was probably best if I invited him back to my apartment after our short coffee date because I felt like maybe in a more homey type of setting he would be more comfortable.

He had an AA meeting to go to at 8 naturally so he asked if maybe he could come by afterward. I said we should see when he got out first. Cut to me in my living room alone eating Whole Foods soup and watching the WORST VH1 Divas concert EVER and saying why don't you jsut come by you can spend the night if you want. That's right....I blame the 2012 VH1 Divas Live Concert on my PLC to bring a recovering alcoholic home with me overnight after a first date....

We started kissing and FTA just couldn't hang. He was so fidgety and nervous. Then he admitted he has only ever done anything with three guys. Could  you imagine??? So sad. But I digress, an hour or so later I had FTA calm enough to just enjoy my company. So we swapped some blowjobs and the next disappointing factor of FTA came to fruition.....his dick was small and had a skin tag, which I may or may not have mistaken for HPV and questioned him on which I think only made him more nervous....OOOOPS!

A shower finished off our little tryst and then we split a bag of potato chips while watching some old rerun of Roseanne, he popped some pills and we went to bed. FTA wanted me to go shopping with him today....yes he is one of those gays, but I politely lied my way out of it by pretending my phone call from a computer service was work calling me to draw blood on a patient in Dorchester....Isn't it great to have a job that you can get called in for??

Now I have the dilemma of course of how to break it to this guy that I don't think its going to work. I mean for Christ's sake he left a message that said "Your hot" in marker on my mirror.....how do you tell someone that is only cute in movies? Well I am sure I will figure it out....I'm thinking a second date with something definitive planned after that I HAVE to be at so I can make my exit...or maybe just say I went home for Xmas and forget to text him when I get back from holiday??? Who knows, I'll have to think of something so I'm not responsible for this kid falling off the wagon.

I guess that's all I have for now....but good news for all of you my MOJO is back....bad news for my dating life, but probably funny reading to be had by all in the near future.

Chau!!!!

Out in the Cold

Have you ever just gone out and sat out in the freezing cold just to numb your entire body? Just waited until every extremity was cold....frozen....so numb that you almost don't realize that it is still your limb?

When you were sitting waiting for the pain to freeze and just go away, have you ever started crying? Have you felt the hot sting of a fresh tear pour down your face? While the rest of your body is numb have you felt like your eyelashes were beginning to sting from the pain of trying to hold in the waterworks? Have you ever cried for so long in the frigid universe that you thought your eyes were beginning to freeze shut?

And when all of that is happening, what did you want? Did you want the pain to just go away? Did you want it to all just stop? Or did you want someone to take it away? Did you want someone to share your pain with?

Well aren't you just a selfish bastard! Who wants to share pain? What the fuck is wrong with you? That pain is yours! You DESERVE it! Figure out someway to live with it.......and if you can't then stay in the cold....numb and frozen until you can figure out someway to compartmentalize.

Eventually that compartmentalization just turns into suppression....it turns into becoming a hidden feeling inside your soul. You become bitter.....angry.......mean......cold......soulless.....abrasive.....obnoxious......hateful......spiteful....heartless....ruthless...cruel....demanding.....and then just as you realize that you are beginning to hate yourself you come to the realization that you are a commitment phobe. The reason why you don't have someone is because you have become a miserable person to be around. Who would love you when you act like such a soulless, selfish, bastard????