The Morning After

How many times have I been here before?? I probably couldn't count. I'm not talking about the morning after going out and hooking up with some random stranger. Those mornings I tend to just pretend didn't happen. I am talking about the morning after staying in all night alone. I wake up rested and a little sad.

I'm never quite sure why I am sad. Its not because I stayed in, I don't really care about going out and having a good time. Its not because I slept funny and now I have some weird ache or pain that is causing me physical discomfort. It is not because I did not get laid the night before, but it is something close to that.

It has something to do with waking up alone. It has to do with waking up and having to text someone about getting breakfast rather than just rolling over and asking them about it. It has something to do with having that post-pizza-binge-fullness in the morning all alone that somehow leaves you feeling empty. I guess as much as I am very afraid of waking up every morning next to the same person it would be nice to wake up to someone.

I struggle with this a lot. I LOVE the idea of a relationship. I like that I could wake up next to the same person every week who would think that coffee and brunch followed by a nice walk on a Sunday afternoon is a great idea after having spent a Saturday night in, but I haven't been able to trick myself into the actuality of it yet. If I wake up one day next to someone and that scenario occurs it almost guarantees that it will never happen again. What is wrong with me? Why would I rather wake up a little sad then with the same person two weeks in a row?

God that makes me sound like a huge slut. I'm not.....I swear....its just waking up next to the same person and having that same Sunday routine scares me. I don't want to become complacent. I want to always strive for more. For some reason a consistent person to wake up to means complacency to me....Seriously I have a problem.

Maybe I should get a pet? Although that would leave me with a whole host of other issues....like who would watch it when I went out? What would I do if I spent the night at someone else's place? How would I sneak it into my dorm room? And isn't that just pathetic?

I guess that about does it for today......let's see what happens this weekend.