Romeo Pt. 3

I realize that I haven't updated this blog in a while. It is NOT because I finally have a boyfriend...it is because I have been seeing the same person for quite a while though. It has officially been over a month that we have been dating. We have gone on a handful of real dates and more than a handful of late night rendezvous after we have both been done with work and/or rehearsals.

A quick recap of some of our dates in the last few weeks.... coffee walks, dinner at CPK, a booze cruise, a trip to Salem for Halloweekend, pizza and tv, and of course the obligatory working lunch (By working lunch of course I mean I blew him on his lunch hour ;)  I mean some things will never change right)

He is still great. He is nice, kind, has a secret sassy side, a great voice, and the most important thing is we have great FUCKING chemistry. However, we have never fucked. I know its a first....I can't believe it to be honest. We have come as close as we possibly can to fucking but we have never actually had full on sex. Its crazy really. But he wants to wait until we're monogamous to do that and honestly that is fine with me

But "ay there's the rub".... I'm pretty sure we are monogamous at this point. I mean I haven't been on a date since I started seeing him. I haven't even attempted to set up a date since I started seeing him. And he told me that he hasn't really been on a date with anyone since his last boyfriend until me. So I'm just a little unsure to be completely honest. I don't know what the next step is. My commitment-phobia is definitely starting to rear its ugly head too. 

The other night I definitely had the idea to just bail. The no sex after a month seemed like it would be the perfect excuse. I could bail and no one would even think anything about it. But I don't want to bail which is a new sort of experience for me and I don't know how to deal with it. 

I broached the subject the other day with him actually. I told him I thought about bailing and I didn't so now stuff was sort of up to him. This is a HUGE FUCKING DEAL!!! I don't really think he gets that to be honest with you.

 He definitely isn't as perfect as I thought though and it was evident as the subject came up. He isn't out to his parents. I mean he is to the rest of the world and I am sure that his parents know but he has never officially told them. For me, that is sort of a problem. I mean I really like him, but I am not going to have my first boyfriend not out to his parents. Somehow there is something illegitimate about that to me. I can't be monogamous or boyfriends with someone who isn't completely comfortable with themselves yet. And no matter how much you claim to be okay with yourself and your sexuality I refuse to believe you are completely comfortable until your parents know who you are. Am I being unreasonable?

This of course means that at this point I am sort of at a stalemate. He won't have sex until we are boyfriends, I won't be boyfriends until he comes out to his parents, and he isn't ready to come out to them. It is what it is. I like him still and I am definitely enjoying our time together so I'm not going to push anything, but I am not anticipating this thing to really work itself out any time in the near future, but who knows. 

I can't think of anything else to say. If any of you have any advice please feel free to comment and let me know what you think.

Chau!!

A Little More Hope....

I have been avoiding giving you all an update on this one for a few days now simply because I don't want to jinx anything. I am sitting here waiting to go on a second date and I can't believe how much I actually like this guy. I am completely sober right now (just thought I would add that for those of you who might be starting to think I have a drinking problem).

Our first date was adorable. I mean Throw-Up-In-Your-Mouth Adorable. We went and got coffee/fancy gay drinks from Starbucks and walked. First we went to the Christian Science Center where we sat, like the gay blasphemers we are, overlooking the reflecting pool and chatting. Then we took a stroll down Boylston St. to the Boston Gardens. Once we got to and were walking through the gardens he brought me to his favorite spot...a fountain in the corner...and we sat and talked some more. Then I had waited long enough and I just went for it...our first sober kiss. It was so cliché! And so freaking gay...sitting on a fountain in the middle of Boston Gardens and kissing. The weirdest part of the whole situation...despite the corniness of it all...I still think it was great.

When we finally realized what time it was we had to rush back to campus because he had a rehearsal that he was now going to be 20 minutes late for....Oooopps! And then we talked about going on another date.

As I sit here typing this right now I am waiting/preparing for our next date. I hope this goes well...everything else has so far...but I don't know.

Oh and I think I came up with a name for this one....ready for this....Romeo. Wait hear me out because I know exactly what you are thinking because even I got nauseous as I wrote it, but I really can't think of a more perfect name. So the part of the story I left out above....he quoted Romeo and Juliet after he kissed me....I know. He is so freaking cute I can't stand it. Okay well that is enough of an update for now...

Off to my second date...

Chau!!!

A Little Hope...

So I may or may not be drunk right now....but I am going to blog anyways....I know people always say never drink and blog but I really don't want to forget how I feel tomorrow.

Tonight I went to a friend's housewarming party despite having an absolutely horrid day at work. For some reason I felt compelled to go so I got on a bus and headed to her new place. For the first hour or so I felt extremely awkward. There were only a few people I knew and despite my charming attention grabbing personality I really wasn't having that great of a time.

Then all of a sudden this guy from my theater group showed up. He is awesome. He is a genuinely nice person, with a great voice, and he is super cute. He is friends with a lesbian I am actually pretty good friends with. He is adorable. The best part about him is I saw him interact with his family post show and it was adorable. They were the Cleavers if Beaver was a raging homo who did musical theater. Seeing them interact was literally an AWWWWW kind of a moment.

So this guy shows up and he sort of starts hitting on me. At first I wasn't really sure if he was hitting on me or not. He was being sort of shy and stand offish. Honestly I have had a crush on this guy for quite some time but never made a move because I assumed he wasn't even remotely into me. Then tonight everything changed and it was obvious to me that he may have been into me. I still am not sure if it was because he was gay or just because he liked me but I guess time will tell.

Well the party we were at got broken up by the cops. So instead of being under 21 year old assholes and just going home I went with him, his hag, his guy friend, and my sort of friend/acquaintance/fellow nurse to a bar for a couple of follow up drinks. Just as a funny anecdote this friend person is also a sex toy saleswoman.....and she happened to be carrying around a suitcase full of supplies and one of them happened to be going off....this really isn't relevant to the story at all I just thought that it was funny, but I digress. So we all go to the bar and begin drinking.

The cute guy who I still haven't come up with a name for yet's hag finds out that I am drinking a Long Island Iced Tea and immediately begins liking me and pushing me and her friend to get together. I was so excited. I mean, let's cut the shit, if the hag starts pushing a relationship then that means the other person has at least mentioned you before in conversation. I got really excited. Eventually after doing this really awkward flirting thing we ended up kissing in the middle of the bar.

It was Awesome! He was a great kisser! After a few passionate pecks he ended up bringing me to the back of the bar where we sneaked out the back door and began making out in the alley. At one point we both ended up on the ground, but I stopped things from going any further because I feel like I might actually like this guy. And he seemed to be okay with it.

We then went back into the bar where the bartender quickly and quite curtly informed me that I was not allowed to go into the back alley.....OOOPS....MY BAD! Oh well it was hot and I was into it. Fuck the bartender!

I paid my bill and met him and his friends out front of the bar where I was invited to go back to his place and smoke and watch Legally Blonde....however tempting this might have been I rejected because I think I might actually like this guy and I didn't want to fuck him right away. He is so nice, and sweet, and cute, and smart, and adorable, and I am sure that I am going to fuck this up somehow....

Well I texted him when I got home that I would talk to him tomorrow and take him on a proper date and he told me he was looking forward to it.....


Is it possible??? Have I actually found someone that I am attracted to and who is also a good person??? I hope so... Want to know what gives me hope??? My walk home...


As I was walking home from the bar everything seemed normal. Then as I got out in front of my dorm I started singing a song I wrote (I know how cheesy) called rain....

I want the rain to come and fall on my face.
Give me the storm to take away my pain,
To take away my hurting.
I want the water, I want the wind, Give me the storm,
Make me feel again.

 And as I am belting this out at the top of my lungs it started to pour.....the more I sang the harder and more persistent the rain became. It was like a baptism by nature. I am hoping that it was God's way of telling me that this time things will be different. This time I will have been born anew and everything will be innocent and fresh.

I HOPE....

So maybe tonight was the perfect example of A Little Hope....

And the Rain Keeps Fallin' Down....

I know its cliche to title a blog post as a gay man with a song from Elegies (Its linked for all of my straight readers), but I just couldn't help myself. What's funny is that the song really isn't applicable at all......except for one line....and I just keep singing it over and over and over again in my head....

Thought that I would see the sun by now 

One more tear  

might wash away this godforsaken town, 

but the rain keeps fallin’ down. 

Over and over and over...

As I sit here in my college dorm room overlooking the city of Boston and drinking mate alone watching the rain as it pours out my window I can't help but think that I thought I would see the sun by now.

I thought for sure that at this point in my life I would have found one single person who wasn't a total whacko and who I actually felt comfortable. Just one single person who had significant feelings for me and didn't simultaneously have something wrong with them. I mean I realized a while ago that whoever I fall in love with is probably going to be a little quirky, but am I really going to be alone until I find the true love of my life. 

Is that how it works??? I don't know. Sometimes I feel really weird for never having had a boyfriend, but then I remember there are a lot of people who haven't had any significant other before....And then I remember that most of those people aren't trying to have a significant other....and I feel weird again.

Well I guess that is the end of my rant for now, I'll be in touch if anything else interesting happens....don't hold your breath though!

Chau!!

A Taste of Southern Charm...

I had such HOPE for Rhett....I mean he survived the Civil War you would think that he might be able to entice me.

We went on a second date. Dinner and drinks at a new restaurant and a bar he knew in the South End. It was a good date. Not exceptional, but nothing terrible either. I mean we talked about both his ex-boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend/fiancee, but other than that it was great. Dinner was good and the conversation flowed well. He paid, which of course I appreciated.

At the end of the night though we went by another bar in the South End so he could talk to his female friend who was a bartender and I gave him a goodbye kiss. I initiated...not usually my style, but I felt like this guy was waiting for me to make a move. Even though he is 30 he is still pretty uncomfortable with the gay thing, I think. I mean he has only really been out to his family since he was 27....so like 3 years maybe? So I initiated the good-night kiss. It wasn't bad. It was cute, not foot-pop worthy, but cute first kiss. That night I got texted that he wished he could have kissed me more....which I think is code for I'm drunk and horny, but its still nice to feel like someone wants to kiss you right?

Then Rhett took a trip to NYC and wanted a date when he got back. I obliged and we had a day date this afternoon. We were supposed to watch Will and Grace...I realize that is a really lame cover, but what are you going to do. Before we even got the DVD in the machine we were making out. Then we eventually ended up fooling around. It all seemed a little weird to be honest. I knew we weren't going to have sex but the fooling around was just awkward. This probably has to do with the fact that I took him to be a bottom because of his Justin Beiber hair and I found out, after a little bit of an awkward interaction that he was not a bottom, but indeed only a top.....OOoooOOps....MY BAD!

Eventually we both finished up and then after getting cleaned up there was this period of 10-20 minutes where I felt like a whore. He all of a sudden started walking/pacing around his apartment doing really trivial little things. And then he started writing out a check and I almost had to catch my breath when I asked what it was for worried that somehow he thought I was an actual prostitute. Turns out he was just writing out his rent check but how fucked up am I that my first thought when he grabbed his checkbook was he was paying me for what we had just done?

I digress.....after 20 minutes of weirdness he offered me a drink and we sat and watched two episodes of Will and Grace...and then I went home. I stopped and grabbed pizza and an iced coffee on the way home though. For whatever reason I didn't feel good about this date. I think maybe doing the physical stuff finally just opened my eyes to the gut instinct that I was having on our dates that there was something just a little off.

I think I will probably end up going on one or two more dates with Rhett, but I really don't know. I just feel like there was something about this date that just wasn't quite right and I wouldn't be surprised if I never heard from Rhett again. To be completely honest, I'm not really sure I care if I ever hear from him again....does that make me an awful person?

Well I guess until next time.....

CHAU!

Finally a GLC!!!

Somehow Mereb made another brief guest appearance in my life....


That's right the guy who at one time said was on his way to being my Radames and then decided he found someone else and wanted to fix me, texted me out of the blue. I agreed to get coffee because I really thought that it was harmless. I don't like to dwell on things. I always assume people are better than they really are. So we had a date for Wednesday and the Prick stood me up. He, of course, had an excuse after the fact....and I forgave him and agreed to maybe meeting up this weekend. He kept texting me two seconds after I made plans with other people so eventually he ended up booty calling me at around 1:30 on Saturday. That's right I hadn't seen him in 4 months and he stood me up and he booty called me....the beauty of it this time....I DID NOT GO!!! I was so proud of myself. I did agree to get up and get coffee with him Sunday morning however. 

When I woke up and we finally made plans to go grab coffee he let me know about 15 minutes later he was going to have to cancel and was then indignant when I was blasé about him blowing me off again. Ultimately the texting encounter ended with me going over how he pretty much acted like a prick and him making excuses for every fucked up thing he did. Then he said, "Let me just do you the favor" meaning we didn't have to get together. 

Let me just do you the favor.......ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS????? If you wanted to just do me the fucking favor you could have not called me when you broke up with whatever perfect boy toy you thought you had, you could have shown up to our first date, you could have been courteous and not stood me up you fucking asshole. How dare you try to make me feel bad for you prickish actions....

And I thought this guy was Mereb....how wrong I was...he wasn't even in the cast of that show...but once labeled I can't take it back, so I guess Mereb will just be a prick forever more....

On the bright side.... 

I finally stood up for myself. I didn't go running to someone's side just because they complimented me by calling me....it feels good, and I feel a little stupid if I am being honest. Now I am alone....again....I am holding out hope for Rhett though and that is all I can hope for at this point.

Starting Over

Here's the scoop....my mother found my blog....that's right folks...my mother read all about all of my sex and dating life....which is why I deleted and re-made this blog anonymously. I encourage all of you to continue to follow....and laugh at my expense...

Now where was I...

Its been a while and so very much has happened. Let's begin with one of the most awkward dates in my history....which is saying something.

This guy....we'll call him Smoosher, was just fjapi ojsdng; aovgnmas;otng...yes....key smashing that is how I am choosing to describe him. He was one of those dates that when he showed up I hoped and said a silent prayer that he wouldn't see me or wouldn't notice me and silently walk away. No such luck....OF COURSE!!!

Let me begin by describing him for all of you. First he had on pants that were far too large and were comfortably around his waist and yet they still managed to hide below his knee. He had on a giant baggy t-shirt, van sneakers with a hole in one of the toes, and high socks. Not, I'm-an-athlete-who-works-out-gym-socks more I'm-a-nerd-who-plays-way-too-many-video-games-high-socks. Then he had a sort of Jew fro....which was not awful, but coupled with his facial hair that resembled pubic hair it was just not a good scene. But the Icing on the Cake he was wearing a bent fork around his wrist as a MOTHERFUCKING BRACELET!!!! Seriously where the FUCK do I find these people??

Other problems with this guy....he is 25, a virgin, wants to fuck Spiderman, and when dry humping you makes a funny face closes his eyes and humps like he is trying to masturbate using a couch.....Yes that run-on sentence pretty much sums him up. And for my own dignity and sake we will call him a PLC and move on....

I also recently went on a date with a great guy. An ICU nurse from a local hospital. A Southern transplant from TN with an accent. He is nice, older, cute, and has his shit together, which I fucking LOVE. The only problem with him....long hair. I'm not talking 80's rock band long, think Justin Bieber or the website Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. But is all seems to be working out well. We are actually scheduled for another date next week so I am hopeful. I am thinking that I might call him Rhett....I don't know why but there is something about his height and his accent that just reminds me of the movie Gone with the Wind....so that will be his nickname...boring I know but he seems like he might be a good one....fingers crossed!


Well until next time....Chau