Shortly after restarting this blog I met someone online. He is everything I have always thought I wanted. Tall, handsome, friendly, ambitious, a total Hufflepuff, sexual chemistry, a GRE level vocabulary...he is essentially the hot gay nerd. I struck gold. We have been on three amazing dates, he has slept over twice, he met my roommate. I have gushed about him to my friends and coworkers. But for some reason this week I got this sinking pit in my stomach that I shouldn't get too attached. I hadn't thought once about jumping ship and then this week it hit me that I was nervous about what was going to happen next. There is some part of me that is petrified that what happened with Othello is going to happen here. I have been protecting him from the blog, because usually by the time I write a post about people that means they are not long for my dating world. I realized tonight that was ridiculous. Tonight is the first night that I have sent him a text message and he hasn't responded. I know that's stupid, and I know I'm being ridiculous and that this might mean nothing, but in my experience this is the beginning of the end.
By the third date the charm of dating someone who works as much as I do for my patients who have nothing has worn off and you want someone who can devote more time to you. By the end of the third date, you're sick of my swearing sailor mouth and want someone who can just chill and be cool. By the end of the third date you realize my life is really a fucking shit show and I am rarely in charge of what I am doing from one second to the next. By the end of the third date you realize that my room is always messy and I really don't care much about my appearance. By the end of the third date you realize my taste in everything from clothing to music isn't eclectic its just fucking weird and you are over it. By the end of the third date you realize I really am not that nice of a person and that the reason I have my jobs is to give me some chance of not going directly to hell. By the end of the third date you realize that I am more trouble than I'm worth and it would be way easier to get some Grindr slut to suck you off. By the end of the third date you realize that until you have a conversation with me about where we are in terms of dating I will assume that the buck stops there. By the end of the third date if I am still interested I have already become the clingy, annoying, and desperate boy that no one really wants to date.
So here I sit....several days after the end of the third date....and all I face are mounting insecurities about things that I have said, actions I have taken, and text messages I have and have not sent since we started dating.......waiting patiently to hear the chime from my phone indicating a text rather than the depressing trill of some horny Grindr queen.
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Post Date Anxiety
I have been actively dating and looking for a long term relationship in Boston for going on 6 years, give or take. I have been on literally hundreds of dates. Some of the dates were total trainwrecks, others were as exciting as watching paint dry, some were good, and a select few were fucking amazing. No matter how many dates I go on, or how much fun I actually had on the date, there is one thing that always happens; post-date anxiety.
For the first 2-3 hours post date I am filled with the anxiety that I think most people probably experience prior to their date. Did he like me? Why did I say that? What did he mean by that? Fuck, I'm an idiot. Will he call? Should I call him? Do I want him to call me? What would my mother say? What would my fag hag think? It is a series of endless questions that can be easily assuaged by a simple text from the other person. A yay or nay, a thumbs up or a thumbs down.
What's odd is that I don't have any of these anxieties prior to the date. I'm not nervous. I don't worry about what I'm wearing or how my hair looks. I simply go with the thought, "This is me....fuck it I can't do anything about it." Somewhere between meeting my date and spending some time with them I go from "fuck it" to "God I hope he liked me". Even on bad dates, I want the other guy to like me. I don't ever want to be the guy someone tells his friends about as the worst date of their life.
If I liked the guy and it was what I would consider a good date, then "God I hope he liked me" quickly divests into a series of insecurities about how I look, my physicality, my clothing choices, my word choices, what I ordered, and my choice of body language as we said goodbye (i.e. why did I hug him, a fist bump what the fuck were you thinking).
I'm not sure if I will ever really get over this. Its a product of my own self esteem I think. When left to my own devices I am able to convince myself that I have my shit together, but the minute I compare myself to anything in the outside world I rapidly feel inadequate and unaccomplished. Further fueling my inadequacies is my desire to be with someone that might actually give a shit about me.
I often profess how comfortable I am being alone and single, and more often than not, that confession is a complete fallacy. I worry about being alone forever. I am concerned that I might never get the family I want. I fret that I will have no one to share my professional accomplishments with when I come home. I brood about what adulthood would be like if the only men in my life were Ben and Jerry and Jose. I agonize over wanting the American dream and being satisfied with an alternative version of it.
The one thing that I am grateful for about this post-date anxiety is that it never pervades my preparation for another date. If the post-date anxiety becomes too much then all I need do is schedule another date with someone else. It's kind of like having an eye opener to stave off a hangover. Probably not the best idea in the long run, but sometimes we all need the quick fix.
Later
Tchau!!
For the first 2-3 hours post date I am filled with the anxiety that I think most people probably experience prior to their date. Did he like me? Why did I say that? What did he mean by that? Fuck, I'm an idiot. Will he call? Should I call him? Do I want him to call me? What would my mother say? What would my fag hag think? It is a series of endless questions that can be easily assuaged by a simple text from the other person. A yay or nay, a thumbs up or a thumbs down.
What's odd is that I don't have any of these anxieties prior to the date. I'm not nervous. I don't worry about what I'm wearing or how my hair looks. I simply go with the thought, "This is me....fuck it I can't do anything about it." Somewhere between meeting my date and spending some time with them I go from "fuck it" to "God I hope he liked me". Even on bad dates, I want the other guy to like me. I don't ever want to be the guy someone tells his friends about as the worst date of their life.
If I liked the guy and it was what I would consider a good date, then "God I hope he liked me" quickly divests into a series of insecurities about how I look, my physicality, my clothing choices, my word choices, what I ordered, and my choice of body language as we said goodbye (i.e. why did I hug him, a fist bump what the fuck were you thinking).
I'm not sure if I will ever really get over this. Its a product of my own self esteem I think. When left to my own devices I am able to convince myself that I have my shit together, but the minute I compare myself to anything in the outside world I rapidly feel inadequate and unaccomplished. Further fueling my inadequacies is my desire to be with someone that might actually give a shit about me.
I often profess how comfortable I am being alone and single, and more often than not, that confession is a complete fallacy. I worry about being alone forever. I am concerned that I might never get the family I want. I fret that I will have no one to share my professional accomplishments with when I come home. I brood about what adulthood would be like if the only men in my life were Ben and Jerry and Jose. I agonize over wanting the American dream and being satisfied with an alternative version of it.
The one thing that I am grateful for about this post-date anxiety is that it never pervades my preparation for another date. If the post-date anxiety becomes too much then all I need do is schedule another date with someone else. It's kind of like having an eye opener to stave off a hangover. Probably not the best idea in the long run, but sometimes we all need the quick fix.
Later
Tchau!!
Sunday, January 8, 2017
A Birthday Weekend Extravaganza
I know that I may have been gone for a while, but some things have not changed. I turned 27 this last week and I am still a total work-a-holic (I'm up to 4 jobs now) and I still am single as ever. I have never had a boyfriend despite my best efforts and I currently don't have a single prospect.
So what is a 27 year old guy to do on his birthday weekend... I took it off...I didn't work a single job, all weekend. Instead I planned to go out and drink and dance and have a good time. Of course life is never simple and there is always a wrench to be thrown into the plan.
Let's take it day by day shall we:
FRIDAY
I wasn't really sure where I was going to go or who I was going to go out with, but I was determined to do something fun. So I left work late, per usual, went to the gym and then headed home to eat and get dressed. As I was eating, one of my regular hook up buddies hit me up.
What you all need to know about this regular fb, let's call him LOC (Lawyer Of Color) is that the last time we fooled around I found out that he has a boyfriend. After multiple hook ups with LOC, he finally told me that he has had a boyfriend for 16 years and that they have been living together since 2006. Per LOC they are in an open relationship and it is completely okay to sleep with others. However, LOC spent the night the last time he came over and received multiple text messages from his boyfriend/common law husband in the morning. That seems to be a pretty normal reaction, but what was strange is that LOC didn't simply say that he fell asleep at the house of his hook up, instead he said that he was at another friend's home. Why lie if it was okay and you had an arrangement? It seemed odd, but I decided to let it go. I wasn't looking to make him my husband so what do I care about the logistics of his own long term relationship.
I tell you this to explain that on Friday night when LOC hit me up, I told him that he could come by, but I was going out. He was excited to go out because in his relationship state this apparently does not happen that frequently. We ultimately decided to go to Paradise and he came to my place so we could uber together. Then as I was getting ready he proceeded to get somewhere between 5 and 20 text messages. None of them were happy. I decided I would give him a few minutes to call his hubby and I encouraged him to tell his hubby to join us at the bar. I figured if there really were in an open relationship it would be fine. Then about 10 minutes later and uber became unnecessary because his hubby was coming to pick us up and drive us and accompany us to the bar. Cut to perhaps the most awkward car ride of my life. I sat in the back, alone and was talked about while in the car by both LOC and his husband. OH yes a full on tense conversation that I tried to intersperse with funny anecdotes or stories, which received no response from either party. I may as well have talked to myself.
When we finally got to the club, I immediately headed for the bar, where much to my surprise LOC's Hubby bought me a drink. Finally after two scotch and waters the hubby started to become talkative. It was probably half an hour into a rather typical night at Paradise when one of the other guys I have recently been dating walked in.
The other guy (who waltzed into the awkward night that was me as the third wheel to LOC's marriage) is a young black opera singer originally from the South. He is super nice, has a great singing voice, and an ass that you could bounce a quarter off. He is currently in grad school and working at one of the local colleges while still managing to go on auditions. I will call him Southern Divo for the blog for obvious reasons.
Well Southern Divo was not alone. He brought with him ProfAK. ProfAK was Southern Divo's voice teacher while he was in undergrad at a school in Arkansas. Apparently the professor and his student had hooked up after the professor finally left his wife. The two of them were now getting together in the city of Boston and decided to come to Paradise.....of course, where else would such a relationship be tolerated. To describe ProfAK I need only say he is exactly what you would picture a recently out southern opera voice teacher to look like, complete with spectacles, pale white skin, and large grandpa sweater despite being rather handsome.
Well the odd couple ended up joining the odd thruple on the dance floor and we actually had a pretty good night. It was a weird combination of jealousy and drama for me though. I guess I have been out of the gay club scene for a while and forgot how messy things can get when alcohol and emotions are involved. Ultimately I spent my night alternating between flirting and dancing with Southern Divo and LOC while ProfAK and LOC's Hubby were alternately flirting with me and giving me the evil eye. I felt a little like both sets of guys were competing to see who I might go home and have a threesome with, which was really strange.
When the club finally closed, LOC and Hubby were barely speaking to each other, but both wanted me to get in a car and go home with them. I politely shot them both down, insisting that I was going to take public transit so they didn't have to go out of their way to drive me home.
Then somewhere between the exit of Paradise and Mass Ave (not even a city block) I decided I would invite Southern Divo and ProfAK to brunch with me the next morning. Naturally when they agreed I also invited them to spend the night at my place since my roommate was away.
********************************NSFW***************************************
One thing led to another and before I knew it both Southern Divo and ProfAK were naked in my bed and we were fooling around. In no time we went from harmlessly making out with each other to seeing which one of us was most adept at shoving two cocks in their mouth at the same time.
You would think having two men that specialize in opera and vocal performance that they would both be able to open their mouths wide and really just go for it, but I ended up being the double stuff champ....who knew....(let's be honest...I did....if there is one thing that I have learned in the two years that I have been away its that I really love sucking dick and sometimes a passion for cock sucking is even better than the most skilled tongue). '
After a few hours of mostly oral, handjobs, and fingering, no one was ponying up to get fucked. I don't think that any of us had really planned on having anal sex that night and none was willing to take a time out to get ready. Eventually I started to get sleepy and I decided enough was enough and one by one, I shoved my finger in an asshole and swirled my tongue around a dick head and watched two giant loads shoot across bare chests. It was really hot and fun, but I was exhausted and it was bed time. I threw each of them a towel and then shimmied myself in between Southern Divo as the littlest spoon and ProfAK as the big spoon, still hard, but not wanting to let my horniness subside. I figured the minute I came I would instantly regret the almost threesome and I didn't want to ruin the moment.
We all fell asleep within minutes and did not wake up until my phone buzzed with a text message from one of the programs I am in charge of to let me know that one of my patients was brought to the ED. I hopped out of bed, read the text message and as I was crawling back in between the two men in my bed I realized that ProfAK was up and horny. I think having recently come out, this was probably the first all male threesome he had ever experienced and was still raring to go from the night before. I placated him, making out with him and giving him a handjob before ultimately shoving my middle finger up his ass, finding his prostate and gently tapping it until he shot a second load all over himself.
While he was in the bathroom cleaning up Southern Divo woke up and thanked me for the night before...he also thanked me for taking care of his professor this morning without him because "I'm not really into him and I'm afraid he thinks that I am going to want something."
********************************************SFW*********************************
Around 10:30a we all started to wake up again to the warnings about the snowfall. While I have a car and don't mind driving in the city I decided that I would rather not drive in the snow to brunch especially since I really wanted a bloody mary. Both Southern Divo and ProfAK went back to Southern Divo's place to get ready and come back to my place to uber to brunch.
SATURDAY
Brunch was largely uneventful and I found myself reveling in the talk of two true opera nerds. The ease with which the professor and his student were able to talk about famous directors, companies, schools, and pieces made me feel like I was in the inner circle and the inner theater kid in me was thrilled! I really do miss performing and every once in while its fun to think about how differently my life would have been if I had pursued musical theater instead of nursing.....but I digress.
My plan for Saturday quickly changed as more and more snow started falling down. Instead of going out to a straight bar and meeting up with one of the nurses I work, I became more and more focused on a guy who started to booty call me around 7p.
Normally, anyone who would booty call me around 7p would automatically be out...for you to be so desperate and so needed so early in the night there would have to be something seriously wrong with you and I just don't need anything else seriously wrong with my life. But, something about the mounting snow Saturday evening somehow made a 7p booty call acceptable.
Then when the guy finally showed up I remembered why I had been so negligent in replying to him the week after Christmas.....his voice was a huge turn off. I know that is a really superficial and bitchy thing to say, but it is the truth. Via text this guy is wicked hot. He is kind of cocky, really aggressive, and has a somewhat expansive vocabulary. In person this guy has not only an effeminate voice, but a really really gay inflection. Now I really don't have a problem with a gay inflection at all...I have dated guys with more than just a lilt to their voice, but they never tried to Dom me. The idea that a Dom Top would have the voice of Beverly Leslie from Will and Grace.
It's a travesty really. Otherwise the guy is pretty hot....not in the traditional rippling muscles sense, but he has a swagger. Ultimately about 5 minutes into sucking his dick I got cold and bored and decided that maybe we should just cuddle and watch a crappy movie instead. Luckily, this guy is on the girthier side and an eater and I had lamb, a roast, and risotto in my fridge to appease him.
We ended up watching this terrible movie on Netflix called Maximum Ride and then simply going to sleep. Sunday morning I woke up again to a text message from my caregivers about one of the patients who was not feeling great in the snow. I responded and promptly ignored Beverly Leslie's pleas to finally get him off. It wasn't until ten o'clock when Beverly Leslie told me that he had called an Uber and was going home that I finally got out of bed and said goodbye. That will surely be the last time that I invite him over. Get tricked by that voice once or twice that's one thing, but more than four times and then you're just a fucking idiot.
SUNDAY
I had intended to spend this day trolling OkCupid or some other dating app for a date this week, but instead the snow inspired a Betty HomoMaker like experience and I ended up making muffins, and bread, and a delicious hearty beef stew. Some days when I spend the whole day alone just cooking and cleaning I find so much joy in what I do that I become ever more ok with being alone forever. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing really, only just that its a fact.
I guess the one thing that I am going to take away from this birthday weekend is that going into 27 I am going to take a play out of a television show called Being Mary Jane, everyone in my phone is getting a nick name. Just like I give guys nick names on my blog I am going to start naming them in my phone that way so I don't forget who they are and what I like or don't like about them. Seems silly, but I am hoping that it will help prevent some PLCs like Beverly Leslie from happening again.
Well until next time.
Tchau!!!
So what is a 27 year old guy to do on his birthday weekend... I took it off...I didn't work a single job, all weekend. Instead I planned to go out and drink and dance and have a good time. Of course life is never simple and there is always a wrench to be thrown into the plan.
Let's take it day by day shall we:
FRIDAY
I wasn't really sure where I was going to go or who I was going to go out with, but I was determined to do something fun. So I left work late, per usual, went to the gym and then headed home to eat and get dressed. As I was eating, one of my regular hook up buddies hit me up.
What you all need to know about this regular fb, let's call him LOC (Lawyer Of Color) is that the last time we fooled around I found out that he has a boyfriend. After multiple hook ups with LOC, he finally told me that he has had a boyfriend for 16 years and that they have been living together since 2006. Per LOC they are in an open relationship and it is completely okay to sleep with others. However, LOC spent the night the last time he came over and received multiple text messages from his boyfriend/common law husband in the morning. That seems to be a pretty normal reaction, but what was strange is that LOC didn't simply say that he fell asleep at the house of his hook up, instead he said that he was at another friend's home. Why lie if it was okay and you had an arrangement? It seemed odd, but I decided to let it go. I wasn't looking to make him my husband so what do I care about the logistics of his own long term relationship.
I tell you this to explain that on Friday night when LOC hit me up, I told him that he could come by, but I was going out. He was excited to go out because in his relationship state this apparently does not happen that frequently. We ultimately decided to go to Paradise and he came to my place so we could uber together. Then as I was getting ready he proceeded to get somewhere between 5 and 20 text messages. None of them were happy. I decided I would give him a few minutes to call his hubby and I encouraged him to tell his hubby to join us at the bar. I figured if there really were in an open relationship it would be fine. Then about 10 minutes later and uber became unnecessary because his hubby was coming to pick us up and drive us and accompany us to the bar. Cut to perhaps the most awkward car ride of my life. I sat in the back, alone and was talked about while in the car by both LOC and his husband. OH yes a full on tense conversation that I tried to intersperse with funny anecdotes or stories, which received no response from either party. I may as well have talked to myself.
When we finally got to the club, I immediately headed for the bar, where much to my surprise LOC's Hubby bought me a drink. Finally after two scotch and waters the hubby started to become talkative. It was probably half an hour into a rather typical night at Paradise when one of the other guys I have recently been dating walked in.
The other guy (who waltzed into the awkward night that was me as the third wheel to LOC's marriage) is a young black opera singer originally from the South. He is super nice, has a great singing voice, and an ass that you could bounce a quarter off. He is currently in grad school and working at one of the local colleges while still managing to go on auditions. I will call him Southern Divo for the blog for obvious reasons.
Well Southern Divo was not alone. He brought with him ProfAK. ProfAK was Southern Divo's voice teacher while he was in undergrad at a school in Arkansas. Apparently the professor and his student had hooked up after the professor finally left his wife. The two of them were now getting together in the city of Boston and decided to come to Paradise.....of course, where else would such a relationship be tolerated. To describe ProfAK I need only say he is exactly what you would picture a recently out southern opera voice teacher to look like, complete with spectacles, pale white skin, and large grandpa sweater despite being rather handsome.
Well the odd couple ended up joining the odd thruple on the dance floor and we actually had a pretty good night. It was a weird combination of jealousy and drama for me though. I guess I have been out of the gay club scene for a while and forgot how messy things can get when alcohol and emotions are involved. Ultimately I spent my night alternating between flirting and dancing with Southern Divo and LOC while ProfAK and LOC's Hubby were alternately flirting with me and giving me the evil eye. I felt a little like both sets of guys were competing to see who I might go home and have a threesome with, which was really strange.
When the club finally closed, LOC and Hubby were barely speaking to each other, but both wanted me to get in a car and go home with them. I politely shot them both down, insisting that I was going to take public transit so they didn't have to go out of their way to drive me home.
Then somewhere between the exit of Paradise and Mass Ave (not even a city block) I decided I would invite Southern Divo and ProfAK to brunch with me the next morning. Naturally when they agreed I also invited them to spend the night at my place since my roommate was away.
********************************NSFW***************************************
One thing led to another and before I knew it both Southern Divo and ProfAK were naked in my bed and we were fooling around. In no time we went from harmlessly making out with each other to seeing which one of us was most adept at shoving two cocks in their mouth at the same time.
You would think having two men that specialize in opera and vocal performance that they would both be able to open their mouths wide and really just go for it, but I ended up being the double stuff champ....who knew....(let's be honest...I did....if there is one thing that I have learned in the two years that I have been away its that I really love sucking dick and sometimes a passion for cock sucking is even better than the most skilled tongue). '
After a few hours of mostly oral, handjobs, and fingering, no one was ponying up to get fucked. I don't think that any of us had really planned on having anal sex that night and none was willing to take a time out to get ready. Eventually I started to get sleepy and I decided enough was enough and one by one, I shoved my finger in an asshole and swirled my tongue around a dick head and watched two giant loads shoot across bare chests. It was really hot and fun, but I was exhausted and it was bed time. I threw each of them a towel and then shimmied myself in between Southern Divo as the littlest spoon and ProfAK as the big spoon, still hard, but not wanting to let my horniness subside. I figured the minute I came I would instantly regret the almost threesome and I didn't want to ruin the moment.
We all fell asleep within minutes and did not wake up until my phone buzzed with a text message from one of the programs I am in charge of to let me know that one of my patients was brought to the ED. I hopped out of bed, read the text message and as I was crawling back in between the two men in my bed I realized that ProfAK was up and horny. I think having recently come out, this was probably the first all male threesome he had ever experienced and was still raring to go from the night before. I placated him, making out with him and giving him a handjob before ultimately shoving my middle finger up his ass, finding his prostate and gently tapping it until he shot a second load all over himself.
While he was in the bathroom cleaning up Southern Divo woke up and thanked me for the night before...he also thanked me for taking care of his professor this morning without him because "I'm not really into him and I'm afraid he thinks that I am going to want something."
********************************************SFW*********************************
Around 10:30a we all started to wake up again to the warnings about the snowfall. While I have a car and don't mind driving in the city I decided that I would rather not drive in the snow to brunch especially since I really wanted a bloody mary. Both Southern Divo and ProfAK went back to Southern Divo's place to get ready and come back to my place to uber to brunch.
SATURDAY
Brunch was largely uneventful and I found myself reveling in the talk of two true opera nerds. The ease with which the professor and his student were able to talk about famous directors, companies, schools, and pieces made me feel like I was in the inner circle and the inner theater kid in me was thrilled! I really do miss performing and every once in while its fun to think about how differently my life would have been if I had pursued musical theater instead of nursing.....but I digress.
My plan for Saturday quickly changed as more and more snow started falling down. Instead of going out to a straight bar and meeting up with one of the nurses I work, I became more and more focused on a guy who started to booty call me around 7p.
Normally, anyone who would booty call me around 7p would automatically be out...for you to be so desperate and so needed so early in the night there would have to be something seriously wrong with you and I just don't need anything else seriously wrong with my life. But, something about the mounting snow Saturday evening somehow made a 7p booty call acceptable.
Then when the guy finally showed up I remembered why I had been so negligent in replying to him the week after Christmas.....his voice was a huge turn off. I know that is a really superficial and bitchy thing to say, but it is the truth. Via text this guy is wicked hot. He is kind of cocky, really aggressive, and has a somewhat expansive vocabulary. In person this guy has not only an effeminate voice, but a really really gay inflection. Now I really don't have a problem with a gay inflection at all...I have dated guys with more than just a lilt to their voice, but they never tried to Dom me. The idea that a Dom Top would have the voice of Beverly Leslie from Will and Grace.
It's a travesty really. Otherwise the guy is pretty hot....not in the traditional rippling muscles sense, but he has a swagger. Ultimately about 5 minutes into sucking his dick I got cold and bored and decided that maybe we should just cuddle and watch a crappy movie instead. Luckily, this guy is on the girthier side and an eater and I had lamb, a roast, and risotto in my fridge to appease him.
We ended up watching this terrible movie on Netflix called Maximum Ride and then simply going to sleep. Sunday morning I woke up again to a text message from my caregivers about one of the patients who was not feeling great in the snow. I responded and promptly ignored Beverly Leslie's pleas to finally get him off. It wasn't until ten o'clock when Beverly Leslie told me that he had called an Uber and was going home that I finally got out of bed and said goodbye. That will surely be the last time that I invite him over. Get tricked by that voice once or twice that's one thing, but more than four times and then you're just a fucking idiot.
SUNDAY
I had intended to spend this day trolling OkCupid or some other dating app for a date this week, but instead the snow inspired a Betty HomoMaker like experience and I ended up making muffins, and bread, and a delicious hearty beef stew. Some days when I spend the whole day alone just cooking and cleaning I find so much joy in what I do that I become ever more ok with being alone forever. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing really, only just that its a fact.
I guess the one thing that I am going to take away from this birthday weekend is that going into 27 I am going to take a play out of a television show called Being Mary Jane, everyone in my phone is getting a nick name. Just like I give guys nick names on my blog I am going to start naming them in my phone that way so I don't forget who they are and what I like or don't like about them. Seems silly, but I am hoping that it will help prevent some PLCs like Beverly Leslie from happening again.
Well until next time.
Tchau!!!
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
I'm Back
So my life got a little crazy for a bit and I stopped blogging. If truth be told, my computer died and it has literally taken me two years to buy a new one. I am a sick combination of cheap and lazy when it comes to myself and some of my personal choices in life.....which is probably why it is more than two years later and I am about to turn 27 tomorrow and I am still as single as when I first started this blog, oh so many years ago.
Prior to starting this blog I had worked for many years at honing my commitment phobe skills. I practiced diligently at being able to dodge almost every sign that a relationship would become serious. Recently a rather formative relationship came back to really confuse the hell out of me if truth be told.
One of the first guys that I dated while I was in college I actually met at a club that was 18+ with one of my friends. We dated for several months and I really liked him and he seemed to really like me. I am going to call him Diego for the purposes of this blog. Well Diego and I were going along swimmingly and then there was an incident. We were out walking his dog and these two little girls came over to pet it and their Mom yelled at them to "Leave they're dog alone"
In that moment something inside me woke up and just started screaming. I felt awful about it and that was when I think I first realized that I was a commitment phobe. I mean who gets upset that a stranger thought that two gay guys walking a dog would be a couple who owned the dog....I'm insane, or so I thought.
The other day at work I was going about my day as usual and went into the waiting room and called, "Paul" and who stood up but Diego. This has to be at least 6 years later, but I was sure that it was him. So sure in fact that I said, "Diego, sorry I called Paul." and in that moment he said, "yea its me" and followed me to have his vital signs taken. While I was taking his vital signs I tried to ask him if he remembered who I was and he simply looked at me and smiled the same stupid smile he had given me a million times before and said, "A lot of people think they know me, maybe we've met before" and with that kind of a response I simply put him in his room and notified his doctor of his arrival.
Then the freak out began. I just couldn't believe that there was Diego in my clinic. That there was Diego in my clinic and that he was seeing one of the more established HIV doctors. Then I had to enter the vitals in his chart and I saw that he has been HIV positive and tenuously in care since 2008.
Its sobering....
For years I thought that there was something wrong with me in that relationship and the truth was, I had been lied to for months. There wasn't anything true about the relationship at all, even the name I use to call him was different than the name in the hospital computer.
The other layer that I had to unpack is just how close I had come to being infected with HIV. I have since been tested many times and recently tested negative again (I went 1-2 days after Diego came to the clinic, I know that is crazy, but I needed to do it). I am on PrEP now which is a change since the last time I was writing on here. I have still never had sex without a condom something that I am forever more and more grateful for now.
I talk all the time in my lectures and in my job about how really anyone could become infected, but I think that deep down in some recesses of my brain I thought, 'Yea but probably not me' and this one person totally destroyed that thought in my brain.
The only good thing that came of Diego coming in to clinic to see his MD for the first time in over 1.5 years, I realize now that maybe I'm not a commitment phobe at all...maybe it isn't my own undoing. I think viscerally I knew that Diego had been lying to me. I think that some part of me always knew that there was something very wrong with our relationship, and in hindsight my gut was right. Truthfully, the whole thing was rather comforting to know that I wasn't wrong about him. In my mind if I was right about this, then I will most certainly be right about when I have found the perfect match.
So here's to hoping that 2017 shapes up to be an amazing year and that I don't join the 27 club...
Until next time...
Chau!
Prior to starting this blog I had worked for many years at honing my commitment phobe skills. I practiced diligently at being able to dodge almost every sign that a relationship would become serious. Recently a rather formative relationship came back to really confuse the hell out of me if truth be told.
One of the first guys that I dated while I was in college I actually met at a club that was 18+ with one of my friends. We dated for several months and I really liked him and he seemed to really like me. I am going to call him Diego for the purposes of this blog. Well Diego and I were going along swimmingly and then there was an incident. We were out walking his dog and these two little girls came over to pet it and their Mom yelled at them to "Leave they're dog alone"
In that moment something inside me woke up and just started screaming. I felt awful about it and that was when I think I first realized that I was a commitment phobe. I mean who gets upset that a stranger thought that two gay guys walking a dog would be a couple who owned the dog....I'm insane, or so I thought.
The other day at work I was going about my day as usual and went into the waiting room and called, "Paul" and who stood up but Diego. This has to be at least 6 years later, but I was sure that it was him. So sure in fact that I said, "Diego, sorry I called Paul." and in that moment he said, "yea its me" and followed me to have his vital signs taken. While I was taking his vital signs I tried to ask him if he remembered who I was and he simply looked at me and smiled the same stupid smile he had given me a million times before and said, "A lot of people think they know me, maybe we've met before" and with that kind of a response I simply put him in his room and notified his doctor of his arrival.
Then the freak out began. I just couldn't believe that there was Diego in my clinic. That there was Diego in my clinic and that he was seeing one of the more established HIV doctors. Then I had to enter the vitals in his chart and I saw that he has been HIV positive and tenuously in care since 2008.
Its sobering....
For years I thought that there was something wrong with me in that relationship and the truth was, I had been lied to for months. There wasn't anything true about the relationship at all, even the name I use to call him was different than the name in the hospital computer.
The other layer that I had to unpack is just how close I had come to being infected with HIV. I have since been tested many times and recently tested negative again (I went 1-2 days after Diego came to the clinic, I know that is crazy, but I needed to do it). I am on PrEP now which is a change since the last time I was writing on here. I have still never had sex without a condom something that I am forever more and more grateful for now.
I talk all the time in my lectures and in my job about how really anyone could become infected, but I think that deep down in some recesses of my brain I thought, 'Yea but probably not me' and this one person totally destroyed that thought in my brain.
The only good thing that came of Diego coming in to clinic to see his MD for the first time in over 1.5 years, I realize now that maybe I'm not a commitment phobe at all...maybe it isn't my own undoing. I think viscerally I knew that Diego had been lying to me. I think that some part of me always knew that there was something very wrong with our relationship, and in hindsight my gut was right. Truthfully, the whole thing was rather comforting to know that I wasn't wrong about him. In my mind if I was right about this, then I will most certainly be right about when I have found the perfect match.
So here's to hoping that 2017 shapes up to be an amazing year and that I don't join the 27 club...
Until next time...
Chau!
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Il Paradiso
It always comes to a head at Paradise. Something that I think almost every Boston gay can relate to in their own very special way. Well it was the first block party that I was able to go to without having to work the van....a special occasion to say the least.
I went with my Gayggle of course. While we were there who did I see but Othello. He came right up and gave me a hug. And truth be told my stomach still totally did a little somersault. Then he hugged two other people in my Gayggle as if he knew them. That was when I found out that he did know one of them. A member of my gayggle had actually fucked him....not only did he fuck him but apparently Othello shit on his dick. I mean I can't make this shit up....And it was in the moment of hearing them talk about Othello and how thirsty he was that I realized it wasn't meant to be. That right now that is not who I should be with and it is most certainly not who I should be with in the months to come.
Then almost like clockwork Prof walked by with his Gayggle. They said hello and I got a quick hug but it was definitely confirmation that we were both okay with being a former thing. A past fun event and a mutual understanding that we probably shouldn't be together.
As the night went on I saw several other young gay guys that I had tested and I had gone to school with and for once I felt no pressure to hook up with anyone. I was perfectly happy being drunk and dancing. It happens every once in a while but this was the first time it happened when there were people who I had dated and actually considered viable dating options previously.
It was at this point that I decided it was time to head back out onto the dating seen and give OkC another try.
Until Next Time....
Chau!!
I went with my Gayggle of course. While we were there who did I see but Othello. He came right up and gave me a hug. And truth be told my stomach still totally did a little somersault. Then he hugged two other people in my Gayggle as if he knew them. That was when I found out that he did know one of them. A member of my gayggle had actually fucked him....not only did he fuck him but apparently Othello shit on his dick. I mean I can't make this shit up....And it was in the moment of hearing them talk about Othello and how thirsty he was that I realized it wasn't meant to be. That right now that is not who I should be with and it is most certainly not who I should be with in the months to come.
Then almost like clockwork Prof walked by with his Gayggle. They said hello and I got a quick hug but it was definitely confirmation that we were both okay with being a former thing. A past fun event and a mutual understanding that we probably shouldn't be together.
As the night went on I saw several other young gay guys that I had tested and I had gone to school with and for once I felt no pressure to hook up with anyone. I was perfectly happy being drunk and dancing. It happens every once in a while but this was the first time it happened when there were people who I had dated and actually considered viable dating options previously.
It was at this point that I decided it was time to head back out onto the dating seen and give OkC another try.
Until Next Time....
Chau!!
A Prof, A Football Field, and the Stars....
Post-PTown I kept in touch with Prof. It took a week or two before our schedules finally jived but ultimately we were able to figure out a night to get together. I wasn't really sure what we should do. I thought about coffee but that didn't seem to fit since we had already gone out twice.
One of the things that strikes me about Prof is that he is definitely a romantic. On our second beach date he was already saying things about watching the sunrise and sunset with me. A total sappy romantic European, which deep down I fucking love. I mean doesn't everyone want that?....someone who puts thought into how to make something special for another person. I thought for a little while and decided that since we both lived right near Tufts that laying in the middle of the football field on a warm summer night and looking at the stars might be fun and right up his alley.
I struck gold with the suggestion because he loved it. So around 9:30 after I had gotten out of work we rendezvoused at the football field. We laid down and stared at the stars and talked for a good 30 minutes before the middle school kid that lives deep within my soul reared his ugly head and I suggested we play truth or dare.
No matter how old I get, given the right partner, I will always want to play truth or dare. I think its fun and funny on so many different levels. Given the Prof's penchant for exhibitionism I was not surprised at all to find that the game turned dirty pretty quickly. Before I knew it we were underneath the bleachers at the football field like a drunk high school cheerleader and the captain of the football team fooling around. He definitely redeemed himself with the blowjob I was getting but I could tell even though he was an exhibitionist that hooking up on the school football field where he is a professor may have been pushing the envelope. I didn't want to sleep with him yet because I actually was pretty attracted to him. He had a great personality, a good job, and was smart....which I see as potential which means I like to hold out on the sex.
Eventually he convinced me to go and see his place. He is one of the live-in professors at the university.....yes that means he lives in a dorm. It was a little weird to be honest. Walking into the dorm with the person that all of his residents saw as a professor and knowing that we were on a date. I can't really place my finger on what was weird about it, but it was. It felt viscerally weird.
It didn't take long for us to continue to hook up in his place. He was respectful of my request to not have sex, but he was definitely acting the part of the thirsty bottom. Then out of nowhere he lost his erection. I mean there was nothing I could do to get it back. This had never really happened to me before for no reason. So we started talking about ways that it might get seduced into returning and that is when I realized that I was dealing with another weird fetish. The guy loved SPANKING.
I've never really understood spanking as a fetish if I am being completely honest. I mean I totally understand an aggressive ass slap mid-fuck, but bending someone over your knee and spanking someone for an extended period of time. Enjoying turning someone's ass red and warm...I mean to each there own. So in our discussion I learned that the guy was not just into spanking but into corporal punishment and specifically spanking. The funny thing for me was that he was very into me spanking him.
When I started spanking him he loved it. Then I gave part of his thigh a little slap and was told that was not an acceptable place to spank him. It was at this point that I decided I needed to be spanked appropriately in order to learn how I should dole out the punishment. So I submitted my ass to probably 10 aggressive spanks.
The funniest part about the whole thing was that the bigger my reaction to the spanking the harder his dick got. So I started playing it up....squirming, moaning, and whining with every slap until his dick was rock hard and sticking into my stomach. Then it was time to turn the tides and spank him and within minutes his dick was rock hard and dripping precum. I wasn't sure if I should keep going or if I should finish him off and then without warning he flipped over and just finished himself off. Apparently just spanking him and the thought of it continuing was enough to cum.
Again I relayed the message that I didn't really need to cum....I would be fine without cumming. My dick would go soft and then I could head out. The sad dejected look on his face when I said that I would not be spending the night was sad, but in no way did it change my opinion. It was in that look that I realized that this would probably never work. I mean I could definitely hook up with him again in a pinch but I couldn't be with someone who wanted to cuddle post spanking session for the duration of the night. It just is not my style and nor do I ever think it really could be.
So I quickly slipped out of the dorm and headed back to my place. I got a text pretty soon after my departure with a thank you for such a fun date and the prospect of another date, but I knew pretty well that it would probably lead no where. I still have a hard time with trying to distance myself from people without seeming judgmental.
For whatever reason I tend to bring out the fetish in people. I always feel bad to say I'm not interested in someone right after they have expressed their fetish to me. I think to some extent everyone has a fetish of some sort and I think they are all valid in their own right. I mean who am I to say something is sexy if it totally gets you off right? I just don't want to come off as not being into someone because of their fetish.....which I guess is stupid. I mean if someone were into castration or something I think that fetish would be a deal breaker for me. I don't even really know where I'm going with this but at the end of the day I didn't want Prof to think that his spanking fetish was the reason I wasn't into him. So I did a slow text phase out....a specialty of mine lately.
I have a few more updates to come so stay tuned!!!
Chau!!!
One of the things that strikes me about Prof is that he is definitely a romantic. On our second beach date he was already saying things about watching the sunrise and sunset with me. A total sappy romantic European, which deep down I fucking love. I mean doesn't everyone want that?....someone who puts thought into how to make something special for another person. I thought for a little while and decided that since we both lived right near Tufts that laying in the middle of the football field on a warm summer night and looking at the stars might be fun and right up his alley.
I struck gold with the suggestion because he loved it. So around 9:30 after I had gotten out of work we rendezvoused at the football field. We laid down and stared at the stars and talked for a good 30 minutes before the middle school kid that lives deep within my soul reared his ugly head and I suggested we play truth or dare.
No matter how old I get, given the right partner, I will always want to play truth or dare. I think its fun and funny on so many different levels. Given the Prof's penchant for exhibitionism I was not surprised at all to find that the game turned dirty pretty quickly. Before I knew it we were underneath the bleachers at the football field like a drunk high school cheerleader and the captain of the football team fooling around. He definitely redeemed himself with the blowjob I was getting but I could tell even though he was an exhibitionist that hooking up on the school football field where he is a professor may have been pushing the envelope. I didn't want to sleep with him yet because I actually was pretty attracted to him. He had a great personality, a good job, and was smart....which I see as potential which means I like to hold out on the sex.
Eventually he convinced me to go and see his place. He is one of the live-in professors at the university.....yes that means he lives in a dorm. It was a little weird to be honest. Walking into the dorm with the person that all of his residents saw as a professor and knowing that we were on a date. I can't really place my finger on what was weird about it, but it was. It felt viscerally weird.
It didn't take long for us to continue to hook up in his place. He was respectful of my request to not have sex, but he was definitely acting the part of the thirsty bottom. Then out of nowhere he lost his erection. I mean there was nothing I could do to get it back. This had never really happened to me before for no reason. So we started talking about ways that it might get seduced into returning and that is when I realized that I was dealing with another weird fetish. The guy loved SPANKING.
I've never really understood spanking as a fetish if I am being completely honest. I mean I totally understand an aggressive ass slap mid-fuck, but bending someone over your knee and spanking someone for an extended period of time. Enjoying turning someone's ass red and warm...I mean to each there own. So in our discussion I learned that the guy was not just into spanking but into corporal punishment and specifically spanking. The funny thing for me was that he was very into me spanking him.
When I started spanking him he loved it. Then I gave part of his thigh a little slap and was told that was not an acceptable place to spank him. It was at this point that I decided I needed to be spanked appropriately in order to learn how I should dole out the punishment. So I submitted my ass to probably 10 aggressive spanks.
The funniest part about the whole thing was that the bigger my reaction to the spanking the harder his dick got. So I started playing it up....squirming, moaning, and whining with every slap until his dick was rock hard and sticking into my stomach. Then it was time to turn the tides and spank him and within minutes his dick was rock hard and dripping precum. I wasn't sure if I should keep going or if I should finish him off and then without warning he flipped over and just finished himself off. Apparently just spanking him and the thought of it continuing was enough to cum.
Again I relayed the message that I didn't really need to cum....I would be fine without cumming. My dick would go soft and then I could head out. The sad dejected look on his face when I said that I would not be spending the night was sad, but in no way did it change my opinion. It was in that look that I realized that this would probably never work. I mean I could definitely hook up with him again in a pinch but I couldn't be with someone who wanted to cuddle post spanking session for the duration of the night. It just is not my style and nor do I ever think it really could be.
So I quickly slipped out of the dorm and headed back to my place. I got a text pretty soon after my departure with a thank you for such a fun date and the prospect of another date, but I knew pretty well that it would probably lead no where. I still have a hard time with trying to distance myself from people without seeming judgmental.
For whatever reason I tend to bring out the fetish in people. I always feel bad to say I'm not interested in someone right after they have expressed their fetish to me. I think to some extent everyone has a fetish of some sort and I think they are all valid in their own right. I mean who am I to say something is sexy if it totally gets you off right? I just don't want to come off as not being into someone because of their fetish.....which I guess is stupid. I mean if someone were into castration or something I think that fetish would be a deal breaker for me. I don't even really know where I'm going with this but at the end of the day I didn't want Prof to think that his spanking fetish was the reason I wasn't into him. So I did a slow text phase out....a specialty of mine lately.
I have a few more updates to come so stay tuned!!!
Chau!!!
PTown PLCs 2014....
This is a few months late for a lot of reasons but primarily because my life has been in flux. I started a new job and I have gotten another advanced nursing certification...so like I have said before, I'm sorry I've been super busy.
I go to Ptown for my old job about three times a year to test people. This year I actually got to have some days off while I was there and in typical fashion I made some PLCs. Nothing terrible but enough to remind me that I am still a young gay man.
Prior to going down for the second time this summer for what is known in the PTown world as Carnival. I had been talking to a guy on OkC who we will call Prof. He was a little bit older and a physics professor at Tufts....in the building right near my apartment coincidentally enough. We hadn't me in person but we each were going to be in PTown for Carnival so I was told to say hi if I saw him.
Well don't you know that the very first night I am there I decided to go out alone because I had the night off and the nurses doing the clinics volunteered to drive my drunk ass home. While I was out dancing and drinking and just enjoying being in PTown and not working from across the dance floor I spotted Prof. He was dancing shirtless in a group of people who I assumed were his friends. Luckily, I had already been drinking for several hours and thought it was the perfect time to go say hello. I interjected myself right into his friend group and started dancing with him. It took a few minutes for him to recognize my face, but the minute he did his tongue was in my mouth.
That is the funny thing about PTown...a lot of the normal little courtesies that occur between gay men in the traditionally hetero culture totally melt away. It is completely acceptable for a greeting at 12a in PTown between two acquaintances to be hardcore making out and shirtless groping. No one even bats an eye. Quite frankly it would be more out of place if you tried to shake someone's hand and offered to buy them a drink.
I digress....we continued making out and dancing until the bar closed at 2a and it was time for everyone, by everyone I mean any gay man who is breathing and drunk in PTown during Carnival, to head to Spiritus for some of the world's crappiest/best drunk pizza and the closest thing to old school cruising this generation of gays is likely to ever know.
While waiting in line he was all over me. I was drunk and thought the whole thing was pretty fun. You have to remember I had just recently been told "you're great, but not great for me" from a guy who I sort of actually had a thing for at the time.
***********************NSFW*************************
One thing led to another and in my typical fashion I made a small PLC. Prof led me to the side of the pizza building and kept making out and groping me like a bear mauling a tent with hamburgers in it. At one point he started trying to blow me right on the street underneath a street lamp.
I was appalled at such exhibitionism of course and from the guys who were catcalling us both. Being the PTown vet that I am, I brought him around back of the pizza place between the driveway of the abutting house and the exit to the kitchen where there is a convenient enclosed area perfect for hooking up. At this point I let him have at my dick and was honestly disappointed at his dick sucking abilities given how eager he was to get my cock in his mouth. It was after a few minutes of what I can only classify as mediocre head that I decided to rock his world. I blew him for maybe 3 minutes....long enough to prove my skills, and then I zipped him back up.
I love the moment after I have teased someone with an amazing blowjob where they are both fascinated that your mouth was able to do that to them and totally despondent that you have stopped. Does that make me weird? Probably, but what are you going to do.
*************************SFW*********************
At this point we traded numbers with the promise to get together once more before leaving and to see each other when we returned to normal life outside of the PTown haze that so many gay men experience. I headed back to the nurses who rushed me home totally bemused by my drunken state. One of them had actually seen me on outreach making out in front of the pizza place so there were several questions regarding the mystery man. I'm a pretty open book so I shared the details and everyone was amused and excited to see what would happen on my next day out alone.
When I went out the next night I thought I would play it safe and see if I could maybe find the Prof and his friends again. However, when I was at the first bar and noticed the Prof making out with another one of his friends I quickly let that idea go as I didn't want to push something that would screw up his vacation...I mean there are plenty of men to dance and make out with in PTown, why recycle if you don't have to?
Before I knew it one of the guys dancing on one of the stages was leaning down and asking me my name. Then as soon as I had responded he jumped down and introduced himself as a Major in the US Army, hence his name Major. My face must have looked skeptical because he was quickly pulling out his wallet to prove his rank to me. I laughed and he offered to buy me a drink and then we ended up chatting for 3 hours outside on the patio. When I had finished my second or third drink he asked about where I was staying. I explained the living arrangement in PTown with the other nurses for work and how this was my night off. As soon as the words "my night off" escaped my mouth he must have seen his opening because he immediately wanted to show me the place he was staying.
I knew I had another few hours to kill before I turned into a pumpkin and would have to head back with the other nurses to the house so I conceded a visit to his place knowing full well where this all was going. His place was one of the house right on Commercial St. though? I mean that is like a PTown privilege to be invited in for something other than an orgy.
**********************NSFW************************
One thing led to another and we were hooking up in the house overlooking Commercial....a first for me for sure. Before my pants were even off I looked him in the eye and demanded that condoms be used. I'm always surprised when guys attempt to do anything with me sans condom. I mean, for motherfucking sake.....I am an HIV nurse.....seriously. The sex was appalling. He was going at it as if he had never been in an asshole before and he used a studded condom no less.
Just an aside.....As a gay man....I FUCKING HATE studded condoms. No amount of lube in the entire world can make all those little rubber balls of plastic feel good in my asshole. There is no added stimulation from my prostate, there are only all these micro tears. If I were a woman and got some kind of added clittoral stimulation I would get it but nothing about added plastic going into your ass feels good. As someone who is completely versatile I make an effort when I top to use condoms that are going to feel good for me and not hurt the person I'm fucking. When I bottom I would only hope that the top showed the same amount of courtesy.
After fucking for a few minutes the guy got close and pulled out and wanted to wait to fuck more. I decided that his cock, his studded condom, and his less than stellar moves as a top did not deserve anymore of my asshole than he had already gotten and went immediately to finish him off with my mouth. Within minutes that guy was ready to cum and blew all over his chest. I was satisfied I had done a good job. He then wanted to make sure that I got off and went to try and finger me and suck me off, but I was again unimpressed with his oral skills and decided that it wasn't 100% necessary that I cum. We showered and then just were hanging out and talking. One of his vacation buddies came home and started chatting with us too.
*************************SFW*********************
It didn't occur to me how old one would have to be to actually be a major in the army until Major's vacation buddy showed up with completely grey hair. The guy was still very physically attractive, but in a definite silver fox way. It was then about time for drunk pizza and all three of us headed over to Spiritus. I met all of their friends who were all much older and had various really important jobs. All were super nice and insisted on seeing me later or buying me drunk food. Then as we were waiting in line I finally took at one of their watches and noticed that it was almost 1:30a...which meant my chariot awaited and my glass slippers were about to disappear once again. I kissed Major goodbye and headed on my way to meet the nurses.
I suppose that's one of the funny things about PTown PLCs. They never really seem like PLCs. I mean obviously having sex with Major was a PLC and so was sucking off Prof behind the pizza place. But I had fun, I was safe, and I don't regret either thing. So there's that. I still blame both things on my lack of an appropriate love life here in Boston though....it just makes the situation easier in my mind.
I worked throughout the rest of the week. However I did find time to meet the Prof for a beach date. It was really cute. I was going to head to the clinic after spending the day tanning on the beach and he decided to meet me for a few hours. We talked about books, life, sex, pretty much everything right on the beach and he once again showed his exhibitionist side. Luckily, I was completely sober this time and I was able to keep it in check, but he was definitely into PDA. I kept getting kissed and straddled and hugged. Prof is significantly bigger than me and was able to pin me down with relative ease.
Now Prof is obviously a physics professor and is super smart, but he is also British and went to Oxford for undergrad and has a degree in philosophy as well. The man is super smart and super cute and super kinky. He seemed wonderful. However there is always this question whenever you meet anyone in PTown as to whether it is a temporary thing because of the situation or if in the real world things click too....That is going to be the next post....so keep your eyes peeled.
In the mean time....
Chau!!
I go to Ptown for my old job about three times a year to test people. This year I actually got to have some days off while I was there and in typical fashion I made some PLCs. Nothing terrible but enough to remind me that I am still a young gay man.
Prior to going down for the second time this summer for what is known in the PTown world as Carnival. I had been talking to a guy on OkC who we will call Prof. He was a little bit older and a physics professor at Tufts....in the building right near my apartment coincidentally enough. We hadn't me in person but we each were going to be in PTown for Carnival so I was told to say hi if I saw him.
Well don't you know that the very first night I am there I decided to go out alone because I had the night off and the nurses doing the clinics volunteered to drive my drunk ass home. While I was out dancing and drinking and just enjoying being in PTown and not working from across the dance floor I spotted Prof. He was dancing shirtless in a group of people who I assumed were his friends. Luckily, I had already been drinking for several hours and thought it was the perfect time to go say hello. I interjected myself right into his friend group and started dancing with him. It took a few minutes for him to recognize my face, but the minute he did his tongue was in my mouth.
That is the funny thing about PTown...a lot of the normal little courtesies that occur between gay men in the traditionally hetero culture totally melt away. It is completely acceptable for a greeting at 12a in PTown between two acquaintances to be hardcore making out and shirtless groping. No one even bats an eye. Quite frankly it would be more out of place if you tried to shake someone's hand and offered to buy them a drink.
I digress....we continued making out and dancing until the bar closed at 2a and it was time for everyone, by everyone I mean any gay man who is breathing and drunk in PTown during Carnival, to head to Spiritus for some of the world's crappiest/best drunk pizza and the closest thing to old school cruising this generation of gays is likely to ever know.
While waiting in line he was all over me. I was drunk and thought the whole thing was pretty fun. You have to remember I had just recently been told "you're great, but not great for me" from a guy who I sort of actually had a thing for at the time.
***********************NSFW*************************
One thing led to another and in my typical fashion I made a small PLC. Prof led me to the side of the pizza building and kept making out and groping me like a bear mauling a tent with hamburgers in it. At one point he started trying to blow me right on the street underneath a street lamp.
I was appalled at such exhibitionism of course and from the guys who were catcalling us both. Being the PTown vet that I am, I brought him around back of the pizza place between the driveway of the abutting house and the exit to the kitchen where there is a convenient enclosed area perfect for hooking up. At this point I let him have at my dick and was honestly disappointed at his dick sucking abilities given how eager he was to get my cock in his mouth. It was after a few minutes of what I can only classify as mediocre head that I decided to rock his world. I blew him for maybe 3 minutes....long enough to prove my skills, and then I zipped him back up.
I love the moment after I have teased someone with an amazing blowjob where they are both fascinated that your mouth was able to do that to them and totally despondent that you have stopped. Does that make me weird? Probably, but what are you going to do.
*************************SFW*********************
At this point we traded numbers with the promise to get together once more before leaving and to see each other when we returned to normal life outside of the PTown haze that so many gay men experience. I headed back to the nurses who rushed me home totally bemused by my drunken state. One of them had actually seen me on outreach making out in front of the pizza place so there were several questions regarding the mystery man. I'm a pretty open book so I shared the details and everyone was amused and excited to see what would happen on my next day out alone.
When I went out the next night I thought I would play it safe and see if I could maybe find the Prof and his friends again. However, when I was at the first bar and noticed the Prof making out with another one of his friends I quickly let that idea go as I didn't want to push something that would screw up his vacation...I mean there are plenty of men to dance and make out with in PTown, why recycle if you don't have to?
Before I knew it one of the guys dancing on one of the stages was leaning down and asking me my name. Then as soon as I had responded he jumped down and introduced himself as a Major in the US Army, hence his name Major. My face must have looked skeptical because he was quickly pulling out his wallet to prove his rank to me. I laughed and he offered to buy me a drink and then we ended up chatting for 3 hours outside on the patio. When I had finished my second or third drink he asked about where I was staying. I explained the living arrangement in PTown with the other nurses for work and how this was my night off. As soon as the words "my night off" escaped my mouth he must have seen his opening because he immediately wanted to show me the place he was staying.
I knew I had another few hours to kill before I turned into a pumpkin and would have to head back with the other nurses to the house so I conceded a visit to his place knowing full well where this all was going. His place was one of the house right on Commercial St. though? I mean that is like a PTown privilege to be invited in for something other than an orgy.
**********************NSFW************************
One thing led to another and we were hooking up in the house overlooking Commercial....a first for me for sure. Before my pants were even off I looked him in the eye and demanded that condoms be used. I'm always surprised when guys attempt to do anything with me sans condom. I mean, for motherfucking sake.....I am an HIV nurse.....seriously. The sex was appalling. He was going at it as if he had never been in an asshole before and he used a studded condom no less.
Just an aside.....As a gay man....I FUCKING HATE studded condoms. No amount of lube in the entire world can make all those little rubber balls of plastic feel good in my asshole. There is no added stimulation from my prostate, there are only all these micro tears. If I were a woman and got some kind of added clittoral stimulation I would get it but nothing about added plastic going into your ass feels good. As someone who is completely versatile I make an effort when I top to use condoms that are going to feel good for me and not hurt the person I'm fucking. When I bottom I would only hope that the top showed the same amount of courtesy.
After fucking for a few minutes the guy got close and pulled out and wanted to wait to fuck more. I decided that his cock, his studded condom, and his less than stellar moves as a top did not deserve anymore of my asshole than he had already gotten and went immediately to finish him off with my mouth. Within minutes that guy was ready to cum and blew all over his chest. I was satisfied I had done a good job. He then wanted to make sure that I got off and went to try and finger me and suck me off, but I was again unimpressed with his oral skills and decided that it wasn't 100% necessary that I cum. We showered and then just were hanging out and talking. One of his vacation buddies came home and started chatting with us too.
*************************SFW*********************
It didn't occur to me how old one would have to be to actually be a major in the army until Major's vacation buddy showed up with completely grey hair. The guy was still very physically attractive, but in a definite silver fox way. It was then about time for drunk pizza and all three of us headed over to Spiritus. I met all of their friends who were all much older and had various really important jobs. All were super nice and insisted on seeing me later or buying me drunk food. Then as we were waiting in line I finally took at one of their watches and noticed that it was almost 1:30a...which meant my chariot awaited and my glass slippers were about to disappear once again. I kissed Major goodbye and headed on my way to meet the nurses.
I suppose that's one of the funny things about PTown PLCs. They never really seem like PLCs. I mean obviously having sex with Major was a PLC and so was sucking off Prof behind the pizza place. But I had fun, I was safe, and I don't regret either thing. So there's that. I still blame both things on my lack of an appropriate love life here in Boston though....it just makes the situation easier in my mind.
I worked throughout the rest of the week. However I did find time to meet the Prof for a beach date. It was really cute. I was going to head to the clinic after spending the day tanning on the beach and he decided to meet me for a few hours. We talked about books, life, sex, pretty much everything right on the beach and he once again showed his exhibitionist side. Luckily, I was completely sober this time and I was able to keep it in check, but he was definitely into PDA. I kept getting kissed and straddled and hugged. Prof is significantly bigger than me and was able to pin me down with relative ease.
Now Prof is obviously a physics professor and is super smart, but he is also British and went to Oxford for undergrad and has a degree in philosophy as well. The man is super smart and super cute and super kinky. He seemed wonderful. However there is always this question whenever you meet anyone in PTown as to whether it is a temporary thing because of the situation or if in the real world things click too....That is going to be the next post....so keep your eyes peeled.
In the mean time....
Chau!!
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